Chapter Twenty One

Alex was marched back into Litchfield, she eyed the inmates cautiously. They gave warm smiles and animated greetings, the warmest of them were Poussey and Taystee. Alex smiled tightly, she was too tightly wound trying to spot any new faces she didn't recognise.
"Well if it isn't my least favourite lesbian." Pennsatucky's familiar southern drawl announced.
"I'm honoured. Really." Alex retorted, Pennsatucky smirked before walking away. Alex watched her go then turned back to the others.
"It's been boring without you. Chapman hasn't caused a scene in weeks!" Bursette quipped, Boo laughed hard at the joke.
Speaking of Piper, Alex noted. She knew to keep her distance but at the same time she needed to see her. Piper manning up and saying what she said was a big deal. Their whirlwind affair before prison was filled with passion, lust, joy and contentment, the declarations never needed to occur. It was simply assumed, well, at least it was assumed for Alex.
Piper had only really fallen for Alex after the chapel, and it took Piper longer to realise this than it had taken Alex. However, Alex prided herself on giving credit where it was due, Piper had declared her love for Alex twice now, she had ruined her life twice over Alex too. Alex couldn't leave Piper in such a vulnerable position. It was cruel. She would explain how she felt about Piper then tell her she had to keep her distance for a while and would fill her in when it was safe to.
It couldn't be that hard to do, could it? She mustered her courage and headed in search of Piper.

Having gotten used to thinking about Alex less and less each day, Piper had opened her mind to moving on. Piper and Amber were sat on her bed as the talked, they had spent the past three days just getting to know each other. And in all honesty, Piper was genuinely enjoying it. She laughed as she told Amber the rest of the joke, "And he says, 'He's not an eggplant, he's retarded!'"
Amber laughed, and Piper found her eyes drifting to Amber's lips. It was a strange curiosity she couldn't quite peg, whenever she would muster some courage she would chicken out at the last second. But today, she would do it. Amber was mid-laugh when Piper leant in and kissed her softly. It was just a peck on the lips, but it spoke volumes.
As the two pulled apart, Amber glanced at the person by the door, her eyes widened.
"Alex?!" Amber said with excitement, Alex forced a smile at Amber who embraced her, "welcome back, it's so good to see you."
Piper stared at Alex, shshshit!
Alex smiled tightly at Piper who held her gaze. For Piper it was as if it was all happening in slow motion, she could see the change in Alex occur. The smooth shift from love to hate. Alex gave Piper a shrug, "Just thought I'd say 'hi'. So... hi."
With that, Alex walked out of the room, Piper felt an intense restlessness flood her system, "Alex wait...!"
Piper walked quickly behind Alex, leaving Amber in her room alone.
"Just forget it, Piper." Alex said, but Piper persisted, "Leave me alone."
"I didn't know you were back!" Piper tried, "You didn't even say good bye, after everything I said— you didn't even tell me you were leaving!"
"Don't switch this on me." Alex said, walking faster now until they were in the laundry room alone.
"I'm not switching anything! I told you I loved you, that's twice now and you just bailed on me."
"Sucks doesn't it?" Alex said pointedly. Piper paused, processing the meaning behind Alex's words. That was a low blow.
"Look, Piper...I need you to stay away from me for a while."
Piper stared at Alex, "fuck you."
"Been there, done that, got the whiplash." Alex said as she folded her arms.
"Woah...I've never realised what a bitch you are. Fine, Alex. But when you calm down and realise you're blowing this way out of proportion, come and find me."
"You told her a joke and before she even finished laughing, you shoved your tongue down her throat—weeks after declaring your undying love me. My reaction seems pretty calm now that I think about it. Fuck off Pipes." Alex concluded.
"That's it?" Piper asked, "Just like that...just like that I'm on the outside with everyone else?"
Alex didn't answer.
Piper nodded, her eyes stung with tears as she clenched her jaw, "you always seem to forget how much bullshit you put me through." Piper seethed, it was as though she was seeing Alex in a new light. She brushed past the tall brunette and muttered, "Fuckin' coward."
"What?" Alex asked.
"I said you're a fucking coward." Piper emphasised the last two words best she could, just to make sure they weren't unclear. It was time Alex knew Piper saw through her commitophobic crap.
"I'm the coward? You're so co-dependant it's toxic and I'm the coward? You couldn't stand the idea of being alone and jumped ship from me to Larry, then back to me, and now you're kissing Amber."
Piper's expression softened at the hurt that accidentally escaped Alex's voice, "Just...get lost Piper."
"Alex, we need to stop fighting all the time." She said in a soft, defeated, voice, "We can't keep crossing wires like this."
Alex nodded, Piper was absolutely right. Besides it was safer for Piper this way.
"You're right. Stay away from me, I'm good at being alone."
"No, no...Alex—" Piper tried to get her attention as she stalked toward the doors, "That's not what I meant—" It was no use, Alex wasn't prepared to listen. Without looking back, Alex walked out of the laundry room.
Alone and torn, Piper slumped onto a tumble dryer and glanced around at the room. Perhaps it was from the constant wear and tear with Alex, and the overwhelming lack of warmth Litchfield offered, but Piper felt her heart break. It wasn't a loud, dramatic occurrence. It was the most quiet sob she had ever let slip, it was also the most painful and crippling anguish she had ever felt. She did her best to fight back tears but it was no use, they simply bubbled over and rolled down her cheeks. How could something that was so strong be so easily turned into something so fragile? It was horrible.

"Hey specs," Suzanne's voice pulled Alex out of her infuriated haze, "welcome back."
"Thanks."
Suzanne studied Alex, "is it Chapman?"
"Am I that predictable?" Alex groaned as she walked into Suzanne's room.
"It's always Chapman."
Alex glanced around at Suzanne's room, it was clean. Too clean.
"You preparing for room checks in advance?"
"I like to keep on top of things." Suzanne said then gave Alex a mischievous smile.
Alex narrowed her eyes at Suzanne, her pupils were dilated. She was on some thing.
"You feeling okay?" Alex asked.
"Over the moon. I am over the moon!" She announced with so much enthusiasm that it turned heads. Alex hushed her and gave her a hard stare. Suzanne squirmed beneath her gaze.
"What're you on?"
"I don't know... she gave it me to keep my lips..." she made the gesture of zipping her lips.
"Who did?"
"I am afraid I am not allowed to say. Want some?"
Suzanne walked over to her shoes at the foot of her bed and reached into a shoe and pulled out a syringe.
Alex stared at Suzanne. Somebody had given Suzanne heroin?!
She pulled out the small packet from her other shoe, Alex stared at it. It was marked with Kobra's insignia of a K with a snake wrapped around it.
"She showed me how to take it. It's... amazing. You'll forget all about everything." She said animatedly with her voice quiet and her eyes wide. She was giddy like a child.
"I mean...everything, Specs."
Alex felt a knot in her stomach, Kobra was paying somebody off in Litchfield, hence the drugs. And they had palmed them off to Suzanne. She needed to find the dealer. Suzanne was an easy target for a junkie. People rarely took her seriously, and she was good at keeping her word. Alex suddenly stood up as she realised who else might have been tempted into doing heroin again. She had to check on Nicky.