A/N: WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH. Okay, I warned you. Please don't kill me. I'm sorry for writing this.

"They found another body."

No.

No. Not again. Never again.

Suddenly she's standing on the street again, in her dress, wrapped in Spencer's and Aria's arms, crying, sobbing, unable to breathe, unable to stand, unable to understand.

It's all happened before and she can't believe, she doesn't want to believe it's happening again. Her eyes burn with tears and she can't breathe.

"It's Paige, isn't it?"

She knows it. She loves Paige. Of course she died. Everyone she loves dies. Everyone. And she is too selfish to stop herself from loving them. It's her fault. She's the reason they die. She's the reason their families and their friends suffer. She's the reason she suffers.

Her mom nods and all air leaves her lungs. She sees her mom's mouth moving, but she doesn't her a word, the dull thud of her own heartbeat drowning out everything, like she's underwater. Arms pull her into an embrace she doesn't respond to and it's the last thing she remembers.

Paige is dead.

She doesn't move for the next three days, her parents have to force her to drink and eat something, have to carry her into the bathroom and dress her.

She doesn't stop crying. She cries and cries, about Paige, about Maya, about Alison, about her life. Mostly about Paige. She loves her- loved her. Her smile, her hair, her hands, her eyes, her scent. The way she held her, the way she kissed her, the way she laughed, the way she talked. The way she cared.

The way she loved her back.

She's gone and Emily will never see her again. She will never smell or hear or touch her again.

Never.

She still loves her.

She goes to the funeral and gets hugs and words of sympathy are whispered to her. Sympathy she doesn't deserve. It's her fault. It's her fault that Paige is dead.

Her life goes on. It goes on without her and it doesn't feel like her life anymore. She gets up every morning for her parents and for her friends. Because Paige would have wanted her to. She tries her best to get through the days, feeling empty and alone.

Five years later, she notices that she can't remember their last kiss. She forgot how Paige smelled and how her laugh sounded. It keeps her up at night, trying to remember every single thing, guilt and regret filling her. She can't forget Paige. It's her fault she isn't here anymore. She can't forget her.

She still loves her.

Ten years later someone falls in love with her and stays. She tries to be happy with her.

Sometimes she believes she really is happy. Sometimes, when the sky is blue and the sun shines and her body feels warm and light. Sometimes, when Hanna calls and gives the phone to her daughter who is babbling things about lollies and dresses. Sometimes, when she visits her parents, eating her mom's apple pie and hearing her dad talk.

Sometimes she feels like she can breathe and laugh and live.

But then she remembers that Paige is dead and she hates herself a little bit more every time, because, for a moment, she forgot.

She never falls in love again. She doesn't let herself. She can't bear to be the reason why someone dies.

She never falls in love again and when a dog runs in front of her car and she swerves around it, hitting a tree, she swears she hears Paige's voice as everything fades to black.

She still loves her.