Her team was being decimated. They had tried to head off a strike on another of the salarian squads on Kirrahe's, but had only accomplished getting theirs destroyed instead. Ashley panted. She had taken a bullet in her shoulder, but it was through-and-through and medigel had patched up the worst of it. She could still keep fighting, she would no matter what. But these salarians, these men that fought for her… There was only a few left. Her squad was dying in front of her again, and they were getting pushed back. But they had to hold.
Damn it. Better than the best, Williams. Push harder.
Kirrahe's voice was in her ear. Shepard's team had taken out the last AA gun. That meant the Normandy could land. Hope resurfaced in her, joy that Shepard was still pushing forward. She at a salarian private as he was shot down beside her. The soldier snarled and aimed her rifle over the ledge she crouched behind, a spree of shots sounding her rage.
Almost there. Just have to hold a little longer.
"That's it. We need to clear the geth and set those charges."
It was Kirrahe, again. Shepard must almost be there. The Normandy would be able to land, and they could get back. She could hold on. They all could hold on. He would get it done. And maybe she would get to see him again. Laugh with him, have him hold her, run her hand through that dark, messy hair… Ashley's heart lurched. She flung her last grenade into a group of krogan advancing towards them. She had discovered a new respect for Wrex that day.
"Charges set. Everyone bunker down. Bunker down!" Kirrahe shouted in her ear. She took a deep breath.
It was her queue. She had to get back. She steeled herself and glanced over the ledge, ready to make a break for it, but there were so many. The geth were pushing forward hard, unforgiving to their situation. She fired off a few shots then crouched back down, meeting the gaze of another on her team. His mouth was set in the same grim line.
"Commander." She called over her comm, then her voice softened a little. "Shepard. Come in."
"Ash?" Shepard's voice responded instantly, as if he'd been waiting for her. "Damn it, what are you doing? You need to get back to the rendezvous point! Get there now! We're getting it ready now!"
"Shepard, we're not going to make it. There's too many. We're pinned down at the AA tower. We'll hold them back here while you get that bomb going." Her voice was resigned, and she took a deep breath. She wasn't ready, not for this. She wanted more. To be with him, to understand him, to help him through this. To have him. The admission made her heart contract, but Ashley kept herself quiet. He wouldn't thank her for that now.
"What?!" Shepard's voice was laced with agony, and she choked on tears. "God damn it, Ashley. Fuck that! I'm coming to get you."
She allowed herself a soft smile at his gallantry, but she shook her head, her voice quiet. "Negative, Commander. You have to make sure that nuke is ready to go. The mission comes first, remember?"
There was no response. Gunfire poured over her, and she leaned out to fire back. She didn't want to go, but if she had to, this should be the way it was. Williams would be a name remembered for its bravery, not cowardice. A bullet pierced her arm and she snarled back at her attacker, holding her shotgun the best she could. She wouldn't back down. She wouldn't run away.
She would fight back, she would fight harder, like damn few others could. As any marine should.
xxxxxxxxxxx
"Ash?! Fuck!"
Shepard snarled as the comms cut out with gunfire. Kaidan looked up at him from the nuke.
"Don't worry, Commander. She's tough, she'll be fine. It will take me a few minutes to get this armed anyway – take the team and go and get her." His voice was as calming and sincere as ever. Shepard breathed deep, then nodded.
"Alright. I'll be back soon, get it ready to go. You'll be alright doing it alone?" He was already sprinting towards the door, looking over his shoulder at the lieutenant. The man nodded.
"Yeah, it's not a complex sequence. I've got this, go get Ashley. Bring her back safe."
Shepard nodded. I will. There's no way I'm letting her go. He slammed his hand on the control of the large gate in front of him, removing his pistol from his holster. As he expected, geth awaited him and his team, but they pushed through quickly. They were still only fighting a spattering of the forces – and if Ash was being pinned down as bad as it sounded, he knew where the rest had gone. His jaw clenched as he shot the light out of a persistent rocketeer. They made it to the other side of the hall and opened the gate, splashing through flooding water. He ran.
I'm going to get to her. She's going to be okay.
The plea was desperate in his mind now as he barreled forward, taking the opportunity to pistol whip a krogan that decided to charge him. The beast was relatively unfazed, but Wrex was close behind him with a shotgun and ended things quickly. Shepard pushed on.
I can't lose her.
But his squad slowed behind him as a ship flew by, and he watched it go by. Its familiar insect-like shape made his heart sink. Geth reinforcements.
"Commander, we've got a problem here." No. Hell, no. "A geth ship just landed – they're pouring over the bomb site. There's… There's a lot." Kaidan's voice called over his comm. Fuck. It wasn't panicked or desperate. Somehow the man retained the same calm even now.
"How many? Can you hold them off?" Shepard asked quickly, an internal debate raging. He couldn't do this.
"No. There's too many. I don't think I'll make it until you get back." He took a deep breath. There was gunfire. "I'm activating the bomb."
"What? Kaidan, what the hell are you doing?!" No. Fuck, no. Not again. Time stopped as he gaped back towards the bomb site. He stood helplessly stuck in the middle. Everything was falling apart. "You have to be fucking joking. Get your ass out of there!"
"Damn it, Scuttlebutt, are you an idiot?" Ashley's voice was back in his ear, and the sound of a few shots accompanied it. She's still here. She's still alive. "Shepard, go back and get him out of there!"
"There. The bomb is ready to go." Kaidan's voice was a little uncharacteristically triumphant. "This thing is going off no matter what. Get Ashley and get out of here!" He demanded.
"Oh, screw that. I've got this!" But despite her usual confidence, there was something pained about her voice. Something that tore through his chest. "Go back and get Alenko!"
No, no no no no. His heart was in his throat, beating wildly as he grasped the railing, fingers straining at his hold. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't lose anyone else. This was his team, and they were being torn apart, throwing themselves away for this fucking mission. He couldn't do it.
"Commander." It was Kaidan, with his calm, genuine voice and easy kindness. "It's okay. You know what you need to do."
"I can't… Fuck!" He snarled, his fist slamming down onto the railing. "Joker, meet me at the AA tower."
"What? No!" Ashley screamed, and there was a prickling of something in his eyes. "Shepard, you have to go back and get him!"
"It's the right choice, and you know it, Ash!" Kaidan cut in, straining for breath.
"Damn it, Kaidan. Stay alive. We'll come back." The commander's voice was desperate, his throat raw as he ran towards the AA tower. "I still owe you a drink, remember?"
The lieutenant gave a soft chuckle. "I think we both know that's not going to happen, Commander. It's been…" Gunfire cut him out, and there was a grunt. The lieutenant wheezed. "It's been an honor, Shepard. Take care of her."
"Kaidan?" There was silence. Why? Why again? Fuck… He wanted to stop and scream, to go back and shoot every fucking geth there, but instead he ran faster.
"Kaidan!?" Ashley's cry ripped through him and he couldn't breathe. She cried out his name in pure anguish. It was too much, too overwhelming. But he kept running, the gunfire still clear over her voice. She couldn't die. He couldn't lose her too. "Oh, God, no! Kaidan!"
The team followed him, charging with him through geth and krogan. Shepard hit the gate control to the AA tower and discovered why she had been pinned down – the geth were endless, swarming over the thing to try to get into the bomb site.
"Ash?! Ashley, where are you?" He shouted over the throng of bullets, racing down the platform. The Spectre fired a few quick shots at the head of a destroyer.
"Damn it, Shepard!" The soldier spat at him, hunkered in a corner, a dead salarian at her side. "You should have saved him. He had the bomb. You should have saved him!"
The commander crouched down and scooped her up, blood pouring out of her arm and hip. He didn't answer her protests, just held her and carried her quickly back towards the team. The Normandy would be here soon. She'll be okay. But something struck his back, a twisting, tearing sensation that seemed to warp his organs and he stumbled. Ashley fell to the ground, struggling to pull her gun. There was a whirring noise behind him, then footsteps. Shepard reached for his pistol.
"Ash, get to cover!" He whirled around and hoped she had listened as he came face to face with Saren. Shepard snarled, raw and wild, and fired shot after shot at the rogue Spectre. But the turian was unfazed. Of course he has fucking super barriers. Goddamn fucking shit.
"This has been an impressive diversion, Shepard. My geth were utterly convinced the salarians were the real threat." Saren's voice sounded almost as arrogant as Sovereign's. "Of course, it was all for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."
"You're working for the goddamned bringers of the apocalypse! What else is there to understand?" Shepard growled back, backing behind a nearby wall.
"They cannot be stopped, Shepard. Do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms. You've seen the visions of the beacons - you more than anyone should understand what power the Reapers hold." Saren paced, his head shaking to display his disapproval. "The Protheans fought and were utterly destroyed. But if they had bowed before the Reapers, would they not still exist? Is submission not preferable to extinction?"
"No! Fuck, no!" Shepard spat back. The masters mark them, change them. They make them obey. His head screamed in protest. "The Reapers won't just let us live if we allow them to come in. If they don't just outright kill us – which is most likely – they'll use us as slaves. There's no way in hell I'm letting everyone bend their knee and become mindless husks."
"Now you see why I never came forward with this to the Council. We organics are driven by emotion instead of logic. We fight even when we know we cannot win." Saren took a few steps towards him. Shepard kept his gun ready, aimed at the rogue. "Forget your need to fight. Just imagine how many lives can be spared if we work with the Reapers!"
"There won't be any lives spared! There won't be any life left to them! You know what I'm talking about, you know what Sovereign does to the people who get too close." Shepard stepped out fractionally. "That monster indoctrinates anyone who gets close. Takes away their thoughts, their freewill. There is no place where that is preferable." The commander's face twisted with rage and he faced Saren full on, abandoning his cover. "You've spent too much time with that thing, Saren."
"No. I joined Sovereign willingly. I was aware of the… dangers. But this facility… I built it to protect me."
"You're afraid Sovereign has got you too, right? Who has spent as much time with it as you have?"
"No. I've studied indoctrination." The turian walked towards him, his face menacing. "The more control Sovereign exerts, the less capable the subject becomes." A blue light rippled over the rogue, and another warp shot towards the commander. Shepard tried to leap aside, but it was fast, ripping and tearing at him, pulling him inside out. Fuck. Shepard stumbled again, falling to one knee.
"You see? This is my saving grace." Saren chuckled, moving closer. "Sovereign needs me. To find the Conduit. To lead the geth, who remain devoted to him. For now, my mind is still my own. And I will not let myself give in to his indoctrination."
"Fuck, are you kidding me?" Shepard rasped, pushing himself back up. "He's already manipulating you, using you to get things prepared for them! You're a tool, just like the geth, and you'll be thrown away just as carelessly. How can't you see it?"
"No!" Saren shouted again, and another warp tore the commander apart. His insides twisted and screamed, and a metallic taste invaded his mouth.
"Shepard!" There was a scream from behind him, but it was silenced quickly by more geth gunfire.
"No. Sovereign needs me. If I find the Conduit, I've been promised a reprieve from the inevitable. This is my final hope." He shook his head, stepping closer. "Sovereign is a machine. He thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion!"
"How can you do this?!" Shepard snarled, trying to stand as he spat out a mouthful of blood. He leveled his pistol again. "You were a Spectre! You swore to defend the galaxy. Now you're just going to flee to save yourself? Let everyone give themselves up to die or become mindless slaves? How can you be so damn selfish?"
"I'm not! I'm not doing this for myself! Don't you see? Sovereign will succeed. It is inevitable. My way is the only way any of us will survive." Saren shouted back. "But you would stop me. You would undo my work, doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation. And for that, you must die."
Shepard wasted no time firing again, sprinting back to find cover as fast as he could. But his body screamed in protest, blood choking him as it came up through his throat. He kept on the turian, shot after shot hitting Saren. He barely flinched. Only when the rogue's substantial barriers went down did he seem to notice, throwing down his gone and taking long strides towards the commander.
Shepard didn't back down, but it was a fool's choice. The turian towered over him, and was apparently as fast as Garrus as he swung and knocked him to his knees before Shepard could think to block.
"Shepard, no!" It was her, her scream. But he couldn't respond. He felt the pain lance through his twisted organs again as he was hoisted up by his neck. Saren held him with one hand over the still-constant pulse of the waves. It was a long drop. Shepard glared down at the turian, his hands coming up instinctively to clutch Saren's wrist. He felt himself try and gasp for air, his eyes raging against the former Spectre. Fuck you and your crazy, indoctrinated fucking self.
A shot fired and flew way too near to his face. Saren startled, and his head turned, his furious expression replaced with surprise. Shepard didn't waste a moment. I really hope he falls backwards. He drew back his arm and brought it down hard on the turian's face. Saren's grip loosened and he stumbled back, Shepard falling to the very edge of the platform. He gasped for air but quickly composed himself and stood, hoisting his gun, but was hit with another warp. He groaned and fell, his body convulsing and straining in on itself. His head pounded and screamed. Saren moved towards him again.
A siren rang over the facility.
Saren stopped, then turned quickly back towards the hovercraft he had come in on.
"Get back here, you fucking coward!" Shepard choked, stumbling as he stood. Something warm trickled from his ear and down his neck. Saren didn't stop. The commander hoisted his rifle and brought the rogue quickly into scope, but his aim was shaky. He tried to still himself with a breath, keep the black from invading his vision. He shot, and Saren's craft wobbled. The turian clutched his stomach, but didn't stop. He flew straight towards Sovereign's looming figure. "Fuck! No!" He fired another shot, then another. They didn't reach his target. He stumbled, blood now flowing in a steady stream from both ears. He was dizzy.
The whirring of engines alerted him to the Normandy's approach, and he looked up to see the ship landing. He shook himself, trying again to still the black. Where is she? Where the hell is she? He couldn't do it. His mind reeled painfully, with the beacon and Sovereign and… Oh, fuck, Kaidan. What the fuck. He wanted to scream again, to refuse to let him go. But he had seen it happen too many times. He knew what this was. There was no time to get him, even if he had survived the geth's onslaught. He choked on blood and tears and stood fully, searching for his team. They struggled forward, the last of the geth put down.
"Damn, Shepard…." Garrus spoke up first, coming forward to support the man with an arm. "You don't know how to die, do you?"
"Where's Ashley?" He choked out, turning from the turian's hold.
"Wrex is getting her. She's injured, needs help." Shepard walked off once he spotted the krogan, pain shooting through him with each step. Something was wringing his intestines. "Shepard!" He ignored Garrus' admonishment, finding Wrex hunched over the soldier, helping her up. Shepard met the krogan's gaze wordlessly. Wrex nodded and stamped away. The commander moved towards the woman as she leaned against a wall, trying to keep herself up. Her eyes, somehow, despite her pain, despite the misery they held, were still on fire. They still challenged him to say something.
He didn't. He couldn't.
But he did step forward. With a grimace of pain he scooped her up and carried her as quickly as he could towards the Normandy, the siren's cry sounding more and more insistent. For once, she didn't protest. Her hands looped around him as they approached the ramp. As the crew rushed down to meet them, Shepard held on. The pain was enormous, but somehow more bearable knowing she was here, she was close, she would be okay. He fell to his knees in the hangar, but still held on. Ashley's face pressed against his neck, her eyes wet with tears. He held her closer. His vision continued to darken, but he didn't let go, the metallic taste building in his mouth.
Kaidan's calm voice echoed in his ear with the steady tide of Virmire's waves.
Take care of her.