Chalter 5: The Truth
An exhausted Soi Fon was the first thing Yoruichi saw as she returned to her bee's home. Like she had feared, the young captain was doing push-ups in the living room instead of sleeping, and according to the endless droplets of sweat sparkling on Soi Fon's perfect and soft skin, she had already been training a long time.
Yoruichi stood in the doorway for a while, paralyzed at the beauty of Soi Fon's muscles moving in the rhythm of her push-ups. The bones and muscles were practically performing a dance while moving up and dawn. Her body was truly beautiful, and Yoruichi had a hard time getting a grip. She shook her head and focused on what really mattered.
"What are you doing Soi Fon?"
Yoruichi, already back to her usual self, was now leaning against the door frame, with a smile on her face. She already knew which stupid answer she would get.
"I'm doing push-ups."
And there it was.
"I'm not talking about that, I am talking about the fact that you are training right?"
"It... seems like it huh?"
Soi Fon had hard time speaking since she was in middle of pushing her body upwards, maybe already around the 5000st time, and she was quite exhausted.
"Yes, and that leads us to our problem. Unohana told you to relax, and it's forbidden to do any kind of exercises."
"This is not... Huh... Our problem... Ahnk.. It's mine... And Uno..hana isn't around, is she?"
Soi Fon ignored Yoruichi, still pushing her body up and down.
Yoruichi knew she wasn't getting anywhere with the raven-haired girl, so she decided to do something a little more entertaining.
With one move Yoruichi slid underneath Soi Fon's body when she pushed up for a second, using exactly so much power to stoop there where their faces would meet each other.
"Well Soi if you so badly want to train, I could help you with some exercise."
Yoruichi grabbed Soi Fon's neck and pulled her down onto her own body. Yoruichi could barely feel the weight of Soi Fon, she was so light, and yet she still had a hard time controlling herself in this position, not talking about Soi Fon who was blushing and watching her mentor in shock, not able to breath.
Yoruichi held her lips at Soi Fon's ear.
"What do you think bee?"
This was to much. The young Captain gasped and jumped up, only to fall on her back next to the smiling Yoruichi.
"Yoruichi-sama... I, em, maybe."
'Sorry Soi but this is just to funny I can't hold back.' With this thought Yoruichi rolled over to hover over Soi Fon and give her bee the rest.
She laid a hand on the yellow peace of fabric which was rapped around the Captains hips.
"Well you seem to be nervous about something. Shall I help you with undressing this? It must be uncomfortable to wear the uniform the hole day."
Soi Fon still didn't breath, and as Yoruichi's gaze met her eyes, she finally fainted.
'Ha, I told you Kukaku.' Yoruichi thought triumphantly, and with a huge smile on her face, still hovering over her bee and watching her red face.
'Oh Soi, that is so adorable.' Yoruichi finally pushed back. She picked Soi Fon up bridal style, ready to carry her to bed. As she lifted herself and Soi Fon's body, the Captain slowly opened her eyes.
"You were just teasing me? Yoruichi why are you always doing this to me."
The thin woman whispered, suddenly feeling how exhausted she was.
"Well, you left me no choice, you refused to stoop working out." The tanned woman said warmly. "And most important you addressed me as Yoruichi-sama again. I just had to teach you a lesson."
Yoruichi laughed a bit while moving towards the bedroom.
"You know when I think of it, if your so fixed on formalities, I should be as well. Maybe I should address you as Captain Soi Fon from now on."
"Don't you dare Yoruichi-sama."
"Why not Captain Soi Fon? I mean, you're a captain now and I'm not even in the Gotei 13 anymore, I should treat you with more respect."
Soi Fon crossed her arms, and looked away.
"That's not the point, you're still stronger and I just can't allow a Goddess..."
'Hell what did I just say'
Soi Fon resisted holding a hand over her mouth, hoping Yoruichi didn't overhear that.
"I mean, I can't allow you as the older one to be so formal to me."
'Did she just say Goddess?' Yoruichi was a bit worried about the word Soi Fon used. She was everything but a Goddess, 'course some might say she was the Goddess of flash, but that was not really serious. Hoping Soi Fon just said the wrong word, Yoruichi decided to stop thinking about it.
"Urahara is also older, but I'm pretty sure you would let him address you as Captain Soi Fon."
"Yes but he is a moron!"
Yoruich laid Soi Fon down in her bed. Looking deep into her eyes. She never liked Urahara from the start, but Yoruichi was sure Soi Fon was aware of the fact that he was the reason she disappeared, and this knowledge made her truly hate him.
"You should sleep now, you over did it, and don't argue, I can feel how week your spiritual pressure is. Hope you sleep good little bee."
Yoruichi turned and was about to walk away. But Soi didn't want her to go so she searched for some question to ask, just to make her stay a little longer. It was always her desire to be with Yoruichi, as close as possible, and since they lived together, this desire was just increasing. It made her feel bad knowing that her Goddess was so close, actually in the same house, but always sleeping in the other room, just too far away to reach her, to feel her body, to hear her breath, to recognize her smell. Even the spiritual pressure was to much covered to feel it through the wall. Yes Soi Fon did want her to stay just one second longer. Only to make her turn around again. She would have done everything, but yet she was too shy.
She was too shy to say her name.
She was too shy to grab her wrist.
She was too shy to ask for her to stay.
She was too shy, just like every other time.
She had already lowered her head in her frustration at seeing Yoruichi walking away, when the Goddess of flash suddenly stopped and turned around.
"Captain Soi Fon?" She joked to calm herself down before she asked what she feared, but so much yearned.
"Hell, quit the Captain!" Soi Fon screamed, pissed off, knowing that Yoruichi was mocking her again.
"Well, how about Soi Fon-sama?"
The young Captain gave her a sickening glare.
"Still not god enough? Well then Soi Fon - dono?"
"If you don't stop I will restart with the Excellency Madam Commander stuff! Do you really want that?"
Yoruichi smiled. She was a bit surprised that her little bee was actually fought with her. 100 years ago she would never have done such a thing. And the thought made Yoruichi smile even more. Her bee had grown a lot.
The thought mad her optimistic enough to finally ask.
"Little bee?"
Soi Fon smiled hearing Yoruichi referring at her with her beloved nickname. It was so familiar and warm it made her feel good.
"It's a bit colder tonight."
Yoruichi started with a lie, since it was even warmer than the night before.
"Would you mind if share the bed with you? In my cat form of course."
Yoruichi was scared for the answer, she always tried to pull her pupil closer, but Soi Fon was always so strict, always aware of her duties as a bodyguard, always firm, so she hardly got close moments with her bee. And now 100 years later she feared that the Captain still would keep her distance only to preserve the master and pupil relationship, maybe not willing to give in to her desire and replacing this relationship with an much deeper one. But Yoruichi was wrong with her fear.
Soi Fon's eyes widened after the sudden question.
"Of course Yoruichi."
With these words a POOF was heard as the cat form of Yoruichi jumped on the bed.
Suddenly, Soi Fon realized that she was still wear her clothes. She felt nervous and uncomfortable by the thought of undressing in front of her Goddess, but it was also rude to ask her to leaving the room.
She stood up taking a deep breath and just hoped that Yoruichi wouldn't stare at her.
What a hopeless wish that was. The black cat followed every single movement of the younger captain until she finished changing.
"Soi Fon I can't stop you from going to work tomorrow, can I?"
Yoruichi knew Soi Fon should be resting one more day, but she was well aware of Soi Fon's stubbornness when it comes to her duties.
The woman, who was reaching the bed in a whit Jimbei, looked at the black cat.
"I can't entrust the division into the hands of a stupid lieutenant like mine any longer."
And there was the answer.
"Well if that's the case, I hope you don't mind when I leave for 3-4 days? I have to help this Reyoka boy with his Bankai in the human world."
Kisuke had contacted her on the way back to Soi Fon and asked for help in this matter. Yoruichi was not sure if it would be a wise decision to leave again, and the shocked expression increased her fear.
"I will come back. It's a promise."
Yoruichi quickly added
She suddenly turned back to her human form and laid a hand on Soi Fon's shoulder, feeling her shaking. Yoruichi tried to comfort her bee.
"If you don't want me to go, then I can stay."
Soi Fon turned around to face her mentors golden orbs, not bothering that she was naked this time, she had other things in mind.
By watching Yoruichi's eye, the young Captain decided to trust her Goddess again. How could she say no if Yoruichi ask for her trust?
"No, it's fine, just don't take too long."
Yoruichi looked at Soi Fon hoping that she wasn't making a mistake.
"Well then, I will leave tomorrow. For now, try to sleep. Good night little bee."
Yoruichi laid her head down, not bothering to changing into a cat. She wanted to show Soi Fon her presence, wanted to comfort her on this night, to make sure that she would do fine during the next few days.
Soi Fon knew that Yoruichi must have already reached the human world as she stepped out of her office and looked up at the grey sky. She had just arrived and had already sent her lieutenant to hell, she didn't want to see him at all today after she found out what a mess he had made during her absence.
She needed some fresh air after screaming at Ōmaeda, that's why she stepped out and walked over to the rail to watch the Stealth Force training. They usually used the training yard which was a bit farther away from the main house, but there were some days that they were ordered to train in the smaller trainings ground, always then when Soi Fon had more paperwork to do. She thought it would be easier to watch over them from time to time if she didn't have to walk too far.
It was then that she suddenly saw a young girl on the trainings ground doing very well. She had seen her before, and she always did stand out. For a split second, Soi Fon thought about testing her strength. But she froze instantly. Memorize came back to her mind, the day Yoruichi first recognized her, the day she blocked Yoruichi's kick. It was a good memory, but with it the bad memories came back. She remembered the day of Yoruichi's disappearance. She turned away and walked, nearly ran back to her office. The pain flowed like waves through her body, in the rhythm of her heart beat. Her heart felt like exploding in her chest. She couldn't breath, her legs failed her, and she fell down on her knees.
She had had these breakdowns often over the course of the last 100 years, but she hadn't thought about it since Yoruichi was back, she had lived in peace for the last few days. But now, she felt pain like never before, and she panicked at her feelings.
Soi Fon felt how her spiritual pressure was increasing, no longer able to control it. She recognized the high level of her Reiatsu and the last clear thought she could make was that she would kill her subordinate if they came to close to such a high leveled spiritual pressure. She stood up and flash stepped away as fast as possible to protect the week Shinigamis from her uncontrolled Reiatsu. It was easy to make a big distance between her and every civilization since her flash step improved with the high level of her spiritual pressure.
Reaching a forest far way from everything without having the strength to stay on her feet she broke down again, pressing her palms against the ground to support her body.
'Why? Why? Why now?' she didn't understand where these feelings were coming from.
'Calm down Soi Fon! She is here, she is back! Calm down.'
But as much as she tried to calm herself down, her pain increased. Her body jolted, every single one of her muscles were shaking. And her Spiritual pressure was still increasing, it was shining even brighter then Kenpachi 's. Her mind slowly drifted into darkness, losing awareness of what she was doing, she couldn't feel her body, only anger. The only thing she felt was pain.
'Yoruichi! Yoruichi please help me!' Her mind was screaming at her Goddess, screaming for her help. To help control her body, to bring her back to awareness. But noting happened, nobody came. And with this her fear came back.
'She won't come back! She will leave me alone.'
"Yoruichi!" She screamed in her pain without even realizing it. Soi Fon was losing herself.
She didn't see the forest anymore,
She didn't feel anything besides the terrible pain.
The pain of fear.
The pain of lost.
The pain of a broken heart.
It was worse then the first breakdown she had had 100 years ago. She didn't recognize that her body was moving on her own, drawing her sword, she didn't feel the Tsuka of Suzumebachi in her hand, she didn't hear the sound that her blade made while swinging through the air to turn it around, so that the peak was pointing at her own torso. She didn't recognize that she held it at her chest. She didn't know that her body was trying to stop the pain, at any cost. It won't accept it any longer, and she was about to let her weight fall on to the sword to free her from every feeling. She was weeping and trembling as she felt the pressure of her Zanpakutō piercing the skin on her chest, but she didn't understand what it meant. The first drop of blood flowed down her blade as suddenly a hand grabbed her face and pulled her body back, forcing it away from the deadly sword.
"Soi Fon!"
The young Captain heard a voce far away, and out of nowhere she could feel a part of her body again, the part were Yoruichi's gentle hands touched her face.
The spiritual pressure was still amazingly high, and Yoruichi herself had a hard time standing against it, but at least, since she had arrived it hadn't increased any further.
"Soi Fon!"
Soi Fon could hear her Goddess calling out for her, at some place far, far away, a place where the pain couldn't reach her.
"Soi Fon please, look at me."
The sound came closer and Soi Fon's Reiatsu lost power with every second. But still it was too far away to reach. It was still only a dream, it was still just an illusion to Soi Fon.
"Bee come back! I'm here! I promised you I'd come back and I'm here!"
Yoruichi was already fallen on her knees under the pressure of Soi Fon's Reiatsu. It was hard for Yoruichi to believe that her little innocent bee was able to produce such Spiritual pressure without crushing her own body.
Yoruichi looked deep into Soi Fon's eyes, but she didn't see anything in them.
"Bee, I'm begging you, come back to me! Soi Fon, can't you hear me? I'm truly here!"
'She is here? She is begging me, Yoruichi-sama is truly here.' It was the first clear thought she had. Slowly the darkness disappeared and with it the deadly high leveled Reiatsu. The light came back and the first thing she saw was Yoruichi's golden orbs filled with worry and tears.
"Yoruichi-sama... I... I"
Soi Fon coughed, and she suddenly felt heavy, and powerless.
"I'm so sorry!"
She screamed, and fell, crying, in to Yoruichi's arms.
"It's all right bee, everything is all right now." She stroked her back lovingly, holding her in the embrace, not thinking of letting go of her bee. She was so lucky that she got there in time, it was just a lucky coincidence Yoruichi forgot her favorite crackers and when she went back to grab them she suddenly felt Soi Fon's spirit pressure not only increasing, but heading away.
Soi Fon was still sobbing into Yoruichi's clothes, as Yoruichi pulled her head a little bit away from her own body to look into Soi Fon's eyes. She had to bring herself to ask Soi Fon what she needed to ask, and she knew she must know the truth, she must know in what mental condition her bee was, and how much damage Yoruichi had caused with her departure.
"Soi Fon, you have to tell me the truth about your scar. You have to tell me everything about the last 100 years. I must know that if I want to protect you. Please Soi, trust me, I will listen quietly."
Soi Fon knew that she had no other choice now, Yoruichi wouldn't let it be, she had to tell her everything. She tried to force her self to stop crying, to get a grip, to get back to her serious self, but it didn't work. The harder she tried the harder she cried and the only thing she wanted to do was bury her head into Yoruichi's chest.
So she gave up trying and decided to tell her the story just like she was, sobbing and pushing herself deeper into Yoruchi's embrace.
"T-this... it wasn't the first time… the day you left, 100 years ago... I...I just broke down like that. I-it wasn't as bad as today, I didn't try to... to..."
Soi Fon knew exactly what her body was about to do the moment Yoruichi brought her back to reality, she knew that the blood on her Suzumebachi's sealed form was hers, she was well aware of that.
"To...kill myself."
The sobbing Captain finally was abele to say. And Yoruichi jolted by this words.
"I ran through the whole Soul society, I searched for you... I screamed your name, but never got an answer. Like today... I lost control of my Reiatsu, but... But luckily back then... I was to young to bear it long enough to lose my self completely, it just... knocked me out... on... on the trainings ground, the last thing I remember was... was screaming your name and waiting for you to run out of our office and hold me in your arms, but you didn't come... you just couldn't hear me... you were to far away.
The soft warm light of the sun and the twitter of the birds woke the young Soi Fon up. The first thing she saw was a gray-haired woman, smiling gently at the small girl.
"K...Kotetsu-san?"
The young girl whispered in confusion.
"Good morning. You are Soi Fon right?"
Soi Fon nodded, she wasn't angry that Isane had to ask first, she knew that Yoruichi kept her in the dark as much as possible. She was often at the 4 division after losing consciousness during her training with Yoruichi. But her mentor always brought her directly to Captain Unohana, wanting only the best treatment for her bee. So besides the Captains, the seated officers of the second Division and Yamamoto there weren't a lot people who were aware of her existence.
"Well 3. Seat Iemura Yasochika, found you unconscious at your Squad trainings ground. Do you remember what happened?"
Soi Fon knew what happened, she could remember everything of the last night, but she knew if she told them the truth, they won't let her go back to her duty's.
"I...I just over did my training, like always."
Isane smiled sadly knowing that is wasn't truth, but Unohana told her not to force the girl to tell what happened. If she wouldn't say anything then she should let her go back, and the Captain herself would make sure that she was safe.
"If that's the case, you can leave if you'd like to, or stay if you don't fee..."
But before the second seat finished her sentence, Soi Fon had already ran out of the room and was gone.
Only some seconds later the Captain herself walked into the room.
"It doesn't seem like she wants to talk."
Unohana had her gentle smile like always.
"Captain, if I may ask why you didn't keep her here?"
"Shihouin Yoruichi is a good friend of mine, and she left me a note in my office saying that she wants Soi Fon to become the new Captain of the 2. Division. She meant it was the only way to let her forget, and she entrusted me the task to keep Soi Fon safe until she can watch after her herself. If we keep her here because of her psychologically problem, she could never become Captain, and I think that would make it even worse"
The young black-haired girl was on her way back to the barracks, a place she used to call home up until the day before, but since her only reason to be there, to live there disappeared it didn't feel like home anymore. Her heart grew heavier with every step she took in the direction of the 2. Division, and her mind went clearer with every single meter, and every feeling grew bigger with each minute that passed by.
Her body was tired when she finally reached her room, but she didn't think about resting. The young Soi Fon only went in so she could change her clothes, and after that she joined the training of the Onmitsukidō.
It was hard to concentrate at the beginning, but with every hit she blocked, she also blocked her feelings, and with every kick she dodged she also dodged the unbelievable pain in her heart.
"I... I realized that training was the only way to forget for a while, and killing was the only thing that sacrificed me."
Soi Fon explained, now no longer crying as hard as before, but still pressing herself against Yoruichi's chest.
"I started to run into fights, headless, angry, hurt. I killed as much as I could and I trained as hard as was possible. Until... until..."
Soi Fon couldn't bring herself to move on with her story, she knew she would hurt Yoruichi even more as she already did. She knew her Goddess was blaming herself for all her mistakes.
"Until you got this huge scar." Yoruichi said calmly, forcing Soi Fon to continue.
"Until a fight, 2 years after you left. They found several hollows north of the Rukongai, but none of them were really powerful. They sent me to take care of this trash of hollows, knowing that I wouldn't have any problems."
Her words were now stronger, telling Yoruichi how powerful she had become, making her proud, but only for a few seconds.
"I kept the strongest one for the end, I... I ... I already had the chance to kill him... I had several chances, but I didn't... I just didn't"
Her sobbing came back, fearing the next hurtful words, fearing the memoirs.
"And then he started an attack... I could have dodged it... I could have blocked it... But I... I didn't I just closed my eyes and waited for the impact."
The young Soi Fon turned around and saw the claw from the hollow moving in her direction. Forcing his way through the air, he was slow, but Soi Fon just stood there and waited, her eyes were closed and she waited for the impact. For the last pain she was forced to feel, the last thing she would ever feel. And then it came; a huge force split her flesh and cracked her bones.
She knew she would die, but she didn't care anymore.
But suddenly the Hollow was silent, his Reiatsu was disappeared, and as she opened her eyes with her last power she had left, she saw Unohana standing above her with a painful expressing. Her hands were full of blood, trying to stop the bleeding, to close the terrible wound.
"Yoruichi you damn Idiot, how could you leave this girl alone?!" She screamed cursing her friend for her dumb actions. Knowing that it wasn't a mistake that Soi got hit by the hollow, she wanted this. But she wouldn't alow her to die, not now not in her arms. She knew what a good girl she was, this girl deserve better then dying here.
"Y...Yoruchi-s..sama?"
The injured girl react instantly of the name of her Goddess.
"Soi Fon? Can you hear me? Listen Soi Fon! If you want to see Yoruichi-san again, then don't die now! Don't die on me!"
Unohana spoke to the dying girl, hoping her words would make her strong enough to survive.
The healing Shinigami drew the green shining sword, and held his blade over Soi Fon's chest.
"I'm really sorry Soi Fon, this will hurt even more then your wound."
Unohana pushed her Zanpakuto right into Soi's chest, the pain was incredible. Even if there was no strength left in Soi Fon's body, she was still able to scream in pain.
"The last thing I remember was Unohana's light smile, then everything went black. I woke up the next day, in your old rooms, they were still empty since they hadn't found another Captain. Unohana brought me there and suppressed my spiritual pressure, she said she will keep this a secret, but only if I promised her to become the next Captain of the 2. Squad. Now I had a goal, something told me it was your wish that I became Captain, and this drove me. But still after a while...
I... I began to hate you... I cursed you... and this hatred kept me alive. As I became the Captain, I always said I would be the one who would find you and take you down. But Unohana knew, it was all just a lie. I lied to myself, all the time. I had emotional breakdowns nearly every night, pleading for you to come home, to come to me, to help me.
And Unohana knew, if she hadn't had mentioned your name that night, if I hadn't heard your name flashing through my mind, I ... I ... I would have given up, I just would have died. Unohana knew it was our bond that destroyed me, but also kept me alive the whole time. And I was well aware of her knowledge, deep inside of me, I knew that I didn't hate you, I knew that I still worshiped you as a goddess, but I didn't want to believe that, and I didn't want Unohana to remind me of that, and so I never spoke with her again, I didn't even let her treat my wounds.
Then every time I said that I hate you in a Captains meeting, she gave me this look, she said to me with her eyes that it wasn't truth. And she was right, she was right the whole time, because... because..."
Soi Fon fought whit her self. She had to tell her everything, she had to tell her it now, otherwise she will never do it.
"Because Yoruichi" Soi Fon pushed her body back, so that she was able to see in to Yoruichi's, with tear flid golden eyes. "I love you! I love you Yoruichi!"
Yoruichi grabbed her back and pulled her close to her one body, now she was crying, crying like Soi Fon.
"Oh Soi, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It's all my fault! I did everything wrong. I should have protected you, I should have been there for you. I always knew, and I always felt the same way, but I never told you, I never told you that I love you too Soi Fon…! You were all I ever wanted, you were all I ever searched for! I'm just so sorry! And I promise, I will never leave you again, from now on I stay at your side! Everyday! Because I really love you Soi!"
It broke out of Yoruichi, she couldn't hide it anymore, she didn't have to hide it, and she knew she should have been honest from the beginning.
"Yoruichi," Soi Fon whispered, giving in completely to her tears, tears full of happiness, tears full of sorrow for the lost 100 years, tears full of pain, for making Yoruichi cry.
The two women sat in middle of nowhere, embracing each other and crying for a long while before Yoruichi finally got her grip. She lifted her still crying bee into her arms, not wanting to stop her, she had the right to cry as long as she wanted to. And the Goddess of flash finally made her way home, the home she had missed for over a 100 years.