"Christian?"
I jump off the floor, startled, going immediately into a kickboxing pose. "Wha? Huh? Who are you?"
"Christian, it's me, Ana." She backs away to avoid getting hit.
"Oh, Ana, I'm sorry. I've just been… so on edge lately." I go to hug her but she backs away some more. "Really, Ana, it's okay." I stand there with my arms open.
She looks at me, and after several seconds she comes forward and I envelop her. "Christian, what's going on? This morning you thought I was dead, I come home to find you on the floor here, moaning to yourself. You're starting to scare me."
"No, baby, don't be scared. I talked to Flynn today…"
"You what? You didn't tell me you were seeing Flynn!" She tries to back away again, but I keep my hold on her.
"I know," I interrupt her quickly, wanting to explain everything. "When I snapped at you yesterday on the phone I knew it was time to get some help so I made an appointment right away and saw him this afternoon. Listen, why don't I get a bottle of wine and meet you upstairs? You're still in your office clothes and I've got a long story to tell."
She pauses a moment, then says, "Sure" and I let go of her. As she walks down the hallway, I reach over and turn out the lights. As I step out the door, I hear it again.
Christian, he's alive.
I stand there, fists clenched and eyes closed. "Shut the fuck up," I growl to myself and walk away.
Sitting on the love seat in our room, I decant the bottle of Sancerre while I start telling Ana my saga of the last couple days. She listens while she gets ready for bed and then sits on the love seat with me. When I'm finally done, I look at her over my glass and say, "So, are you going to have your husband committed now?" Throughout my narration she's been expressionless.
"No, Christian, I'm not going to have you committed," she replies quietly before taking a sip of her wine. "I'm just rather upset that you didn't tell me about this earlier. I had no idea you had an appointment with Flynn. When I asked you this morning, you told me you've been having nightmares…"
"And that's what I think this all is…"
"Wait, let me finish. You said you were having nightmares, Christian, but what you've just described to me is a lot more than nightmares. Taylor got a motion sensor alert, you saw someone standing on the cliff, our son is playing notes on the piano, this is way beyond nightmares!"
"I know, Ana, and that's why I called Flynn. I wanted to make sure I'm not going crazy, having some sort of psychotic break. I didn't want to lay all this on you without knowing what I'm dealing with. And you have so much on your mind already."
"Tell me something, Christian. If I hadn't come across you on the floor in the music room, would you have told me all this?"
Shit, why did she have to ask that? Much as I don't want to answer that question, I have to be honest with her. I've always tried to be honest in all my relationships but especially with Ana; I can't stop now.
"No, I probably wouldn't have," I answer her in a low voice. I watch her reaction and it's as I expected – she's pissed.
"Christian, I thought we were past this! You know how I hate it when you hold things back from me! After all we've been through, I thought we were at a point where you wouldn't feel a need to hide things from me." Now she looks like she might cry. Shit!
"I never meant to hide it from you, Ana. Okay, maybe for a while, until I felt I had it sorted out. You know how hard it is for me to talk about emotional shit and this goes way beyond emotional. I feel like I'm losing my mind!"
"You should have said something!" she shouts. She puts her head in her hands and sits that way for a while. I don't know what to say so I just wait until she calms down. After several minutes, she raises her head, looks at me, and says, "So what do you think all this means?"
"Anastasia, I have no idea." Now I'm the one trying to control my temper. I didn't tell her that that's the first thing Flynn asked and that it sent me into a rage. She's trying to move past my lack of communication so we can try to understand this and I don't want to alienate her.
"You thought it was me when you saw her, right?"
"Yes, she resembled you but it was dark and I couldn't make out any definite features. When I reached for her she vanished right in front of me. For some reason, my first thought was that you'd died and you were a ghost telling me goodbye. At that moment my heart felt like it was encased in ice. That's why I ran up here screaming for you."
"Oh, Christian, I'm so sorry." She wraps me in her arms with my head on her chest. I take her on my lap and we sit like that, gently rocking. Finally, we release a little bit and look at each other. All I see in her eyes is concern.
"What are we going to do?" she asks.
"We? There won't be any 'we', Mrs. Grey. This is my problem and I intend to fix it."
"Christian…"
"No, Anastasia, I'm not involving you in this beyond telling you what's going on. Now if this happens again tonight, I'll go downstairs and play along with whatever weird trick someone's playing on me. I haven't ruled out the possibility that someone's gotten in the house and is fucking with my mind. In fact, I'll tell Taylor in the morning to do a complete sweep of the place."
She stares at me intently, as if trying to figure out what to say. After taking a sip of wine, she says, "You'll tell me everything that goes on, right?"
"Absolutely," I nod.
"Promise? If you hear things again tonight, you'll let me know?"
"I promise to let you know but I won't wake you if you don't wake up on your own. At least one of us needs a good night's sleep and if these noises don't wake you, I'd just as soon your sleep stays uninterrupted. You haven't heard anything at all, right?"
She shakes her head ruefully. "I'm sorry, Christian, I didn't have the faintest idea that you were getting up in the middle of the night. Jeez, what kind of wife have I become?"
"Hey, hey, don't beat yourself up!" I take her back in my arms. "I'm glad you're not the one going through this. Obviously you're not hearing this, which makes me think it's really some sort of hallucination of mine. Or maybe I really am sleepwalking. I don't know but we'll figure it out." I start rubbing her back in a gentle circular motion. I nuzzle her neck and move in to kiss her. She returns the kiss but somehow I don't think I'll be getting lucky tonight. She reaches over to get her wine glass and finishes it.
"I'm really beat, Christian. I'm going to bed. Are you staying up?"
"No, I'll join you. If I'm going to be getting up in the middle of the night I should probably get some sleep as early as I can."
Maybe once we're cuddling she'll warm up to some canoodling. Even if she doesn't, holding my wife always makes me feel better.
We get in bed and turn out the lamps. I move over and spoon her, then slide my hand along her thighs, loving the silky feel of her nightgown and the firmness of her muscles underneath. Yes, she's filled out a little since having Ted but she's worked damn hard to get back in shape and it shows.
But for whatever reason - fatigue, residual annoyance with me, a rough day at work – my powers of sexual persuasion won't be working for me. She reaches over, takes my hand, brings it up to her lips, and gives it a kiss. That's one of her signals for "not tonight." Oh well, I tried.
I give her a kiss on her shoulder and turn over to my other side. She flips over, too, so that she's spooning me. I need some release so I reach down and slowly start stroking my cock. It got hard as I watched her undress and even through our intense discussion it never went very flaccid. As I pleasure myself, I think of Anastasia in our playroom at Escala. I see a mental picture of her, naked, with her hands cuffed to a shackle overhead.
As I develop the picture in my mind, my hand grabs my dick, hard, and the strokes intensify. I imagine her flawless skin turning pink under my skilled use of the flogger and I feel the buildup in my cock. I'm really stroking it now, right on the precipice, oh god, I'm so close, and then I feel her reach over and gently cup my balls. That one act sends me off and I explode with a hot, powerful gush that feels like it shot across the room.
"I'm sorry," she whispers into my back as I come down off my orgasm.
I turn over and kiss her forehead. "Don't be sorry. Thank you for helping me get there. We'll be okay, baby, really we will. Go to sleep, Anastasia. I love you."
"Good night, Christian. I love you."
As I fall asleep I'm thinking maybe we'll leave Teddy with my folks and spend the weekend at Escala.
Middle C, G
Christian!
I'm instantly awake. As expected, it's 2:30 and Ana's sound asleep. I quietly get out of bed, grab my iPhone and head for the music room. Unlike the previous nights, I'm perfectly calm and have somewhat of a plan. Since Flynn suggested journaling, I'll use the recording app to describe what I'm feeling and what's happening. I'll also take pictures of anything out of the ordinary.
I enter the music room and before I can turn on the lights I see her. Same as before, she's standing between the window and the piano, same long dark hair, same indistinct features. As I reach for the switch, I hear her.
Don't!
"What?!" I'm surprised to hear my own voice.
Don't turn on the light.
"Why not?" This is ridiculous, talking with a hallucination.
Christian, I'm here to warn you. He's alive.
This is another test of my self-control. I want to scream at the top of my lungs but I don't want to wake Ana or the baby.
"Who are you? Who is 'he'? And why are you warning me?" I growl as loudly as I can. I start walking slowly towards her. Maybe if I can get close enough to see her features I can figure this whole thing out and put an end to it. Someone's gotten into my house and I intend to find out who it is. She doesn't disappear as I approach and I'm hoping to be able to grab and restrain her. Then I'll call Taylor and we'll get to the bottom of this.
I'm at the piano now, noticing that the keyboard is uncovered, and I'm starting to see more definition to her features. There's something familiar about them; it's hovering in the back of my brain.
Stop! Please don't come closer.
It's funny, I hear her voice but it doesn't seem to be coming out of her mouth. Maybe this really is a hallucination. I honestly don't know what to think any more but I decide to play this out for as long as it lasts.
"Why not?" I ask her.
Because I'm not sure what will happen and I need to make you understand.
"Need to make me understand what? Who are you? Will you please explain?" I can barely contain myself.
I love you, Christian. I only want what's best for you. Please believe me when I say that. I'm here to warn you.
Now the voice is also triggering a recollection. As my eyes continue to adjust to the darkness, I make out more of her features. The memory of them is slowly coming to the front of my brain. Suddenly, moonlight comes pouring through the window and I see her clearly.
It can't be. It can't fucking be. This is not happening.
"Not you!" I shout as I run my hands through my hair.
Yes, baby boy, I'm your mother.
"NOOOOOOO!" I wail and the last thing I see is her face before everything goes black.