Chapter Three Coming Back

Matt continued to ride south back to Dodge, stopping once briefly to rest and water Buck, refill his canteen, and eat a few pieces of jerky before going on his way. His need to get back to Kitty was driving him, but he knew he would have to make camp for the night eventually, and he was already feeling the frustration of hours wasted that could be spent closing the distance between them. When he'd left Dodge for the trials, Doc seemed confident that the worst was over for her physically, yet it had been obvious to both of them that all was still not right with Kitty.

Doc had explained it to him while she was still delirious from fever. She had a concussion, and sometimes head injuries could cause a change in personality. In addition to that were the emotional scars she would have long after her physical injuries had healed. She was a strong woman, but Bonner and his gang had done everything they could to break her. There was no way to tell if the Kitty they knew would be back.

Already wracked with guilt since he first learned Kitty had been abducted, he knew where the fault would lie if Kitty couldn't come back from this. The Dog Soldiers' brutality had caused her injuries, but all the blame rested on his shoulders. His failure to protect her had caused the very thing he had feared for the last eighteen years. Kitty had been used in the cruelest way possible to get to him, and now there was nothing he could do for her except wait and hope. Every last Dog Soldier could hang and spend an eternity in Hell, but it would take more than that to make things right for Kitty.

Although she was aware Doc had left the door open, Kitty was past the point of caring whether he heard her. She wept openly as she stroked Pumpkin's fur, and he continued to purr and rub his head against her shoulder and neck. She sensed that Doc would let her be unless she really needed him.

Her realization about Pumpkin had opened the floodgates, but that was just the beginning. Kitty had not really cried over what had happened to her. True, she'd been tearful when she woke up to find Matt had gone after Jude Bonner, and she'd cried with relief when he came back to her alive. And she'd cried a little after Matt left for Hayes for the Dog Soldiers' trials. He'd been at her side almost constantly since he'd returned from capturing Bonner and she couldn't bear to think of being without him for weeks on end-no one knew for sure how long it would take to try so many men. And of course, in the first week or two after the kidnapping, she was in so much pain she sometimes couldn't keep from crying, no matter how she tried. But of course, all those times were out of physical pain and her concern for Matt. While she hadn't actually put what had happened to her out of her mind, she hadn't spent much time dwelling on it, either. Crying over her injuries was one thing, but she didn't see much point in crying over the cause of them. What was done was done and crying wasn't going to make it go away. So she had not cried for herself, not even when an attorney from the state had come to take her deposition for the trials. Somehow, she had managed to separate fact from emotion as she answered all his questions. Mercifully, he had been too embarrassed to ask her to describe the ways she'd been violated or by how many men. Her mind hadn't been capable of much more than acknowledging that it happened. Not having to provide details had allowed her the strength to get through it without breaking down.

Now, as she allowed some of the memories of that day to come back to her, she held on to the comfort Pumpkin gave her as she cried like she had never done in her life. Feelings she hadn't even known she had came to the surface. Her anger at the men who had done those things to her, though they knew it would never bring Virgil Bonner back to life. Her desperation when she first tried fighting them off and her utter hopelessness when she finally gave in to the realization that she couldn't. Her shame at the knowledge that they had used her, and Matt's love for her, as a means of revenge against him. Her sadness at the guilt she knew Matt felt at her being used against him. And her happiness at the certainty that the love between her and Matt was as strong as it ever was. Jude Bonner had not taken that away from them.

She cried until she no longer had any tears left. Exhausted, she lay back against the pillows, calmly continuing to stroke the cat around his head and neck. But it wasn't the same passive calmness she had displayed since waking from the fog of fever and pain weeks earlier, not caring about anything except for the fact that Matt was beside her. This time it was a quiet reassurance that she could still care about something.

Doc had finally gotten caught up in the tasks he had found for himself in an attempt to distract himself from the fact that Kitty was crying in the next room. The anguish he could hear in her sobs nearly broke his heart and several times he considered ignoring her wishes and going in to attempt to comfort her, but he reluctantly allowed her the time to herself, knowing that, like Matt, she needed to work things out in her own way. So it wasn't until he had finally made up the last bottle of pills that he realized she had fallen silent. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to check on her at this point, he crept to the door silently and peeked in. Pumpkin was curled up in her chest with his eyes closed, purring. Kitty's eyes were also closed and one hand rested on Pumpkin's curved back. Thinking her asleep, Doc turned to tiptoe away without disturbing her.

"Doc?"

He paused a moment, his back still toward her. Her voice was a little hoarse and still somewhat weak, but he could hear in just one word that something had changed for her. Unless it was just wishful thinking on his part, it held none of the uncertainty, fearfulness, or near-apathy that had characterized her recovery. Kitty actually wanted something, and unless it involved traveling up to Hays and personally dragging Matt back to Dodge, it would be his distinct pleasure to make sure she got it. He turned back and looked at her expectantly.

"Will you have Sam bring my books over here for me?" She had the same "I won't take no for an answer" expression that usually accompanied her requests, and Doc felt even more hopeful. He wondered if it was too soon to tease her and decided to take the chance.

"Now Kitty, you know Sam can do those books just as well as you can," he told her, winking and pulling at his ear.

"Well, I know that Doc, but he's been running himself ragged making sure I have a business left to come back to. I might as well make myself useful while I'm over here lying around." There was a little irritation in her voice, but she had just enough of a twinkle in her eye to let Doc know she didn't mind him playing with her just a little. After all she had just been through, Kitty's "usefulness" was the least of anyone's concerns, and it was on the tip of his tongue to tell her everyone around her would be glad to see that she never had to work another day in her life. He knew, though, that there was about as much chance of her agreeing to that as there was of that overgrown civil servant finding his way to the altar any time soon. It just wasn't in Kitty's nature to do nothing.

"You bet I will. If you think you'll be all right alone for a few minutes, I'll go tell him right now. Would you like anything else while I'm out?"

She didn't even have to think about it. "See if one of the girls can bring over some more of my things and help me wash my hair. It's about time I started making myself presentable for my visitors." She sat up and her movement elicted an offended meow from Pumpkin. He gave Doc a resentful gaze and jumped from the bed. "Well, I guess that visit is over," Kitty observed as he ran out of the room.

Doc left to go do the things Kitty had asked feeling considerably more hopeful than he had earlier that day. It might be a bit too soon to breathe a sigh of relief about Kitty's emotional state, but she had just given him a couple of good signs. Welcome back, honey, he thought, as he opened the door and watched Pumpkin run down the stairs ahead of him.

TBC

A/N Once again, thank you for all the reviews. I appreciate that so many of you read and enjoy this, even though I'm not very good about responding to all of you personally. Giving a shout-out to NevadaRose for her guess (after the first chapter) of who was there to see Kitty. Even though she guessed wrong, I liked the idea and decided to work it into the story.