"I thought you couldn't read my mind." She sounded surprised.
"It's getting clearer." I admitted, smiling to myself. Her mind was still silent as ever, maddeningly so, but I was getting better at reading her moods. I could make better guesses at her thoughts now that I had some idea of how her mind worked, what was important to her. I was better able to predict how she was likely to react. Well, sometimes anyway, I thought wryly. She constantly surprised me. I wondered how she would react to…
I unwrapped my arms and looked down at her face, suddenly eager to share with her one of the good things about being a vampire.
"Can I show you something?" I asked, filled with excitement at the very thought…wondering if she'd find it as thrilling as did I.
"Show me what?"
"I'll show you how I travel in the forest," I offered. It amused me to see the curiosity change to wariness. What did she expect I meant? I almost laughed out loud as I watched the thoughts race across her face.
"Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I grinned as I watched her consider this. Her heart skipped a few beats before settling back into rhythm. On the one hand, she obviously wasn't looking forward to the hike back to the highway, on the other she wasn't sure exactly what I was offering.
"Will you turn into a bat?" she asked suspiciously.
I burst into laughter at her absurd question. "Like I haven't heard that one before!" I scoffed.
"Right. I'm sure you get that one all the time." she replied sarcastically.
"Come on, little coward." I coaxed. "Climb onto my back."
She hesitated, still not sure what to do. I smiled and took hold of her hand, pulling her toward me. That one small touch sent her pulse racing again and I was momentarily distracted. But time was passing and I needed to get her home. Effortlessly I lifted her and swung her up on my back. Had my own heart still beat it would have definitely been racing too when she wrapped her legs around my waist and clasped her arms tightly around my neck. I took a brief second to settle myself as I felt her body pressing so snugly against my own.
"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack." She warned.
I snorted at that, "HA!" She had seen me lift a full sized van with one hand and she was worried that I might find her too heavy? She was light as a feather. Even if I had not been a hundred times stronger than the average human, she would have been no burden. My breathing was a little ragged, my body a little too excited in her embrace. Abruptly I loosened one of her arms and lifted her hand to my cheek, my nose skimming the skin of her wrist. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath…testing my level of control. Thirst ripped down my throat, fierce but tolerable. More tolerable, in fact, than I would have ever believed possible.
"Easier all the time," I whispered, lowering her hand back into place around my neck. I could do this. I could be with her. I was about to explode. I could bear no more. I burst into motion.
All the uncertainty of the day, all the fear, the pain, the unexpected joy, the physical desires….these I channeled into my running. I fairly flew through the forest. Even in my exuberance, I was vividly aware of Bella's soft body clinging to mine.
It had taken most of the morning to get to the meadow at Bella's hiking pace. It only took a few moments to return at mine. In those few moments, as I weaved between the trees, through the ferns and moss, I considered all the possibilities that lay before me. What I wanted to do now, more than anything else. Bella's truck came into view and I slowed, considering the wisdom of my idea.
I came to a stop. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" I exclaimed, bubbling with energy and enthusiasm. I waited for her to answer, to slide from my back. She said absolutely nothing, still holding herself tightly against me. I felt a pang of fear. Had I hurt her? How? It had never even occurred to me that a simple run through the forest might harm her.
"Bella?" I was anxious now. What was wrong with her?
"I think I need to lie down," she finally gasped.
"Oh." I knew she was an easy fainter so it shouldn't surprise me that she might also suffer motion sickness. "Sorry," I apologized, chagrined. I waited patiently for her to collect herself. It shouldn't take long, she wouldn't want to look weak.
"I think I need help." She finally conceded.
I could tell how much she hated to admit that. I laughed quietly. Gently I loosened her grip from my neck and pulled her around so I could cradle her in my arms. I held her close for a moment before lowering her carefully onto the ground.
"How do you feel" I asked, concerned now. She was so pale!
"Dizzy, I think"
"Put your head between your knees." I suggested. That usually helped. I sat down beside her, trying to decide if it really was just dizziness or if the speed of my run had injured her in some way. I was not used to worrying about human weaknesses. I had been careless. If this was going to work, I needed to be more mindful. Finally she raised her head, though she did keep her eyes closed. I was relieved that she seemed to be recovering.
"I guess that wasn't the best idea." I sighed.
"No, it was very interesting." She protested. I was amused despite my lingering dismay. Only Bella would describe a nausea-inducing race through the forest as 'interesting'. It made me smile.
"Hah! You're white as a ghost – no, you're as white as me!" I couldn't resist teasing her now.
"I think I should have closed my eyes." My lips twitched, trying not to laugh. She was definitely feeling better. And I was feeling…well, wonderful.
"Remember that next time," I scolded, trying – and failing – to sound severe.
"Next time?!" she groaned at the thought.
This time I did laugh. I couldn't help it. As she had improved, so had my spirits. I couldn't take my eyes away from her. Her color was so much better, its usual roses and cream instead of chalky white. And her lips…her soft, beautiful lips…were once again a delicate pink. I stared at those lips, considering the idea that had occurred to me as I ran. I thought for a moment…wondered….maybe I could. I would try, I decided.
"Open your eyes, Bella" I whispered. I was only inches away as her lids slowly lifted. For a moment we just stared into each other's eyes. I was captivated. I could not look away. And she…she had that slightly stunned look that I was coming to associate with her being – as she put it – dazzled. I felt a little smug about that. I still didn't understand it, but I was certainly delighted she felt that way.
"I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused, wondering if I should really do this. But who knew what would happen tomorrow? Who knew if this moment - this perfect instant - would ever present itself again?
"About not hitting trees, I hope" she exclaimed.
I laughed. "Silly Bella! Running is second nature to me. It's not something I have to think about."
"Show-off" she muttered under her breath. I would have laughed again, but she was distracting me from what I wanted to do.
"No, I was thinking there was something that I wanted to try." Slowly I reached up and cradled her face between my hands, watching her intently. I listened to the ragged lurch of her heart as I leaned closer. I was cautious, carefully measuring the burn in my throat, the instinct to feed, against my love for her and my resolve to keep her safe. Yes, I decided, I could do this. I had wanted to do this from the very first moment she captured my heart. I would be strong. Just one soft kiss. Just one…
Finally, the gentlest of gentle pressures. The cold marble of my lips pressed against the soft silk of hers. Pain race down my throat, but I was ready for that and it left me unfazed.
What I was not expecting was Bella's response. My throat was filled with flame, but that was nothing, nothing, compared to the blazing heat of her lips. She gasped softly as her arms clasped themselves around my neck, her hands tangled into my hair and she pressed her body closer to mine, far closer than I would have ever dared. I felt each line, every curve and contour mould itself to mine. For a fraction of a second I couldn't remember how to breathe. I couldn't think. I was overwhelmed by sensation. The heat, the pounding of her heart, her breath in my mouth…I fought for control as a tidal wave of need rose up to drown me. As gently as I could I moved her away until her lips no longer touched mine. That was all I had the strength to do. Sheer determination held me motionless as she slowly opened her eyes and looked into mine.
"Oops" she breathed, abashed and apologetic.
"That's an understatement." I growled. My body was stiff, muscles clenched, balanced between the desire to crush her throat and an equally strong desire to crush her body against mine.
She stared into my eyes, hers soft and repentant. "Should I…" she began, trying pull away. I couldn't allow that, not yet. Even moving that much, just enough to let her go, might be too much.
"No, it's tolerable." I said. And it was. I could tolerate the pain, the conflicting desires, I simply could not master them yet. "Give me a moment, please." I kept my voice even. I concentrated on her eyes, her face. It didn't take as long as I had expected. I could feel my muscles loosening as the wildness settled, drained away. Finally I was able to take a deep breath and give her a triumphant grin.
"There." I said with satisfaction. It had been a struggle, but I held my own. And difficult as it was, there had been no moment of indecision. The monster had never really had a chance. I could do this. I had done this.
"Tolerable?" she asked, her eyes concerned.
I laughed, thrilled at how well I had managed. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."
"I wish I could say the same." She apologized. "I'm sorry."
I wasn't. I was delighted. I really was stronger than I'd thought. But as relieved as I was by that success, I was even more pleased that Bella had responded so very enthusiastically. "You are only human, after all…" I said smugly.
"Thanks so much" she said acidly. She was so funny. I grinned and jumped to my feet. I still needed to get her home, after all. I held out my hand to help her to her feet. She looked surprised. Was she so unused to being treated with courtesy? She'd just have to get used to that. Despite my most recent behavior, I considered myself a gentleman, and I would treat her as a lady. When she took my hand, an electric thrill ran up my arm and jolted through my cold, dead heart. Even that small touch made the world seem brighter, colors more vivid. It was quite extraordinary, the effect Bella had on me. I was a bit worried though. She was still a little wobbly
"Are you still faint from the run?" I asked. Then another thought occurred to me…"Or was it my kissing expertise?" I joked, laughing aloud. Surely not, but I was hopeful. Perhaps I was better at this than I thought…
She stood for a moment, finding her balance. "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy." She confessed. "Maybe a little of both, though." She swayed a slightly as she spoke, and I felt a pang of concern.
"Maybe you should let me drive." I suggested.
"Are you insane?" She exclaimed, sounding outraged. I hadn't meant to offend her, but her eyes still seemed a little unfocused and I really didn't think she should be driving until she was completely recovered.
"I can drive better than you on your best day. " I said lightly, hoping to coax her into being sensible. "You have much slower reflexes."
"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." She retorted, not at all mollified by my attempt at humor.
I sighed. "Some trust, please, Bella." I would be careful with her decrepit old truck. I knew she loved it and I would treat it gently, even if the pace of its ancient engine drove me insane.
She eyed me and pursed her lips…her soft, delicate pink lips. I was diverted for a moment, thinking about how warm they had been in that one brief instant...then she smiled and shook her head decisively.
"Nope. Not a chance."
I couldn't believe it. She could barely stand upright and she thought she was able to drive?! She staggered a little as she began to step around me toward the driver's side of the truck. My arm shot out to steady her. I heard her heart stutter a beat as I pulled her to a stop. Reacting to the feel of my arm wrapping protectively around her waist, I guessed. I liked that. I liked it very, very much.
"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." I don't think she even noticed when she leaned closer, breathing in the scent of my skin. I suppressed a smile. My vampiric snares might at last prove useful instead of deadly. "Besides friends don't let friends drive drunk." I laughed softly at the cliché.
"Drunk?" She objected, pulling back.
"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I said mischievously, unable to resist teasing her again.
She sighed. "I can't argue with that." She agreed. I intoxicated her. And dazzled her. My silent heart soared.
Without another word, she lifted her hand high and dropped the key. My hand darted out and caught it before it fell more than a few inches. "Take it easy – my truck is a senior citizen" she warned.
"Very sensible." I said agreeably. I was pleased that she trusted me to keep her – and her precious old truck – safe.
She didn't seem to like my tone. "And are you not affected at all by my presence?" she demanded.
I couldn't say a word. Not one. For the rest of my existence I would know the feel of her lips, the scent of her skin, the sound of her voice, the rhythm of her heart. She would be in every breath I took, every thought I had. Immortality had cost me my soul, but now she was my soul. She was the very center of the whole world. I was overwhelmed with this truth.
I truly had no words, so I leaned down and pressed my lips softly to her cheek, slowly tracing the curve of her jaw to her chin and then back again. Marble to the softest of silk. I was more than merely affected by her presence, I was irrevocably changed.
"Regardless." I finally whispered, "I have better reflexes."