"Commander Shepard. We've received information that may be critical to your mission against Saren."

The asari and salarian councilors' holographs stood before him. Shepard's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Where's my favorite? The missing turian council member was more than a little odd. He doubted the asshole would miss a chance to ridicule him by choice. "I'm listening."

"We've received an urgent message from one of our infiltration regiments stationed in the Traverse." Valern explained. Infiltration regiments? Shepard's brow furrowed, but he let the salarian councilor continue. "We have several stationed along the border of Citadel space. This particular unit was gathering intel on Saren."

Oh, so glad I knew about it. "Did they find something?" The commander prompted automatically.

"Unfortunately, the message was little more than static." Shepard frowned at Valern's words. Of course. "But it was sent on a channel reserved for mission-critical communications. Whatever they were trying to tell us, we know it was important. Considering your interest in Saren, we thought you might want to investigate this." My interest? Where the fuck did your interest go? "Find out what happened to our team. The signal originated from the planet Virmire."

Councilor Tevos cleared her throat as Shepard glared daggers at the salarian. "The Council prefers not to become involved in the specifics of Spectre activity." The Council prefers not to be involved in anything, apparently. "We only wanted you to be aware of your options. Including Virmire." The asari studied him for a moment. "Good luck, Commander Shepard. We look forward to your next report."

The holographs cut out, and the Spectre was left standing alone in front of the communications panel. Shepard rolled his neck back and forth, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do with this new information. He knew he should be excited, filled with a renewed determination to catch Saren. But all he could think of was Cerberus. If they diverted now, he was almost positive they would lose their chance to take down the terrorist organization. The bastards probably already had a heads up like they had on Nepheron - they needed to get to them before they completely cleared shop.

The way that the Council had delivered the news put Shepard on edge as well. They dodged any further commitment to taking on the rogue Spectre, making sure the responsibility and any consequences would fall solely on Shepard. He couldn't shake the feeling of being set up for failure. There was something going on with this infiltration unit that he wasn't being told about. But if they had found Saren… He sighed and turned away from the controls, walking slowly towards the door. This infiltration team was stuck in the Traverse with no comms and likely in distress, if the use of an emergency channel was any hint. They were in danger, and the commander knew that they needed to get to them as soon as possible.

Shepard hit the door control and strode out, walking towards the bridge. He knew the Council's team likely needed them. But Cerberus… He couldn't just let them go. He was duty-bound to take down Saren, for the Alliance and for the Council. He knew the turian held a larger threat - massacring colonies with a geth army and threatening to end life as they knew it. But Saren, the Reapers, it all still felt a little intangible. Only the persistent echoes of the beacon's vision kept him from doubting the Reapers' existence. The commander walked up quietly behind Joker and stared out of the cockpit's windows into space. He wanted to stop Saren. He had to.

But he hated Cerberus. And it wasn't something he could just let go. Shepard sat silently in the co-pilot's chair with a quick glance at a sleeping pilot. Really nice, Joker.

"Lieutenant Moreau." Shepard put on his best, deepest commander voice. The reaction was instantaneous.

"Shit! What?" The pilot's eyes shot open, flickering around wildly before finding the commander. "Damn it, Shepard. You scared the shit out of me."

"Sleeping on duty?"

"I wasn't sleeping, just resting my eyes." Joker grinned.

"Why don't you just get some shut eye? That's why we have relief pilots."

"They suck." There was a scoff from one of the crewmembers on the bridge. "I'm damn sure I can fly better in my sleep than they ever can." Joker grinned then looked at the commander a little critically. "Can I do something for you or are you just trying to send me to an early grave again?"

Shepard didn't answer for a moment, looking back out the window. I can't just let those bastards go. The same thought raced through his head, over and over. It was pushing back the beacon's pulse, prioritizing itself in his mind. After what they did to everyone, to Toombs, how could he just drop this and move on to something else? The corporal needed absolution. It was the only reason he had agreed to come with Shepard, with the man that left him to die. He was counting on the Spectre to take Cerberus down.

But the Council, the Alliance, Anderson, Ash… Everyone needed him to eliminate Saren. Shepard thought back to his promise to Ashley, to try. The hate and rage burned at him, blistered his thoughts and made him want nothing more than to dismiss the Council's call as shoddy evidence and move on to the next Cerberus facility. But he thought of her, and he had to try.

When he looked back to the pilot, Joker was staring at him with an arched brow. "Are we having quiet time again?"

"We're changing our destination." Shepard leaned forward, entering coordinates into the flight controls.

"Where…" Joker read the screen. "Virmire? What's on Virmire?"

"I don't know. But it sure as fuck had better involve Saren." He pushed himself back up from the co-pilot's chair. "Get us there, Joker. Let me know when we're close." The commander growled and trudged back through the CIC. He was suddenly exhausted, feeling like he had lost a long battle. Electing to continue his wild goose chase after Saren rather than take out Cerberus wasn't something he felt good about. It was too much like giving up, like forgetting, like walking away again. He bristled. Shepard's stomach was rising in his throat as he exited the doors into the second floor of the Normandy.

"Hey there, Commander." Ashley's voice was playful and warm, but Shepard felt weighted. He glanced over her, hand cocked on her hip and a welcoming smile on her face as she waited in front of the elevator to the hangar. The woman's expression faded, however, as she took him in. "What's up? Didn't they have anything?"

Shepard grimaced, glancing away as a laugh sounded from the mess. How was he supposed to explain that yes, they had, but he wished they hadn't so he could continue shooting holes through the heads of the people that had massacred his unit? "They did." The two short syllables rolled off his tongue a little drily. Ashley's brows came together in suspicion.

"So what's with the angry face?" The soldier asked bluntly, as usual. Some sort of victory cry echoed around the floor, and her inquisition was momentarily broken as she smirked. "Guess Kaidan lost."

"Lost?" The commander prompted quickly, seizing the opportunity to change the subject. "Lost what?"

"He bet Garrus he could beat him arm wrestling. Showing off for Blue, probably, and I think his ego was a little bruised when I told him his cooking looked like crap. Not my fault he tried to make up for it by showing off his manly, manly muscles." Ashley shrugged, grinning. "Gotta tell it like it is." The elevator door opened, and she ducked inside.

"You always do." Shepard murmured simply, smirking a little.

"Damn right, Skipper. Now, are you coming?" Her hand returned to her hip. "You were about to tell me why the Council has you so pissed again."

The commander frowned. "Ash, I should start prepping for the mission. I don't know anything about where we're going, what we'll face…"

"You can do that later. If we're re-plotting our course, it'll probably be a while until we reach our destination, right? And as a member of your team, I'd feel more confident about the mission after a full brief." Her eyes twinkled with tenacity. She just doesn't give up. She held the door open with a finger on the control and it beeped in protest. "Shepard, come on. You're not going to get anything done anyway if you're brooding as intensely as you seem to be."

The Spectre sighed, resigned to his fate, and stepped in beside her. She beamed at him and it was his turn to roll his eyes as the door closed behind him and they started downwards. Ashley punched him in the arm.

"Cheer up, Skipper. I think you're forming rainclouds over your head." She badgered, and Shepard simply glanced sidelong at her, forcing a weary smile. Ashley frowned and was silent, her brown eyes narrowing with worry. "Did something happen?"

"What? No. I…" His hand twitched up compulsively to his hair, running over it slowly. "It's nothing. I'm sorry, just tired I guess." He excused lamely, not meeting her gaze. In true Ashley Williams fashion, she stepped stubbornly out in front of him.

"You were fine earlier. Happy even, as miraculous as that was to see." Gee, thanks. "What happened, Shepard?" She demanded again, her eyes fiery as they met his, close enough to make out the flecks of lighter, brandy hues within her warm brown eyes. Her face was set with that determined look she sometimes got out on missions. And she was so fucking beautiful. He inhaled a deep breath to dislodge a fantasy of pushing her against the door and silencing the questions with a deep, furious kiss. She distracted him, as always, and for a moment he didn't think of Toombs or his unit or Cerberus. Then the door opened, and he walked past her into the hangar. It was empty, the rest of the crew presumably still in the mess.

"Ash, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Shepard, you can't just deal with all of this by yourself. Unless you want to go beat up that punching bag for a second time today, I think it's time you figured out another way to deal." Ashley's hand rested on his shoulder, stopping him this time and turning him back towards her. "People say it's good to talk about it. I'm here. Talk."

"Shrinks say that."

"Yeah, they're people, too. And they say it for a reason. It helps." The woman insisted, her hand moving to rest on the side of his neck. His eyes closed at the contact. "I just don't want you charging in to wherever we're going with your head somewhere else again. If this does have something to do with Saren, we can't afford for you to be unfocused."

Again, she hit the mark spot on. Her ability to sniff out weaknesses was uncanny. Shepard frowned, eyes opening and meeting hers briefly before he turned away again and walked towards a pile of supply crates, collapsing onto one in exasperation. "Ash…" You're impossible, stubborn, nosy, and too damn irresistible. He sighed, hand running through his hair once more. The soldier followed him to his new perch, kicking his leg over so she could rest beside him.

"Shepard, please."

His hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose, and he sighed again. "The Council has infiltration teams out in the Traverse. Apparently one of them - on some planet called Virmire - went dark, but not before they sent off an emergency message. They were investigating Saren." Ashley's brow furrowed. "The message was static and the unit's comms have gone silent, but our friends on the Citadel believe that whatever it was, it was urgent and needs immediate checking in to. And if they were looking into Saren…"

The soldier nodded. "They're in danger." Ashley agreed, but a puzzled look spread over her features. "Why does this have you upset? I mean, sucks for them, but we're going to help and we have a lead on Saren. That's good, isn't it?"

The commander rolled his neck. "It's good for the mission." He murmured simply, causing Ashley to arch a brow.

"But?"

"Cerberus." Shepard spat, fists balling involuntarily. "Diverting to Virmire means Cerberus has even more time set up their operations elsewhere. They know we're on to them, and they're likely already clearing house. Letting them get away…"

Ashley rested tentative fingertips on his fists. "Shepard, you know you made the right call. Saren is threatening the entire galaxy, with these damn Reaper things, whatever they are. Cerberus is evil, no doubt, but we have to stick to our priority mission. We'll find them again." The Spectre looked at her doubtfully. "If we wait on Saren, it might be too late."

"I know. I just…" He couldn't meet her eyes. He felt defeated. "They killed them, Ash. My entire fucking unit. I don't want to leave them behind again." The soldier squeezed his hand with one of hers, the other coming up to pull his face towards her.

"And Saren killed mine." She said, her voice resolute. "If it wasn't for him and those damn flashlight-heads, my squad would still be alive. But this isn't about vengeance, you know that." Ashley ran a thumb over his jaw, the muscles tense beneath her touch. "We need to stop Saren to make sure he doesn't hurt anymore of our people. We're the only thing standing between Saren and our colonies, even Earth. The Council gave this to you to do alone. We can't let them stand alone while Saren steamrolls the galaxy with a bunch of doom machines." He was such a fucking idiot. He knew all of it, but hearing it spoken out loud… Shepard leaned into her touch. "And as far as leaving them behind… Shepard, you left no one behind. Not on purpose. You were stuck in a shitty, horrible situation and somehow managed to come out alive. Stop blaming yourself for surviving."

Shepard felt his throat clench, the air suddenly knocked out of him as if he'd been punched in the gut. He pulled away from her and rested his head in his hands, his fingers threading themselves into his hair. The screaming was in his ears. He heard Toombs' misery as the maw pulled him under. His nostrils filled with the scent of rot and decay as the screaming stopped and there was only the terrible silence and Jamie's dead eyes, the gun that killed her still taunting him from her hand.

And he stayed there, waiting, even the rumbling from the thresher maws seizing so he was so completely alone, burning and shaking and hoping somewhere deep inside that the acid would just end him already so he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. And all he could think was why the fuck it was always him, surviving while everyone lay in heaps around him. And he gave up, and waited for death while he stared at them and thought of his father and his last words and wondered maybe if now he would actually find him.

"Shepard, come on, look at me." Ashley's voice was laced with concern. It pulled at him, puncturing his memories. Shepard took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. The soldier knelt before him, one hand on his knee while the other reached up to rest over one of his hands on his head. "Hey, come on. I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"No." He grunted, lifting his head and shaking it, fighting to keep his voice from sounding too gruff. "No, don't be sorry." He grasped her hand. She steadied him, grounded him. His breathing was slowing. Ashley's eyes were brimming with worry. "I'm fine, I just... I guess I'm not as strong as you with it."

"Shepard, don't be stupid. It has nothing to do with that." She coddled, and he shook his head.

"Yeah, okay. But you're right, about Saren, about our mission. He's threatening everyone. No matter what, he needs to come first." Shepard muttered, and Ashley frowned at him. "Thank you. For reminding me of that." He reached out to push a piece of hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek softly with his thumb. Ashley nodded and offered a small, reassuring smile. It warmed him. He still felt like shit. Everything was too new. But knowing she was here, knowing he wasn't completely alone… it helped. The commander pushed himself off of the crate and stood. "I need to go look into Virmire, see what we should expect down there. We should be there tomorrow. I'll send you the briefing time." He looked down at her as she watched him, a debate playing in her eyes. "Good night, Ash." He gave her a small smile in return, and turned to walk away.

"Wait, Skipper." Her voice sounded behind him and he turned, and suddenly her arms were draped around him, her face nestled by his neck as she held on to him. She was silent for a moment, her breath tickling his neck and making him shiver at the contact. Her body pressed against his, warm and soothing. "I'm here, Shepard. Anytime you need." She murmured against him.

His face burrowed into her hair as he brought his arms up and pulled her closer.