I am frozen. Stone, cold, fucking frozen. My body is incapable of movement while my mind whirls through a maelstrom of thoughts. I'm back in the apartment in Detroit, hiding from the pimp, wandering the rooms looking for food, getting burned, shaking my dead mother in an attempt to wake her. There are good memories, too: the smell of birthday cake, her voice when she sang me to sleep, but the overriding thoughts are the painful ones. I see all this, I hear it, I feel it. It hurts, it really, really hurts.
Suddenly, the hand is gone from my shoulder and the thoughts melt away. I sense someone behind me and whoever it is starts walking. I see her as she comes around to my right and stops at the end of the play yard. Two things strike me at once: the first is that she seems like a real, flesh and blood being, and the second is that she is extraordinarily beautiful. I remember my mother as being pretty but I think all little boys feel that way about their moms. This woman is gorgeous.
She's looking down at my son with a sad, sweet smile on her face, her hands at her side. She's wearing a white, long-sleeved, shapeless gown; her hair frames her face and hangs down below her shoulders. She turns her head and looks at me.
He's a beautiful baby. I remember when you were that small; you were a beautiful baby, too.
I hear what she's saying but her lips aren't moving. I don't understand; this is all too crazy. When I look down at my son, I see that he's all smiles, staring at her and waving his arms. It's disturbing to me and I reach down to pick him up. He babbles as he alternates between looking at her and looking at me. I hold him close as I stand up.
Since she's so much shorter than me, I'm looking down at her. I feel weak in the knees so I walk over to the piano bench and sit down; that puts us more or less at eye level to each other. She takes a few steps closer to me. Her eyes alternate between looking at me and looking at Teddy. I put him on my lap and he continues to babble at her. This is all just so bizarre.
"How did you get in here?" I ask her. Since she seems so real, she must have gotten in like a normal person.
I told you. This house is a portal. I don't know exactly how it works but I'm allowed to contact you through it.
"How is it you're so solid now? You used to be more ghostly."
I'm not sure. I'm still learning how to do this. It has something to do with matter and energy. It took a lot of energy to lift that keyboard.
She reaches out as if to touch Teddy and my immediate reaction is to hug him tighter and turn away from her. I scoot over on the piano bench to put more distance between us.
"Don't touch him!" I hiss at her.
I won't hurt him. He's my grandson.
"I was your son and I got hurt plenty." I'll be damned if I'll let her near him.
I'm sorry, Christian.
"You're sorry? Sorry?! Is that what you came back from the grave for – to tell me you're sorry? Go back where you came from and leave me and my family alone!" I'm hugging Teddy so tightly now that he's starting to squirm.
Christian, I started to tell you this morning, I was so fucked up back then but I never meant to hurt you. I just didn't know how to deal with my demons so I turned to
"Hi, guys! We finished earlier than I thought so here I am!" Anastasia walks in the room, and right in front of my very eyes my mother disappears.
"How are my two – Christian! What is it? You look like you've – Wait! Is she here?"
All I can do is shake my head slowly and stare at the spot where my mother or her ghost or my hallucination was standing. I don't fucking believe this.
Teddy starts crying and that brings me back to reality. Anastasia drops her purse and bag on the floor and takes him from me. She checks his diaper but everything seems to be all right at that end so she gently bounces him from side to side.
"So what happened?" she asks quietly as she sits on the piano bench next to me. Teddy seems to have settled down but I still haven't. I take a deep breath to clear my head. It works somewhat since I'm able to respond to her.
"Let's put him to bed. Then I'll get a fire going in the pit on the terrace and we can talk about it over some wine."
"Why don't I put him to bed while you set up the fire? And no wine for me, please, I'll make myself some tea."
"Okay, I'll meet you outside. I'll leave your things in the kitchen," I say as I pick up her purse and briefcase.
Less than an hour later, she's finished her tea, the fire is almost out, and I'm still working on my scotch. She listened intently while I recounted the evening's events and now we're both pondering them in silence.
"So she's disappeared twice now when I've walked in the room, right?" Ana asks.
"That's correct."
"But it seems like Teddy can see her?"
"That's what it looks like but I can't really say for sure. I still think it's just a very vivid hallucination."
"And I'm thinking it's because I'm not blood."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're her biological son. Teddy's your biological son. You're all related by blood; I'm only related by marriage."
"I see." I pause for a moment, trying to digest what Ana's saying. Finally, I respond, "But you're working on the presumption that this is real. I'm still not convinced that it is."
"I know you're not, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that it is. Two other people that we know of, who are totally unrelated to us, have experienced the same phenomenon. To paraphrase Shakespeare, 'There are more things in heaven and earth, Christian, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.'"
"Spoken like a true English Lit major," I chide her.
"Well, this English Lit major has an idea. She wakes you up at 2:30 every morning, right?"
"So far, yes, every morning that we've stayed in the house since a week ago today."
"Then tomorrow morning when she wakes you up, wake me up and we'll go to the music room together."
"Are you sure? You really need your sleep, Ana. Besides, what'll it prove?"
"It'll prove to me that she only appears to blood relations. And if I don't see her, I'll just go back to bed. You can stay for a little while to see if she appears when I'm gone."
I sigh and stare into my glass of scotch. After thinking it over, I agree. I can always change my mind in the morning. "Okay, but if we're going to interrupt your sleep like that, we should go to bed now." We get up from our chaises. I finish my scotch, then all of a sudden, I don't know why, I feel impish. After looking around to make sure no one's watching, I walk over to the fire pit, unzip my pants, take out my dick, and dowse the fire with pee.
"Christian!"
"What? No one's watching and I killed two birds with one stone!" She sighs, shakes her head, and rolls her eyes. "Guys!" she mutters and walks away, taking the baby monitor with her.
"Mrs. Grey, did you roll your eyes at me?" I ask in mock-Dom mode, as I tuck myself back in.
"Yes, Mr. Grey, I did." She stops in her tracks and looks coquettishly at me over her shoulder. "Are you going to do something about it?"
"Oh, Mrs. Grey, you know how I feel about you rolling your eyes." So my wife wants to play! This evening just took a turn for the better.
Middle C, G
Christian!
Right on schedule, it's 2:30 and I'm instantly awake. I get out of bed immediately; then I remember that I'm supposed to wake Anastasia. She's naked on her side of the bed and sleeping soundly. The evidence of last evening's playtime is all around - her clothes are on the floor, my silver necktie is on the pillow above her head, and a flogger is on the nightstand. My cock's getting hard again just looking at all of it.
Christian!
Whoop, and there it goes back down. Nothing dampens the libido like the voice of your dead mother. I walk around and bend over Ana. Kissing her softly on the temple, I whisper in her ear, "Time to get up." She moans a little and shifts her body, as her eyes slowly open. "Are you sure you still want to do this?" I ask. She smiles, nods, and gets out of bed. She grabs her robe as we leave the bedroom.
Going downstairs, I don't hear the voice again and when we enter the music room I'm fairly certain the ghost isn't here. Strangely, I'm feeling somewhat disappointed. Ana stands by the door as I walk around the room, looking for anything that might indicate her presence, a cold draft, a glimpse of her image, anything. The keyboard cover on the piano is down.
"Do you see or feel anything?" I ask her after I've completed the circuit of the room. She shakes her head and asks, "Do you?" I shake my head in response. She walks further into the room and stands by the piano. With her eyes closed, she slowly turns around. When she stops, she opens her eyes and shrugs. "Sorry, Christian, I don't feel a thing."
"That's okay. I really didn't expect that you would."
"Are you going to stay here to see if she shows up?"
"I think so. For a few minutes, at least."
She yawns. "All right then, I'll head back to bed. Good luck!" She gives me a kiss before leaving the music room.
And now I'm all alone here. I'd like to play the piano but I won't because I don't want to disturb my family's sleep. Checking the magazine rack, I pull out a copy of Sports Illustrated, turn on a lamp, and settle on the couch to read about the upcoming football season.
Next thing I know, I'm feeling a dull ache in the small of my back; I fell asleep in a rather awkward position. The clock on the wall shows 4:45. So I had no contact from my hallucination. Did Anastasia really scare her off? Like everything else about this whole situation, it just makes no fucking sense. I get off the couch and turn off the lamp. Before I leave the room I take a last look around and that's when I notice the keyboard cover is up. Damn, will this shit never end?
I've had my run and I'm eating my breakfast while trying to feed Teddy his when Anastasia shows up at the breakfast bar. It's later than usual for her but seeing as her sleep was interrupted, it's understandable.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," I tease her as Gail sets her plate down.
"Well, maybe I'd have been down here earlier if my husband had come back to bed like he said he would."
Whoa! Where'd the attitude come from? This isn't like her.
"Sorry, babe, I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up, I figured I may as well get my run out of the way. I didn't want to wake you when I changed to my workout clothes."
"Okay." She doesn't seem too happy with my explanation but at least she's eating her breakfast, unlike our son.
"Are you seeing Flynn today?" she asks.
"I am. Do you want to join me? He might be interested in your take on all this."
"Not this time, maybe next week. Do you plan to tell him about last night and this morning?" Her tone is almost accusatory.
"Of course. That's the whole point of seeing him." What is going on with her?
"Christian, Teddy's wearing his food instead of eating it. Why don't I feed him?" She moves to take over from me but I stop her.
"Relax. Eat your breakfast. I got this." Although by the looks of Teddy, it doesn't really seem like it.
"Fine." She slams her fork on the table and gets up. "Actually, I'm not really hungry right now. I'm going in early. I'll call you later this morning." She comes over and gives me a perfunctory kiss, then gives Teddy a much warmer one, being careful not to get baby food on her clothes.
As she stalks out of the kitchen, Gail and I look at each other in puzzlement; she shrugs her shoulders. I return to trying to coax breakfast into my son. He's not even interested in the airplane game. My own breakfast has gotten cold and doesn't look very appetizing anymore. Has my whole family gone off their feed? In spite of my issues with wasted food, I decide to leave it and get ready for work. I hand off Teddy to Gail and head upstairs.
After stripping out of my workout clothes in the bathroom, I go over to the toilet to take a leak before my shower. And that's when I see why Ana was so unhappy at breakfast. Sitting on top of the counter is a box of tampons.
Shit.