Chapter 53
Pain
Light
Air
Welcome to the world.
It's cold.
I'm hungry, and afraid.
I can't really see.
I want my mommy.
I cry inconsolably.
I need.
She is not here.
My arms lift above me and I wiggle my hands with the cries from my chest.
"I need you mommy, where are you. I'm afraid and alone".
I feel the cold touch on my check and I take his finger as he withdraws it from me. When I feel the tingle of heat I let it go.
I stop crying and look at the blob that is hovering over me, its dark and white inside. I feel cold breath over my face.
I cry again in fear.
And then I'm alone again.
No one will come for me, I'm alone.
I don't know what's happening, I don't understand.
But what I do know is that I feel like there is something radiating heat inside me.
I suckle my hand, it feels comforting.
I make noise that sound too loud to my ears.
No one is with me, but still I feel like someone is watching over me.
My hands wiggle when I see the dark blob approached me again. He caresses my fingers and then moves away again.
The loud sound that approaches, and the arms that pick me up are strong and reassuring. I hear mumbling and shushing as I start to whale again in hunger.
I feel jostled and dizzy.
The warm liquid that comes out of the rubber nipple soothes my stomach.
I am saved.
The water is warm and the cloth is soft, I smell something and it feels good on my skin.
Soft fingers touch me and caress me. I see a colored blob come closer to my face, but it's not the one I saw first so I'm afraid. It touches my face but still I don't want it to. I wiggle and move my head away. It picks me up and strokes my face again, and I grab the fingers.
I feel the hold on me loosening up and then I'm falling.
Strong arms catch me and the black and white blob is back, it strokes my face and shushes me so that I won't cry. I feel warmed breath across my face, and the fingers that touch me now are no longer cold.
I feel safe.