Chapter 31 The Dangers of Daydreaming

Roxas drops into one of the armchairs in the Gray Area with a sigh. Like most of the castle rooms in the last few days it's empty and he is grateful for that. Whether it is an aftereffect of the weird vision thing he'd had or from just an overload of information, he can feel a headache coming on. His fingers shake as he lifts a hand to massage his temple.

"Roxas." Axel takes a seat on the arm of the couch set at a right angle to Roxas' chair. "Are you okay?"

Why would Axel even ask that? A stranger just told him his entire existence is a sham. He is about as far from okay as he can get, but he nods anyway.

"Look," Axel says. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas can see the red head is rubbing his hands together in a nervous sort of way. "You shouldn't even being considering any of that crap they just tried to sell you. The freeloader heart your Somebody was carrying somehow got transfered to you? Come on! It sounds ridiculous." Axel forces a laugh and when Roxas doesn't join in, he stops quickly.

Taking the pin Zack had given him from his pocket, Roxas runs his thumb over its worn surface The color had faded to the point where half the letters in the curly script are illegible, but Roxas can picture it brand new and with the words Sexy D plain and clear. "It could be true," he says. "I feel more emotions than a Nobody should. It's something Zexion couldn't explain. What if it's because I have a heart?"

"You don't have a heart," Axel snaps and Roxas stops playing with the pin to look at him. "None of us do," Axel continues with a jerking wave of his arm. "And Zexion? What has he been telling you?"

"Why do you care?" Roxas asks, not bothering to keep the sharp tone out of his voice. If Axel didn't want to believe in hearts that's all fine and dandy for him, but Roxas isn't about to drop his suspicions on Axel's say so.

Axel's expression hardens. "I don't care. Don't have the heart to," he says, poking himself in the chest. "Tell me anyway. What has Zexion been telling you?"

"He's been making sense," Roxas says getting to his feet. "Unlike you, he doesn't let his own opinions make him irrational."

"Oh, I'm the irrational one now?" Axel says, on his feet as well. "I'm not the one talking about Nobodies having hearts."

"Then what's your explanation?" Roxas demands.

"For what?" Axel nearly shouts. "Roxas, some random guy came up to you spouting nonsense and acting insane. Why would you even listen to anything he says?" He starts to walk away, hating discussing hearts as always. But Roxas chases after him.

"Because I'm different, Axel! I feel different."

Just keeping himself from burning everything in the room to a crisp, Axel rounds on him. "You don't know what feeling is!" Now that he is yelling he can't stop. "You don't remember having a heart!"

Roxas takes a step back, but he doesn't back down. "And you do?"

"Yeah, I do actually," Axel snaps at him.

"Then tell me," Roxas says, a mix of exasperation and anger. "What is it when the sound of waves makes me want to smile? Is that feeling? I can only describe it as feeling happy."

Axel groans and grabs his hair by the roots. He turns his back Roxas, but Roxas can't take a hint.

"What about being scared of that Darkside heartless killing me? How could I be scared without a heart?"

"Zexion's strong emotion theory," Axel says, his voice low. "Even Nobodies can be scared of death."

"So now you believe Zexion's theory." Roxas crosses his arms and Axel throws his hands up in frustration. He starts to walk away and Roxas follows him down the hallway, not ready to let this go.

"What about when we watch the sunset and it's like it is warms something in me? What about enjoying the story Belle told me about meeting her prince charming? What do you call that? Or getting excited about having sea-salt ice cream at the clocktower or laughing at your jokes or constantly worrying about you-"

Roxas cuts himself off so quickly, Axel turns, thinking the kid had slapped a hand over his mouth or something. For a brief moment their eyes meet, but Roxas looks away, his cheeks and neck turning red.

"Roxas," Axel starts to say, his voice gentler than the tones either of them had been using, but they are interrupted by Xigbar coming around the corner.

"The old married couple fighting again?" he asks, looking them over with his one good eye and smiling wider when he sees Roxas' embarrassed expression. "Heard you all the way back there." He jerks a thumb over his shoulder.

"Fuck off, Xigbar," Axel says, his voice quiet but dangerous. Roxas jumps, startled that Axel would say something so rude to a member with higher status, but if Xigbar is offended, he doesn't show it.

"Can't. Orders and all," he says to Axel before turning to Roxas. "Blondie here's my partner on a mission."

Roxas tilts his head in confusion. "Mission? Now?" He'd already had a mission today

"No time like the present," Xigbar says, rubbing his hands together. "Unless I'm keeping you from something…"

Axel is already looking at him when Roxas glances at him. "No," he says, holding Axel's gaze a moment longer and then looking away as Xigbar claps his hands.

"Excellent."

A dark corridor flashes into appearance next to the them and Xigbar gestures for Roxas to go first. He then follows the boy and the last glimpse Axel gets is Xigbar's smirk as the portal disappears.

…

"Where are we?" Roxas asks, brushing back the hair being blown in his eyes by the strong breeze. The world they'd emerged in is a wasteland. Red rock as far as the eye can see piles in places to form crooked spires. It's warm, but Roxas shivers. There is something about this place that gives him a bad feeling.

Xigbar stares off a moment, thinking, before replying. "The Keyblade Graveyard." He glances at Roxas whose brow furrows. There is something familiar about the name...

"No!"

A girl with blue hair stands in front of him, reaching desperately for Roxas, but in a flash of black she's gone and a boy in a black mask circles him, taunting him.

"Do you really want more people to die so you don't have to fight?"

Black storm clouds roll in, the wind picks up and all he can hear is the same word screamed over and over.

X-Blade. X-Blade. X-Blade.

Bright against the black sky backdrop, a heart shaped moon hangs in the sky. Blue and radiating power.

"Earth to Roxas."

Xigbar's fingers snap in front of Roxas' face and he starts, blinking in surprise to find Xigbar in front of him and the blue, heart shaped moon in the sky gone.

"Stay sharp kiddo," Xigbar says stepping back and summoning his two Arrowguns. "This world ain't what you'd call friendly.

Roxas stares blankly at him. "What?"

Xigbar lets out an exasperated sigh. "You think Xemnas sent us here to admire the sights?" He says, gesturing to the rock formations. "As if. You're here to get us hearts for Kingdom Hearts and as your babysitter I'm here to tell you to stop daydreaming. It'll get you killed." He hefts one of his guns onto his shoulder. "Now let's go find some bastards to fight." He turns away and Roxas doesn't see the smirk on his lips.

On instinct Roxas summons his keyblades and follows, his mind still on his 'daydream' as Xigbar had called it. It didn't feel like the right word for it. It had been too vivid, too real, and the sight of that blue moon had terrified him more than any heartless he'd faced. If he is being honest, it had felt similar to the vision with younger Zack he had when he'd held that pin.

Checking to make sure Xigbar isn't looking, Roxas slips a hand into his pocket and pulls out the old pin. He runs his thumb over its surface, wondering if it is still affecting him. It seems likely. He hadn't had anything like these visions before getting it.

Dropping it right then and there would be for the best. Without it, his head might not hurt as much.

But he clenches the pin in his hand hard enough to leave a mark. He can't simply toss it away. It's too important to him. Holding it makes him feel -

"This is going to take all day if you don't get your head out of the clouds," Xigbar says and Roxas starts, shoving the pin back in his pocket. He hurries to catch up with the older man who is watching him with one eyebrow raised. "And stop looking at me like I drowned your goldfish," Xigbar adds.

The rock they are standing on abruptly ends in a sharp cliff and Xigbar moves to the very edge, gesturing for Roxas to come look down as well. "You see that?" Xigbar asks.

Peering carefully over the edge, Roxas' eyes widen to see the hoard of heartless assembled below. There are more than he can count, but it's enough to rival his mission with Rexick to kill 1,000 heartless. "I'm supposed to fight all of those?" Roxas asks, his voice a higher pitch in his alarm.

"That's the mission, yeah," Xigbar replies, standing and rolling his shoulders until they crack. "Xemnas is making a big push to finish the big project and you are our main supplier of hearts so get to the stabbing."

Roxas straightens up and as he does so a sudden sharp pain in his head makes his wince.

All of a sudden he was at the bottom of the cliff staring up at the top where a bald, old man stood with his hand gripping the arm of a young boy with spiky brown hair.

"Let the dark impulses waken in the pit of your heart," The old man was yelling. "Release them, here and now!" What he was talking about didn't matter. What mattered was the boy he held captive, but as Roxas tried to run to him, the scene changed.

He saw the same boy disappear into a crowd. Soldiers with curved swords tried to follow and he acted without thinking, tripping the front one up.

Images flash past faster than Roxas can follow and the blur made his head hurt more. When it all stopped spinning, he was looking a crayon drawing of an odd assortment of stick figures. Grinning at him over bowls of ice cream were two boys including the brunet from before.

As he watched the boy's smile faded to a look of fear. He sat on the red rock ground of the Keyblade Graveyard holding his scraped up arm. Eyes full of tears looked up at him.

"Ven -"

Roxas stumbles back from the cliff, the hand he'd been holding to his head dropping to his heaving chest. This place, he knows this place.

"Have I been here before?" Roxas whispers aloud, trying to piece together what he'd seen. Xigbar's hand drops onto his shoulder and he starts, having forgotten the older man is with him.

"Doubt it," Xigbar says and the small smirk on his lips is out of place. "Xemnas doesn't send us on here on missions very often."

He pats Roxas' shoulder and nudges him in the direction of a steep path down the cliff. Roxas glances back before he starts down.

Xigbar looked down at him, younger, unscarred, and without the eyepatch. His hair was shorter, completely black, and his eyes, while not kind, were brown not they're usaul horrid yellow.

He held a creature Roxas had never seen before. It was blue with red eyes and it reminded Roxas of something. Someone.

A rock shifts under Roxas' foot and he is brought back to reality as he windmills his arms for balance. Xigbar grabs the back of his arm and steadies him.

"Careful," Xigbar grunts, his eyes yellow again. Roxas can only nod mutely and look away quickly. He tries to focus on the path as it is steep and littered with more rocks trying to trip him up, but he fails miserably.

Maybe they aren't visions at all. They felt more like...memories? Thinking of them like that seems to click, but how is that possible? He hadn't known Xigbar without his scars, or Zack when he was a teenager, or the young brunet boy.

He can see the heartless now as they come around the mountainside. Neoshadows, he cannow tell. Their antenna twitch in Roxas' direction, sensing his keyblade, but Roxas barely registers this, so caught up in his thoughts.

The boy had called him Ven. Did that make what he is seeing Ven's memories, not his? Such a idea seems farfetched and crazy, but crazy is what Roxas is dealing with right now. And if they are Ven's memories Roxas is seeing….does that mean Zack had been telling the truth? The truth about everything?

The first heartless jumps at Roxas and he reacts with a clumsy block that is more luck than anything else. All at once he is surrounded and the sea of heartless stretch out farther than he can see. He fights hard, constantly spinning in place to protect his back. Somewhere in the midst of all the slashing and swinging of keyblades, Xigbar disappears to another part of the battle. Every once in awhile a purple bullet will come streaking out of nowhere and take down a heartless about to get the drop on him.

But eventually one does catch him in the back and he turns, swinging his keyblade.

He locks blades with the blue-haired girl from before who smirks and pushes back, trying to overpower him. Roxas grits his teeth and plants his feet. She just smiles and pushes harder. Despite the fighting, the scene is lighthearted and Roxas can't help but grin back.

He blinks and he is being dragged by his ankles out of a tent made of sheets by a older brunet boy with a cheerful smile. He kicks out, freeing himself and kicks again once he is released at the other boy's crotch. "No fighting before breakfast," an older man calls, holding a batter covered spatula. The two boys look at eachother and then scramble after the man and the delicious smell of waffles.

Out of nowhere someone comes and slams him against a grimy stone wall. The one holding him there is yelling and Roxas' eyes widen seeing it is a younger Rexick, his eyes gray not yellow. The keyblade in Roxas' hand sends out a beam of light and the tall brunet is there, tackling Rexick off him.

Then he is sitting at a table holding a jug of milk out of the brunet's reach, sticking his tongue out at him. The two young boys from before, the spiky brunet and the one with silver hair, giggled in their seats watching the two of them. The blue haired girl rolls her eyes and the older man rubs a hand over his face looking annoyed, but not quite able to completely hide his smile.

A heartless jumps on Roxas, and then another. Claws reach out for any exposed skin. Roxas swings his keyblade, desperate to knock them away.

Suddenly he was buried in the writhing black shapes, but he ignored every instinct to struggle. Letting his keyblade disappear he shouted, "I won't fight!"

Someone above asked if he would rather die than fight and with the smugness of a man in a final act of defiance, Roxas smiled. "Yes."

Roxas isn't quite sure how he ended up on the ground, legs curled up to his chest and holding his aching head, but the heartless ontop of him pile on relentlessly, keeping him from getting up. His body goes rigid with fear as another wave of memories not his own wash over him in quick succession.

He was gasping for air and swinging a keyblade that wasn't one of his at the bald, old man holding him in the air by a vice grip around his neck. The edges of his vision started to blacken when suddenly the hand on his throat was gone and he was falling.

He fell to his knees beside a young Zack lying on dark and grimy cobblestones. The stench of blood made him feel sick. He pressed a small pin into the other boy's hand and leaned down to kiss him.

He lifted his head back up with a moan of pain and saw a boy pull a black mask off to reveal a face eerily similar to his own. A storm was brewing in the sky over the red rock wasteland and the voices in his head screamed louder about things he didn't understand. He closed his eyes to block them out.

He blinked to find himself on a glowing platform with a huge broken sword flying end over end towards him, thrown by the same boy from before. He jumped into the air and caught it by the handle. Without pause he swung it at the black haired boy and knocked him down.

The black haired boy was looking up at him with an expression of hopelessness, but Roxas reached out a hand to him. There was a moment of hesitation and then the other boy took his hand, smiling.

White light explodes behind Roxas's closed eyes and wipes away the snippets of images. He feels himself falling and half hears Xigbar shouting at him, but then the darkness floods in and he surrenders to the unconsciousness.

…

Firing both guns in front of him, Xigbar strolls over to the pile of heartless Roxas had disappeared under. "Roxas!" He shouts, shooting the Neoshadows. Roxas' reaction to this place had been stronger than he'd anticipated and he knows Xemnas will get his panties in a twist if he brings the blond back damaged.

Taking out a few more heartless, Xigbar makes out Roxas' prone form under all the heartless. "Useless," Xigbar mutters. With deadly precision he fires his guns without pause until the last heartless vanishes. Shaking his head, he walks up to the unconscious boy and crouches next to him. "Curaga," he says, healing the scratches left by the heartless.

Watching the magic do it's work, Xigbar notices Roxas lips are moving and leans down, listening carefully.

"...Terra...Aqua...Master Eraqus...Zack…" Roxas mumbles, his eyes moving under his eyelids like he is dreaming.

A grin that is more like a leer splits Xigbar's face and he straightens up, dragging Roxas u with him.. "Well, that seems like enough proof to me," he says, heaving Roxas onto his shoulder. "What do you think, Roxas? Or should I call you Ven?"

…

Axel leans his head against the wall of windows in the Gray Area, but the cold glass doesn't help him think any clearer. He can't shake the anger left over from his and Roxas' argument, but more yelling isn't going to convince Roxas that his talk of hearts is ridiculous.

And it's not helping that part of him that doesn't want to change Roxas mind.

"Axel!" Demyx enters the room and runs over to Axel who turns at the shout of his name. "I didn't know you were back from Castle Oblivion," Demyx says giving him a quick hug and a slap on the back. He pulls back and looks around. "Is Zex…?"

"No," Axel says giving his friend a sympathetic smile as Demyx's shoulders slump. "We were on different missions so different timetables."

"Yeah," Demyx says, still frowning. He moves to one of the couch and Axel follows. "So how'd your mission go?" He asks dropping onto the couch and spreading out like he usually does.

Axel sits too. "Not well," he says. He sighs and glances sheepishly at Demyx. "You and Zexion were right about me messing this opportunity up. There is no way the Yellow-Eyes are going to let me into their secret coven now."

"Oh." Demyx's drops Axel's gaze and after a moment, Axel looks away too.

He can tell Demyx is disappointed in him, but nowhere near as disappointed as Axel is with himself. Of course he screwed this up. It was his trademark after all. Hot head with an attitude problem. Messing up missions, yelling at his friends, pushing Roxas away when the kid was just scared and confused.

Axel bites back a groan and drops his head into his hand. God, why did he have mess everything up.

A hard poke in the side of his head makes him jump and look to his left to see Demyx looking questioningly at him. "What's bothering you? Demyx asks, leaning closer so he is right in Axel's face.

"What? Nothing," Axel says, right away, but that's not true and Demyx knows it. He stares Axel down until the red head sighs and says, "It's complicated."

"Hmmm," Demyx says, squinting his eyes almost shut as he examines Axel. "It's not the Yellow-Eyes that have you this upset. You don't care about them. No, this is something more important to you...something...Roxas!" Demyx snaps his fingers and Axel jumps. "It's about Roxas isn't it!"

"Yeah," Axel says slowly. "How did you know?"

In response, Demyx just wiggles his eyebrows. When he won't stop, Axel pushes him back on the couch with grin spoiling his attempt to look annoyed. "Stop that, ya weirdo," Axel says.

Demyx sits back up with a mischievous smile. "Soooo…."

"So what?" Axel asks, seriously wondering why he is friends with Demyx.

"So why aren't you with him?" Demyx asks. "Why are you sitting here all mopey and alone?"

"He left on a mission with Xigbar."

"Oh, so you're waiting here for him," Demyx says, grinning wider, but Axel frowns.

"Yeah, uh," he says, ruffling the his spikey hair. "We didn't exactly part on the best of terms, but...there's something I need to tell him."

Demyx starts to wiggle his eyebrows in that suggestive way again and Axel doesn't hesitate to kick him.

"Ow!"

"What about you?" Axel asks, ignoring Demyx's pout as he rubs his shin. "Why'd you come up here?"

Demyx blushes slightly and looks away. "You're probably gonna hurl or something if I tell you."

Even without being able to see Demyx's face, Axel knows he has that doe eyed look that means this is about Zexion. "I'm probably going to regret this, but tell me anyway," Axel says.

"Well," Demyx says, glancing at Axel and then turning to look out the windows. "I like coming here when Zexion's out on a mission because you can see so much of the sky from here and...um...I know it's kind of cheesy, but all the worlds share one sky. I can be here and he can be anywhere else, but we both are seeing the same sky."

His cheeks even redder now he looks back at Axel who raises a hand to his mouth. "I think you're right. I might have thrown up a bit in my mouth."

Demyx leans over and punches him a couple of times in the shoulder. "Jerk," he mutters, crossing his arms falling back against the couch cushions.

Laughing to himself, Axel glances out the windows, watching the sky like Demyx had talked about. It surprises him that he doesn't think it's all the stupid.

"Demyx," he says slowly. "Can I ask you a question?" He gets an annoyed grunt in response and he takes it as a yes. Taking a deep breath he asks, "What does it feel like to be in love without a heart?"

There is a pause and then Demyx sits up, turning to him with a smile starting to form on his face. Before he can say a word though, the whoosh of a dark corridor catches both of their attention and they look to the center of the room where the swirling black portal has appeared.

Out of it steps Xigbar and Axel is on his feet in an instant seeing Roxas' limp body slung over the older man's shoulder.

"What happened to him?" Axel demands feeling both the urge to wring Xigbar's neck and to check on Roxas. He hurries over to Xigbar's side, not sure which he is going to do, but Xigbar decides for him, dropping Roxas off his shoulder and making Axel scramble to catch him before he hits the ground.

"Blondie here fainted in the field," Xigbar says with a sneer, looking down at Axel who is on one knee with one hand holding up Roxas' torso while lifting one of Roxas' eyelids with the other. "Left me to deal with all the heartless myself," Xigbar continues. "You can bet that's going in my report."

"Get lost, Xigbar," Axel says, glaring up at the man.

"Fine," Xigbar replies, walking out of the room. "He's your problem now."

"Axel, what the hell is going on?" Demyx asks, crouching down and putting a hand on Roxas' forehead. "What's wrong with Roxas?"

Axel can't take his eyes off of Roxas face, usually so full of life, now lifeless. "I don't know, Dem. I...Let's-let's just get him back to his room. Help me pick him up."

Putting one arm under Roxas' knees and the other around his shoulders, Axel stands with a grunt of effort. Demyx hovers close by, ready to help if Roxas' weight proves too much, but once on his feet Axel can hold him easily.

"Do you Xigbar was telling the truth?" Demyx asks as he gently repositions Roxas' head to rest against Axel's chest instead of hanging. "Would Roxas just faint out of the blue?"

"I doubt it," Axel says as they leave the Gray Area. "Xigbar was smug. Something else is going on here, Dem, and it's all starting to seem really fishy."

Looking down at Roxas, Axel can only think about how young he looks. Not just his age, but his lack of experience shows in his face. He's only been a Nobody for less than a month and with no memories of time before that Axel can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for him, how confused Roxas must feel. And to add on top of that Xemnas using him like a tool without care about his breaking point, well that's where Axel draws the line.

"When Roxas wakes up," Axel says quietly despite the fervor in his mind. "I'm taking him out of here. I'm getting him as far away as I can and if you're smart, Dem, you'll come with us."

"Are you serious?" Demyx asks, coming to a stop in surprise.

"Deadly," Axel replies without pausing in his steps.

Demyx trails behind a moment before running to catch up. "I can't leave without Zexion," he says and Axel nods, not at all surprised.

Reaching Roxas' room, Demyx hurries forward to hold the door open as Axel carefully navigates the narrow doorway. Once inside, Demyx shuts the door and Axel lays Roxas down on the bed, adjusting his head so it rests on the pillow.

"How is he?" Demyx ask,s moving to stand at the foot of the bed.

"I don't know," Axel replies, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of Roxas' eyes. "I don't know what to do besides wait for him to wake up."

Demyx nods solemnly. "He'll wake up, Axel," he says, knowing that is what his friend fears despite him not saying it aloud. "If you're going to stay with him, I'm going to go see if I can get anything out of the others. See what they know about this."

Axel nods and Demyx moves towards the door only to pause with his hand on the knob and turn back.

"If you're serious about leaving, where do you plan on going?" Demyx asks. "Where do you think you will be safe from the Organization?"

"I don't think anywhere is completely safe," Axel says quietly, keeping his eyes on Roxas and watching the slight movement of his lips as he breathes. "But I know a small world where we can hide. Destiny Islands. It's quiet there and Roxas once told me that he liked the beach."

Demyx's hand is on his shoulder and Axel looks up. "Zexion and I will get away. First chance we get," Demyx says with uncharacteristic seriousness. "We'll come find you."

Axel straightens up and holds out his hand. "Good luck."

"You too," Demyx says, shaking Axel's hand and pulling him into a hug that Axel returns. When they pull apart, Axel ducks his head and Demyx moves to the door again. This time he opens it. "See you on the other side," he says trying to force a smile.

"See you," Axel says back and then Demyx goes, closing the door behind him.

Axel slowly sinks down onto the edge of Roxas' bed, rubbing his eyes with shaking hands. With Demyx gone the room feels a whole lot emptier. Just him and Roxas and their argument from before playing on a loop in his head.

And all Axel's doubts can't help but pile up in his mind.

There is a way out of this though. An easy way to once a for all prove either him or Roxas right though he isn't sure which he is hoping for at the moment.

With a sigh, he slides closer on the bed to Roxas. "This is totally normal," Axel mutters to himself as he pulls the zipper of Roxas' jacket down half way. "Not at all as perverted as it looks." The heavy black coat falls open and underneath Roxas wears a black tank top. Axel hesitates yet again.

He shouldn't be taking what those strangers had said seriously. Everything he had ever believed told him he is acting crazy right now, but he is having trouble denying that Roxas is different. He'd always been different. Since the first day Axel had met him.

Set in his determination to see this through, Axel puts his hand gently on Roxas' collarbone. "Do me a favor, Roxas," he says knowing his face is turning as red as his hair. "Don't wake up right now."

He slips his hand under Roxas' tank top and rests his palm over the spot where a heart would be. Roxas' skin is cool and Axel's mouth is dry, watching Roxas' face nervously for any sign that the blond is going to wake up and punch him in the nuts for being such a creep.

Then he feels it.

A heartbeat.

And the sound of it is the sound of Axel's whole world tumbling down.

CatLoverx33: Saaaaame! I've wanted to throw Roxas and Zack together and watch the angst explode for so long!

LightzMusic22: YAY! I missed you too! Glad to have you back :D

micaelaann. cruz: Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

Okie Dokie super long, rollercoaster ride of a chapter is over which is sad because those flashback memories were so much fun to write. If you enjoyed click the little button that says review and let me know :P