Ah! So close to the end. I hope everyone is still enjoying reading. All your positive comments are so great, and more appreciated than you know. Hopefully you all will continue following my Shepard through the events of the next two games. Thanks again, and as always, comments and critique welcome!

The poems in this chapter are Invictus by William Ernest Henley and Your Laughter by Pablo Neruda.

Enjoy!

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"Shepard! What the hell!" Joker greeted him as they finished their decontamination cycle. "You got us grounded?!"

"Hey, Joker. Shut it." Ashley warned. Shepard simply glared at the pilot as they stepped on deck.

"No. I'm not going to shut it. We're grounded. How the hell am I supposed to be the best pilot in the universe when I'm stuck on the ground?" The pilot groaned, swiveling his chair around dramatically. "I mean seriously. What did you do? Did you blow something up again? God damn it, Shepard. Did you hit somebody? I'm going to be so pissed if you got us grounded throwing a temper tantrum."

"Joker, really?" Ashley gave the pilot a shut-up-or-else look. Shepard's brows came together as he stared at Joker.

"Oh, no. You don't get to use your angry face on me. You're going back and apologizing for whatever you did and getting us our wings back. My baby does not deserved to be locked down like this."

"What would we need to do to get those locks off?" Shepard growled. Joker shook his head.

"We'd need to break into Citadel control and override the lockdown. Or get someone who's authorized to do it. Which is why you need to apologize." That's not going to fucking happen.

"Can we remove them forcibly?"

"You can't be serious, Shepard." Ashley gaped at him. He didn't answer her.

"Hah! Like hell you're going to go and damage her hull prying off some clamps. These things are made to hold, Shepard. They're not going to come off unless you want to remove part of the Normandy with them. Which is not happening." Joker gave Shepard an uncharacteristically serious look.

A frustrated sound rumbled in the commander's chest and he turned and walked away, pushing none-to-gently past Garrus.

"Oh, yeah. Walk away from the cripple. Real nice, Shepard. You better be going to find a way out of this! My brilliance was not made to stay idle!" The pilot shouted after him. He heard footsteps behind him.

"Joker, shut the hell up." It was Ash's voice, and it was coming closer. The soldier caught up to him, Garrus close behind, as he descended the stairs. "Shepard, you okay?" The commander gave her a pointed, what do you think? kind of look. She met it evenly, her hand coming to her hip. "Don't take this out on us. We know you got screwed in there."

"We should have just gone straight to Ilos." Shepard growled. Why the fuck did I let them talk me out of it.

"It was a coup, Shepard. There's no way we could have known. Udina used you to gain leverage with the Council. He's trying to prove himself as a candidate for a human councilmember. And I suspect the Council wanted you out of the way so they could take credit for stopping Saren's geth." Garrus supplied, following them towards Shepard's cabin.

"Yeah, I caught that." The Spectre grumbled. "The idiots don't even realize what they're dealing with. They're sacrificing everything to play some fucking game." Shepard clenched his fists, hitting the door control to his room a little forcefully.

"That's politicians, for you." Garrus murmured. Ashley snorted next to him. "Any idea where we're going from here?"

"No." He grunted, frowning. "I'll find something though. There has to be some way out of this." It can't be the end. Despite the rage, the helplessness, he needed to get this done. He couldn't just let them take him out of the game like this. Too much was at stake. "I'll call the team if I need you. Garrus, if there's any way we can use your old contacts in C-Sec to help us out here, I'd appreciate it." The turian nodded and turned, walking back towards the elevator. Ash lingered for a moment, warm, questioning brown eyes on him. She looked like she was searching for words.

"Shepard – "

"Ash – "

The commander sighed out through his nose and ran a hand through his hair. The soldier smirked at him and took a step forward. That she could still be in good spirits, still hold that same, confident stance… He shook his head in disbelief. She never ceased to amaze him with her stubborn spirit.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ashley asked again, meeting his gaze full on. He lifted his hand towards her. He wanted to lose himself in her, to say the hell with the Council and Saren and the Reapers, to drag her into his cabin and just forget. But instead he shook his head and let his hand drop.

"I need to figure this out." His voice was gruff as he stepped back. "I'll let you know if I find anything."

The soldier frowned, but nodded. "Alright, Shepard. Just remember, we're all here."

"Yeah…" Shepard sighed, and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Ash."

"No problem, Skipper." Ashley offered a smile and turned to walk away. He wanted to pull her back. Shit. Her absence made it all a lot heavier. Shepard took another step into his cabin and the door swished closed automatically. He regretted it almost instantly as memory of the catastrophe that was the Council meeting came down on him.

He tugged at the gauntlets on his hands and threw them to the ground carelessly. I knew we should have gone straight there. Fuck, why didn't I just go? Now he's too far ahead. If we're not able to stop it… The Spectre grunted as he pulled at his chestplate, the armor falling with a clatter. The Reapers coming would be a whole new nightmare for him to deal with. One he knew no one was prepared for. He could understand the Council's reluctance to believe it – it sounded crazy. But a complete denial? Calling him deluded for the evidence he brought forward? He tossed a shin guard against the wall with force. It clanged and fell.

He couldn't lose again. This mission, it was all he had. It was his purpose. Except… Shepard was reluctantly beginning to see he was once again fighting for lives, rather than the objective. He had promised himself he wouldn't, that he wouldn't get too close to anyone. But somehow, despite his initial detachment, despite his steady string of fuck ups before and during this mission, this team believed in him. They saw him as a leader, though he had given them no reason to believe it. They saw him as a friend. They were… family. He couldn't fail them. He couldn't stand to lose any more of them. He'd already failed Kaidan. He couldn't fail the rest of them. He couldn't lose them, too.

"I think we both know that's not going to happen, Commander."

The second shin guard followed its predecessor as Kaidan's voice haunted him. His heart raced with anxious rage. He wouldn't lose them. He wouldn't lose her. Ash was so much more than a soldier, and every day he realized more and more how desperately he needed her. It wasn't something he understood. It wasn't something he was sure he wanted. But he knew he'd do anything to keep her safe, even if it meant breaking into Citadel control and hijacking his own ship. The Reapers couldn't be allowed to come. They couldn't be allow to threaten her or his team. They, more than the mission, were what mattered. They were what drove him. It was a frightening connection to hold, considering the way people close to him tended to die. But they made it better. Easier. He knew it was selfish, but even if it was only some of the time, it was better than being alone.

Shepard finished stripping off his armor, considering all the while how the hell he was going to get off the station. Infiltrating Citadel control wouldn't have been too difficult, if it weren't for the fact people now seemed to recognize him wherever he went. It was risky, going undisguised. He hoped Garrus would find something with C-Sec to help or getting past security would be messy. He stepped in the shower, hoping the water would clear his mind and shine some sort of light on his little problem. Maybe hiring a freelance vessel would be the way to go… But he doubted any mercenary pilots would be up for a trip to the Mu relay. But at least that way the Councilors couldn't worry about him inciting a full scale war.

Fucking idiots.

Still about as void of ideas as when he started, Shepard turned off the water and walked out, grabbing a towel as he strode towards his dresser. He picked a fresh set of casuals and pulled them on brusquely. What the hell am I going to do? He considered calling Anderson, seeing if he had any suggestions, but somehow letting his mentor know how he had fucked up so miserably wasn't on his list of priorities. At least Shepard still had the Normandy. Anderson would be really pissed then. He wondered briefly if retaining the Normandy was supposed to keep him satisfied for now, despite being grounded. Takes a little more than that to placate me, assholes. He grimaced at the thought.

No, they were in this alone. Anderson would want to help, but Shepard owed the man too much to let any consequences of his actions come back and bite the captain. He couldn't drag him into it. Shepard took a step towards his bed and the few discarded datapads sprawled out on it – intent on finding something somewhere that might help him out of this mess - but tripped over a boot as he went. "Fuck!" He snarled, then kicked it. It was an overreaction, sure, but he wasn't feeling all that composed. He grabbed the boot and the rest of his discarded armor and hauled the armful out of his cabin towards his locker on the other side of the deck. Fucking stupid set up. Why is my locker the only one on this level? And why is it not in my cabin?

He dropped the armor with a clang and knelt down to try and key in his combination. As always, it didn't work. He could never get the damn thing on the first try. He tried again. It beeped in protest. "What the fucking shit." He growled and hit it. It opened. Really? The commander was suddenly grateful the mess was mysteriously empty. He shoved his armor in the locker and pawed the control to close it. It didn't work. "Are you shitting me right now?" Shepard snarled at the metal box.

"Try hitting it again." Her voice spoke up from behind him. He did. The locker slid closed. Shepard sighed, his forehead coming down to meet the cold metal in frustration. "You should get that fixed." Shepard simply grunted, rolling around to sit and look up at the woman. Ash smirked.

"What are you doing up here?" The commander glanced around the seemingly empty deck. Where the hell is the crew?

"I could just be hungry, you know." She rolled her eyes at him, popping a hip. He just quirked a brow, and Ash sighed. "One of the techs said there was loud noises coming from your cabin. Apparently I was the best choice to come investigate." The soldier rolled her eyes again.

"They cleared the floor because of a loud noise?" The commander groaned, running a hand through his hair. Ashley crossed her arms. "I… dropped something."

"Right." Ashley bent down to sit beside him, her legs brushing the side of his. She nudged him with an elbow. "Come on, Skipper. I get why you're pissed. But throwing things? Taking it out on your locker?"

"It was being an asshole." The words ran from his mouth and an odd sense of déjà vu ran over him. He shook his head to rid it of a blonde-haired girl, and turned to meet Ash's brandy eyes. They pulled him back, as they always did.

"I'm sure it was. But instead of beating up the ship, you could talk to me." Ash met his gaze with an arched brow and a dare. The commander sighed and looked away. "Shepard, I'm not going anywhere. Three sisters, remember? I've mastered the cold shoulder. I'll break you eventually."

Shepard groaned. "You are so damn stubborn sometimes." His hand tugged through his hair in exasperation.

She smiled. "Yep. We've established that." Ash chuckled a little, and Shepard felt some of the tension ease. "So, Shepard. You think we're going to get out of this?"

"We have to."

"That's not an answer, Skipper. I know we do. But do you think we will?" Ashley's brown eyes were fixed on him, waiting for an answer, waiting for…hope? Reassurance? That didn't seem right, not from her. The commander sighed.

"We'll find a way. This isn't the end, Ash. We've come too damn far just to sit and wait for them to come. Some bullshit politics aren't keeping us from our objective." Shepard murmured, then looked back to her. The soldier simply nodded, her brow creased mildly, her usual casual confidence gone. "Do you think we're getting out of this?"

"I believe we will if we're meant to."

"That's not an answer either, Ash. Is everything alright?"

Ashley blinked and met his gaze, a smirk returning to her lips. "That's my line." She chuckled briefly, and he warmed. "It's fine. Just restless. I guess it's all kind of coming home how close we are to fighting these things, you know?" The soldier shook her head and sighed. "Then the meeting with the Council… It's hard not to take that as a blow against humanity. Maybe not intentional, but there it is. I know you don't think any differently of the aliens than us, but their leaders, they're going to look out for their species first. It's not a bad thing - it's just natural."

Shepard frowned as he listened. Her old prejudices were still there, but she was making an effort to think it through a least. To consider another side. It was a stark contrast to her old views. The soldier continued. "And now we're alone, this group of misfits from different races going into this huge fight…" Her brown eyes held his steadily, intensely. "I don't know my place in this, Shepard. I'm not some big tactician, I don't represent a potential ally race. I've proven just how well I can lead…" Pain lanced through her eyes. Shepard's brow furrowed and he leaned lightly against her. "I'm not afraid to fight. Fighting is what I do, it's what I know. But I'm just a soldier – and not even a high ranking one, at that. It's not like my rifle is going to do much good against a damn Reaper."

"Everyone has their part to play in this. We're going to need soldiers, especially ones as damn good as you. Don't worry about that."

"I know, it's just…" She paused, her eyes narrowing a little. "What use am I going to be to you, Shepard? I'm not a necessary part of the team. Once this really starts, how is just one soldier going to be anything but cannon fodder for you?"

Shepard's eyes widened. "Ash, to me, you are the most important person here." She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand. "No, you are. And it's not just…this." He made a vague gesture between the two of them. "You're one of the best fucking marines I've seen in a long time. The only reason you're not a higher rank is because you had ass hats for commanders in the past. And you are a leader, Ash. I know what it's like to fail, I get it. But you're sure as hell a more natural leader than I've ever been." He sighed, a hand running again through his hair. "And I need you, Ash. I just… need you. I know I couldn't do it without you, without your strength, your determination. Your damn stubbornness." She smiled, and he returned the gesture, reaching over to squeeze her knee. "We're getting through this, Ash. I know as long as you're here that we will. Don't worry."

Ash nodded, a bit of her old determination returning. "We'll do it. Starting with Ilos, right?" If she felt any trepidation, she hid it well. "And yet the menace of the years, Finds, and shall find, me unafraid."

"Henley, right?"

She nodded. "Invictus." She grinned. "You can keep your anguished saps, I'll take some good ol' ass-kicking poems any day." Shepard rolled his eyes and she laughed. The commander smiled.

"Anguished saps, huh?" Shepard smirked, nudging her playfully. "Deny me bread, air, light, spring, but never your laughter, for I would die."

"Oh, God, Shepard. You haven't been that cheesy in a while." She groaned, but the grin still plastered on her face betrayed her. Shepard chuckled. "Come on, we should get to it. Try to find some way out of here." Ash stood and the warmth at his side was gone. He frowned, the weight of the day beginning to settle again. "Hey, don't do that. You don't have to look so serious about it. I know you'll figure it out."

"Yeah." He murmured. "Can't we just stay here? Let those assholes deal with it?"

Ashley quirked a brow. "Like you'd let them get the first shot at Saren." She shook her head. "Come on. I'll make you something to eat, and we'll figure some way to move this ship out of here."

"You cook?" The commander's brows shot up in surprise. She cuffed his head.

"No, but I'm really good at adding water." Shepard chuckled, and Ash held out a hand. "Come on, Skipper. Let's get this show on the road." He rolled his eyes at her enthusiasm and took hold of her hand.

She pulled him up quickly – her strength more than he had anticipated, despite seeing her haul heavy armor across battlefields every day – and he rose up and stumbled into her with a rather noisy umph, but he managed to wrap an arm around her before she could fall back from the force. The soldier was momentarily startled, her eyes wide as she took him in. Her body was pressed against his, and he knew he should let go. The moment was passed professional, yet again, and they had work to do. But fuck. She felt good. Brandy eyes met his and he found a challenge there, and this time, with her pressed this close, with her breath tickling his chin, he wasn't about to back down.

Shepard's hand roamed up her back to the nape of her neck and he leaned forward, his blood coming alive with the electricity between them. Her face tilted up towards him, and finally his lips skimmed hers-

"Uh, sorry to interrupt, Commander."