Chapter 74
-"Have you ever been to therapy, Bella?"-
I shake my head no.
-"Have you ever talked about your dreams to someone?"-
I nod, reluctantly, and he catches on, with his next question on the tip of his tongue.
-"Other then Alice?"-
I shake my head again, with my eyes a little wide.
-"Have you told her everything that's happening to you?"-
I shake my head again fidgeting and start biting my nails.
-"You know, when people bite there nails, it's a sign that they are hiding something important and they are about to say it, so how about it?"-
He smiles, his dimples making him seam more approachable, more dependable and they want me to tell him, to say all the bad shit that's been happening, all the things that I remember in those moments between sleep and awareness. I want to tell him everything, just to get it out. But what will happen then? It will not go away and leave me empty. I would want it to leave, I would want it to take the weight off me and just be gone.
But it never happens the way it should be.
I close my eyes and just take a chance, but nothing seams to be coming out of my mouth. I open them and see that he's still there, an image of patient and understanding just as before. I try again to speak but it's not coming out.
-"You know there are other ways to talk to me. You could write it down and I could read it. I promise it will stay between us, if you decide to have me as your therapist."- He leans to his left, propping his arm on the arm of the chair resting his head on his closed fist.
-"I think that would be better"- I barely get out in a whisper.
My body shakes with the sudden drop of the temperature, he smiles and let's me off the hook, by standing up and stretching his long muscular arms over his head. I can see a sliver of skin from his belly.
-"Hey, how about we go inside, It's getting chilly and I need to go see my wife. We're trying for a baby, you know?"- He smiles thoughtfully.
–"God willing she'll be pregnant this time. Pour Rose has been through so much"- He keeps his eyes on the far side of the yard, towards the doghouses.
I see him staring out in the night, and I wonder what's been going on in his life. The thought about having a child is crazy to me, I've seen so much shit in this world and I'm not that old to be like a veteran of war or something and be having these thoughts.
I lead the way back into the house and he follows in, he puts his large hand on my shoulder and leans just a little closer towards my face, he's not uncomfortably close, just in a polite-I want you to listen to me closely-way.
-"I know there's a very long story behind your night-terrors, Bella. And I know it's difficult for you to voice it. I suggested the journal in a non patient-doctor kind of way, I would like for you to start writing from as far as you can remember. Do it before going to sleep. Try and keep it near you during the night, so that if you wake up you can write on it that is if you can remember what you dreamed or maybe what feeling you have.
"It will help, I'm not saying it will fix everything, but it will give you an outlet so that you won't be keeping everything bottled up just ready to burst"- He smiles.
Patting my shoulder he walks towards the foye to get his coat. I follow him to say goodbye. I know that I'll have to call him to make an appointment to start, but still I haven't really made a decision.
-"Please tell Jasper and Alice goodbye for me. And Tell Jasper that his sister will be fine, They're Mom and Dad are in town for Rosie's procedure, and want to see the kids, please tell them not to be so stubborn, we're family and after all it's not the kids' fault, they need there grandparents"- He smiles sadly.
Oh, my God, Doctor McCarty is Rosalie's husband. I'm a little stunned and angry. Why would Jasper call up his brother in-law if they don't really speak?
Alice.
It hits me like a slap on the face. I just hope that instead of causing problems I can actually help to patch things up between Jasper and Alice's family.
Of what I know, Jasper's parents where so angry at them that they kicked them out. They wanted Alice to have an abortion and send Jasper away to a University in Europe. Alice told me that he had gotten into an exchange program in the psychology department. But since they where expecting he had to give it up. That I would guess made his parents very angry.
I'm taken out of my hazy state by little David's giggling. I walk towards the nursery where he's been sleeping with baby Dallas.
I open the door slowly wanting not to wake them up. I see the small ballerina nightlight in the far corner of the pink room.
On the opposite side huddled behind the changing table I can see the dark clock and the bear feet.