A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys, they make my day. Hope you guys enjoy the next chunk...
Chapter eighteen
It was the way Daya's head hung as she was wheeled back into the prison. It was a posture Red had seen several times in women returning from giving birth. It was the posture of a woman who had been separated from her child, just moments after giving birth.
Diaz, amongst half a dozen other inmates surrounded Daya and wheeled her into her room, leaving Bennett stood alone at the exit. He looked lost as he glanced around at the prison. It was as though the young C.O. was finally realising having the mother of his child in prison was hardly ideal. Red sighed, shaking her head. This wouldn't end well, that much she knew. Bennett was a good man, but one who always kept himself in the authority's good books. Red doubted he could take much more bending before he snapped. But that was exactly what having a child would do to him, and that was the problem. Daya wasn't one of her girls though, so it wasn't her place to interfere. That was up to Diaz and the others.
"God, Larry. I didn't realise that anything I said to you would be publicly broadcasted."
"That's not fair. I asked you—"
"Asked?!" Piper scoffed, "No, Larry. You didn't really ask though, did you?"
Larry gave her the most unapologetic look he could manage, "Piper, you knew I was going to do the interviews."
"Then...we should have a code... you know? To separate the confidential stuff from the stuff you turn into cheap drama ... and live off." She said the last three words slowly, she wanted to hurt Larry as much as Larry had hurt Alex. It worked, Larry's cheeks reddened.
"I sometimes wonder why you aren't behind bars. You're sort of a thief. Stealing pieces of my life and selling it on for yourself."
"That's enough Piper, you get a bigger commissary as a result, and you know it."
Piper studied him, she had struck a nerve. Larry hated being seen as a failure, but in all honesty, he was just that. A failed writer.
"How're things with Alex?"
"Civil, actually." Piper admitted, "but I don't wanna talk about Alex."
"No-you don't want me to write about Alex."
"Same thing." Piper rebutted, "why don't you write about the harsh laws that separate mothers from their newborns minutes after they've given birth? Surely that's more substantial than documenting my love affairs and scandals?"
Larry studied her, something shifted in him.
"You don't think I can swing a serious topic?" He asked, fishing.
"I didn't say that."
He gestured at the glint in her eyes, "You just did!"
Piper folded her arms and shrugged. Larry was fuming, he stood up and stared at Piper, "I can swing it...You'll see. It'll get just as much credit as the articles about you."
With that, Larry stalked out of the visitation chamber. Piper smiled at the empty seat at her table then sighed, knowing she had just thrown Larry into turmoil. But he deserved it...Piper had taken time to really reflect on the role he played in helping her during such a bad time, and had realised that he hadn't helped. At all. He knew he had some control and he abused it to use her.
Piper's eyes drifted around the room, she smiled at the inmates and their visitors. The visitation room was possibly one of her favourite places in the prison. It served as a window to the outside world for a lot of the inmates. Of course, it came second to the chapel. She would never forget that chapel. What transpired between Piper and Alex was an intoxicating culmination of emotions that left Piper feeling truly alive for the first time in years. Only Alex could have that effect on her.
Her eyes landed on Alex who was smiling and laughing with a woman Piper didn't know, but recognised. Piper watched as the woman's hand lingered on Alex's. Alex smiled then pulled her hand away. Piper's smile faded as she watched the exchange. The blonde at the table stood up. It was time for her to leave. Piper let out a sigh of relief until the woman embraced Alex. The way their embrace seemed to linger bothered Piper. She found it irksome.
Nicky appeared by Piper's shoulder, "who we stalking goldilocks?"
Piper didn't take her eyes off Alex and the blonde, who were still in an embrace.
"Who hugs for that long?!" Piper whispered to Nicky, exclaiming.
"Vause is such a dog." Nicky said, more as a sign of respect and admiration than an insult. Piper looked incredulously at the pair, "They're still hugging...I mean, doesn't she have a life outside of Litchfield? She must have things to do."
"You're terrible." Nicky muttered as she rested her elbow on Piper's shoulder and leant on it. Shrugging Nicky off, Piper stood up from her seat, her eyes glued to the women. As the blonde left the visitation hall, Alex turned and looked at Piper and Nicky. Piper quickly looked away, doing her best to appear casual as though she hadn't witnessed a thing.
Alex threw Piper a civil smile before heading back inside.
Nicky looked at Piper, "so are you...or aren't you...?"
Piper looked at her expectantly, unsure where Nicky was headed with the question... "Fucking." Nicky clarified loudly.
"Jesus, Nicky, I'm slow not deaf!" Piper cast a weary look around, nobody was listening. She turned to Nicky, "that's the thing...I don't know."
"If you're fucking? That's sorta messed up. They offer counselling for that sorta thing here."
"No," Piper explained, "Fucking is far, far, away, like.. it's in a far away land that I may or may not be in."
"Aaand you've lost me."
"We're like... civil acquaintances with chemistry." Piper tried.
Nicky nodded slowly, as though it was the simplest thing in the world, "So...You don't know where you stand?"
Piper nodded, relieved and glad that Nicky clicked on.
"Jeez, Chapman, why didn't you just say that to start with?" Nicky looked exasperated, "you gotta be careful handling a chick like Vause... After how bad you messed her around for that Larry guy, you can't just pick up where you left off."
"So...what do I do?"
"I don't know. Problem is, she doesn't have faith in you. Because...you know..." Nicky trailed off. Piper listened intently then gestured at Nicky to elaborate.
"Well, you're a bit of a dick." Piper gaped at Nicky, "Don't do that, don't look all hurt and offended. Face up to it, be straight up and apologise. Then leave the ball in her court. Maybe you can be sorta friends..."
Piper sighed, "I don't wanna be sorta friends."
"Then what do you want?"
"I don't know..." Piper admitted. For her it was either they were together, or nothing at all. Anything would be more bearable than this bizarre limbo she had found herself in. But she knew that was unfair and unrealistic.
"Chaps, you can't walk around breaking hearts then insisting they take you back as if it never happened."
Piper sighed, "I never thought I'd say this Nicky...in fact, I never thought any one on the planet would ever, even by mistake, say what I'm about to say... but you're right." She groaned then ran her hands over her face, thinking of ways to apologise.
"You're as bad as each other. It's kinda why you're perfect for each other." Nicky said with a shrug. Piper noticed the vaguest hint of wist in Nicky's tone.
"How's things with Morello?" Piper pressed, gently.
Nicky rolled her eyes, "She used to be a mess, but having been dropped by her for that ex of hers about a dozen times now, I finally saw sense...I don't trust her. And I don't trust that I can be with her and she won't just get up and bail again. Besides..." Nicky's words came out softer now, "After nearly visiting the all mighty, what with the kidney debacle... i realised that life is too short to do things you're unsure of. Go for what you want, and swing hard. If it pans out, awesome. If not, regroup and go elsewhere. Honestly, I reckon you and Vause have a real chance. You just gotta be a straight shooter like her."
"You have a heart of gold, you know that?"
"No, I have a heart of cocaine."
Piper smiled at Nicky. At times Nicky was the sweetest person in Litchfield. She was the most authentic but hid it well behind a demeanour of playful banter.
"You really think I should apologise?"
"Definitely. But she should apologise too. What she did just don't fly. It's not okay."
Piper gave Nicky an uncertain look, "I don't know. What if I bring it up and she just get more pissed off..."
"Give her some credit." Nicky said with an exhausted frown.
Piper nodded, "and you know, she did sort of say she loves me...in like a totally not positive way...but it still counts... right?"
"It troubles me that I sound like the more sober party during out little chats. What do you mean she said it in a not positive way?"
Piper frowned, confused, "I was mad, then she got ... more...mad and sort of threw it at me, to knock me down a few notches. It worked." Piper said with a hint of shame.
"I didn't think Vause knew how to love...I mean, I sorta hoped someday someone would tame that wonderful specimen, but jeez... you two just...god it's so perfect but so fucking messy."
"That's the problem."
"Apologise. You'll thank me later."
With that, Nicky walked off into the prison, leaving Piper alone in the visitation room.
Piper glanced at the table where Alex and the blonde had sat before she left. Perhaps the hardest part of being in love, was how unnatural it felt for that love to have to end. Perhaps that was why Piper couldn't stop herself from still being in love with Alex. Let alone stop herself from wanting Alex, and missing her.
Lately she would find herself wondering how she had managed to go almost a decade without seeing Alex, even once.
Mendez stepped into Daya's room. Aleida Diaz, who the other inmates simply referred to as Diaz, stood up protectively. She threw Mendez a disproving look. Mendez clutched a brown paper bag, Daya looked up at him. He gave Diaz a look, hinting at her to leave. She threw him a scowl and didn't move, until he adjusted his C.O. badge.
"I'll be right outside if you need me," Diaz assured Daya, Daya nodded.
Mendez sat on the edge of Daya's bed, "You must be tired." Mendez tried. Small talk wasn't his strong suit.
"No shit, Sherlock." Daya replied. She noticed him flinch, then nervously fiddle with the paper bag, "what did you bring?"
"I got you some snacks and books... like, parenting ones. And one on how to cope during separation from your child..." He opened the bag and fumbled through the contents, Daya watched him in mild disbelief.
"It's meant to be good."
"Thank you, Mendez." He replied. Daya studied him, she wasn't used to seeing his softer, less repulsive side.
"Don't thank me. I was worried about you."
"Well, I'm okay."
He fell silent and glanced at his black boots, then cleared his throat, "So, can I see the baby?"
Daya looked apprehensive, "why?"
"I just... it's yours, you know? It's your baby." A goofy smile appeared on his lips, "I just want to see if it's as adorable as it's momma."
Much to her own surprise, she felt her cheeks redden, "Can I think about it?" She asked, he nodded, almost too eagerly.
"Of course. Of course." He cleared his throat, "I got them to make sure your meds and vitamins are all the right dosages for post-natal women." He nodded, "but if anything feels off...just let me know?"
He asked gingerly, Daya gave him a grateful smile. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze.
"Thanks Mendez, it means a lot."
Mendez shrugged as if it was the smallest thing in the world, then stood up and headed out her room. He cleared his throat and gave Diaz a brisk nod, then stalked to the C.O. bubble, from where Bennett watched curiously.
Diaz entered the room and studied her daughter, "what'd he get you?"
"Just some books and stuff, to make sure I'm coping okay after the baby."
Diaz nodded, then fell silent for a beat.
"Cesar will bring her with him next week during visitation."
"I miss her already," she confessed.
Diaz gave her a warm smile, "She's in safe hands for now. So how's things with Bennett?"
"Haven't really seen him since he brought me back to Litchfield."
Diaz gave her a knowing look.
"He's been busy..." Daya said defensively.
"Mmmhmm. He had plenty of time before."
Daya gave her mother a look. Diaz simply shook her head and sat on her own bed.
"John's a good man." Daya said.
"You wanna know if somebody is a good person? Don't look at what they do when things are good, look at what they do when things get hard."
Daya glanced at her mother; her mother had done a lot wrong in Daya's life, but one thing she was always right about was men.
A knock at the doorway made Alex look up from a book she was reading, "Are you lost?"
Crazy Eyes looked sheepishly at the brunette, "I read the interview by Dandelion's dude..."
Alex pursed her lips and waited to hear Crazy Eyes out.
"I just wanna say, I'm sorry."
"For what?" Alex asked, accidentally brusque. Crazy eyes fidgeted with her hands as she spoke, her eyes were trained on the ground, "that you were suffering. Inside. Anyway, take care of yourself, Specs."
With that, the often mocked inmate headed for the doorway, Alex lowered her book. There was something sincere and very touching about Suzanne's condolences.
"Suzanne?"
Crazy Eyes turned and look at Alex.
"Thanks."
Crazy Eyes' face lit up with warmth, "You're welcome, Specs."
Watching Crazy Eyes walk away with a spring in her step made Alex smile to herself. It didn't take much, yet she managed to cheer somebody up. It was a nice feeling. She turned back to her book, a second knock drew her attention. She looked up to see Piper, who stood uncomfortably by the doorway. Alex shifted on her bed, she sat up.
"Hey." She said, her eyes watching Piper's every move. She knew that look, it was the look Piper always wore after realising she was wrong about something. Like the time with the body butter allergy, or the time in Bali on the beach with the coconuts.
"Can I come in?" Piper enquired.
"You're sort of already in... but sure."
Alex put down her book, resigning to the fact she wouldn't get much further.
"What's up? Or, more accurately, what's wrong?"
Piper remained stood opposite Alex. It felt awkward. She was so used to sitting on the bed and cosying up to Alex, that when there was distance between the two of them, it was just odd.
"Nothing's wrong." Piper assured her, perhaps too enthusiastically.
"O-kay..." Alex said slowly.
"Look, Alex... I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just gonna go for it. We're stuck, here. And how I spent the last eight years of my life without you, I don't know. Because now you're here, in my life, it's not that I don't want to imagine it without you. It's that I can't imagine it without you." Alex's heart began to pound, she didn't know what to make of the confession. Piper's cheeks reddened, she was petrified.
"I ... I am so frustratingly, infuriatingly, in love with you that no matter what we do or say, I end up finding my way back to you. And I'm so sorry. For all of my bullshit. For all of it."
As her last words hung in the air between them, Alex stared at her in a stunned silence. Piper wasn't sure whether to prompt her for a reply or just leave. Alex held her gaze, Piper noticed her breathing turn shallow. She was nervous beyond comprehension. She had just laid her heart out on the line. And Alex hadn't said a word.
"Okay. Well... great talk. See you around." Piper said quickly, then walked out of Alex's room.
Alex found herself glued to the bed, every muscle in her body forced her to stay put. Don't fall for it.
But a nagging restlessness ate at her heart then her nerves, she glanced up at the empty doorway. Her head and heart were in confused knots. She had to do something. She couldn't just leave it like this, could she?