***Chapter 20***

**Deirdre's POV**

There was blood staining my hands and no matter how many times I washed them or scrubbed them it wasn't going away. They hurt so much from the scrub brush that even the air touching them stung, but still I couldn't get the blood out.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring continuously at my red hands. At this point I'm not even sure that there is actually any sign there of the blood that splashed upon my pale skin, but I can see the red marking me as a killer.

It had been more than an hour since I had returned to my chambers after the congregation of all the prisoners had been dismissed, after Gandalf's broken body had been hauled from the room. But I was still numb with the shock of what I had done. Upon arriving back at my room I had forcefully ripped all of my clothing away, even going so far as to pull my necklace off and drag my hair from its bun with half the pins still in place. There had thankfully been a bath waiting for me and I had thrown myself into it as soon as my skin was bare. The burning had helped. But now after the water had turned cold, I sat here on my bed in nothing but a towel staring at the red stains on my hands.

Sometime during the bath, tears had burned my eyes, but I drowned them beneath the water. I didn't deserve to cry. To grieve. I wasn't even sure if I was crying due to loss or due to self-hatred.

I knew that Sauron would expect me for supper in little more than an hour, and that I would also have to go down to the dungeons to encourage people to pledge their loyalty. That's what was expected of me, Sauron had said as much this morning over breakfast. I was supposed to be the compassionate human face to his regime. A harsh laugh escaped my mouth at the thought of that. I wasn't sure how he expected me to be the human face when I was little more than a monster.

I had caused one of my companions to die, and now I brought pain and destruction to all of middle earth. I single-handedly managed to doom an entire world. I had to be the biggest fuck-up there ever was.

I sat in silence for a few more minutes before I heard the door open and a sigh of exasperation sounded behind me. I raised my head to look towards the door and there was Morwen, my maid.

"You've pulled down your hair." She complained, moving over to the vanity and grabbing the hairbrush that rested there. "Now I'll have to do it all over again."

"Leave it down." I stated, shocked to find that my voice still sounded the same as it had before. The same cold tone, no sign of the turmoil I was feeling.

"As you like." She replied rolling her eyes and moving so that she was behind me on the bed, her hands pulling my hair back off my shoulders so that she could reach it all.

We sat like that for a few minutes, her brushing my hair and me occasionally wincing when she hit a spot where a pin had been that I had so unceremoniously torn out. The actions made me think of my childhood, taking me away from the dark room for a few minutes. My mother brushing my hair out, she always used to insist on brushing it, saying that I only let it get tangled. For a moment, I missed home with every part of my soul. At least there everything was alright, people weren't suffering at my hands.

The memories slipped away however when Morwen stopped her soothing ministrations. She moved off the bed, going to the wardrobe that contained my gowns and pulling out a midnight blue gown with black lacings. I rose from the bed and together we managed to get me dressed again, looking almost presentable.

I was looking my reflection over in the mirror, steeling myself for the dinner that was to come and then the visit to the dungeons which would follow. My neck had a red mark on the sides and back where I had pulled the necklace off, I grimaced seeing the bright red line.

"It's best not to forget this." Morwen stated, coming up behind me and draping the necklace back around my neck. " Lord Sauron would be displeased at seeing you without your present from him."

I nodded my head at her, looking in the mirror and trying to find a way to settle the necklace where it wasn't pressing against the mark from earlier, but having little luck.

"It's time to go down to dinner isn't it?" I questioned her, turning away from the vanity and back towards the rest of the room.

"Yes, my lady." She responded, moving over to the door and opening it for me.

"Thank you, for your assistance, Morwen." I told her before striding from the room and down the hallway towards the dining room that Sauron and I used.

When I entered the room, there was no one in there. Making me think that perhaps I had arrived earlier than was planned. But I moved to my seat anyway, sinking down into the chair and pouring myself a cup of wine. I had only just taken a sip when Sauron swept into the room, roughly pulling his chair out and dropping down into it. He grabbed the bottle of wine and filled his glass with it as well before taking a long drink.

"Is anything the matter, my lord?" I questioned, moving to place some food on my plate before passing the dish over to him.

"Only that apparently there has been absolutely no progress with the attempt to take back Isenguard." He replied stabbing a piece of meat vehemently as he spoke.

"The Ents are making it difficult I take it?" I asked, placing a piece of potatoe in my mouth once I finished speaking.

"The whole of Fangorn is making it difficult to get any troops anywhere near there, the trees keep crushing encampments in the night." He returned, before digging into his own food.

"How do you propose getting around the fighting forest?"

"I was thinking of having the Nazgul take some of the fell beast so that they can attack from the other side, avoiding the forest altogether. But it worries me that the Ents may be able to take out some of them, seeing as a girl killed the Witch King."

I nod my head before taking another drink of wine. We fall into silence for a few minutes both eating our dinners quickly, as there is still much to do before the end of the day.

"At least the plans for the wedding are going well." He commented once he finished his plate. "The ceremony will take place in two days time at sunset."

"Do we intend to bring in the rebels from the kingdoms of men and have them swear fealty before the ceremony?" I asked, wondering how the people in Minas Tirith and Edoras were going to be dealt with.

"I think not, it will take time to have them all brought here before us. We should not delay for so trivial a matter. Besides, we have the kings of both within our dungeons." He commented.

"True both Eomer and Aragorn are within the dungeons, but neither are the sole leader of their people. Aragorn in fact would not even be recognized as the king, Faramir back in Minas Tirith is the acting steward now. And Eowyn could rule her people as well." I informed him.

He took a long drink of his wine while thinking this over before nodding. "When do you intend to persuade the prisoners?"

"After supper, my lord. Hopefully, the time will have left them more open to persuasion." I returned, placing my empty cup back on the table and sliding my chair away from the table. "I will go down now."

**Saffy's POV**

Dead. Gandalf was dead. His head had rolled across the floor after being artlessly struck from his shoulders. The image of Deirdre's sword flashing and his head thumping into the hard floor played in a loop in my mind.

I wanted to throw up thinking about it. She had been my best friend. My sister. I couldn't begin to count the number of nights that we had passed side by side. The hours we had shared. And it was all a lie.

She was a monster.

I didn't understand how I could have been so blind. Sure, she had had her mean streaks, where she could be a bitch. But it was always jokingly. I had never thought she would be able to kill in cold blood. But I was so wrong.

I had kept my gaze fixed upon her, wanting it to be false. Hoping that by some chance she wasn't going to go through with it. There was even a spring of hope within me when she had that look of regret before her blade struck. But that hope was crushed.

She was a traitor.

There was no noise in the dungeons after we had all been tossed back into our cells. The sound of boots striking against the ground had been the last sound to echo through my ears. I stared blankly into the empty cell to my left which had held Gandalf. The emptiness of the cell seemed to mock me. That the only way any of us would ever leave this place, these cages, would be through death.

I don't know how long I sat there in the silence, blankly staring at the empty cell while Gandalf's death played on repeat in my mind. The first thing I noticed when I was jarred out of my daze by the sound of footsteps was that the feet did not pound the ground so fiercly. Instead the footsteps seemed careful and timid. As though the person was afraid of walking down to our group at the end of the dungeon. The footsteps came to a halt in front of my cell.

"Saffy?" a soft voice questioned.

My eyes snapped up to see Deirdre standing there. Her face was softened, and her voice came out as though she was scared of the reaction to it. Her hair hung limply down around her, making her seem paler in contrast to the strands. Her dress was a dark blue, but what drew my attention was the ring of red around her neck in the likeness of the chain of her necklace as though it had been ripped from her person. I let my eyes travel down to her hands, the backs were still pale but her fingers and the palms were a horrible red. Not stained, but raw like they had been scrubbed to the point that they bled. I could see the cracking of the skin around the edges of the red.

"Come to kill me?" I questioned, in a rough voice.

She flinched at my question, but her eyes stayed holding my stare. "I've come to try and save you."

A harsh laugh burst from my lips at her words. "Like you saved Gandalf?"

"Sauron never would have let him live. You know that." She stated, her voice sounding slightly less fragile though what seemed like guilt laced her tone.

"So is that your excuse then?" I questioned, standing up so that we were eye level. "No matter how you try and justify it. You killed him."

"I know." Her voice cracked as she whispered the words to me. "I had to, to save the rest of you though."

"Save us?" Aragorn questioned, joining into the conversation. "How is being trapped in a dungeon saving us?"

Deirdre turned and moved over towards Aragorn when he spoke. "He was going to kill you all. But I told him that you could live if you swore fealty."

"So life as a slave is how you would save us." I retorted.

"Why can't you accept that I'm trying to help you. You would all be dead if it wasn't for me." She turned back to me, her eyes pleading for me to understand.

"No," I snapped back at her, "he would be dead if it wasn't for you. And Gandalf would be alive right now. The ring would be destroyed."

She froze, her eyes locked with mine and I could see that she knew I was speaking the truth. That she was the reason that evil now overtook the land. She opened her mouth for a moment as though she had a response, but it closed quickly as a look of sadness took over her face.

"You know I'm right." I commented. "So stop pretending that you are trying to help us."

She stood silently where she was for a moment, regret crossing her face as she stared at me. "I know that I ruined things." She began, pausing to lick her lips. "That I ruined everything. But please believe me when I say that I am trying to help you now."

"Why should we?" Aragorn questioned.

She turned her head to look at him before she answered. "Because this is the only way that you will survive."

***End Chapter 20***