Chapter 71

The barking of the dogs and the giggling of the children outside wakes me up. I feel tired and a little disoriented. I get out of bed and move to the small dresser, I bring out all my folded clean laundry that Alice insisted I put into the drawers. I think she secretly wanted me to stay longer, not worried about wrinkles.

I move everything to the unmade bed and go to the closet, reaching on the top shelf for my red messenger bag. I move to the inside of the closet and bring out the only rolling black luggage that I came here with and set it open on the bed. I move back to the closet and bring out all the clothes hanging there as well as the new additions I brought.

I start folding everything neatly and fitting it into the large suitcase. I know I have to go. It will take some time to convince Alice of this. But I have to leave today.

I quickly finish up; take the bedding off the bed to get to the laundry. Before leaving the room, I grab the fresh clothes I left out, the little toiletry bag and the shoes under the bed and walk to the bathroom. When I shed my clothes, I notice dark angry bruises on my thighs and scratches on my arms. I figure it was my night terrors, they always make me trash in bed.

After showering and getting dressed, I styled my hair, did my makeup. Two things I hadn't done since even before I left Tijuana. I try to look better, or at leased better then when I first came here. I have to convince them both. Alice specially- She can see right through me and if I don't put on a good act she'll stop me and Jasper will help her.

When I come out of the bathroom I hear them talking, they whisper so low that I can barely make out the words.

-She's not fine, Jasper. She's been having nightmares since she got here, you've listen to her, why am I trying to convince you? You should call your professor and ask him to dinner, maybe if he saw her, and talked to her, we can convince her to start thearapy."-She whisper yells at him.

-"You know I love you baby, but if you force Bella to do anything she's not ready to, she'll crack. Remember when we where in Forks and you wanted to tell your parents about what she would say in her sleep? I told you to talk to her first. Remember when what happen when you did, baby?"- She huffs a little just before I hear the sound of lips smaking together and a little moan from Alice.

Eww seriously, they're kids are at the table. This makes me smile more then get disgusted. They love eachother, they have one another to lean on, to talk things through and to back eachother up if anything goes wrong. What do I have?

Nothing.

I keep my resolve and make a plan.

I will leave tonight and take this thing with me, it will not touch anyone that I care about.

As always what Alice wants, Alice gets.

At around 4:30 today, Alice has called all her kid's parents and in a matter of probably 20 minutes all the kids are ready to leave and are now sitting on the couches in the living room watching a Disney movie, something about a girl and some little people, she dances around the small house cleaning and all the animals are helping.

Cool! -Note the sarcasm.

The parents of the kids come to get them at 5:00pm and at around 5:30, everything is quiet, David and Dallas have had there dinner and are sound asleep in there beds. Alice invites me to join her at the little kitchen while she works on dinner.

I know what she's doing, and I'm not going to be here for this. I don't need to talk to some "quack" and tell him things that I don't even believe myself, let alone give him the ammunition to send be back to the nuttery.

Yeah, because everyone goes around touching sex offenders and they go disintegrating into dust.

I try talking to Alice, but she's in one of her moods where she's "relaxed" and "calm" and she's trying to take me there too.

I've seen her like this before, it happened after I told her about Jacob, and his disappearance. She was in this "pleasant" mood all that week. She wouldn't touch me or look me in the eye. I was afraid that I was losing her, but she came back to me and after I painted that image that was haunting my dreams and my every thought it helped and we where back to our "normal" selves.

I want this again. I miss my friend. I want to be near them but not in there house ruining there family life. I know that Jasper wants his wife back, I've been hogging her a lot lately, she talks to me in her spare time and mothers me a lot.

I know that Jasper wants them to be how they where before I came here. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry that I've been taking advantage of there stability and there normalcy, I want that too, but I know I won't have it.

She's making lasagna, and garlic bread. She's put me in charge of the salad and she's preparing the pan with the flat pasta and cheese, I can see her pouring the tomato sauce over the ground meat and layering the cheese over it, it looks good.

I finish the salad and put the dishes in the dishwasher, and clean around the kitchen helping out. She smiles at me but still she doesn't really speak. I know what she'll say before she even tells me.

-I know Alice, you're worried about my night terrors and my sullen mood. But I'm trying honey, honestly I am. I've been going to the family center and they've recommended a doctor, I have the card here.."- I've prepared for my argument by having the little business card in the back pocket of my jeans. She smiles at me and shakes her head as if she's about to talk to a misbehaving child. But I cut her off. –I've been better, I promise, I even feel more rested. I sleped well last night, I don't even remember being afraid, or having to wake up…" –

But she cut's me off.

-"Bella, I found you screaming on the floor of the room. You where looking out the window and screaming that he found you. That he was here for you. You screamed out lots of names and even spoke in a different language, I never thought you knew how to. I tried to help you but you wouldn't look at me. You just kept hitting your legs and scratching your arms. You kept whispering that He'd found you….Don't you remember?"-

Her eyes are swimming in tears, her faces is a mask of pain. I did this to her, I hurt her. She knows I'm full of shit. I can't fool her.

I want to throw up.

She comes closer to me, I've sat down stunned by her words, I don't remember anything.

-"But I'm fine. I've been better; I even bought some supplies to start painting again. Don't you remember that I always feel better when.."- She cut's me of again.

Her face is wet, but I see anger in her eyes now.

-"What are you fucking saying? You know you're not FINE, this has got to stop. You are falling apart. You have serious issues to overcome but you're too stubborn to see them. Bella, you're dying inside, you're not living. For fuck's sake you're a stripper in a sleazy bar.. What the Fuck is wrong with you. You have so much potential. You've always had that creative spark and you're wasting away in a shit hole just because you think you have to…FUCK. Please look at yourself. You're going to kill yourself and I'm not going to be in time to save you….Please get some help. Talk to someone…I'm afraid for you..-

She's gone from yelling at me to pleading for me to get help.

I stand and hold her.

She loves me, I only have her. And she's pleading me. What the fuck…Might as well give it a try.

For Alice