Ashley limped into the club, deciding now more than ever she needed a drink. She had stared after Shepard when he left her standing there, alone, in front of Flux.
She was sure the man had been flirting with her. He acted so much different with her than the others. Playful, young. Even when the others on the squad did get him to joke back, his replies were short. But he goaded her on, asked her questions, checked up on her. Alenko told her the man had hardly left her bedside after Noveria. And last night, when he invited her out for drinks, he was almost… nervous?
The soldier had never thought to see this side of Commander Shepard: N7 marine, survivor of Akuze and the first human Spectre. It was such a sharp contrast to his usual cold exterior, to the front he had used with her just then – when he ordered her to stay put, all lightness leaving his green eyes. Ashley spotted the group of Normandy crew at a table nearby, drinks firmly in their hands as Joker gestured widely about something, laughter roaring from his companions. She let the sound wash over her. Screw him, if he wanted to be a dick, he could. It meant nothing to her.
"Ashley! About fucking time!" Joker yelled, obviously already inebriated. "Come on, sit here," He nudged Kaidan and the man frowned, scooting over. "Us cripples gotta stick together!"
Ashley laughed, and squeezed in between the two. Kaidan was giving her an appraising look, a question in his eyes, but he had the sense not to ask then. "So, who's buying me a drink?" She grinned, though looked only at the biotic.
He let out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine. I'll be right back." He got up to head to the bar.
She looked over to the rest of the table, nodding to their alien companions. She had come to get use to their company, even grudgingly starting to like Tali. The girl was too genuinely friendly not to. She reminded Ashley of her little sister. Garrus she could respect because of his skill, if nothing else. The krogan gave her as much distance as she did him, something she appreciated due to the sheer size of the beast. And despite his brutishness, he didn't beat around the bush when asked his opinion.
Wrex returned her nod, then returned his scrutiny towards Liara. The asari was nervously swirling a straw in her drink. "Drink it." She looked up at the krogan, startled. His voice was low and growling, as usual, but Ashley swore there was some gentleness in it. "It's good."
Liara took a tentative sip. "Yes, it is. Thank you, Wrex." She smiled at the krogan, and Wrex beamed back at her with a toothy grin. I don't want to know.
"Hi, Ashley. I'm glad you came!" Tali said sweetly. Ashley smiled and nodded. Garrus sat beside her, drinking something oddly green and eyeing the soldier quizzically.
"Hey, Williams." The turian said with a nod. "Shepard didn't come in with you?"
"The Commander's not coming." Ashley said with a shrug. Joker spat out his drink.
"What! That asshole told me he was." Joker cried indignantly. He eyed her suspiciously. "What did you say?"
"What? Why would I have anything to do with it?" She scoffed, flinging her hair off a shoulder. "He got a call and said he had something he needed to take care of, then left."
"No backup?" The turian asked, more curious than accusing, as if trying to riddle the scene out.
Ashley sighed with frustration. "I offered. He said he needed to go alone." Kaidan arrived with her drink. She took it gratefully, gulping down a large portion.
"Geez." The lieutenant muttered, watching her drink. "What happened?" He asked, turning to the rest of them.
"Commander's not coming. Apparently off on some super-secret Spectre business or something." Joker grumbled, eyes still fixed on Ashley. The soldier glared back at his scrutiny. "He just left you? Looking like that?" The pilot gestured pointedly towards her outfit, and Ashley awarded him with a punch to the shoulder. "Ow! Watch the arm!"
"He just left. Now, can we move on?" Ashley drawled. Though the pilot had a point. She looked damn good, she had made a point to. And she knew Shepard had noticed from the way he had practically drooled when he first saw her. The soldier knew she shouldn't be trying anything – he was her Commander, after all, and fraternization was against Alliance regs. But damn, he was hot. And it wasn't like that rule was never broken. Not that she meant to, the Williams name couldn't take another hit to its reputation. But still… she sighed wistfully, then shook herself out of it.
"So, how can you tell when a turian is out of ammo?" Joker grinned, and Garrus snorted.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He was lost. But he didn't care. Green eyes stared, blank, at the lights of skycars driving above him in the lower wards. He wasn't sure how he got there. He wasn't sure where to go. A bottle of whiskey was clasped firmly in his hand and he stared, trying to focus on the lights. Trying to focus on anything but the bile in his throat and the phantom stench of shit and rot and burning flesh that haunted his nostrils.
People of every species walked by him, giving him a wide berth. He was tense, all rigid muscle, bound tight and ready to snap. He took another swig, trying to drown the feeling. The helplessness. It had been a while since he'd tried to calm it this way, but it always worked in the past. At least, if he drank enough he could black out and not dream. A voice in his head told him he should be back on the ship, that he had work to do, that lives were depending on him to get the fuck off his ass and find Saren. And then he felt helpless again. Another swig, and he stood, abandoning his post against the wall of some shoddy bar.
He walked surprisingly steady for how blurry his vision was becoming. He'd find a cab, get back to the Normandy. He could pass out there, maybe ask the doc for some of those sleeping pills again. Those usually dulled it. His heartbeat was racing. It had been racing since he handed Talitha back over to Lieutenant Girard.
He left her again. He left them all. Left them all behind in the filth to lift and carry and obey. Fists clenched. Another swig.
Someone shouted, a pleading cry. Shepard felt his throat tighten. He closed his eyes. It's not real. It's not now. Stop fucking around.
But then it happened again. He looked around, spotting an alley. He walked into it.
"This is all you have?" A man spat. "What a waste of fucking time. I don't know why we bother scoping the wards, all we catch is more broke rats." He delivered a blow to a crumpled man's stomach with his boot. He whimpered.
"Wait, there's someone coming." The thug's companion muttered, looking up at Shepard. The Spectre's fist clenched around his bottle.
"The idiot's drunk. He probably spent what he had on that bottle." The thug spat at the ground. "Filthy fucking street rats. Shake him down."
Shepard's vision was already black when they came forward.
He was vaguely aware of the crack of bone under his fist, of the sharp blade that gouged his side. His hand popped and split again, ruining the doctor's work from the day before. But it didn't matter. The pain wasn't there. Only the anger. Something hard hit his face, but he lashed right back at it. The rage always saved him. It got rid of the helplessness. It got rid of the memories. There was only anger, pounding blood and racing heart. The adrenaline filled him, woke him. Healed him.
When his heart slowed, the stench was gone from his nose. All he tasted was blood and whiskey. He looked at his hands, beaten bloody, then to the ground. He took in the two unconscious men, their faces cracked and swollen. Shit. He lost control again. He glanced at their victim, the man staring back at him wide-eyed.
"Oh, wow." The man said, standing up. "You really beat them up. I mean, you totally kicked their ass! Wow!" He said lamely. He gave Shepard a worshipping look. "Wait, I know you! You're Commander Shepard! The Commander Shepard! The Hero of Eden Prime!"
Shepard frowned, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to back away.
"I'm Conrad, Conrad Verner! I'm your biggest fan!" The blonde man shouted, thrusting out his hand to shake. Shepard reluctantly accepted, fighting a wince as the man clasped down. Think I broke it this time. "They say you single-handedly killed more than a hundred geth on Eden Prime, and seeing that, I believe it! Wow!"
"Yeah, well, they say a lot of things. Look, I have to go…"
"Wait! I know you must be super busy, being a Spectre and all, but do you think I could have your autograph?"
"…on what?"
"Oh, here!" Conrad produced a picture of Shepard from his pocket. Why the fuck does this guy carry around a picture of me?
"Uh, yeah, okay." He scribbled his name hastily, they proceeded to turn around. This fucking day.
"Oh, wow, thanks! My wife will be so impressed!" Wife?! "Listen, let me buy you a drink. They broke that bottle of yours on you, it's the least I can do!"
Shepard glanced at his ribs, the pain beginning to hit him. Fuck, that hurts. "Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen."
"Oh, right. You're very busy, I get it. Another time! I'll see you around, Shepard!" Conrad called after him, waving excitedly.