Chapter 72
The table is set, the lasagna is in the oven as well as the garlic bread.
We're both sitting on the loveseat holding eachother and trying not to cry again. The TV is on but the sound is off. We've talked about last night several times, and I can't seam to remember anything.
She tells me what she heard me say, all of it as if I can piece my dream with her words. I try, and try, my head hurts and my eyes are sore from so much crying. We've been sitting there for a long time when the sound of keys on the front door startles us.
We move slowly apart and Alice quickly brushes her hands in the corners of her eyes, catching any stray tears from our previous crying fest. I move to stand and she smiles sadly at me.
-"I'm sorry for all of this. Please don't hate me. It was my idea, I thought I was doing you a favor, I thought I was helping, I promise I won't say a word during dinner, only if you promise to talk to Jasper's friend after dinner, we'll give you privacy, you can go sit out in the backyard, or here in the living room, Jasper and I could go for a walk, around the neighborhood, we haven't done that in awhile, the kids sleep like the dead so no worries."- She pleads and rambles trying to make me see her point.
I smile at her worry about this. But nod to her hart's content. She hugs me tightly.
The sound of shuffling on the foye alerts us of company and there stands Jasper with a worried smile. Behind him is a tall burly man with curly dark hair and sky blue eyes, his face is chiseled and strong, he looks intimidating, so much so that I begin to panic. He must have caught my distress, because he moves away and smiles waving his hand at Alice. His dimples appear, making him seam approachable and nice.
Jasper moves in closer to kiss Alice hello, and when walking pass me he squeezes my shoulder in greeting and in solidarity. I know he wants me to be well just like Alice but he keeps his guard up with me, always has. I know he cares for me because he knows me and.. well mainly because Alice does. I know that I'll miss him too once I leave there home. I'll give this a try, just for tonight. They don't need to know that I'll leave them and never come back. I don't want to burst there bubble.
True to there word, we don't talk about anything regarding my situation. After introductions, in where I awkwardly shake hands with my potential therapist -who seams more like a football player then a doctor; he smiles a lot, and is incredibly polite.
He eats heartily and hmmm's and ooohhh's at Alice's cooking prowess.
He talks about his wife, constantly as if he misses her or something.
Later during dinner I find out –when Alice and I put the dishes in the dishwasher and clean up and Jasper and Dr. McCarthy sit in the living room enjoying some coffee, that they've known them for months, and -the wife, she never mentions the woman's name, has been having health issues, they've been trying to conceive and had had no luck. She's in a fertility treatment facility as we speak, having a procedure done. He's been with her for almost two weeks, effectively missing his . appointments. Dr Hunter -Dr. McCarthy's college has been taking over his case load. He seams too happy to be in a situation like Alice describes.
I feel petty thinking about my problems when there are people out there living there lives and trying for there dreams. I feel like I'm only floating around in space not doing anything.
I sit in the breakfast nook and run my hands through my hair. I feel anxious about all of this. I'll have to talk to this guy and knowing about his personal life makes me feel uncomfortable.
I'll start to care and then I won't be able to fool him and just leave.
I pick at my nails and stand up as I'm restless, I put my hands on my back jean pockets, and I feel the little appointment card for the therapist assigned to me, remembering what the lady told me, that the on call therapist was out on vacation and that a new temporary Doctor would see me this week. I read the information on the card and there in black ink the name...Dr. Emmett McCarthy.
Fuck my life.
This is just too much coincidence to be random.
I hand Alice the little card and she smiles at me.
-"Providential, wasn't it?"- She moves her head to the side as if encouraging me to go outside to talk to the doctor.
But I'm not really ready.
Dr. McCarthy makes the choice for me, by moving into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
-"Bella, right?" – I nod nervously.
-"Why don't we go out to the backyard, there's a clear night and full moon out and we can talk"- his invitation sounds more like an order, when his large hand engulfs my shoulder, he gently squeezes signaling for me to follow him as he takes the glass of water Alice has poured him.