Chapter 76

-"I have to leave, your not safe with me here, they're not safe"- I tell them in a whisper as I look over to the children asleep on there beds.

Alice's eyes are wide with fear. Her posture petrified; there is no going back after this. She will hate me. She will think me crazy and will give up on me. There is only one option.

Leave.

I turn to the figure sitting in front of me and I pray harder, I start praying but my brain doesn't register the words, my mouth on the other hand keeps reaping them over and over.

-"Benedicite, et nolite eos servire eis nolite accipere, nolite accipere"

And then the only sound now is the erratic rhythm of my heartbeat and my staccato breathing.

-"They're in Latin… those words you kept repeating, they are a ply in Latin"- Jasper's voice startles me in the now silent room.

I look towards him and notice that the children are no longer in there beds, the covers are on the floor around me and on my shoulders. I also notice that it's almost daylight. I look forward but the figure is no longer there. I've been praying on my knees almost all night, I can see the graying light coming from the window.

-"Bella… Can you hear me?"- Jasper's voice is soft and concerned. I look into his eyes; the deep blue of them is almost endless. I can see myself reflected in them, his worry is practically pouring out of them; I nood acknowledging his presence and answering his question at the same time.

-"We need to help you, honey. This is not good for you. Alice has been going out of her mind with worry about this for too long. Can we talk about this? You need to talk to us about it."- He comes not too close to me and sits on the floor in the middle of the room.

-"I've been reading up on this, ever since Forks. I'm sorry but Alice confided in my after you told her about that Quileute man…."- He sits there quietly for a moment to gauge my emotions.

I frown a little, but still I'm quiet, letting him talk.

-"It was too much information for her to handle by herself and since you are her best friend and she loves you so much, she wanted to help you but still keep your secret."- He keeps his eyes on mine but I know that his mind is now far away, probably remembering the day Alice told him about her crazy best friend's weird secrets.

-"So the thing is that since that man in Forks was never found or heard about again, Alice and I started researching your condition… that's what made me want to go into Psychology"- He blushes, as if revealing this piece of information is giving too much away about himself.

While I'm the one with the crazy shit happening non stop, and he seams to feel embarest about wanting to be a head-shrink.

I take a deep breath and just stare at the pink carpet –give it to Alice to find the perfect shade of pink that matches the wall and all the furniture, it's like living inside cotton candy, it's pretty thought, perfect for a little girl.

A perfect little girl.

There perfect little girl.

Suddenly I feel too awake and determined; I feel like I really can't talk to them, I just know they wouldn't understand. I move my legs experimentally trying to get the ant farm I feel on my legs and try to get some circulation on them before I stand.

-"Listen, Bella. I know I'm not a professional therapist yet, but you seamed reluctant to talk to Emmett… I mean Doctor McCarty….shit"- The expression on my face tells him that I know the secret.

-"It's OK, Jasper. He told me everything. Well almost everything. I know that he's your brother-in-law. So Rosalie is married?"- I try to steer the conversation away from me. I just got to get him to get past my brand of crazy so that I can leave today, before they call me a fitting for a straightjacket.

-'Yeah, she'd been dating him since she whent away to college, and they've been married for a year. He's been worried about all this shit with her, but he's a great guy and he loves her, so when they called me up because they wanted to try an experimental procedure here in California, I got to see them and they got to meet the kids. He's a great doctor, Bella. I really think he could help you. You should give him a chance"- he looks hopeful. What should I tell him? That I don't think anyone can help me? That this thing will haunt me until I'm dead and even then I think it would never leave me.

I feel tired and sore from sitting here for so long.

I move to stand and he quickly stands to help me up. I apreaciate the gesture because my legs are wobbly and tired.

-"Let's get you to your room and you can sleep for awhile"- I don't answer just let him take me to little David's room.

As we pass the hall I see the main bedroom's door open. The bed is made and the curtains are still drawn shut.

She left, and she took the babies with her. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like the worse person in the world. I've brought something dark and dangerous in to there home.

I want to curl up in a ball and cry until there are no more tears to wet my face. But now will be the worse time to do so.

I need to leave.

I let him lead me to the room, as I've been standing in front of there bedroom immobile for a few seconds. He can see my face I know that must of send her away so that he can probably take me to the hospital or something. But I won't give him the chance.

He stirs me by the shoulders and sets me in front of the bed, turning my body so that I can sit. I feel dazed, almost comatose, I'm tired, and sleepy and hungry but most of all I feel the ache in my chest for Alice and the children. I know Jasper won't tell me the truth, I know she left to protect them from me.

So I'll do the best thing. I'll just leave.