AN: So I tried and tried and TRIED to upload this hours ago, but I couldn't get it to work. So I saw a suggestion and hopefully this doesn't screw other chapters up! Thanks for everything and all your kind words-ALL of them! It's very encouraging! This chapter is gearing up to a biggie! Hope you enjoy! ∞Ash

Monday November 11, 2013

He didn't want to wake up, of that he was certain. Waking up meant another day in complete emptiness. A life without...

"I know you're awake."

Ian could feel his heart seize at the sound of that voice. He recognized those melodic tones, knew instantly to whom they belonged. But, no, he was not going to open his eyes. He refused.

A soft finger grazed the contour of his jaw. "C'mon, love. Time to open your eyes."

No, he couldn't do it. He just cou-...

"Y'know ya want to."

He could hear that brilliant smile lighting her voice. Oh, God, did he want to open his eyes.

"Cillian," her voice caressed, "Look at me, love. Just open your eyes."

Ian couldn't fight it any longer, and his eyes fluttered open. The bedroom was illuminated in a soft white sunlight, but he immediately saw her lying next to him. She was propped up on her elbow, slightly hovering over him.

This couldn't be, Ian knew that; but he couldn't stop himself from venturing forward.

"...Rose...," he whispered.

She smiled that brilliant smile he adored and wiggled her fingers at him. "Hello."

An instant ache of longing seized his heart, and Ian swallowed harshly at the lump in his throat. "Wha-..."

"Ya can't sleep forever, love."

"It's better than waking."

Rose stroked his forehead, her smile softer now. "Even if I'm waiting for you?"

Ian desperately wanted to reach up and touch her, trace her face, feel her skin beneath his fingertips; but he held fast in his restraint.

"You're not."

"Oh, but I am."

He shook his head. "No, no you're not. You're not real."

Her fingers ghosted down his cheek before she finally cupped his face.

"You need to wake up now, love."

"I don't und-..."

"Cillian...," Rose said softly, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his, tendrils of her hair grazing his face, "Wake up."

Instantly Ian's eyes flew open and he recognized the cold and unfeeling environment. Not wanting to see but unwilling to close his eyes again, Ian laid his arm across his face, blocking everything from view.

He had been right–Rose hadn't been real. She wasn't there waiting for him; she never would be. The thought alone caused a sudden tightness in his chest, and he focused on controlling his breathing. Ian was sick of this. His nights taunted him, and his days reminded him that he was alone, empty.

Taking his arm away, Ian stared at the ceiling as he contemplated. This was what he deserved, he reminded himself. Whatever that other supposed "reality" had tried to convince him of had been a lie. This life, his current life, was the true reality.

Ian recollected how he had failed everyone–Harry, Jack, Sarah Jane, his father. All of them. The guilt was overwhelming. He should have realized Harry's condition early on. Should've listened to Jack when he said to hand it over to someone else. If he had listened, their father would never have been ripped from them. But Ian didn't listen, and he would always the bear that responsibility.

It was those fundamental truths, those circumstances that bored into Ian's mind that the life he'd experienced with Rose was nothing more than a fantasy–a beautiful, enriching, unbelievably powerful fantasy, but a fantasy nonetheless. Ian relentlessly cursed his foolishness for being taken in by anything else. Well, he was through with being a fool.

It was definitely time for him to wake up.

"Thanks. Have a good one," Rose said sweetly as she handed the takeaway bag to the customer in front of her. The woman offered a smile in response and promptly exited the bakery. Rose began tidying the displays, restocking whatever pastries and breads were left. She was so focused that she didn't hear Sally's approach or her calling out to her.

"Rose? Earth to Rose…"

Rose spun her head towards Sally. "Hmm? Oh, sorry. Sorta zoned out there."

"Yeah, figured that," Sally grinned, "What I was saying was are you sure ya don't mind me being gone for so long?"

"'Course I don't. It's only three weeks, and it's been ages since you've seen your mum," Rose assured her.

"Well, air tickets to New York aren't exactly small change."

"True," Rose agreed.

Sally walked over to stand next to her and leaned her forearms against the counter. "Sure ya don't wanna come with me?" she asked, bumping her hip against Rose's. "I know Mum would love to see ya, and I can always use some backup."

"As much as I'd like to see Aunt Bev, y'know I can't just pick up and leave."

"C'mon, Rose. When's the last time you took a holiday?"

"What about last month?"

Sally rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "Going to Cardiff for the weekend to visit Gwen and Rhys does not count. I mean an actual holiday. One where ya go and relax and get away from ev'rythin' and do somethin' just for you."

"I dunno," Rose shrugged.

"Exactly, which is why ya should come with me to New York. Y'know ya wanna."

Sighing, Rose ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. "Sally-…"

"Just think about, yeah?" Sally pressed.

"Alright," Rose relented. "I'll think 'bout it."

Sally's lips widened, morphing into a brilliant grin. "Good. I'm gonna pop off to Nawab's for some chicken tikka. Want anythin'?"

"Eh, think I'm fine for now. I might go get somethin' later."

Sally nodded before grabbing her bag and heading out. Rose smiled and shook her head as she watched her leave. Once Sally got an idea into her head, she was relentless. Although Rose had to agree with her, it had been a long time since she'd had a break. In truth, she couldn't remember the last time she'd actually taken more than three days together for herself. It wasn't as if she was purposefully avoiding it; she was just so preoccupied with everything else, that she hadn't given the idea of a holiday much thought.

It would be nice to get away for a bit, Rose inwardly acknowledged. Plus she hadn't visited Aunt Bev ever since she'd remarried and moved to the States. And Rose had always wanted to travel, and now would be as good a time as any. Maybe she should…

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the ringing of her mobile. Seeing who it was, Rose smiled and hit Accept.

"Yes?"

"Rose…we're bored," Jake whined.

She snorted. "Sounds like a personal problem."

"And we're hungry."

"I don't see how that's got anythin' to do with me, Jake. And who's 'we'?"

"Me and Mick. We're doin' a job and it's more complicated than we thought. Stupid gits who they hired before us apparently didn't have a bloody brain in their skulls and we gotta take out the whole thing and clear the syst-…"

Rose rolled her eyes irritably and cut him off mid rant. "Jake?"

"Wha'?"

"Why are ya callin' me?"

"I just told ya. We're bored and hungry and we want you to bring us food."

"You're not the only one who's gotta work, y'know? I have this thing called a business that requires I actually stay and do my job."

"Bet I could change your mind."

"Doubt it," Rose grumbled, getting increasingly annoyed with Jake and Mickey's whiny behavior.

"Turns out we're workin' not too far from you, in this really interesting government building. 'S practically a landmark."

"Sounds fascinating."

"It really is, actually. Seems we're a few floors down from a certain prosecutor… oh, what was his name? Ethan? Adam? Evan?"

Rose felt her breath catch and her eyes widened. They were working in Ian's building? Jake was messing with her, right? She could hear their snickering in the background, and she narrowed her eyes, gripping the mobile tighter.

"Are ya havin' a laugh? 'Cause if you are, I'm gonna-…"

"I'm not, Rose. Promise. Micks and me are down here in Ian's building. I just thought you'd like to know that nice lil' bit of info. Soo…," he drawled, "How 'bout that lunch?"

Rose could practically hear the smug grin in Jake's voice; he'd played his cards right, and he knew it. Even though she didn't appreciate the manipulation, Rose would be lying if she'd said she wasn't happy at the prospective of seeing Ian. Molding her face to hide her rapidly growing smile, Rose sighed into the receiver.

"Alright, just tell me what ya want…"

Thirty minutes later, Rose found the room where Jake and Mickey were working. Seeing as both of her hands were occupied, she kicked at the closed door, trying to gain their attention. Almost immediately, the door was jerked open.

"Finally," Mickey said, grabbing the pizza box out of Rose's hand and walking over to Jake.

"Sure, no problem. You're welcome. Oh, me? I'm fine thanks," Rose grumbled sarcastically, glaring as she watched Jake and Mickey shove pizza into their mouths.

"Oh, sorry. Thanks, Rose," Mickey replied, his answer garbled as he talked with a mouth full of pizza.

"Plonkers, the both of ya," she grumbled before walking over and sitting in one of the free chairs. As the other two continued to chow down like a couple of cavemen, Rose started to nervously twirl a strand of hair around her finger. Every once in a while her eyes would flicker upward, as if she was trying to look through the ceiling. Background sniggering caused Rose to flitter her eyes over, and she instantly saw Jake and Mickey grinning knowingly at her.

"Oh shut it!" Rose snipped, rolling her eyes and fidgeting in her chair.

"Didn't say anythin'," Jake snorted, his grin remaining firmly in place.

"Yeah, but I know what you two were thinkin', so again—shut it!" she reiterated, her tone lacking its former bite. They continued to grin at her, and Rose couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from twitching into a small smile. "What are you two doin' here anyways?" she asked, attempting to divert their focus away from her.

"Want the long or short of it?" Mickey asked.

"Short."

"The secondary security system's acting faulty. Keeps gettin' tripped. Some bloke called in a favor to your dad, so he sent us to try an' fix it. But apparently it was installed by apes, so it's takin' longer than we thought."

Rose hummed in acknowledgement, grabbing a slice for herself. As she took a bite, she noticed Jake giving her a once over.

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

"Ya didn't have to get all dolled up just for us. Unless it wasn't for us…," he trailed off playfully.

Rose fidgeted in her seat. "I'm not dolled up. I'm dressed perfectly normal, ta." Technically, this was true; she wasn't wearing anything particularly special. However, she was rather put-together. Her hair wasn't in its normal messy bun or ponytail that she sported while working; instead, it fell softly down her back. Her makeup was a little more pronounced than usual for her workday. And she may or may not have changed shirts before showing up with lunch.

Rose continued to nibble on her slice while Jake and Mickey idly chatted. Her slice finished, Rose waited a few breaths before suddenly standing up.

"I'm gonna go find a loo. Be back in a bit."

"Tell the 'loo' we said hello," Jake called after her just as her hand touched the doorknob.

Turning around, Rose finally allowed a broad grin before sticking her tongue out and leaving the room.

Cathica was above all else a professional. Her career was one of the most defining aspects of her life, and she took the upmost care to not jeopardize it. If a crisis emerged, Cathica would immediately buckle down and swiftly right the matter. If a courier mishandled a delivery, she'd physically track it down. And no matter how snappish or sharp Ian Smith would be with her, Cathica would absorb it and carry on.

But today? Oh, today was another story.

Ian Smith was in the rarest form she'd ever seen. Almost every word was piercing. His speech was cold, and his demeanor bordering on brutish. He seemed to find fault with everything, and Cathica received the brunt of the blame. Every half hour heralded a new reproof, and by early afternoon, Cathica was beginning to use her extensive legal knowledge to plot against her infuriating employer. After giving Ian his takeaway, (which he quickly deemed "tepid at best"), she closed his door and plopped into her desk chair with a low growl. Needing to release some of her overwhelming frustration, Cathica opened her personal email and began furiously typing a message to her sister. Normally she would have sent her a text, but she wasn't willing to risk Ian finding her using her mobile. Lord only knew how he'd react.

She had just hit the Send tab when there was a knock on the door, followed by its opening and a blonde head popping through the small space. Cathica recognized the woman and walked over towards her, the blonde stepping into the office as Cathica neared her.

"Hello, um…don't tell me… Cathica, yeah?" the blonde inquired with a smile.

In light of her hellish day, Cathica relished the warm tone and kind smile of the young woman.

"Yes, that's right," she confirmed, offering a small smile in return. "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name right offhand."

"Oh no worries. It's Rose."

"Right," Cathica nodded, "Yes, I remember now."

She also remembered that she'd failed to give Rose's note to Ian, but she kept silent on that. A beat passed as the two women silently stood before each other.

"Can I help you?" Cathica finally asked.

This seemed to bring Rose out of whatever fog she was in, and she quickly came to attention. "Oh, right. Sorry. I was hoping… that is, I was wondering if Ci-…if Ian was in?"

Immediately, Cathica's posture stiffened at the mention of his name. Rose noticed the change and furrowed her brow slightly.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"No," Cathica replied, her smile now tight and forced. "Of course not. He's in, but I'm not certain if he's free at the moment. What was your last name again?"

"Tyler."

"Right. Wait here, please?"

Rose's smile broadened and she nodded eagerly. Turning on her heel, Cathica approached her employer's office door. Taking a deep yet silent breath, she knocked and opened the door tentatively.

"Mr. Smith?"

"What is it, Cathica?" he acknowledged gruffly, his eyes completely focused on the file he was annotating.

At his response, Cathica entered the room fully and quietly shut the door behind her. "There's a Rose Tyler here to see you, sir."

Ian's hand instantly ceased writing, but his gaze remained downward. Cathica could see a flux of tension through his frame. Something had released and then reclaimed him, although what it was, she couldn't comprehend. After a moment, Ian said something, but it was so low, Cathica couldn't make it out.

"Sorry?"

Ian's head snapped up and his eyes bored into hers. "Do you need your hearing checked? I said I'm busy. Pay attention when I talk to you, Miss Kadanie. I don't appreciate having my time wasted by incompetence," he barked, turning his attention back to his work.

Cathica closed her eyes and breathed, literally biting her tongue to avoid retorting.

"You can leave now, Miss Kadanie," he directed, maintaining his eyes on the file in front of him.

"Yes, sir," Cathica gritted out before turning and exiting the office. It took every bit of control she had to refrain from slamming the door behind her. Steadying herself and schooling her features into a professional mask, Cathica turned her attention to Rose, who was now regarding her rather curiously.

Offering a small apologetic smile, she said, "I'm sorry, Miss Tyler. Mr. Smith is unavailable at the moment." Even as she said the words, Cathica knew they were a lie. She'd seen Ian Smith in all different types of work modes, and she knew he wasn't so indisposed that he couldn't have taken a few minutes to see the woman.

Rose's face fell ever so slightly, but she quickly recovered. "Oh…'course he's busy. It's the middle of the day. I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry to bother. If ya could just… could ya just tell 'im… forget it. Never mind. Thanks, Cathica," she said hurriedly, waving briefly before leaving the office.

As Cathica watched Rose scamper away, she couldn't help but feel for the woman. Though she had absolutely no idea what their relationship was, Cathica could tell there was something there between them. It was obvious by their reactions on hearing about one another. This other unknown just added more confusion and frustration to her already trying day. Shaking her head as if to clear her mind, Cathica went back to her desk and resumed working on the multi-paged list Ian had given her that morning.

Ian sat completely still as listened to the muffled sounds of Cathica's voice, followed by the closing of the main door. As the door shut, he closed his eyes and released a ragged breath. Why? Why couldn't the universe just leave him alone? Why did it see the need to further torment him? He was already living each day bound in guilt, was it really necessary to pierce his soul again and again?

Harshly swallowing the lump of emotion caught in his throat, Ian steeled his mind and once again buried himself in his work.

He was not going to fall prey to illusions. Not again.

As she walked back to where Mickey and Jake were working, Rose couldn't shake the wave of disappointment that had settled over her. Ian was there but he wouldn't see her. Even though those weren't the words Cathica had used, Rose had a gut feeling that she was closer to the truth. Her last encounter with him had been…lovely. Exceptional, even. The last memory she had of him was his dark eyes intensely focused on her, the emotions nearly palpable. To go from that to no contact whatsoever, just didn't make sense to her.

Then again, maybe he was just having a difficult day in light of the anniversary of his father's death. But that thought, too, made Rose's heart ache. Because if he was suffering, she couldn't bear the thought of him being alone. Her hand actually tingled with the desire to take his and intertwine their fingers, to comfort him, to ease his pain.

These thoughts were halted as Rose approached the door and heard Mickey and Jake's voices elevated. Furrowing her brow, she opened the door and walked into their bickering.

"Y'don't know what you're talkin' about," Jake grumbled loudly, though averting his eyes nervously.

"C'mon, it's so bloody obvious!" Mickey countered, just a loudly.

"Oi! What's goin' on?" Rose intervened, stepping into their sphere.

"Mick's just runnin' his bleedin' gob 'bout nonsense," Jake muttered, still avoiding eye contact.

"It's not nonsense," Mickey insisted.

"Back it up," Rose cut in, "What's nonsense?"

Mickey turned towards her. "Rose, who does Jake fancy?"

"Oh, Sally," Rose answered matter-of-factly. "Ev'rybody knows that."

"Ha!" Mickey said, looking directly at Jake.

"Oi! What d'ya mean ev'rybody knows?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Jake. 'S not like you two hide it well. We've all known for years. We've even got a pool going."

"A pool? And since when have you known?" Jake asked, crossing his arms.

"Never mind the pool. And as far as when…since ya dropped me off at my flat after our date. You used the loo and ran into her in the hall. The way you two were lookin' at each other, I was sure you'd start snoggin' each other's brains out right then and there."

Jake actually blushed, but couldn't help but grin at the memory. "Sorry 'bout that, Rose."

Though he was grinning, Rose could hear a trace of guilt in his apology. She squeezed his arm and smiled reassuringly at him. "S'alright. I already knew we weren't goin' anywhere 'bout twenty minutes in."

Mickey snorted while Jake cocked an eyebrow. "Not sure if I should be relieved or insulted."

"Anyway…," Rose drawled, "What brought this all on?"

"Jakey Boy was just whining 'bout not having a date to some wedding. I told 'im to just man up and ask Sally, and it all kinda snowballed from there."

"Who's gettin' married?" Rose asked curiously.

"Derrick Young—one of my mates from Uni. His wedding's tomorrow."

"So, what are ya waitin' for? Ring Sally. Ask her to go with ya," Rose said.

"Well, what am I s'posed to say?" Jake sounded more like a schoolboy than a grown man.

"How 'bout, 'Sally, would ya go with me to my mate's wedding tomorrow?'" Mickey suggested, rolling his eyes at Jake's ridiculousness.

"I dunno…," Jake said nervously.

"Lord, you two are exhausting," Rose sighed, pulling out her mobile and dialing.

Jake furrowed his brow at her. "What are ya doin'?"

Rose remained silent for a beat, then suddenly spoke. "Hey Sally, Jake wants to talk to you," she said, thrusting the phone at Jake.

Jake's eyes were wide with fear and alternated between her and the mobile.

"Take. The. Bloody. Phone," Rose said evenly.

Visibly gulping, Jake obediently took the mobile and walked off a ways, making it so Rose and Mickey couldn't hear the conversation. However, that didn't stop them from watching. After a few minutes, Jake ended the call and started smiling like a loon. On seeing his reaction, Mickey and Rose grinned in happiness.

"Y'know what this means," Rose said to Mickey.

"Yup," Mickey replied. "We all owe Isobel a whole lotta money."

The young blonde looked around the sparsely filled corridor, nervously searching for a certain office. One hand was buried in her coat pocket, gripping a wrinkled envelope tightly. The feel of the paper on her fingers caused a rush of panic to surge through her. Feeling her chest tense and her breaths become rapid, she closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on her center, inhaling and exhaling slowly and purposefully. The panic began to dissipate and she opened her eyes to continue her search. Finally, to her relief, her gaze finally settled on her intended location.

She had a plan. She was just going to find out if he was there. If so, she would wait patiently till he left; that way there was no chance he'd turn her away. Straightening her stance, she walked over to the door, her hand hovering just over the handle. Her hands began to tremble, and she flexed her fingers several times to ease her nerves. Taking another calming breath, she opened the door and approached the young woman behind the desk.

"May I help you?" the woman behind the desk asked.

"Is Ian Smith in court today?"

The woman's eyes narrowed in appraisal before she answered. "No, he's in his office today. May I ask-…"

"Thank you," the blonde interjected before promptly turning on her heel and exiting the office without another word.

Three hours later, Ian emerged from his office and headed towards the lift.

"Hello, Ian."

At the sound of that voice, Ian stopped dead in his tracks, and he felt himself go pale. There was no possibility it was her, but he had to be sure. Slowly, he turned around to face the source of that voice. A young blonde stood up from her perch on one of the hallway benches and walked over to him, her coat in hand and purse over her shoulder.

Ian's wide and pained eyes met hers, and he finally spoke up. "Hello, Lucy."

Lucy smiled softly at him. "It's been a long time."

"Yes," he agreed with a slight head nod.

He could feel the guilt clawing its way through him, tightening its tendrils around his neck. Unable to hold her gaze any longer, Ian diverted his eyes from her face. As his eyes skimmed over her neck and collar, he felt a sudden pang in his chest.

"You've stopped wearing high necklines," he observed.

Lucy's hand instantly went to her clavicle and she rubbed her fingers over the long thin scar. She swallowed harshly and nodded her head faintly. "Stopped about a year ago."

"What changed?"

A stronger smile made its way across Lucy's face. "I met someone. Getting married, in fact."

"Congratulations," he answered softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Lucy's eyes clouded with worry and she began fidgeting in place. "That's, um…that's why I'm here. I-I need… I need t-to know…"

She titled her head downward and closed her eyes, taking several slow breaths. Ian could feel his chest continue to tighten as he saw her anxiety. She suddenly lifted her head and garnered her courage.

"Is he out?"

"What?" Ian's eyes widened in surprise at her question.

"Harry…," Lucy's voice broke momentarily. "He's not out, is he?"

"No."

The tension in her shoulders eased. "Is there a chan-…"

"Absolutely not," Ian interjected, his tone conveying the finality of the matter.

Lucy sighed and nodded her head, a few stray tears trailing her cheeks. "I didn't think so, but he… well, he sent me a l-letter… It's the first time I've heard from him in years. It shook me up. Imagine it did you too. But… in light of everything, what with the wedding and all, I just…I just had to find you and make certain," she finished, wiping her eyes.

Ian hesitantly took a step towards her. "I promise you, Lucy, Harry's never getting out. H-he…," he closed his eyes briefly, "He can't hurt you anymore."

Lucy regarded him quietly for a moment, before reaching her hand out and touching his arm gently. "Thank you. For everything."

He began to shake his head in protest, but she squeezed his arm. "No, I mean it, Ian. I confided in you, and you went out of your way to help. And not just me, but Harry too. You're…you're a good man, Ian Smith. Don't forget that."

Squeezing his arm once more, Lucy smiled softly at him. "Take care." With that, she turned towards the stairs and walked away.

Ian watched her retreating figure.

"Take care, Lucy Cole."