Chapter 24 What Makes a Heart?
The green light of the transporter disappears and Sora, Riku, Kairi, Donald, and Goofy find themselves standing in the First District's square. It is two days after they left Hollow Bastion and, after returning all the princesses to their homeworlds (each of which threw parties and feasts in their honor), Sora, Riku, and Kairi are finally home themselves.
"This is Traverse Town?" Goofy asks looking around the quiet district. "Sure is quaint."
"Yeah," Sora says with a sigh. "Quaint, quiet, and peaceful. Never really thought I'd miss that."
"I wonder how everyone is doing," Kairi says, starting to walk towards the 7th Heaven bar. She had a nervous smile on her face that is mirrored on Sora and Riku. "Do you think Leon, Cloud, and Yuffie had trouble with the heartless while we were gone?"
"I'm sure they could handle it," Riku says and reaches out to open the door only to pause with his hand on the handle. He looks to Sora and Kairi. "We're gonna have a lot of explaining to do."
Sora and Kairi both nod and with a resigned sigh, Riku turns the handle and open the door.
The rise and fall of voices in the bar fall silent as they all enter and stand just over the threshold. Cloud and Tifa are behind the bar, frozen with their mouths open. Leon, Merlin, and Yuffie on the bar stools turn to stare in shock as well. Cid freezes mid gulp on the beer in his hand and beside him at the table, Marlene and Aerith both look up.
The first one to react is Marlene. Jumping up from her seat, she rushes towards them. "Riku," she says in a breathless voice as she throws herself into his arms. Riku staggers back a step and his arms wrap around her tightly.
"Hey, Mar," he says, resting his cheek on her head as she buries her face in his shoulder. She hugs him a moment longer before pulling back enough to look up at him. Without warning she hits his chest with one fist. "Ow! What are-"
"Hey, Mar?" Marlene repeats, her voice cracking as tears collect in the corners of her eyes. "You disappear for over a week and then stroll in here with, 'Hey, Mar.'" Her awful imitation of Riku's voice makes Sora snort with laughter and Marlene looks over to him and Kairi. She looks them both over and they smile to reassure her they are all okay. She smiles back and turns her head to Riku again as he lowers his so their lips meet.
A week ago she would have pulled away, red-faced to be kissing in front of everyone, but now she wraps her arms around Riku's neck and doesn't let go until her lungs are burning. When their lips separated, Riku brushes away a tear on her cheek. "Hey, Mar."
Caught up in watching Riku and Marlene, Sora doesn't see Yuffie until she in on top of him and Kairi. "Oh my god! We've been so worried," she shouts in his ear, nearly cutting off his air supply with her crushing hug. "Where have you been? Who was that creepy mofo who took you, Kairi? Who are they?"
Yuffie releases them both seeing Donald and Goofy, but before Sora can start to explain, Cloud and Tifa are in front of him and he is pulled once more into a smothering hug.
"Thank goodness," Tifa says as she releases him and moves to hug Kairi and Riku. As Tifa steps back, she wipes a hand over her eyes and Sora gives her his best smile.
"We're all okay, Tifa," he says and she lets out a relieved laugh.
Cloud's expression is hard to read as he turns to Sora having hugged Kairi and Riku. Sora's smile falls and he looks down at his shoes. "Cloud, I'm sor-"
His apology is cut short by Cloud pulling him into a tight hug. Pressed against Cloud's chest, he can feel the older blond let out a relieved sigh. After a second, Cloud lets him go as the others move closer with a millions questions being fired off too fast for Sora, Kairi, and RIku to answer.
A piercing whistle cuts through the clamor. "Oi!" Cid shouts, still seated at the table. "Y'all back off. Let the poor kids sit down and get to the story."
Dragging enough chairs over, everyone settles down and faces Sora, Riku, and Kairi expectantly. Sora stares back, unsure what to say. Cid is the one to break the silence saying, "Get to it. You got shit load of explaining to do starting with who the two farm animals you got with you are."
"Hey!" Donald squawks indignantly and Sora quickly explains.
"This is Donald and Goofy," he says, indicating who is who. "They've been travelling with me. Their king, King Mickey, is looking for Ven too...and so is Zack. "
"Zack?" Tifa says, straightening up. "You've seen him."
Nodding Sora, looks to Riku holding Marlene's hand and then to Kairi. Both gesture for him to continue. "I guess, I should probably start at the beginning," Sora says, taking a deep breath. "It all comes back to a man named Xehanort and his pursuit of the power of Kingdom Hearts…"
...
Roxas emerges from the dark corridor stamping snow from his boots and rubbing his hands together to get some feeling back. Already seated on the ledge of the clock tower, Axel turns to look at him. "How was the first mission solo?" Axel asks, holding out an ice cream as Roxas walks over.
Roxas takes the offered ice cream and drops down on the ledge of the clocktower beside Axel. "Boring," he says, biting off a bit of the ice cream and immediately regretting it as his body shivers to remind him how cold he still is. "Recon is pointless enough, but did have to be in Christmas Town? It's like the snow never stops there."
Axel chuckles and reaches out to brush a hand through Roxas' hair, knocking the snow out. Roxas jumps, not having realized he still has snow on him, and proceeds to shake his head hard to try and get it all out of his hair.
"You know, most people find snow to be beautiful and magical," Axel says, grinning at Roxas.
"Yeah right," Roxas replies, finally getting out the last of the snow. "Give me a beach and a summer sun any day."
"Same," Axel says, finishing off his ice cream. He looks up surprised when Roxas holds out his ice cream to him. "Not hungry?"
Roxas shakes his head. "Too cold," he says and Axel shrugs, taking the ice cream. Tossing his old ice cream stick off the edge without care, Axel starts on Roxas' half eaten one.
Watching him, the corners of Roxas' mouth turn up in a small smile. It has been two days since what they are calling the Rexick incident and he and Axel are finally losing the uncomfortable tension that remained after their argument. Aside from going out of his way to give Rexick death glares, Axel had kept his word and didn't speak of what had happened, keeping all parties involved from getting punished.
But Roxas remembers the look in Axel's eyes facing down Rexick. The way Axel's voice shook just a bit and how he practically snarled at Rexick. For a moment, Roxas imagines their roles had been reversed. He was the one to find Rexick pressed against Axel with only a whisper separating their lips. There is no doubt in his mind he would act exactly like Axel had. Just the thought makes him frown and its almost like he is feeling...something.
Roxas jumps at Axel's fingers suddenly snapping in front of his nose. "You still with me?" Axel asks.
"Yeah, I was just thinking…Can I ask you something?" Roxas says, lacing and unlacing his fingers in his lap.
"Shoot," Axel replies, taking another bite of ice cream.
Roxas stares out at the sunset and asks softly, "What's it like to have a heart?"
Axel coughs, choking on his ice cream. "What?" He demands, still coughing.
"I just…" Roxas says, biting his lip. He knows this is a touchy subject for Axel, but he's too curious to back down. "I can't remember who I was before I woke up a Nobody. I don't remember what it's like to feel."
Roxas waits expectantly for Axel to speak, but the red head turns away. The long silence stretches on and Roxas hangs his head, wishing he hadn't brought it up. Then,
"Good."
Roxas looks up, surprised to find Axel's staring at him with a serious expression. "What?"
"Good," Axel repeats, his voice taking on a bitter edge. "You can't miss what you don't remember." He pauses, the muscle in his jaw moving up and down as his expression darkens.
"Feelings make you vulnerable. They make you weak," Axel continues, his voice rising. "You do stupid things that go against logic because of a feeling." He hadn't meant to start shouting, but now he can't make himself stop. "Feelings are painful and hard to understand. They trip you up and kick you when you're down and despite all that -" Axel scowls and throws his unfinished ice cream off the tower. "It sucks not having them."
For a long time Roxas stares at Axel who won't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't know…" He says trailing off as Axel turns to him..
Axel sighs and his shoulders slump. "I know, Rox. I'm not yelling at you. I'm just…yelling." With another sigh, he pushes himself to his feet and summons a dark corridor. "We should head back," he mumbles, sounding like its the last thing he wants to do, but before Roxas can reply, he disappears into the darkness.
Glancing at the setting sun and the red sky over Twilight Town one more time, Roxas hurries after Axel. The cold black of the dark corridor presses on him a moment before he steps out into the Gray Room of the Castle That Never Was. The blank whiteness of the room is a poor substitute for the view of the sunset.
"Axel."
Both Roxas and Axel turn to see Saix scowling at them from by the wall of windows. "What has been keeping you?" Saix asks, eyes glancing at Roxas a moment. His scowl deepens.
"Mission ran long," Axel lies easily. "Those Huns are hard to get moving. And don't get me started on Shan Yu's dumb bird. I know I'm irresistible, but that beady eyed winged demon kept poking its beak in places it doesn't belong -"
"Put it in your report," Saix says, his scowl never budging. "Maybe Xemnas will let you kill the bird for its odd attraction to you. Now, Xemnas has ordered that -"
"I don't think it's an odd attraction," Axel says, speaking over Saix. "Birds like nuts after all. If you ask me, I think -"
"Ordered your presence in the Round Room," Saix nearly shouts. Right away he regains his composure and smoothing a hand over his hair he summons a dark corridor. He gestures for Axel to go through first, but Axel leans over to whisper in Roxas ear.
"What bird's pecking at his nuts?"
Roxas bites off a laugh, but not fast enough. His scowl now an outright glare, Saix fixes his gaze on Roxas.
"Don't you have a recon report to write, Number XIII?" He asks, but Roxas knows it is not a question.
With a nod to Saix and a glance at Axel, Roxas heads for his room, glancing back once to see the dark corridor disappear after the two of them.
Now familiar with the castle, Roxas doesn't get lost once on his way. Proud of himself, he reaches his door to find Zexion there waiting for him.
"Er...Hello?" Roxas says and Zexion looks up from the book he had his nose buried in.
"There you are, Roxas," Zexion says, marking his page and closing the book. "I've been waiting for you to arrive."
"Okay," Roxas says, waiting for Zexion to elaborate, but when he doesn't, Roxas prompts him. "Why?"
Instead of replying, Zexion looks up and down the hallway suspiciously. "We should talk in your room," he says and, without waiting for Roxas to agree, opens the door.
Roxas follows Zexion, confused. "Why?" Roxas asks again, but again Zexion doesn't answer his question.
"Shut the door," Zexion says, moving to the window to pull the curtain over it.
More than a little apprehensively, Roxas pushes the door shut and turns to face Zexion.
Glancing around the small room, Zexion whispers, "That should be good."
"Why are you whispering?" Roxas asks.
Still whispering, Zexion replies, "I don't want anyone to overhear us." He motions Roxas closer, his voice dropping lower. "I have a question for you. Will you talk to a friend of mine?"
Roxas stares at him. "You…" he says, starting to wonder if Zexion might be a bit insane. "You didn't want anyone to overhear you ask me to talk to your friend?"
"Yes," Zexion replies matter of factly.
Roxas waits, but when it is obvious Zexion isn't going to elaborate, he says, "I'm going to ask again. Why?"
"It's an experiment," Zexion says looking at Roxas like he is the one being weird here. Roxas gestures for him to keep going and Zexion says, "It's about hearts."
At the mention of hearts, Roxas immediately gives up on thinking of ways to get Zexion out of his room. "Hearts?" Roxas repeats and Zexion nods. "What about them?"
"I can't explain before the experiment," Zexion says. "If you know the nature of the experiment, your bias could influence the results."
Zexion summons a dark corridor and starts to step through, but Roxas stops him asking, "What would I be biased about?"
"Exactly," Zexion says and disappears into the dark corridor.
Roxas stands there, still at a complete loss for what Zexion wants from him. But if it will teach him more about hearts he has to go. With a sigh, Roxas enters the dark corridor, hoping Zexion will be able to give him some answers.
…
Axel drums his fingers on the arm of his chair, listening to Xemnas drone on about the status of various worlds other members had reported on that week. He knows this isn't really why he's here. If this was a normal meeting about the Organization's interests, it wouldn't just be the Yellow-Eyes in the Round Room.
Letting his focus drift off of Xemnas' monotone voice, Axel considers the one question that has been nagging in the back of his mind since Saix had dragged him here. Why are the Yellow-Eyes still including him? After his screw-up with Roxas and the Darkside he was sure he'd lost his chance at being able to spy on them from the inside of their little gang.
At the sudden silence in the room, Axel looks up to see everyone else staring at him. "What?" He asks and from his right, Xigbar stifles a laugh.
"I asked if you were still interested in working on more difficult assignments for the Organization," Xemnas says, his yellow eyes boring into Axel.
Axel doesn't flinch. With a smile, he spreads his arms wide saying, "Whatever the Organization needs of me."
Across from him, Rexick rolls his eyes and Marluxia glares, but Xemnas' stare doesn't waver. "It is good that you are interested as I already have a mission in mind for you."
As one, Saix, Xigbar, Rexick, and Marluxia all turn to Xemnas and Axel notices the confusion that flashes across their faces for a moment. Filing their reactions away for later, Axel focuses on what Xemnas is saying.
"You were taken off your original mission of watching Roxas for mistakes in the field," Xemnas says and Axel has to bite his lip to keep from arguing that saving his partner wasn't a mistake. "This is your last chance to prove you are capable of moving to a higher rank in the Organization."
"What is the mission?" Axel asks. Whatever it is, he has to get this one right.
Once again, the four Yellow-Eyes turn to their leader. The tense shoulders on all of them and the lingering hint of confusion makes Axel wonder if they themselves don't know Xemnas' plans for him.
Looking back at Xemnas, Axel blinks. Is it just him or do Xemnas' eyes seem less yellow?
"As you know, the Organization is in control of Castle Oblivion," Xemnas says and Axel nods. None of the members (well, non-yellow-eyed members at least) knew anything about the place, but that hadn't stopped Demyx's conspiracy theories about brainwashing. "There is something there the Organization has a vested interested in. Find it and bring it to me."
Axel glanced around the Round Room. The other members couldn't hide their distaste in what Xemnas was saying. There is so much Axel doesn't know about what is going on that he can't keep the suspicion out of his voice. "What is it?"
"You will know when you see it," Xemnas replies in a dismissive way that rubs Axel the wrong way.
"So, let me get this straight," Axel says, crossing his arms. "You're sending me someplace I don't know to find I don't know what and bring it back to you for I don't know what reason?"
Xemnas' lips twitch. An equivalent of a scowl for the silver haired Nobody. "I am not in the business of giving away secrets, Axel. Do as you have been told if you want to remain in the Organization."
An uncomfortable silence falls on the room. Part of Axel wants to jump up and swear at Xemnas. He doesn't want to remain in the Organization. He wants to get the hell out and burn it to the ground. The other part of Axel remembers Zexion and Demyx counting on him to not screw up this opportunity. And Roxas. He forces himself to quash his anger. He has to, for Roxas.
Saix clears his throat. "Maybe Axel should be given a day to consider -"
"I accept," Axel says, interrupting Saix whose hands curl into fists. "I'll take the mission. When should I depart?"
"I will send you word at the proper time," Xemnas says. "For now, you are dismissed."
Not wanting to spend another second with the Yellow-Eyes, Axel vanishes into a dark corridor.
…
Roxas scans the rows and rows of books in front of him, craning his neck to see the shelves extended all the way to the towering ceiling above. He hasn't seen any other libraries to compare with this one, but he knows it has to be one of the most amazing. There has to be at least ten thousand books here and something about being surrounded by so many books makes him feel comfortable.
As he wanders through the stacks, he glimpses Zexion standing in the main area talking to the girl, Belle, who had greeted them at the door to the castle. She seems to be a good friend of Zexion's, telling him some story as Roxas' explores.
Whatever she is talking about is making Zexion frown, but Roxas only catches snip its of their conversation. It's something about a man named Ansem and princesses.
After circling the Belle's library, Roxas makes his way over to the other two who look up as he approaches. "This place is incredible," Roxas says and Belle smiles, looking around at the books.
"Yes it is. I still can't believe Beast gave it to me," she says.
"Beast?" Roxas questions, raising an eyebrow as Belle and Zexion exchange a look.
Taking Roxas' hand, Belle leads him over to two reading chair set facing each other. "I have a story to tell you," Belle says as they sit. Roxas looks to Zexion as the other boy disappears into the stacks before focusing his attention on Belle. "Before I lived here, I lived in a small village with my father," she says. "He is a great inventor and set out one day for a fair. But to get there he had to travel through the woods where, legend said, a terrible Beast lived and preyed on lost travellers…"
…
Zexion observes Roxas over the top of his book. The blond is balanced on the edge of his seat with his mouth slightly open and his eyes glued to Belle as she tells him of the townspeople sieging the castle. Roxas' eyes cloud with fear, then relief flashes across his face as she tells him how Lumiere and the others fought back, and then he even laughs as she describes the wardrobe fighting.
All of it is very strange.
He watches Roxas for a few moments more before returning his focus to the book in his hands. It is titled A Complete History of Kingdom Hearts, the X-blade, and It's Mysterious Wielders. Zexion had found the old tome last time he had visited Belle, but his initial excitement at the thought its pages might tell him what Xemnas' plans for creating Kingdom Hearts had fallen short. The book is nothing more than speculation and legends that contradicted each other.
Still, there are some facts Zexion is able to extract from the dusty pages.
1. Kingdom Hearts is the power of light.
2. The power can only be directed by the X-blade wielder.
And 3. There hadn't been a X-blade wielder in hundreds of years.
All of which is interesting, but unhelpful to Zexion. He isn't sure how to put a stop to Xemnas' plans if he can't figure out what they are.
"No!" Roxas says, leaning so far forward in his chair he almost falls off. He is so caught up in listening to Belle tell of Gaston's final attack and the mortal wound it left on Beast that he doesn't notice Zexion frown and get to his feet, leaving his book behind as he studies Roxas' reaction.
Belle does notice Zexion and glances in his direction, but he shakes his head and gestures for her to continue.
"And just as the last petal of the rose fell," she says to Roxas. "Stars started shooting down around Beast and I. Their light fell on him and lifted him away from me. And before my eyes he transformed." Her eyes are distant, remembering the moment, and Roxas' mouth hangs open in awe. "The appearance of the monster the sorceress had given him faded to reveal the kind man I'd grown to know and love. Everyone in the castle was touched by the magic, returning to their original selves. And we, as they say, lived happily ever after."
Zexion knows that is not completely true, having heard from Belle about her kidnapping, but it has the right effect on Roxas who breaks into a big smile. "That's a great story Belle," he says. "I'm glad you and Beast got a happy ending."
Belle glances at Zexion and he nods slightly at her. "So our story made you happy?" She asks Roxas.
"Yeah, it was -" Roxas stops, frowning as he realizes what he just said. "No," he says looking to Zexion with confusion in his eyes. "No. I didn't feel happy. I couldn't. Nobodies can't feel." He repeats the mantra of the Organization that had been drilled into his head only to question it for the first time.
"And yet, Belle's love story did make you feel," Zexion says, starting to pace. After everything Axel had told him about Roxas, he had been hopeful about his little experiment, but the results he got far exceed anything he'd expected.
"But…" Roxas turns in his chair to stare at Zexion. "But Nobodies don't have hearts."
A grin spreads across Zexion's lips as his pacing speeds up. This is his element. "What makes a heart?" He asks Roxas, remembering the hundreds of times he'd tried to give Axel this same lecture only to have it fall on deaf ears. "Is it having a physical muscle in your chest beating out a rhythm to fuel your emotions be they fear or anger? Or is a heart simply feeling? You felt happy. How could that be true if what Xemnas told us about hearts and feelings being inseparable?"
Zexion could see that Roxas is seriously thinking about what he is saying and quickly continues. "Somebodies have physical hearts and feelings. We lack the former, but I don't believe that means we can't have the latter. Hearts may amplify feelings, but if the feeling is strong enough, such as love for instance, it can be felt without a heart. Do you understand?
"I think so," Roxas says slowly. "Nobodies can feel without a heart when the feeling is really strong."
"Exactly," Zexion says, halting in his pacing. "Not all Nobodies agree though. They would rather ignore the truth because they think allowing themselves to feel again will be painful."
"Like Axel," Roxas whispers before he can stop himself.
"Like Axel," Zexion repeats, shaking his head. He looks Roxas over carefully. "But you agree?"
"I - I think so," Roxas says. "It's just a lot to wrap my head around."
"I understand," Zexion says. "Why don't we return to the castle and you can sleep on it."
Roxas nods and Zexion summons a dark corridor for them. Roxas goes through first, his brow still furrowed, but Zexion turns to Belle before following him.
"Thank you for your help Belle," he says. "I know it was a strange request."
"It was," she says with a small laugh. "You never cease to surprise me." As she speaks she wanders over to where he'd left the book on Kingdom Hearts and picks it up. "Is this research you're doing related to Roxas?"
"It wouldn't surprise me if it was," Zexion replies. He stares at the old tome, wondering if it really held the answers he was searching for, and starts as Belle presses it into his arms.
"Keep it," she says. "You have more use for it than I do."
A protest rise in Zexion's throat, but the steely look in Belle's eyes tells him she isn't going to take no for an answer. "Thank you," he says, tucking the heavy book under his arm. "I'll try to drop in again soon."
"Please do," she says, gently embracing him. When they pull apart, Zexion gives her a fianl nod goodbye and disappears into the dark corridor.
...
Roxas closes the door to his room behind him and rest his forehead against the wood with a dull thump. What Zexion had told him still rings in his ears. Nobodies can feel without hearts, but only the strongest emotions.
With a sigh, Roxas walks to his bed and lies down, staring up at the white-gray ceiling. He closes his eyes and asks the empty corners of his mind,
Then why do I feel everything.
CatLoverx33: Oh yeah. Rexick, Keric, doesn't matter what name he is going with he is the biggest creep ever.
I'm going to college in a week.
What.
I'm super excited and super nervous and everything inbetween. Hopefully I'll have time to write another chapter before I leave, but if not I'll do my best to get it up as quickly as possible. I don't know what to expect for time to write in college so bear with me if updates take a while.
But you know what always makes updates faster? Reviews! :)