Did he? No, it must have been an accident! Barbara was not sure what just happened but whatever it was it stopped her laughing immediately. She could feel her face reddening and she realised almost too late she had ceased breathing. She gulped air into her lungs and hurriedly tried to free her legs before she did something she might regret.

Tommy sensed her embarrassment. It seemed he had misjudged the situation and she was not interested in extending their friendship in that way. Whatever they had, it stopped short of romantic love, and he had been foolish to dream all day that it might have been different. He was far more disappointed than he should have been. They had been friends for years so if they had been emotionally or physically attracted to each other it would have happened years ago. Barbara had stood by when he thought he was in love with Helen. In fact she had pushed them together. If she had felt anything then surely she would have tried to dissuade him. Am I doing it again? He had to accept that theirs was a spiritual attraction; one that would endure even beyond this awkward moment, but would go no further. He owed it to Barbara not to ruin her life as he had Helen's.

One look at his face told her it had not been an accident. Now he looked hurt and she wanted desperately to turn back the clock a few minutes. She knew she should have kissed him back. She had wanted to but she had been too shocked and too scared. Tommy always wore his heart on his sleeve and he had been testing the waters. It was a brave move and that knowledge made her heart soar. It fell equally as quickly watching him kneel up and silently dust himself off. She was still lying on the grass and rather than speak and make a even bigger mess of the situation she simply reached up and took his hand. He looked at her uncertainly so she summoned the biggest, most genuine smile in her repertoire as she tightened her fingers around his palm.

His heart skipped a beat. Her signal was now very different and he wondered if she was equally as simply as confused as he was as she tried to sort through her feelings. He was guilty of being impetuous and rushing people. He had virtually forced Helen to love him but she had never been able to make the transition from friend to lover. Was that Barbara's fear? He wanted to kiss her again, this time with much more meaning but instead he lay beside her on the grass still holding her hand. He was too excited and too scared to do anything else.

It was Barbara who broke the silence after several minutes relishing the feel of his hand around hers. "C'mon Tommy, we had better head back," she said as she sat up, "I'm hungry."

He laughed, she was always hungry, then stood slowly and helped her to her feet. They started to walk along the stream and he was surprised when she reached out and took his hand. Her hand was soft and warm and the simple gesture was surprisingly intimate. He could not imagine Barbara holding hands with anyone let alone initiating it. He wanted to stop and sweep her into his arms but with effort he restrained himself, understanding that he had to move at her pace and not blunder in and frighten her.

Barbara remembered her thoughts about holding hands. Lying on the grass holding his hand had been divine. It was a physical representation of a much deeper unity that Barbara sensed. She did not want to lose that feeling and so she had reached out for his hand. She felt him looking at her but she could not risk glancing at him in case she lost courage. He wiggled her fingers and she wondered what he was doing until she felt their fingers interlaced. His fingers were bigger and the pressure spread the webbing between hers in a way that almost burned. It was not painful but she wondered if it was normal. He could not know that her fingers were virgins and that she had had not held hands with anyone before. Her fingers were stiff and tense and Tommy must have recognised her discomfort because he softly stoked her knuckles with his fingers then released her hand. At first she was devastated that he had not liked holding her hand but before she could withdraw it he had taken her hand in a different way. Their palms were pressed together and he locked his thumb over hers as they had been when they lay of the grass. This felt good. The warmth and reassurance of his grip made her relax. There was a connection that went beyond words.

They went straight to the pub and ordered their meals. As they stood at the counter the portly publican winked knowingly at Tommy who was insulted at his presumption until he realised they were still holding hands. In the mile and a half they had walked it had gone from strange and clumsy to the most natural thing in the world.

Tonight there was a choice between chicken pie or beef and Guinness pie and they both chose the beef. "You don't like chicken pie?" the publican asked. He was panting heavily from the effort of lifting in a new keg and a ring of sweat had formed around the collar of his shirt.

Tommy hated chicken in pies but could hardly say that as he suspected it was probably the publican's wife's best meal. He was searching for a polite response when Barbara chipped in, "we walked up to the fair today and back by the river so we both thought the Guinness pie would be a stout and hardy meal."

The man smiled heartily and replied with pride, "that it is! My wife knows how to look after hungry men."

Tommy and Barbara took their pints and sat at a corner table facing away from the bar. They struggled to stop their smirking being noticed. "Well you thought the same thing!" Barbara said in response to his signal not to laugh.

"It's not something I'd ever say about you." They were sitting facing each other over the narrow table. They both had theirs hands around their glasses and Tommy moved his closer so that they were touching knuckles.

"No, well considering I can't cook and we're not married I doubt it would ever be necessary." Barbara looked down at their hands and blushed.

"There's only one man you ever need to look after." His statement was awkward and did not convey what he had intended. He hoped she did not think he meant it in a sexual sense. He could not bear the thought of her making love to anyone except him but he had meant it in a more holistic way. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. She was staring at him and he squirmed uncomfortably. He had no idea what to say so he leant over and gave her another quick kiss. This time he paused long enough to see what Barbara would do. She kissed him back. It was a mirror of his kiss and although he wanted to keep going Tommy pulled away and smiled at her. "And you've always looked after me much better than I deserve."

Barbara had not hesitated a second time. She had no idea what she was doing or where this was going but if Tommy kissed her she was not going to stop him. The idea of being with him like this, even for one weekend, was a fantasy she had held for ten years and the memories would sustain her for another ten. She had no illusions that this would lead anywhere but she thought they could overcome any awkwardness with time and remain friends. So for now she would lap up his attention and pretend it was real.

A young buxom woman brought over their pie. She was wearing the tightest of tight red nylon top and a short black skirt that when she bent over would leave nothing to the imagination. She slammed Barbara's down haphazardly then leant over Tommy's shoulder and placed his plate carefully in front of him. He could have sworn she rubbed herself against him. His face was darkening and he could not look at Barbara. "Anything else I can get you love?" she asked in a hoarse whisper.

Tommy turned to answer and found his eyes level with her over-plumped bosom. He blushed more deeply but found it hard to look away. He had no interest in the woman or her assets but he did not want to look down, afraid of what else he might see, or look up into her eyes. He could hear Barbara making small grunting noises to his left. "Nothing thank you," he croaked.

"Well I'll leave you to lovebirds to eat then," she said. Her breasts jiggled as she turned and Tommy swallowed hard. It was not arousing in the slightest. He was embarrassed and felt vaguely unclean.

"Stop ogling her Sir!" Barbara was amused by the woman but annoyed with Tommy. If he found that interesting then everything was simply testosterone. She knew it was not love but if he was showing her attention this weekend she still wanted him to desire her for who she was, not simply because she was another in a series of warm female bodies.

"I wasn't! She...she thrust herself at me!"

"You could have looked away," she said taking her first mouthful of pie, "she is half your age. Seems as if she might know how to look after men like her mother does!"

Tommy was amused at her reaction. Normally they would both laugh about it but he could tell there was a degree of vitriol I her voice. "Why Barbara, I believe you are jealous."

"Why would I be jealous? I'm adequately endowed thank you but I don't flaunt it in the face of every gorgeous man I meet. Body paint wouldn't be as tight fitting as that top she had on. And it was see-through. Nothing disguised there."

So you think I'm gorgeous do you? So are you! He knew every curve of her face from the countless times he had stared at her but now, despite his good manners, he found himself staring surreptitiously at Barbara's chest. He had noticed at times that she had a good figure but it had been an academic thought. One did not scrutinise ones friends and colleagues that way. Now that they had passed beyond that boundary his quick appraisal was favourable, very favourable indeed. His twinges became more intense and he needed to think of something else. "Well she is not my type at all."

"And what is your type? Tall, sophisticated, well-educated and a great conversationalist to accompany you to functions?"

"No! I am past all that superficiality," he said taking her hand in his, " I just want someone who can put up with me and who will..."

There was a crash behind the bar. They spun around to see the publican falling. He was trying to grab the timbers around the beer handles for support but slipped from sight. Tommy reached him first and could tell from his colour and the way he clutched his left arm that the man was having a heart attack. Barbara pulled her phone from her pocket and dialled the ambulance then knelt beside Tommy as they began CPR. She thought it was too late but they had to try.

The young woman rushed from the kitchen at the noise and started to scream. Barbara tried to keep her away while Tommy continued CPR. The woman kept yelling. "Where's your mother?" Barbara asked.

"She's dead why?" The woman looked at her strangely.

Barbara felt foolish. This woman was not the publican's daughter, she was his wife. "Do you have anyone else I can call?"

"No. It was just Tim and me. Do you think it was the Viagra? I made him take it everyday even though they said it could affect his heart."

Barbara stared at her dumbfounded. You stupid, vacuous, insensitive fool! You think the key to love is sex?

The ambulance arrived ten minutes later and took away the publican and his wife. Tommy had managed to revive him but they did not know if he would survive. Barbara told Tommy about his wife's reaction as the walked back to the cottage. "Some people have no idea about love do they?" she said as Tommy poured them both a drink, "they confuse it with sex."

He sat beside and asked, "so what is love to you Barbara?"

It was not a question she expected and she took her time to formulate an answer. "It varies. You can want to be with a person, want to help them and protect them and comfort them, want to show that you care about them deeply without it being sexual. Love to me is understanding and accepting someone for who they are without wanting to change them." She paused at looked at him meaningfully.

Tommy smiled at her. He wanted to kiss her more than ever before but this conversation was important. "Oh Barbara, do you know how hard it is to find that understanding. Most couples never come close. All they have is mutual physical attraction. It's rare and we should treasure it. Loving someone like that is a wonderful feeling but being loved that way in return by the person you love is sublime."

"I guess. I wouldn't know."

Tommy was astounded that she did not already know how he felt about her. "You should. It gives you a reason to live and keep going even when you doubt yourself and even despise yourself."

Barbara looked at Tommy and their eyes conveyed a myriad of unspoken thoughts and apologies. Tommy reached up and wiped away the tear that had formed in her eye. "Really?"

"Always. I just never knew it until recently."

Barbara looked up at him and he could resist no longer. Tommy kissed her; tenderly but with a passion that took both their breaths away.