Chapter Three: No, I'm Not Crazy
Sopping and frustrated, I climbed out of the water onto the dock, water gathering behind me. The enthralled people watching the sinking whaler paid no notice to a small dripping 12-year-old scampering across the pier. As I passed them, I got a whiff of the smell. The whaling area was as dirty and ugly as described in the book, with a strong smell of whales and blood. I got out of there quick as I could. Once safely in the fields, I sat against a tree and wondered what to do next. I was in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get anywhere. What should I do? Call the commander?
Suddenly, the enormity of the situation hit me like a sledgehammer to the brain. I was in Artemis Fowl. The book. I was inside a book. Maybe I'm dreaming. Nah, that wasn't true. In the movies, everyone always thinks they're dreaming, but of course they're not! Just to make sure, I pinched myself. Hard.
"Ow!" I squealed, flapping my arm around. Yep, definitely not a dream.
Wait a minute. Hold the presses. The Transporter! I scrabbled around in my jacket for it and the book. My hand grasped it and pulled the book-and-Transporter combo out. I stared at them for a minute and opened up the book to another random page. Nothing happened. I flipped the page again. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. I collapsed at the foot of the tree, digging the heels of my palms into my cheeks. Poof! I straightened, looking for the source of the noise. Then I looked down. Artemis Fowl and the Transporter were dissolving into green sparks that were skittering across the grass.
"No!" I exclaimed, trying to catch what may have been my only chance at getting out of here. But it was gone. I slumped down against the tree and tried to think of a way to get somewhere- anywhere.
But- wait! In book 3, the Eternity Code! Artemis called a random number and said fairy-related words that would raise red flags on Foaly's computer, sending an officer to help! That was it! I trekked back to the dock and snuck into the center office. Tons of handheld phones sat carelessly on desks. I selected one small flip phone and smuggled it back to my tree. I mulled over what number to call. I quite obviously couldn't call any old number, for risk of exposing the fairies. Finally, I decided on my own number- for my phone at home. Would it work? I dialed it and it rung.
"Hi, um, this is Charlie, you must have missed me, leave a message please."
Yes! Quickly, I said into the receiver, trying to disguise my voice;
"Yeah, hi, this is… er… Charlotte, and fairies, or People, exist, they have a Book, there are elves and goblins and sprites and pixies like Opal Koboi, and they live underground in Haven. There's a police force called the LEP, Foaly is a technical genius, and there's a goblin gang called B'wa Kell, and… that's about it."
I hung up and waited.
15 minutes later, a heat haze landed in front of me. I rose and tried to look as friendly as possible. I put my hands in the air. "Um… I'm Charlie and…"
The heat haze growled and said, "What is wrong with you Mud Whelps today?"
I froze, because it was a voice I knew. It was Commander Root again.
"Commander Root, I mean no harm to the People. I just… need a lift."
"Oh, I'll give you a lift, Mud Girl. A lift to the LEP mind-wiping station."
I could imagine his face getting redder.
How am I going to get out of this one?
"Commander, just take me back to base and I'll explain how I know all this. And how I know all about Artemis Fowl."
I'm sure that stopped the commander.
"You're coming with me, Mud Maid."
I smiled, but that was before the edge of a tri-barreled water-cooled blaster came out and shot me on the shoulder, and everything went fuzzy, then black.
I could faintly hear voices. First a horsey kind of tone… Foaly!
"She's out for the count."
Then Commander Root's gravelly bass,
"I was aiming for the leg."
"Well, you missed."
"I was shielding!"
"She is kinda pretty, for a human."
Then Foaly and the commander,
"Chix!"
"I said kinda!"
I sat up, head aching.
"She's up."
I looked around. I was in a sort of makeshift interrogation room. Surrounding me were Commander Root, Foaly, and Chix Verbil. Root flicked on a light.
"Where am I?" I asked, mystified.
"Right outside the Fowl Manor time-stop!" exclaimed Chix, which caused the commander to turn rose, yell obscene words for a minute, and usher Chix out of the room.
Root returned. "Now, how do you know about the People?"
So I explained most of the story to them, but I said that, well, I'm a time traveler who's from the future, where books have been written about Artemis Fowl, and I know everything about everything Artemis Fowl. After I finish, Root and Foaly gawked.
"You were on the whaler?" asked Root finally.
"Yes."
"You know everything about Fowl?"
"Yes."
"You're breaking into Fowl Manor to save my officer."
"Yes- wait, WHAT?"
"You heard me. Cudgeon is prepping to bio-bomb now. If you can go in without losing magic, then you're our girl."
I rolled my eyes. "And what if I don't want to do it?"
"Then we mind-wipe you and send you to Kenya."
"I can't break in that manor alone!"
Root sighed, snapped his fingers, and a pungent stench filled the room. Escorted by two LEP officers, Mulch Diggums walked into the room. I gaped.
"Mulch?"
He squirmed.
"Who's the Mud Maid?"
Root scowled at him, obviously angry that he had to deal with a lowdown prisoner.
"She's your partner, and no whining about your job, convict, or I'll put 50 years in the Deeps on your sentence."
Foaly whinnied.
"The LEP hiring a Mud Maid and a convict. Who would've thought?"
"Yes, and that's why no one else can hear of this. If the Council found out, I'd be sunk."
Foaly nodded and equipped me and Mulch with iris-cams, brown for him, green for me.
Root approached us and said, "I wouldn't even dream of bringing in you two unless I was desperate, which I am. Now, your mission is to scope out the place, find his source of information, and possibly eliminate it and him."
I nodded and Root took us out back.
"Stand back," Root advised.
Mulch unhinged his jaw and chewed down through the earth. I followed down uncertainly.
Oh, great.