this was written before sasuke went all revolutionary on us, tbh. enjoy
summary: she's a flower who bloomed beautifully in the face of adversity
03. flowers
In all honesty, Sasuke has always liked the idea of a happy ending.
He likes to toy around with the possibility of obtaining such a thing, a feeling that liberates you, allowing the days to never feel like they're dragging on. He toys with the idea of waking up as if nothing bad had ever happened, as if the Uchiha clan's massacre was just another horrible nightmare, something so far away from where he is now. That one day, he'll no longer feel that void in his heart, the ache that's followed him around as if it were a shadow.
But even when there is such a small strand of hope inside of him, he knows too well that deep down, someone like him, someone who's hurt and caused others pain, won't ever obtain something like happiness.
He had once thought that killing his brother would do that, bring him some sort of piece of mind, that he'd finally be liberated from all the demons that plague his mind day in and day out. He'd be happy, and things would get better, he would no longer live for the sole purpose of killing another person.
To his utter surprise, all Itachi's death brought him was nothing but a dull ache in an already wounded heart. Watching his older brother on the ground, lifeless, dead, had made him snap back to reality, it had made what was left of his heart to shatter even further. He couldn't even find it in himself to find the happiness his brother's death should've given him, the happiness he thought he'd finally deserve once he completed this task. Instead, he found himself grieving beyond belief, hating even more than before, and suffering as if it's all he'll ever know.
It only allowed him to see that someone like him wasn't cut out for something like happiness.
So he carried himself without such a thing, taking in everyone's words and allowing them to guide his next moves. Thinking that his brother would want him to seek revenge, to finally destroy what had destroyed him and his family. So he shunned everything, every single emotion besides his hate, was emptied out of his system, and he had tried to fulfill his next goal─destroy the hidden leaf.
And for a while he made them out to be the enemies, the reason behind his brother's actions, the reason he had no one in his life any longer.
Even when the Kage had helped, and explained what it was Itachi did and why he did it, that he allowed a small portion of his hate to simmer down into nothing. He decided that he wouldn't allow his brother's sacrifices to be in vain, he didn't deserve that after all he went through. So, with no hesitation and with a new goal in mind he had decided to take part in the war─on the "good" side, this time.
He had been brutal, it had taken them too long to win, and too many lives had been lost. He had expected the weight he had on his shoulders to lift itself, he had expected things to be in the process of being "okay". Instead, he found himself tired and panting, wondering why on earth he couldn't find it in him to be happy for their victory and the accomplishments team seven made.
And then he spots her.
She's up ahead, healing a man's arm with a very gentle smile on her lips, and he notes that she was even giving the man encouraging words. He watches as she bandages the man's arm with delicate movements, light feather touches. When she finishes she promises the man that she'll return to check on it again once everything is settled down, and that he should rest after all that hard work.
He watches as she stands, green eyes looking around her, he assumes she's looking for more people to heal. His eyes move towards her bare arm, the one not covered by a sleeve, and he takes a very good look at the burn marks that cover the upper part, he wonders if in her haste she's forgotten they're even there. He snorts, not at all surprised, it'd only make sense for someone like her to be hurt and yet tend to everyone else first.
Slowly, he stands, ignoring the ache that courses through every single inch of his body. He walks towards her slowly, all while wondering why on earth he's even approaching her to begin with. This girl, who's only ever been annoying to him, this girl who he's always thought needed his protection, a girl who he always believed had absolutely no business playing ninja. The same girl who confessed to him all those years ago in an attempt to get him to stay, the same girl who found tooth and nail just like everyone else did. Who never gave up and proved herself worthy to every single person around her.
She's just like a flower, he notes, a flower who's bloomed quiet beautiful, even in the face of adversity.
She's the annoying girl who, he's found, fills that empty existence of his.
Her green eyes are glittering with happiness, happiness he's always seen reflected in those eyes, no matter what the circumstance is, it's there. She's always been that way, so happy and warm, can he seriously be selfish enough to ruin that for her? To taint her with all of his past sins?
"Sasuke-kun!" she calls out, rushing towards him, "are you hurt anywhere?"
He blinks before nodding his head once, watching her carefully behind his long bangs. She sighs softly, making him sit down before she stars to heal what she can, what Kabuto couldn't heal, and he can't help but find all the differences between her healing and Kabuto's, her healing is filled with warmth. He watches as her brows furrow in concentration, and he notes the thin sheet of sweat that's starting to form on her forehead, the same forehead her remembers she was always bullied for.
He raises his hand, poking the small diamond with his index and middle finger, and watches as she looks up at him in surprise.
He pulls his fingers away from her forehead slowly, waiting patiently for her reaction. He won't lie, a part of him is silently hoping for the Sakura from back then, the one who would always cling to his every word, and action.
Instead, she slowly moves her fingers up to her seal, eyes drifting upwards with her hand. He watches as she runs her fingers across the seal, a small smile forming on her lips, he doesn't say a word to her, merely watches with interesting, waiting for what she'll say to him.
"You know," she smiles, remembrance in her eyes, "this seal took me years to get."
He watches as she moves her long bangs behind her ears, her seal now fully visible, grinning up at him, and Sasuke himself feels like she's slowly melting from top to bottom. He realizes then that he'd like nothing more than to hold her in his arms, bask in the feeling of having her here, alive and okay, bask in the feeling of knowing she's always been there for him, always.
This beautiful flower he'd like to call his.
"Sasuke-kun, I do love you, you know," she says sternly, eyes flashing with determination, "however, just because I love you doesn't mean I'll go back to being the me from back then."
He looks at her carefully, trying to figure out the meaning behind her words, or rather, trying to figure out why those words struck him the way that they did. He feels it's because of that childish hope of his, to catch a glimpse of the girl he had left behind on that cold bench for the sole purpose of completing his goal.
This Sakura, she's strong all on her own, even if he wanted to protect her and risk his life for her, she wouldn't allow it. This Sakura is much wiser about everything, she is independent, she no longer needs all the protection he had always offered here without question back when they were younger.
This Sakura, should she realize it, doesn't need him anymore.
"Just because I feel that way about you, doesn't mean I'll give up everything for you," she says softly, "just because I love you, doesn't mean that I can't live without you."
He takes notice of her words, they aren't harsh, far from it, they're whispered and she's looking down at the ground, but he feels the shift in her chakra. He wonders if things would've been different had he stayed behind like she had asked of him. Would this Sakura, the headstrong, world-wise, independent Sakura even exist if he had decided to stick around for her. Would she still be this spitfire he saw on the battlefield, ready to fight and heal when it was asked of her, no more hesitation in her movements?
He mentally scoffs, because it wouldn't matter to him either way.
The Sakura from then and the Sakura now aren't the same in a hundred and one different ways, but he knows better than anyone that even with all her amazing changes, where it truly does matter, Sakura hasn't changed at all.
He places his large hand over her small one, and she looks up at him fast, surprise laced in her green eyes. He takes notice of the small pink strands of hair that have fallen out from behind her ear and moves his free hand to push them back into place. He lifts his hand up higher and pokes her diamond-shaped seal once more, and she gives him a large smile before fixing their hands, lacing each of her fingers with his own.
There's a warmth in his chest, a warmth he never thought he'd get to feel again, a warmth he only had when his family was still alive─his mother, father, and his older brother. When the word "hate" was nonexistent in his life, when everything was much more simple.
He wonders if this is the feeling he's been searching for; happiness.
"But, Sasuke-kun," she smiles brightly up at him, tears slowly gathering up in her eyes, "just because I've grown and things are much different, doesn't mean I've stopped loving you, not one bit, wanna know what I discovered?"
He doesn't say anything, merely gives her a look, waiting for her to go on.
"I've loved you for so so long," she giggles, and he watches as the tears start falling from her eyes rapidly, "I just don't think I know how to not-love you, anymore."
Her head falls forward then, her forehead resting on his chest, her shoulders shaking as she cries. Sasuke's free arm wraps lightly around her, and he looks upwards and hopes that against all odds this new feeling, this feeling she's always brought him and him alone, isn't something that'll be taken from him so easily.
He hopes that she'll keep on loving him forever, like she said she would, he hopes that he'll be able to love her with everything he has someday, too. He hopes that no matter what happens between them, no matter what, she'll never run away from him, he hopes he never has to make her run away. He hopes that she'll continue to be his flower of hope─of happiness.
He hopes that this is the one person who won't be taken from him.