Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not my own, yadda yadda yadda. I'm not making any money off of this. (Though I wish I could.)
Bilbo and I picked our way carefully through the muddy waters surrounding the gates of Erebor. I could hardly walk straight, the walls of my world crumbling down around my head. I was thankful Bilbo was at my side, guiding me towards the massive army before us.
"In two days time, we will return hence. I suggest you think carefully, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, on what your answer will be." Thranduil called out as Bilbo and I stumbled into their midst. Gandalf immediately enveloped the both of us in his cloak and I embraced him tightly.
Slowly, Thranduil and Bard turned around and began to make their way back to their camps, the army falling into line behind them.
Not a word was spoken as we walked. I felt empty inside and longed for a place to rest my head. It was barely mid-morning and already I felt as though I had been awake for hours. Gandalf guided Bilbo and I through the elven encampment and towards a huge tent in the center. As I pushed aside the curtain, my eyes met first Bards', and then Thranduils.
"Ah, it is you," He said, curling his lip ever so slightly. I watched his eyes flick from my face, to the ring at my neck, then to the garb I wore.
"Seems as though you turned out to be quite a bit more than a whore for the dwarves," He drawled slowly. I ignored him, walked over to a chair behind the main table, and plopped down in it. He raised his eyebrow ever so slowly at me. I glared back as if daring him to say something.
"I am glad to see you alive, Talya," Bard said. "We were worried for your safety."
"I'm fine." I bit out, though that was far from the truth.
"What are we going to do, Gandalf?" Bilbo asked, glancing up at the wizard. Gandalf frowned and let out a long breath.
"I do not know, Master Baggins. I suppose we wait and see if two days' time is enough for Thorin to come to his sense." Thranduil gave a dry laugh.
"A dwarf, come to his senses?" He made a despairing noise in the back of his throat. "Erebor will rot and fall down around his ears 'ere that happens."
Disgustedly, I stood up and pushed off from the desk. I went to brush by Bard when he gently caught my arm.
"I truly am glad you are well, Talya." He said softly. I snorted.
"In what world is this" I motioned around at myself and the army around us, "Well?"
Bard frowned and glanced down, only to notice the dark bruises around my wrist.
"Did he do this?" I didn't answer and Bard sneered.
"I'll kill him myself."
"No, Bard. You won't." I answered tiredly. I tugged my arm out of his grasp and left the tent. I walked aimlessly among the elves and men, ignoring the strange looks. Everyone seemed to move out of my path and I didn't bother to question why.
"Talya," Gandalf called from behind me. I paused and turned to look up at the wizard. He smiled sadly and, without saying a word, opened his arms to me. I hesitated for a mere second before I walked into his waiting arms and he hugged me tightly.
"I've missed you, Gandalf," I said tiredly. "It's been so damn hard to know what to do."
"I know, Talya. I am truly sorry, for everything." He answered, touching the top of my head gently with his free hand. I stayed in his embrace for a few moments before I finally pulled away, sniffing as I went.
"I'll have you know, there is someone else who missed you." Gandalf said finally, this time a true smile crossing his lips. I frowned and shook my head slightly, not knowing who he meant. He gestured with his staff and guided me forward. We reached another large tent and ducked in. Immediately, I was assaulted with the comforting smell of hay and horse.
A snort and nicker reached my ears and I looked up to find Grey-mane standing before me. I let out a long breath and immediately walked up to the big horse and wrapped my arms around his neck. He ducked his head into me and lipped at the cloak I wore and I smiled into his fur.
"How is he here?" I asked, glancing back at the smiling wizard. He raised a fuzzy brow and I rolled my eyes.
"Magic, right?"
"Partially," He conceded. "But also, Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel send their regards."
I nodded mutely and stroked Grey-mane's neck. He dropped his head and rubbed it solidly against my chest.
"I will leave you here with Grey-mane. When you are ready, merely ask and you will be shown to my tent where you may rest your head. No doubt you are weary."
"Thank you, Gandalf." I replied. He turned and left me standing in the dimly lit tent. I hugged Grey-mane fiercely and laughed softly when he head-butted me and lipped at my face. I picked up a nearby brush and began to groom him, head to tail, and slowly, I told him everything that happened from Rivendell until now. While I knew that he didn't quite understand what I was saying, I knew he understood the emotions I felt and he would often pausing to nudge me gently with his nose or to lean against me when I seemed unable to go on. It was oddly therapeutic and, after a few hours with him, I planted a soft kiss on his nose and left.
I stepped outside into the mid-day sun and glanced to the first elf I could find.
"Master elf," I called softly. He glanced down at me with a mild look of irritation. "If you could please direct me to the way of Mithrandir's tent, I would be most grateful."
He paused, seeming to be surprised by my tone, and nodded once. He led me a short distance to a large grey tent. He held aside a flap and I nodded my thanks to him once I stepped inside. Bilbo was already there, sitting on a cot. He looked up at me and offered a small smile.
"How do you fare, Talya?" He asked softly, shifting in place. I walked over and sat down next to him, dropping my head into my hands.
"I couldn't tell you," I finally answered. "I feel numb. I'm tired and my stomach hurts and everything is a mess."
He brought his hand up and rubbed my back slowly.
"I am so sorry, Talya." His voice was cracked with emotion and I turned to embrace the hobbit. He returned the gesture and for a while, we sat like that, drawing comfort from one another.
I finally pulled away and glanced at the hobbit. He was mud splattered from our trek through the swampy waters outside of Erebor, his hair stuck out in odd angles. I laughed, a sad sound that lacked true feeling, and shook my head.
"Look at the pair of us. Filthy and dirty and stinking. I bet the elves hate it," Bilbo grinned tiredly at me and he shook his head.
"I must say, I am looking forward to a proper bath," He admitted. I nodded in agreement and we both sat back.
It didn't take long for Gandalf to find us. He stepped through the flap of the tent and looked over the both of us.
"There are baths waiting, courtesy of the Elves," He said, and then could not figure out why Bilbo and I burst out laughing. It really wasn't that funny, but both Bilbo and I were exhausted and near hysterical after that morning's emotional roller coaster. We stood up and, after bumping shoulders together, we followed Gandalf outside. Bilbo followed behind a tall blonde elf one way while I followed behind an elleth another.
We walked for a short while before we ducked into yet another tent where a large basin of water was waiting.
"I was told to look at your wrist, my lady," another elleth said, holding out her long delicate hand to me. Without a word, I dropped my cloak, Thorins' cloak, and tugged off the shirt I had borrowed from Kili so many days ago. There was a gasp from the elleth that had led me in and I glanced at her in time to see her look away quickly from my shoulder. I rolled my eyes tiredly and offered my injured wrist to the second. She turned it this way and that, rotating it and bending it. I winced a few times, but said nothing
"It is perhaps a sprain, nothing more. It may cause some pain, but it should heal well on its own." She said, gently returning my hand to my side. I nodded and began to strip the rest of the way, leaving nothing but Thorin's ring around my neck before climbing into the tepid water. I reached up and removed each bead and clasp from my hair and carefully set them aside before dousing my head under water.
I spent quite a while soaking and washing, having not had the chance to do so in far too long. When my fingers were pruned, I had shaved the essentials, and my hair was washed, I stepped out. One of the female elves offered me a towel and I quickly dried off, the chill of the air causing goosebumps to break out over my flesh.
"Shall I braid your hair, my lady?" She asked. I hesitated, then shook my head.
"No. I think I will attempt it myself, though I thank you for the offer." She smiled slightly and bowed her head to me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and instead walked to a small table where clothes were laying. I fingered through them, surprised to find that they were the well-made travelling clothes from Lake Town, then guessed that Bard must have sent them.
I tugged on the garments quickly and picked up a comb. I settled myself into a chair while the elleths began to sweep around, picking up my clothing. I hesitated when Thorin's cloak was picked up.
"Leave that, please," I asked, gritting my teeth when I realized that my voice cracked when I said it. The she-elf frowned, then nodded, no doubt wondering why I wanted to keep such a dirty article of clothing when I was already wearing a clean one. She folded it and gingerly offered it to me. I took it and placed it on my lap, running my fingers over it before I blinked away the film of tears that had gathered over my eyes. I began to work the comb through my hair, struggling to get through the knots. One of the elleths paused and came over to me. She smiled, quite a bit warmer than before, and held out her hand. I sighed and handed the comb to her.
"Thanks," I said softly as she began to slowly comb through the knots and tangles. Then, to my surprise, she began to braid my hair in the same way as I had it, even picking up the beads and clip I had left next to the tub and placing them exactly where they had been before. Her hand was quick and neat. Before long, my hair was finished and I smiled my thanks to her.
I stood up and, clutching Thorin's cloak tightly to my chest, pushed my way through the flaps after softly thanking the two she-elves. I glanced around momentarily before heading back in the direction I had come. Gandalf was sitting outside of his tent, puffing on his pipe. He looked me over as he blew out a ring of smoke and nodded slowly.
"There now," He said. "You look much better. Smell better, too, if I dare say so."
He winked at me and I couldn't help but smile at the old wizard.
"There is food within. Bilbo has already helped himself and then, bless the dear hobbit, passed out quite soundly on the cot. I daresay you could probably use the rest as well, dear Talya."
"Yeah," I said softly. "I'm exhausted. I feel as though I could sleep for weeks."
Gandalf did not reply, just nodded his head towards the tent. I stepped inside to find a small buffet laid at the table in the center and poor Bilbo curled up on the cot, snoring softly. I sat down and picked at the food. I wasn't particularly hungry, if anything I was nauseous, but I knew that I would need to keep up my strength for the days to come.
"Here, Talya," I jumped, having been in deep thought. I had not realized that Gandalf had stepped in behind me and I looked up at him. He was holding a small cup in his hand, offering it to me. I took it and glanced down at the steaming contents.
"Its tea, my dear, something to help you sleep."
I didn't need any more of an explanation than that. I downed it in one go.
"Go to your rest, Talya. I will be here when you wake."
I pushed away from the table and made my way over to the second cot, which Gandalf must have called for while I had been bathing. I fell into it bonelessly, curling my body into a near fetal position. I tucked Thorin's cloak under my head and, before I knew it, I was asleep.
I slept late into the next morning and, when I woke up, all I could smell was Thorin. I shoved his cloak away in painful irritation and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Bilbo nodded his head to me from the table, its surface once more a buffet of foods.
My mind raced through everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. The turmoil combined with the smell of food had me quickly up and out of the tent, retching. Tomorrow would be the battle. Tomorrow would be the day that Thorin, Fili, and Kili were fated to die.
I threw up until my stomach was empty, then rolled to the side and put my head on my arms, my elbows braced on my knees. I didn't understand how quickly the time had passed. How could it be tomorrow?!
Elves glanced at me in disgust as they passed and I narrowed my eyes. When one tartly commented on the manners of dwarves, I politely told him to go fuck himself. He did not seem to appreciate that and shot me a nasty look as he walked off.
I stood slowly and brushed myself off.
"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked, peeping his head out of the tent. I nodded.
"Fucking peachy," I grumbled. "My mouth tastes like ass. My arm hurts like a bitch because drunk-me decided it would be a fantastic idea to get a tattoo. I just betrayed the man, excuse me, dwarf that I love and he wants me dead. Oh, and we are about ready to go to war over a fucking rock. I am just stellar."
Bilbo stared at me and I let out an irritated sigh.
"Sorry, Bilbo. I'm a little grumpy this morning."
"A little?" His eye brows shot up and I glared at him. He smartly withdrew back into the tent and I grumbled.
"Talya?" I glanced up to find Bard approaching. He stopped just in front of me, awkwardly.
"Uh, Gandalf wanted me to bring you to him. He has something to show you."
I closed my eyes a moment, then nodded.
"Alright, Bard. Lead on." I said, flicking my hand dejectedly. He frowned, but turned and began to walk through the crowded camp with me at his heels.
"What happened after you left?" He asked. I shrugged.
"Got to Erebor. Cleaned. Watched Thorin lose his fucking mind. Got shit faced. Got a tattoo. Betrayed my friends. You know. The usual."
Bard frowned at my casual tone.
"A tattoo?" He sounded surprised and I rolled my eyes.
"Out of everything I just said, a tattoo surprises you?" I asked dryly, glancing at him. He frowned, then shook his head.
"I suppose nothing you do should surprise me." He said finally. It made me think of Thorin's words to me and I frowned.
"Dammit!" I snapped. Bard stopped dead and looked at me oddly.
"Everything reminds me of him!" I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my palms against my eyes. Bard remained quiet for a moment.
"It always will," He finally said. "You will think that you are over him and suddenly, a smell will hit your nose and all you can remember is him. Words spoken will echo in his voice. Even something as simple as a piece of clothing, happened upon at a merchants stall…"
He was quiet and I watched him, a pained expression on his face.
"It never goes away, not truly. But it does get better." He finished. "I can promise you that."
We arrived at Thranduil's grand tent and Bard gave me a very sad smile as he pushed aside the flap for me. I stepped in and the flap closed behind me. Gandalf stood next to Thranduil, a large chest there that had not been the day before.
"Come, Talya," Gandalf said, motioning me over. "This was sent to you from Elrond."
I walked over and, stepping widely around Thranduil, I knelt down before the chest and lifted the clasp on it. I tugged open the lid and, inside, found a full set of elven armor, made in the fashion of the elves of Rivendell. I lifted each piece carefully, amazed at the lightness of the material. It was all silvers and deep reds, curved vines and flourishes etched in fine detail over the metal and leather. At the bottom of the chest was a new blade. I hesitantly reached out and tugged the blade free from its sheath. It was much more elaborate than my old blade and I hefted it in my hand, giving it a few practice swings.
"I must send Lord Elrond my thanks," I said softly. "This is…. Amazing."
"You know he was glad to do it." Gandalf replied, setting a hand on my shoulder.
Thranduil watched the scene passively.
"Why does the Lord Elrond have interest in a mortal?" He asked finally, cocking his head ever so slightly to the left. Gandalf glanced at him.
"It must not have escaped your notice, Thranduil-King, that Talya is not ah, normal, shall we say."
"That, Gandalf, is glaringly obvious." The Elf-king answered snidely. I glared at him. Gandalf ignored the comment.
"She knows certain things, and that makes her invaluable."
"Knows certain things…" Thranduil looked at me sharply and I realized that he was replaying everything in his head that I had said to him. I slid my blade back into my sheath and placed it back in the chest before standing in front of him and crossing my arms.
"What, did you think I was full of shit?" I asked with a snort. He frowned at me. "Every once and awhile it's a good idea to take your head out of your ass and listen for a change."
To that, he said nothing, and I was surprised that he did not take the bait. He had snapped so easily in Mirkwood and I realized that I had been baiting him on purpose. His treatment of me still rankled deeply and I wanted nothing more than to smack the pretty right off of his face.
Gandalf shook his head at me.
"Why don't you try on your gear? If you need to make last minute adjustments, it would be wise to do it now."
"You plan on letting her fight in the battle? Do you really think she will raise her sword against her beloved dwarves?" Thranduil narrowed his eyes at Gandalf.
"Not against the dwarves," I said softly. "Against the orcs."
Thranduil glanced down at me abruptly and I realized it had been a test of sorts. No one had said anything about Azogs' approaching army in my presence and, Thranduil had wanted to know if I really knew of what was to come. He eyed me and suddenly there was a tension that had not been there before. Good. As childish as it was, I hoped I made him nervous.
The elf-king called out for two guards and almost immediately, they entered. He instructed them to bring my chest to Gandalf's tent and, after I smiled warmly at the wizard and shot a dirty look at Thranduil, I followed after them.
Once my things were dropped off in the tent, I opened the chest once more. Bilbo was nowhere to be seen and I wondered where he had gone to. I shrugged it off and slowly began to tug on the armor. Each piece fit perfectly, from the chest plate down to the thick boots. I caught sight of something then that I had not saw before, wrapped in leather parcel. I picked it up and shook it out. My breath caught in my throat when I realized it was the bracers that the dwarves had made for me in Rivendell.
I caressed them lovingly before I tugged them on. I had not had them since they were confiscated with the rest of my things in Mirkwood. I smiled and flexed my wrists, turning the pieces this way and that, admiring once more the fine work that went into them.
Finally, I reached down and picked up the sword. I tied it off at its place on my left side and slowly, I looked down at myself.
"Talya?" Bard's voice came from just outside the tent.
"Yeah, come in." I called out. He pushed through the flaps and stopped dead in front of me, a large parcel in hand.
"You look… fierce." He said, his eyes flitting to each piece of armor and, finally the sword at my side.
"'And though she be but little, she is fierce.'" I quoted softly. Bard raised an eye brow at me and I shook my head.
"From a play where I am from." I explained.
"Ah," He replied. He let out a breath and held out the large parcel to me. I frowned and took it in hand. The shape was very familiar to me and I quickly unwrapped it to find the bow Galadriel had given me. The string was new and there were a few chips in it, but otherwise it was whole and untouched.
"Bard… I gave this to you in payment." I argued, holding it back out to him.
"And I am giving it back to you, in payment." He countered. "My children live and Smaug lays dead thanks to you."
He moved in towards me and gently pushed the bow back at me. I looked down at in wonderingly, reminded of how Andrews and I used to pass that medal back and forth. I smiled.
"Thank you, Bard."
He smiled at me and for a moment, we stood there awkwardly. There was much left unsaid between us and I felt terribly for all that I had put him through. He finally bowed his head to me and left without another word.
I tugged off my armor and put it back in the chest before putting myself through some basic paces with my new sword, getting used to the feel of it in hand. It had been at it an hour or more when Bilbo finally returned. He, too, was outfitted in new clothes.
"Feeling better from this morning?" He asked, raising an eye brow as he plopped unceremoniously on his cot.
"Marginally," I answered dryly. I plopped down next to him.
"What are you going to do tomorrow, Talya?" He asked softly. I sighed.
"I don't know, Bilbo. I'd love to tell you that I have this amazingly well thought out plan that involves me swooping in and saving the day single handedly, but I don't. Truth is…"
I trailed off and Bilbo looked at me.
"Truth is I'm terrified." I finished finally. "I don't know how I'm going to save any of them. And if I do… what then? Thorin.."
My voice broke when I said his name and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I cleared my throat.
"Thorin threatened to kill me if he ever saw me again. Say what you will about him, but he does not make idle threats."
Bilbo shook his head.
"I think that once he realizes why you did it, he will come to his senses. He loves you, Talya. One does not simply forget that."
"Maybe he'll forgive me for that. But will he forgive me for never telling him the whole story? Will everyone else forgive me for not imparting what I knew? For saving them the heart aches that we've suffered along the way? I don't know if I'd forgive me, if I were him."
Bilbo reached out and touched my shoulder reassuringly.
The rest of the day dragged on as we were served our meals and we finally settled down to sleep. Gandalf had prepared another draught for me to take so that I could sleep dreamlessly and I was thankful. I did not think I could have slept otherwise and if I did, I was terrified of what I'd dream of.