Shepard was sitting silently in the co-pilot's chair again, staring out at space. The nightmares were getting worse again, more vivid. He knew it was just the stress. Even before Noveria, days of pouring over information on Saren and the geth had his brain filled to bursting. And now, he had the location of a relay that would send him to fuck knows where and no way of knowing when and why Saren intended to use it. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to clear his head once more.
"So, any time you want to thank me for pulling you out of a volcano and a zero-visibility blizzard, go ahead." Joker chirped interrupting his thoughts.
"What?" Shepard looked over at the pilot, his voice a little harsher than he meant it to be.
"I'm just saying, a man saves your ass, generally a little show of gratitude is appreciated." Joker continued, glancing at the Spectre with an arched brow.
Shepard sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, Joker." He smirked. "I just figured someone who talks so much about being the best pilot in the Alliance wouldn't need it."
"Yeah, well, sometimes a man's got to feel appreciated." The pilot grumbled, eyes twinkling.
"You saved our asses, Joker. Again. Do it a few more times, I'll think about getting you that medal."
"Oh, great. Thanks. Really considerate of you."
Shepard chuckled. "Take some shore leave when we get to the Citadel. You deserve it. We'll be docked a full day at least for resupply."
"Hell yes. I'm showing Kaidan how a real man drinks!" Joker looked over at the commander. "You should come! Bring the crew, it'll be a party!"
Shepard gave Joker a doubtful glance. "I don't know…"
"Come on, Commander. You've been looking like you've got your stick shoved up almost as far as Garrus lately." Shepard frowned at the pilot's colorful language. "You need to let loose!"
"Fine. But we're not going to Chora's Den. And I can't stay long." There was a disappointed groan from the pilot.
"Ruin all the fun, why don't you." Joker grumbled, but stopped as a new idea sparked in his mind. His eyes lit up mischievously. "You know, you should ask Williams. I bet she'd go."
Shepard glanced at him, confused. "Yeah, I was going to. Why wouldn't I? I mean, her leg's still messed up, but she should be fine on crutches. I mean, only if the doc okays it. But she seemed good yesterday, I don't see why she couldn't…" He mumbled, shrugging. "Anyway, Alenko follows her like a puppy. He would bring her."
"Shit. That's the longest answer I've ever gotten from you." Joker's grin was huge and full of laughter. "Really, Shepard? You're going to act that clueless?"
The Spectre rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, no. I'm not ruining it now. This shit is going to be fun to watch." Shepard glared at the pilot, frowning.
With an exasperated sigh, Shepard stood. "Let me know when we're an hour out." With that, he stood and activated the intercom. "This is Commander Shepard speaking. Twenty-four hours shore leave will be granted to all non-essential personnel post-docking on the Citadel." There was a definite whoop in the background. "Shepard out."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shepard changed into his civvies, toweling off wet hair and cautiously glancing in the mirror. Shit, Anderson would have a cow if he saw you. His hand ran over the thickening beard developing on his jawline. Reaching for his trimmer, he cut it down quickly, leaving only a fine stubble. Satisfied he looked only relatively grungy, he combed back his hair and walked out, clad in the simple black t-shirt and black jeans that were all he owned outside of his uniform.
"What happened to your face?" Tali warbled, her voice concerned. Shepard stared at her. The quarian sat across from Garrus in the mess, her voice full of innocence as the turian's mandibles flared in a grin. He gave a rumbling laugh.
"My face? What's wrong with it?" Shepard frowned, reaching up to touch it. Last time he looked, it was normal.
Garrus leaned over the table to lay his head in his hands, mirth filling him. "You lost your…beards? The hair you humans grow on your face." She said, raising a finger to point at his chin.
"Beard. And I didn't lose it, I just shaved it down a little. It'll be back in a few days if I let it." Shepard sighed, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.
"Oh, alright." She said simply, apparently satisfied knowing he hadn't been mysteriously injured.
"So, Shepard." Garrus was grinning at him. "Who's the lucky woman who's got you ruining your face?"
"Oh, shut up." The commander rolled his eyes. "Joker wants to get everyone together for drinks while we're on shore leave. You two coming?"
Tali simply held up a straw-like instrument triumphantly in reply. Garrus snorted at her, then nodded.
"Good. Let Wrex and Liara know they're invited." He looked up, hearing the door to the medbay swish open. Alenko strode out quietly, a smile on his face. Shepard fought the irritation that edged into him. Maybe he was just visiting Liara. He frowned. Why the fuck does it matter?
"Alenko, coming for drinks?"
"What?" The lieutenant's eyes opened wide in surprise, his smile fading. He looked as if he'd been caught cheating on a test. "Uh, yeah. Yes, sir."
"Good." His nodded simply, then walked towards the medbay, hearing the heavy exhale of someone letting out a held breath behind him.
The doors opened at his approach, and Ashley's voice greeted him.
"Damn it, Scuttlebutt- " Ashley looked up from the hand mirror she was leaning over. Her hair was down again. "Oh, Shepard…I mean, Commander. Need something, sir?"
Shepard smirked. "Scuttlebutt?"
"Alenko. The man's a damn gossip. Figured the name fit." The woman shrugged, swinging her legs off the bed.
The commander resisted the urge to ask what exactly the man gossiped about. "How are you feeling?"
"Good. Doc says I'm okay to walk, as long as I don't put too much weight on it." She smiled. He felt himself smile back.
"Good." He said, somewhat stupidly. "Listen." He paused, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Joker wanted to get everyone together to grab some drinks. If you're feeling up to it…"
"Damn right, I am." Ashley's bravado was infectious. Shepard grinned. "I may not be able to dance, but this leg won't stop me from drinking your ass under the table."
"We'll see about that, Williams." The Spectre laughed. "Don't come crying to me when you need someone to carry you princess-style again after a third shot of tequila."
"Oh, you did not – "
"See you later." Shepard waved over his shoulder with a chuckle.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shepard leaned casually against the wall outside of Flux as he waited for the others to arrive. Garrus and Tali waited inside with Joker, the pilot having arrived a little while before after taking a cab to avoid walking far on crippled legs.
"Shepard."
"Wrex."
"Why are you standing out here instead of drinking in there?" The krogan questioned in his usual growling voice. "If you're looking to escort me, I'm not going to be your date." A throaty chuckle.
Shepard grinned, and shook his head. "Just waiting for everyone to get here."
"Uh huh. Next time, I pick the bar. No more of this club crap." Wrex rumbled grouchily, shoving past him to get inside.
Alenko arrived a short while later, walking beside Liara. The asari looked hesitant. She had been more reclusive since Noveria, but as they passed him she offered a smile to the commander. The lieutenant nodded to him with a small, careful grin, and he replied in kind. As they walked in, he hesitated. Ashley should be here by now. He had assumed she would arrive with Alenko. Maybe she had decided not to come? He frowned and let go of a sigh, running a hand through his hair. An awkward clunking caught his attention, and he turned to face what was making the noise.
Ashley hobbled forward on a crutch, keeping the weight off her bad leg, her face a mix of frustration and determination. He couldn't help but smile. He saw her spot him, her eyes finding their way to his. She smiled back. And then he saw her.
His eyes trailed their way down from the lightly applied mascara around her eyes and her long hair hanging freely past her shoulders, over the plain black tank and jeans, to her feet, clad in combat boots. It was all simple, unassuming, but it fit her – it was confident. No bullshit. And it really did fit her too. The man sucked in a breath as he saw the way the clothes hugged her, showing him a glimpse of what their baggy, unisex uniforms hid. The low cut of that top…
"A gentleman would offer his arm to a limping lady, you know." Ashley's brows were furrowed accusingly as she interrupted his thoughts, but a smirk played on her lips.
Shepard cleared his throat. Shit. Get it together, Shepard. But her teasing tone brought a smile to his lips. "I never took you for a damsel in distress." He smirked. "Besides, you were really getting that hobbling thing down. I wouldn't want to ruin it." He eyed her crutch amusedly, and she gaped at him.
"Gimp jokes?" She scoffed. "Really, Shepard?" He was awarded with a playful swat to his chest. The Spectre grinned widely. "Now you're buying drinks tonight."
"Come on, everyone's inside." He laughed, waiting for her to go before him as the door opened. She rolled her eyes and limped forward.
"Commander Shepard?" A voice came over his comm, and Shepard paused, smiling to Ashley in apology for the interruption and holding up a few fingers to his ear.
"Shepard speaking."
"Sorry to bother you, sir. This is Lieutenant Girard. We have a situation on the docking bay, sir." The man's voice was nervous, hesitant. "There's a woman here. She… she was rescued from batarian slavers a few weeks ago. She was taken from Mindoir… in the raid on your town." Lieutenant Girard said carefully, waiting.
Shepard was silent. His face loss all trace of mirth. What was he supposed to say to that? He closed his eyes, taking a few steps to distance himself from Ashley and the club. Why now? Why does this come back for me now?
"What do you need, Lieutenant?"
"She managed to grab one of my guy's guns and escape. Now she's holed up here in the docking bay. She, uh… she says she wants to die."
Shepard's stomach turned over. He felt weaker than he had any right to.
When he made no reply, Lieutenant Girard continued. "I hoped you would talk to her. You went through the same thing. The raid. I figured maybe you could talk her out of her tree."
I can't possibly know what else she went through. Shepard clenched his fists. Everything I saw was only the beginning. He pushed back a resurgence of memories, trying to fight down the bile he tasted every time he thought of those fucking slavers. "I'm on my way." He murmured, defeated.
He turned around to find Ashley's eyes on him. Concern was etched on her features. "What happened?" She asked directly, in her usual no-bullshit way.
"I have to go take care of something." Shepard's voice was weaker than he meant it to be. He sighed as he saw the disappointment on her face, a hand coming to rest on her hip. "I'm sorry. I'll meet you all back on the Normandy." He fell back into his usual commanding tone, though didn't meet the woman's eyes.
"Shepard, I'm coming with. You look like you've seen a ghost. And if it's got you on edge, you might need backup."
"No." His answer was instant. She looked stricken. "I mean… Shit, I just need to do this alone." He watched her frown, hurt. But he couldn't put this on her. He had to deal with it himself. "I'll see you later." He said simply, decision made. He left her alone in front of Flux.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
His trip to the docking bay was a blur. His head was pounding with tension, trying with everything he had to stay in the present.
There was shit everywhere. At first, Owen, like the other colonists, had tried to hold on to his last shred of dignity. He had refused to relieve himself, refused to give in to the slavers' will. The others begged to be let out to use a bathroom so they could sleep somewhere that didn't smell like urine. The more friendly batarians had simply laughed, or spit in their faces. Usually they were just dragged out and beaten.
They were filthy, disgusting animals, the slavers informed them. Animals shit in their cages.
Shepard blinked as the elevator opened to his destination, shaking himself out of it again. Fuck, not this again. "Lieutenant Girard?" He called out, noticing a squad of soldiers ahead.
"Commander Shepard. Glad to see you, sir."
"Where is she?"
"Behind those shipping containers. I've got a sniper positioned, but I don't think we'll need him. She's only a danger to herself." Girard pointed to a few piled boxes in the distance. Shepard nodded. "We've got a sedative to calm her down, but we can't get close to her. Every step we take gets her more wound up."
"Give me the sedative." Shepard held out his hand. The lieutenant nodded.
"Just talk to her. If she seems like she's going to shoot, don't push her. I'm willing to wait her out." Girard added quickly as the Spectre began to turn away. Shepard simply nodded again.
He walked slowly towards the containers, rounding the corner with dread as he looked down at the small woman. Her eyes were wide, darting back and forth like a cornered animal looking for a way out. He tried to recall her face, place it with the names he remembered, but she looked younger than him. The gun she held shook feverishly. Shepard stopped a few paces from her, giving her room.
"S-stop! What are you?!" She shouted at him. He didn't move, and waited a moment to think how to best answer this.
"My name is Owen." He said quietly, in the calmest voice he could muster. "What's your name?" He doubted she had a name anymore.
"Animals don't get names." She hissed. "The masters put their symbols on her. Hot metal all over her back. She screams when they do it."
They had started taking the others. Owen watched as they fought to stay in their cages, skin and bone robed in rags. Those brought out were collared and dragged to the batarian ship. They came back branded, the blood from their new marks leaving stains on the back of their shifts. And their eyes… their eyes were empty. And they obeyed. They all obeyed their masters now.
Owen shook. Cold and hungry and desperate. He wasn't sure how much time had passed since they all died.
He had to get out.
"You're not an animal." He said slowly. She looked confused at this. "Can you think back, remember your parents? I know it's hard, but you had a name once too."
"She remembers a lot of things…" The girl mumbled, her gun beginning to lower. "Parents… Talitha. They call her that. She… she doesn't remember the rest." An eerie whine rose in her throat. "Leave her alone."
"I'm glad to meet you, Talitha." Shepard said, offering a half-smile. "I thought I was an animal once, too. But the masters lied." The girl frowned, disbelieving. "I grew up on Mindoir, Talitha. I was there during the raid."
"Lying!" She spat, her eyes growing huge. "You get hit for lying! Get the buzz or the burning. Can't be there." She shook her head wildly. "Why are you alive? Why are you not like her?!" Her voice broke. "Broken. Only fit to dig and carry…"
He was shaken awake. His whole cage rattled.
"Get up, filth." One of them grunted. Owen tensed, looking around. It was his turn, he knew it. They were going to change him. Adrenaline pulsed in his veins, fueling an instinct for survival. They wouldn't get him. He was forgetting why it mattered, but he knew he couldn't let them have him. A snarl ripped from his throat as a hand reached in to pull him out by his hair.
He twisted and thrashed, weak muscles finding fire in desperation. "Stop struggling, or I'll shoot you now." It grunted, rewarding him with a quick knee to the gut. Owen felt his breath leave him. He was weak and hungry. And filthy. Like an animal.
His throat tightened. "I was, Talitha. For a long time. They killed my family, my friends. I was caged, too." The woman looked at him through narrowed eyes, trying to weigh the truth of his words. "But I was lucky."
"You were there. For the fires and the smoke and the smell of burning meat." Shepard took a deep breath, nodding. "She tried to play dead. If she's dead, they won't see her. But they know. They put her in a pen. She didn't fight. She was already broken when they put the wires in her." Her voice was sad. "You lose your mommy and daddy. But you don't dig…" She murmured, watching him curiously. "You don't carry. You stand up." Her voice was weak again. "She wishes she could stand up…"
The master dragged him down the line of cages. He was numb now. He had no way out. He had no one to go to if he did. The others were all being dragged out of there cage now as well, loaded up. He didn't think of what might come as they approached the batarian vessel. Animals didn't think.
One of the others was crying nearby. Someone was always crying. He looked towards the child, penned up with another of the young ones. He hadn't been taken yet. He looked like he was the same age as his brother.
He had a brother.
The child sobbed, backed in a far corner. His face was covered with his hands. That was when he noticed the other boy lay dead. The slaver dragging him stopped and look at the sobbing boy, shouting something obscene and threatening the child to be silent. It didn't stop sobbing.
The batarian removed his weapon from its holster and fired a few quick shots into the boy's abdomen.
Owen felt anger surge through him. Something primal hit him as he watched the boy collapse. No. He wouldn't let them be his master. He ripped himself from the batarian, feeling his hair pull from his scalp as he freed himself from the slaver's grip. He wouldn't let them take him. They didn't get to have his sanity too.
An arm reached out to grasp the batarian's still drawn weapon. He took it, pointed it at the slaver's face, and pulled the trigger.
Then he ran.
Shepard watched the woman as she shifted from foot to foot, still shaking. "I escaped them Talitha. You did to." He said quietly. "How did you get here? Do you remember?"
"She can't escape. They have chains. Wires. Needles. They take your brains." She said, shaking her head. "Animals like her come. Animals like you. Animals with guns. They make the masters explode." She eyed him suspiciously. "She tries to fix the masters. So they won't be mad at her. She puts all the reds and purples back in, but they don't move. The other animals take her." Tears were in her eyes. Shepard felt the bile rise in his throat.
Owen didn't know where he was going. He wasn't thinking that far ahead. He was still waiting for them to come after him, to feel a bullet hit him, to feel their whips on his back again. He ran as the shots sounded farther and farther behind him, only stopping when exhaustion wouldn't allow him to run further. He tripped over rubble, and stumbled into someone's abandoned home. He collapsed against the door. He was so tired.
"You were afraid, Talitha. They were all you knew, but the masters hurt you. You're free now. You're not an animal anymore." Shepard didn't know if she was too far gone. It had been thirteen years. Thirteen years of being nothing.
"She doesn't want to see the other animals." Talitha said desperately, shutting her eyes. "They aren't real. They can't be real. They can't see her." She muttered wildly, shaking again. "If the animals see her, then this is real. This can't be real. The wires. The chains. The hitting. This doesn't happen to her. It's another girl. A filthy girl. A stupid girl. She deserves it!" A sob racked the woman. "I-it happens to her, doesn't it? They see her… its real. She doesn't want it to be real."
There were voices outside. He crawled to the windows, seeing figures approaching, weapons drawn. He got up and bolted into one of the back rooms. He struggled against a dresser, pushing it against the door. Then he waited, watching. The slaver's gun was shaking in his hand as he pointed it at the door.
"I know I saw someone run in here, sir."
"Give it a sweep. We'll check the other buildings. It looks like the bastards got away with the last of them, though." Footsteps followed a heavy sigh. Owen waited. His grip on the gun strengthened.
There was a rattle as someone tried to open the door. "Hello? Is someone in there?"
Owen didn't answer. The voice wasn't guttural like the slavers'.
"I'm with the Alliance. We're here to help." A firm push, and the dresser creaked against the floor.
"Stay the fuck out!" Owen barked. He backed away from the door, searching the room for any other way out. The voice had to be lying. The Alliance wouldn't come now, after it was all gone.
"Talitha, you were only a child. You didn't deserve anything that's happened to you. No one blames you for wishing it would go away." Shepard said quietly. "We all wished it would go away."
"I'm not here to hurt you." It said calmly. Another push, and the opening widened. A helmeted figure stepped in slowly, hands up. "Whoa, there. Can you put that gun down? I just want to talk."
"Get away from me! You can't take me!" He shouted again, backing into the wall. He was trapped again. He couldn't be trapped again.
"She wants to believe that. She wants to believe nothing would change." She murmured, looking down. "She doesn't want to be there anymore. In the pen. In the cage. Lying quiet while they do things to her."
"You don't have to be there anymore, Talitha. You're free now. They can't hurt you anymore." He watched her sadly. "I'm going to take a step towards you now, okay?" Shepard took a tentative step forward.
He squeezed the trigger. He missed, burning a hole in the dresser.
"Hey!" The voice shouted in surprise, jumping away. He held up his hands again. "I'm not here to take you. I just want to help you." His hands reached up to his helmet, removing it to reveal his face. A human face.
Owen trembled, unsure. Could it really be over? This was how it ended? "No…" He murmured, watching the man's face. He couldn't start to hope again. They died when he tried to hope.
"Are you the only one in here?"
"I'm alone." His voice was empty, his mind still trying to comprehend the man's existence. "They took everyone. They caged us." He continued, eyes staring at the man. "They killed Cass, and Bryce, and Mom. And Dad." His eyes were suddenly stinging, but there wasn't enough water left in him to make tears. His knees were week. "I couldn't save them. Any of them." He choked out.
"No!" Talitha screamed. "She's no good! She's filthy! Don't want to be handled again!"
"I won't touch you." Shepard promised. "I just want to help. I'm taking another step, alright?"
"She doesn't want…" Her voice was weaker. "Please don't touch her. She's dirty. You'll catch it."
The man stepped forward, his eyes misty. His hand had lifted, as if unsure if he should reach out to comfort the boy in front of him.
"I didn't want to be an animal anymore." Owen murmured, sliding down the wall.
"You're not an animal, child." The man murmured soothingly, crouching beside him. "What's your name?"
He stared into the man's eyes. They were full of compassion, light. It felt like he hadn't seen light in days. "Owen. Owen Shepard."
"Owen." The man said simply, nodding. Hearing his name filled him with hope. The man offered his hand to Owen. "My name's David. David Anderson. Now, let's get you out of here."
Shepard stepped forward again. "Talitha, I can give you medicine that will make you fall asleep." He held out the sedative in an open palm. "If you take it, they'll bring you to a place where you can get better. It will be okay there, Talitha. You don't need to be scared anymore."
She watched him carefully, contemplating. "It hurts. When she…when I remember me. But she wants to remember." She glanced down at his hand, "…will I have bad dreams?" She asked, reaching out to take the pill.
"You'll dream of a warm place. And when you wake up, you'll be in it." Shepard replied, unsure how to answer. The dreams didn't go away. At least they hadn't for him. But he couldn't tell her that. Talitha nodded, swallowing the pill. A few moments later she fell, limp, into his arms. He held the woman against him. "You're safe now…" He murmured weakly.