Author's Note: The Dark Room torture idea I got from "Hate the Dark" by NKfloofiepoof. One of the first fanfics I ever read. It's a good read if you're okay with end of the world stuff. It's about Starscream and Optimus Prime being forced to survive together.
Chapter 4
Thundercracker online slowly, his entire being feeling exhausted despite not having done much the previous orbital cycle. He was sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the closed door to Starscream's berthroom. Skywarp was sitting beside him, leaning into him as he still recharged. The blue Seeker swallowed, trying to control his emotions as the memories rushed back into his processor.
"Skywarp, sweetie, you need to wake up." He said so softly as he stroked his trinemate's helm.
"Mmmm," He moaned as he lazily onlined. "TC? Why are we-" He stopped, his lower lip plate and servos trembling and he recalled everything. "She's gone." He said almost in a whisper as coolant began to pool in his optics.
"I know." Thundercracker replied as he held him close.
"Where's Star?"
"He's still in his room."
Skywarp stood up and palmed the door open without further thought. Thundercracker was on his peds in an instant and followed. The door hissed shut behind them, leaving them in the darkness. Their night vision activated, allowing them to search the berthroom for their trineleader. They found him sitting on the floor leaning against the wall, staring at a datapad in his servos, coolant staining his cheekplates. They sat on either side of him, protectively curling into his frame. Thundercracker swallowed at the image on the datapad. It was of Moonstar and Starscream, the two holding servos as they smiled at each other, not seeming to notice that their picture had been taken.
"Star?" Thundercracker said in almost a whisper.
Starscream didn't say anything for several kliks, and when he did his vocalizer was brittle from crying all night. "I wasn't there to protect her." He said so softly, almost inaudible. "I was supposed to protect her just as I am supposed to protect you guys and Dawn. I failed her."
"Star, what happened… You can't blame yourself." Thundercracker said in the same tone.
"She left me, Thunder. They keep leaving me. Why won't they stay?"
"'They?' What do you mean, Star? She didn't 'leave' you. She was 'taken' from you."
Starscream just kept blathering as if Thundercracker had never spoken. "I was left again. She left me after she said she wouldn't. Why did this happen? What is wrong with me?"
"Star, nothing is wrong with you." Thundercracker said firmly. "You are an amazing Seeker and the greatest trineleader ever. Moonstar was the luckiest femme alive to have someone like you as a Conjunx Endura. She loved you so, so much and never wanted to leave you."
"That's what my carrier claimed as well."
"What?" Thundercracker asked after a pause.
"What happened with your carrier, Star?" Skywarp inquired, his vocalizer barely audible.
"Nothing."
"Star, sweetspark, please tell us." Thundercracker pleaded gently. "We're your trinemates, your brothers. How can we help you if you don't tell us what's going on?"
Starscream swallowed, his optics never leaving the image of his deceased Conjunx Endura's smiling visage. "I-I," He swallowed. "Both my creators were Seekers, a femme and a mech. My sire deactivated when I was only a few stellar cycles old. I never found out how or why. Just that he was gone. My carrier got in a new relationship with some grounder mech and he was fine at first, but then he started to get violent. He would beat my carrier, rape her in front of me, make her bleed energon. And I couldn't protect her. I couldn't do anything to save her. I tried a few times, but I only ended up being punched into stasis lock or too injured to do anything." His trinemates swallowed and Skywarp wrapped his arms around him to comfort him. "It was like that for stellar cycles. No one ever came to help, no one ever heard our screams, nothing. My carrier always told me that she loved me and would get us out, but nothing ever changed. Then one orbital cycle I onlined and she was gone. Just vanished. To this orbital cycle I still don't know if she had managed to get herself out and just left me with that monster, or if he finally went too far and deactivated her and simply hid her corpse." Starscream took a deep intake and exhaled it slowly. "I lived with that grounder for almost two stellar cycles more, subject to constant beatings and being called less than kind words. I finally managed to escape from him after a horrific beating. He almost tore my arm out and I was heavily damaged. He must have thought I was unable to move or might just deactivate, but he left my door unlocked that night while he left to go be with a prostitute or something. I crawled using only one arm out of that place. It took forever, but I managed. I could barely walk, but I had to get away. I didn't stop until I collapsed behind some building and recharged there. When I onlined, my self repairs had fixed me enough that I could walk easier, but I was low on fuel. I stole. I stole whatever I could from whoever I could as I lived off the streets. I recharged on a garbage pile behind a bar for decacycles, all the while unable to use my broken arm. Finally, I was caught trying to steal energon from some upper class mech and was beaten by the police. I was blamed for 'attacking' the mech simply because I was a warrior frame-type and therefore 'dangerous.' They locked me in prison for quite some time, no trial, no repairing my injuries, nothing. They threw me back onto the streets and I went back to stealing to survive. I could use my arm somewhat by then, but it didn't help when I was attacked by some Seeker-hating grounder." He was silent for a moment. "I was about Dawnstar's age when that happened. He ripped a wing off and left me for scrap metal in an alley. I was found in stasis lock by another flyer after being ignored by numerous pedestrians who simply walked by my beaten frame. I onlined in a medical facility and was repaired there. Everything paid for by that flyer who took me off the streets. That's where I met another patient who was being treated for injuries from an experiment he had conducted. I think his designation was Hardwire or something like that. We talked and he told me about his experiments and that he was a scientist and everything that he did. I was fascinated by it all and wanted to do what he was doing. When I was released from the medical facility I immediately went to the Science Academy, but was rejected. Not because I lacked knowledge in science, but because I was a warrior frame-type. 'Seekers are built for fighting, not thinking,' is what they told me. But, being the stubborn aft I am, I never gave up. I continued living off the streets, stealing energon and living in an abandoned building while trying to find a job. I also stole datapads and self taught myself everything I could. I consumed data like an Insecticon feeding. Mathematics, chemistry, physics, history, xenology, everything. I finally found a job, well, sort of. I competed in aerial races, winning every one I participated in. No one could keep up with me. I earned quite a bit and was able to actually buy energon rather than steal it. I even got those little trophies." He paused to gesture at the mentioned objects where they sat on a shelf. "My first real accomplishment in life.
"Because I was unbeatable in the races some scientists at the academy took an interest in figuring out why. I wasn't really asked, more like abducted and taken to have tests run on me so that they could improve other aerial flyers. They weren't bad tests, but I wasn't exactly treated like a person. Just a Seeker who was in the wrong place and had no significance." He swallowed. "That's how I met Skyfire. He wasn't a part of the project involving me, but I ran into him when going to refuel. He was the first one to not see me as a warrior or a homeless thief, but simply for who I was. We talked, we started to hang out, and he helped get me into the Science Academy. He was my best and only friend. We did everything together. I had never felt so happy. But that stupid mission to explore other planets ruined all that. You remember me telling you about that?" His trinemates nodded, recalling the tale. "Yes, and they blamed me for his supposed demise. All because I was a warrior frame-type and therefore considered 'dangerous' and 'unable to control my preprogrammed impulses for committing acts of violence.' At least, that's how they put it. I was kicked out of the Academy and thrown onto the streets again. I gave up fighting then, allowing myself to become that which I was obviously meant to be: A violent killer. I joined the Military Academy and met you two. You know what happens next."
His trinemates were silent for a long moment before Skywarp spoke. "Why'd you never tell us all that before, Star?"
"Who wants to be led by someone who lived off the streets and couldn't protect those he cared about?"
"Starscream, stop it." Thundercracker said sternly. "You did everything you could to protect your carrier, to protect Moonstar, and to survive. I wouldn't want anyone else to be my trineleader, my brother."
"Yeah, Star. Who cares where you came from? You're the best and I'm proud to call you 'brother.'" Skywarp replied as he hugged his trineleader tightly.
"I still couldn't save her." Starscream swallowed. "She's gone. I lost my carrier, my best friend, and now my Conjunx Endura. Who's next? I lost her. My precious, beautiful, perfect Moonstar." His servos trembled as coolant began to pool in his optics. "She's gone. Her and my son who I will never know. Why? Why did this have to happen?" He placed a servo over his faceplates as he began to sob. Skywarp wiped away coolant that was beginning to leak from his own optics.
Thundercracker and Skywarp just sat there, holding their beloved trinemate as he cried, not knowing what else to do. It was nearly a breem before Starscream managed to calm himself down enough to speak.
"How am I going to tell Dawn? How do I tell my little femmling that her carrier is never coming home? That she will never see her smiling faceplates again, or hear her say, 'I love you' ever again? That her world will never be the same? I never wanted my creation to suffer as I have, and yet here we are. I can't do this. I can't hurt my little femmling."
"These things are never easy, sweetspark." Thundercracker said softly as he lovingly squeezed Starscream in a hug. "We'll get through this. We're Seekers. We are not weak."
"I don't want to see her cry. I don't want to ever see her sad." He swallowed. "Why did this have to happen? Why did they have to deactivate her? It shouldn't have been her. I should have been the one to die, not her."
"Don't you dare talk like that, Star. Don't ever think that you should be the one to deactivate. Star, look at me." Thundercracker ordered as he grabbed Starscream's mandible and forced him to face him. "It's not your fault that any of this has happened. You are not a failure and you should not be deactivated. If you were the one to have deactivated how do you think Skywarp and I would have handled it? Hmm? 'Warp would have a gun to his helm in kliks after hearing that you were destroyed. And I would be right behind him. Dawnstar would have no one then. 'Warp and I cannot live without you, without our brother. And Dawnstar cannot live without her sire. Don't you ever talk like that again."
Starscream swallowed, his faceplates an enigma. He slowly nodded before Thundercracker released his mandible. Starscream lowered his helm and looked back at the datapad he still held. He just studied those lively, blue optics of his beloved. She wouldn't want him to be upset. She would want him to fight on, protect their daughter and care for her and his trinemates. Moonstar would never want him to consider death, especially when Dawnstar still needed him.
He would do what his Conjunx Endura would want him to do: to fight on, live, and be happy. Well, he may not be happy ever again, but he would do whatever he could to make Dawnstar and his trinemates happy. They were still his family, and it was his job to watch over them.
"I love you two." The Air Commander said softly.
"And we love you, Star." Skywarp replied as he tightly hugged him.
"Trine till the bitter end." Thundercracker said as he also hugged Starscream.
"Trine till the bitter end." Starscream repeated.
Starscream stood outside of Dawnstar's berthroom, his wings lowered and frame tense. He was going to tell his daughter the worst news she could ever hear, and he had no idea how to go about it. He never had felt so nervous about something before, not even when he had his Conjunx Endura Ceremony with Moonstar or when Megatron was really pissed off.
He pressed the call button and waited. Waited for the end of his daughter's joy.
The door opened and he entered.
"Hey, daddy!" Dawnstar said with a smile while her back was to him, painting her wall with various, colorful designs.
Starscream swallowed. "Hey, princess." He said so softly.
Dawnstar instantly looked back at him, her wings lowering. "What's wrong, dad?"
He silently looked away. Dawnstar set aside her paints and approached him. He gestured for her to sit on the berth as he spoke.
"Best you sit down for this."
"Dad, what's wrong?"
"Just sit."
She did so, and he sat beside her. He took her servo in his and just looked at it, thinking of what he was going to say next.
"Dawnstar, I love you. I love you so, so much."
"I love you too, daddy." She smiled faintly at him, confused by his odd behavior.
"And I will protect you and take care of you no matter what happens."
"Dad, what's going on?"
"Dawnstar, my precious femmling… I-I have bad news." His servos began to shake and Dawnstar instantly became scared. He never had trembling servos before. No, he was never scared. "Dawn, Moonstar, your carrier, she-she won't be coming home."
"What?" Dawnstar asked so softly.
"Moonstar… Moonstar's ship was attacked by Autobots when it came into orbit. There were no survivors." He swallowed as his vocalizer started to become brittle and fritz with static. "Moonstar was deactivated by shrapnel stabbing through her spark chamber. Her and the sparkling are both gone."
Dawnstar's optics were as wide as they could get. Her servos started to tremble as well as her lower lip plate. "She's-she's dead?" She said almost in disbelief.
Starscream nodded his helm slowly, fighting back the sobs that threatened to break free. He had to be strong for his daughter. He couldn't break down in front of her. "I'm sorry, Dawnstar. I'm so, so sorry."
Dawnstar removed her servo from his hold and stood up. He watched her as she took a couple of steps back. "You were supposed to protect her." She said so quietly.
"I tried, Dawnstar. I rushed to her rescue the moment I heard her ship was under attack. I wasn't fast enough."
"You were supposed to protect her!" Dawnstar suddenly shrieked, coolant pooling in her optics. "You let her get deactivated!"
"Dawnstar, sweetie, I tried to save her. I-"
"Get out." She jabbed a digit at her door to emphasize.
"Dawn, love, let me-"
"Get out! GET OUT! OUT!" She screamed, suddenly grabbing his arm and pulling him off her berth and out of her room. "Out, out, out, out!"
"Dawnstar, it wasn't my fault! I tried-" He stopped when her door slammed shut, leaving him alone in the hallway.
Dawnstar leaned her back against her locked door and cried. She slid down until she sat on the floor, hugging her knees as she wailed her misery.
Starscream listened to her cries, his own coolant tears leaking from his optics. Nothing would ever be the same for his family. His much smaller family. He turned away and headed to his own room. She didn't want him around as she mourned, and he would respect that. Hopefully she wouldn't be mad at him for much longer.
Starscream and his trinemates never left their house for nearly an orn. The four Seekers just spent their time crying and mourning over the painful loss. The Elite Trine would cry together, holding each other close and comforting one another, but Dawnstar refused to be around them. She only ever left her room for energon, her faceplates always wet with coolant.
Starscream was finally forced out of his house by a less-than-pleased Megatron ordering him to attend a meeting. Ever faithful to his duties - and not wanting to get a beating - Starscream obeyed, leaving his daughter and trinemates behind to be in public.
His wings were as low as they could go and his optics only watching the ground. Any sign of his crying was removed from his cheekplates, his visage now an enigma, and yet sadness still visible. He silently made his way to the War Room where the meeting was to take place. Every Seeker that he past would place a servo on his shoulder and say words of comfort to their commander. Every Decepticon that had been on the Nemesis would also tell him how sorry they were for his loss. Moonstar had become a sort of mascot for the crew of that sunken vessel, and her deactivation hurt them all. Her constant smiles and joy, and how friendly she was with everyone. She would be missed by them all.
The Air Commander finally arrived at the War Room and entered. Megatron, Soundwave, and a few other officers were there, already seated and waiting for the last of the brass to appear. Starscream took his seat to the right of Megatron and summoned his datapad from subspace. The Seeker never looked up at anyone or spoke. Megatron sparred him only an annoyed glance before resuming his conversation with his Communications Officer.
Starscream just silently fingered at his datapad, his thoughts swirling around the loss of his beloved Conjunx Endura. His perfect, little femme who forgave him despite everything that he had done to her. Her beautiful smile that never failed to warm his spark, and her cheerful, mellifluous laughter. No one had ever looked at him the way she had, nor had anyone spoken to him like that. She was his entire world, his most precious love… Stolen from him by the Autobots and this Primus-forsaken war. He would never see that gorgeous visage before him when he onlined in the mornings, hear her mutter sweet nothings to him, or feel her cuddle against him.
He would never meet his son or watch him grow. Never hear him speak or see him walk for the first time. He would never laugh or learn what it was like to live. He was wrongfully taken from the world. A world so cruel and sparkless that it murdered carrying femmes…
And now Dawnstar was disconsolate. She refused to see or speak to him or his trinemates, only crying in solitude. His precious, little femmling hurt and broken in a way that no youngling should ever be.
He wanted to give that little femmling the world, not take her world away from her.
"STARSCREAM!"
Starscream jerked his helm up at the roar of his designation. He quickly checked his chronometer, horrified to realize that he had spaced out for nearly the first two breems of the meeting. He just looked at Megatron, who had shouted, and swallowed, before lowering his optics back to his still blank datapad.
"Clearly it was a mistake to summon you to this meeting, Starscream, since all you seem able to do is stupidly stare into space." Megatron grunted, causing the Seeker to clench his jaws. "Crying over the loss of your Autobot whore… Really, Starscream? If you miss it so badly simply take another slave. You visit the brothels enough to know where to find plenty of personal whores. You're being pathetic making such a big deal about your interface slave." Starscream's optics narrowed at his harsh words, but he didn't say anything. "Trade your brat for another whore. That'll solve your misfortune."
That was it. Starscream leaped to his peds while simultaneously slamming his datapad so hard against the table that it snapped in half.
"Moonstar was not a whore!" He shrieked, his wings raised high and fists balled at his sides. "She never was! She was an amazing femme that I loved, not a slave to be traded and used! Just shut up!"
All the other officers froze, not daring to even cycle air. Even Soundwave seemed like he wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor and disappear. The tension was so thick that it was suffocating. Wide optics just watch the two highest ranking Decepticons, not sure what to do or think.
Slowly, meticulously Megatron turned his helm to glare murderous, dangerous, and venomous optics at his Second. More than just daggers, spears, bullets, nukes, and other deadly weapons being shot from those blood red optics of the ex-gladiator to the sparkbroken Seeker.
Starscream's rage instantly dissipated when he realized his mistake. His wings lowered as he swallowed. Calmly, he stepped away from his seat and made his way to the door, Megatron's optics never leaving him. The Air Commander palmed open the door before suddenly rushing out, transforming, and flying away.
Megatron was out of his chair so fast that it fell over. He charged out of the War Room and fired his Fusion Cannon at the rapidly fleeing Seeker. Starscream expertly dodged the shots by twisting into aileron rolls through the corridors, all the while avoiding crashing into passing mechs. He turned a corner, partly transforming to make the turn, and broke the sound barrier, causing nearby mechs to cry out in pain as they covered their audio receptors and glass to shatter. The Seeker just kept going straight ahead, his freedom in view. He crashed through a large window sending glass scattering everywhere. He then reached Mach 3 in astroseconds and raced into the distance.
Megatron stopped at the broken window where the Seeker had flown out of, his fists shaking with rage.
"STARSCREEEAAAMM!" He roared after the retreating form of the Seeker.
Thundercracker sat on a couch in the entertainment room while Skywarp cuddled against his side. The black and purple Seeker had fallen into recharge after having another breakdown, and now just silently clung to his trinemate for comfort. Thundercracker stroked his helm lovingly, watching protectively over his wingmate.
::Starscream to Thundercracker. You there?:: Starscream said slowly.
::Thundercracker to Starscream. Yeah, sweetspark. I'm here with 'Warp.::
::I don't know when I'll be able to return. Keep a close optic on those two while I'm away.::
::Star, what's going on?:: Thundercracker asked anxiously.
Starscream didn't immediately reply. ::I pissed off Megatron.::
::Star…::
::I just need to hide for a bit until he cools off. I'm fine. I've done this plenty of times.::
::You are not fine. What the slag did you do this time?::
::I'll be back before you know it. Starscream out.::
He cut the line before Thundercracker could say anything more. The blue Seeker's optics narrowed, angry at his trineleader for doing this. Starscream probably couldn't keep his vocalizer silent and got into trouble that way… just as he always did.
Thundercracker vented a sigh. Nothing was ever easy with that tri colored Seeker, and nothing will ever be again with the loss of Moonstar.
Five Orbital Cycles Later:
"Please, Megatron, don't!" Starscream begged as his superior dragged him by a wing down the hallways, ignoring the stares of other Decepticons. "It was a slip of the glossa. I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! Please, don't! My lord, please don't!"
Megatron didn't seem to hear anything that his Second said. He simply took him to the room where he would punish the Seeker. Starscream realized where he was being taken and begun to tremble.
"Please, please, Megatron! Don't!"
Megatron threw him into the room and locked the door behind them. The room was completely empty, no furniture, no windows, nothing. Starscream took several steps back as the tyrant approached him. With the speed of a striking cobra, Megatron lashed his arm forward and caught the Seeker's wrist before he could jump away. He yanked him closer and turned him around. An ebony servo grasped several wires at the back of the Air Commander's neck and yanked them out. Starscream yelped in pain, not daring to fight back or else make the situation worse. Megatron continued tearing out selected wires until he deemed he was finished. He released Starscream, allowing the Seeker to take several steps away and look back. Starscream swallowed, his wings lowering as his servos trembled.
Megatron smirked evilly. "Lights off."
Blackness. That was all the tri colored Seeker could see. Megatron had deactivated his night vision leaving him vulnerable to attack and unable to fight back. Physical as well as psychological torture was about to be horribly unleashed.
The first invisible blow was a punch to the abdominal plating, causing the Seeker to clutch his wounded spot and curl in himself. The second punch was to his faceplates, eliciting a pained cry. More and more punches made forceful contact with his frame until he was knocked down. Then kicks were added. He cried from every brutal hit to his person, nothing being spared. He couldn't see them coming, couldn't prepare himself, couldn't block. His faceplates were punched so hard that his jaw was unhinged, his cockpit was shattered, and his limbs practically torn out from being grabbed and used to throw him across the room. His wings were the last thing to be broken. Megatron took great delight in slowly tearing them in half, twisting and bending them as his Second screamed in agony until his vocalizer emitted only static.
After several breems of torture Megatron left Starscream lying in a puddle of his own energon, and walked out. Starscream's entire frame was shaking as he fought off emergency stasis lock. Energon was gushing from his mouth, olfactory sensor, and almost every inch of his body where he had been struck. His wings were tossed to the side, out of reach and sight.
He just lied there, in the darkness, feeling his warm energon blood leaking from his body, unable to see how badly he was wounded. Despite the pain and his systems going into shock, the only thing he could think of was Moonstar. He just wanted her back, to see her smiling faceplates once more. He was willing to suffer the consequences for protecting her, he just needed her back.
How will Dawnstar handle not having either of her creators around? He would be in medbay for a long time - if they found him in time to save him - and she didn't have Moonstar with her. What if this was it? What if he was deactivated by an Autobot in a battle in the near future or Megatron just hit him too hard in the right spot? If he went his trinemates would be right behind him, and Dawnstar would be alone.
Thundercracker was right. Damn that slagger for being right all the time! Starscream couldn't be acting like that towards Megatron for fear of being deactivated. His creation came first, and so did his trinemates. He would have to change his attitude towards the tyrant, well, at least not allow himself to be so caught up in his emotions that he acts like a slagging idiot.
No more lashing out at Megatron. No more being an idiot. He was a single creator now and had to act like one. Dawnstar was all that mattered now. Her safety, her future, her life.
::Thun…cker… elp…:: He called, his vocalizer fritzing heavily from the damage.
::Star? Where are you?:: Thundercracker quickly asked.
::Dar… oom. Dark…roo…::
There was silence on the other end. A bright flash of purple appeared in the black room and Starscream felt the servos of his trinemates carefully picking him up. The dark room suddenly became the medbay, and the cold floor became a medberth. He saw the fuzzy images of his worried trinemates' faceplates before everything went black.
About a Stellar Cycle Later:
(Dawnstar is approximately 18-19 in human years, now)
"He's not so bad once you get to know him. I mean, yes, he's a complete aft and he failed to protect my carrier from deactivation, but he has his good qualities. Not many, mind you, but there are some there."
"I'm totally cool about meeting your sire. What was it you said he did again?"
"He's the Second in Command and Air Commander of the Decepticons."
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, he basically just schemes, plans out battles, writes reports, occasionally leads armies into battle. Nothing cool. He's pretty boring."
"You sure he won't get mad about us?"
"Pshhhht! Please, he's all bark and no bite. And doesn't every sire disapprove of their femmlings having mech-friends? Not that I'm a 'femmling' anymore. I'm a grown femme and can do as I please. So, if I say you're my mech-friend, too bad, so sad for him."
Dawnstar sat atop of a crumbling wall, her peds idly swaying in the air. She was fully grown now, taller than her carrier, but still shorter than Starscream. Her frame had filled out, making her seem more like a warrior than a weak femmling, and her wings were slightly larger. She was regal, her smooth, well-built frame accompanied by her perfect faceplates easily made her the most beautiful Seeker femme to ever exist. Perhaps even the most beautiful femme period. Despite her very feminine features she still looked so much like her sire, especially in how she carried herself.
She was truly the type of femme mechs dreamt of having if looks only were concerned.
"I haven't met too many Decepticons." The brown colored grounder replied as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Just don't look him in the optics." She smiled.
"What? Really?"
"No, he's fine. Just hope we catch him in a good mood. Oh, and don't mention you're an Empty. He hates Empties. He also hates grounders. You know what, he hates everyone but his trinemates."
"Maybe I shouldn't meet him…"
"We can sneak into my house. He shouldn't be home anyway. I just need to grab my credits from my room. I forgot to subspace them this morning." She said as she hopped off the wall and landing on her thin thruster heels with a loud clang.
"Sneaking sounds good." The mech replied as he quickly nodded his helm in agreement.
"Don't chicken out on me." She smiled at him.
"What?"
"Earth term. The planet I was raised on. Come on, let's get to the house before he finishes his meeting with Megatron."
"Me-Megatron? He hangs out with the Slag Maker?"
"Pffffffffffffft, as if." She said with a wave of her servo before transforming and flying away.
The young mech transformed into a Cybertronian vehicle and drove after her. It was a few breems later when they finally got past Decepticon security and arrived at the home of the Elite Trine. They transformed and Dawnstar proceeded to put her code in.
"Welcome to my humble abode!" Dawnstar proclaimed as she gestured her servos to the inside of the house.
The two walked into the entertainment room and Dawnstar hopped onto the back of a couch, her peds swinging over the edge.
"Whoa, this is huge!" The mech exclaimed as he looked around in amazement.
"Yeah, it's bigger than the hab suite I had back on the Nemesis. Dad claims that he will get us an even bigger home when the war is over. He said it will be like a tower or something so I never have to see the ground ever again." She shrugged. "I don't see what's wrong with the ground. I grew up under an ocean."
"So, is your sire rich?" He asked as he studied expensive looking figurines on a shelf, picking them up one-by-one before placing them back.
"I suppose so. I mean, like, he always has a slagheap of Shanix and never frets about the cost of anything. But, then again we're at war and isn't one of the things about war is you can get free stuff by defeating the enemy? At least, that's what I've heard."
"So," He drawled slowly, finally looking back at her. "How long will your sire be out again?"
"Don't know." She shrugged. "Probably a few more joors. It just depends what he has to get done."
The mech had a small, roguish smile. "Want to have some fun?"
"Hmm? I thought we are? Aren't we going out?"
"Well, yes, but, we could also have 'other fun,' if you know what I mean."
"I don't-"
The sound of the front door sliding open startled the two as they whipped their helms around to see. The discernable clacking of thruster heels sounded, slowly getting louder.
"Act cool, alright?" Dawnstar said quickly before leaping off the couch and trotting towards the entrance hall. "Daddy!" She hugged him just as he entered the entertainment room, and he returned the hug.
"Hello, Dawn. How are you?" He said softly, kissing her on the brow.
"I'm alright. How about you?"
"I am-" He paused, finally noticing the stranger in the corner of his optic. His wings immediately raised threateningly, his frame tense, and blood red optics glowering. "What is that?" He almost growled.
Dawnstar took several steps back. "Dad, this is Kickstart. Kickstart, this is my sire, Starscream."
"Commander Starscream." He grunted the correction.
"Commander Starscream is being a bit of an aft, but don't worry. Deep, deep, deep down inside of that spark of his is some miniscule molecule of politeness." Dawnstar replied sarcastically. "Now, why don't you two better acquaint yourselves while I go upstairs and grab something." She then leaned in closer to her sire and whispered into his audio receptor. "And don't shoot at him."
Starscream just looked at her, his faceplates an enigma. Dawnstar turned and walked away, passing by Kickstart who watched her aft for a moment. Starscream's optics narrowed.
Once his daughter was upstairs, the Air Commander coolly walked deeper into the entertainment room, stopping behind a couch and leaning against it. His arms crossed and he just glared at the young mech. Kickstart uncomfortably scratched at his nape for a few astroseconds before speaking.
"Soooo, how about this weather?"
No change in the Decepticon SIC.
"I hear you are kinda, like, a major, important figure in the Decepticon hierarchy. Sounds pretty rad. So, what do you-"
"Don't speak to me. I am not your friend, I don't like you, and you will be lucky if you leave with your processor intact." Was the curt reply.
Kickstart swallowed. "Um, sir, I don't mean any disrespect or anything, but, I love your daughter and just-"
"You don't even know what 'love' is, youngling. My daughter is not something to be used a few nights and then cast away."
"I don't plan on 'using' her, sir. I love your daughter and- WHOA!" He exclaimed as he ducked down, barely missing the energon knife thrown in his direction. The weapon embedded itself into the wall behind to the hilt. "Holy slag! Did you just-?! Oh, Primus, please-" Kickstart's optics were wide as he glanced from the knife to the tri colored Seeker.
"Hmm, you certainly have better reflexes than the last mechling she brought home." Starscream grunted as he nonchalantly walked by the horrified grounder and easily yanked the knife out of the wall.
Kickstart just watched as Starscream played with the wickedly sharp blade, his air intakes increasing rapidly. "There-there's no need for that, sir. I-I don't mean your daughter any harm or anything! I just-"
"Want to see what sounds she makes when in the berth." Starscream venomously said, his optics never leaving his knife as he thumbed at the blade.
"No, no, no, no, no!" Kickstart exclaimed quickly as he held his servos out as if they could protect him from Starscream. "I just want to date her!"
"When it comes to taking my daughter's servo in joining as Conjuges Endurae, I am a very… traditional Seeker sire." He said slowly, dangerously, carefully as he just eyed his blade.
Kickstart swallowed. "What do traditional Seeker sire's do?" He forced himself to ask.
Starscream's optics finally looked at him, the most evil, sly smirk creeping over his visage.
Dawnstar finally walked back down the stairs a few kliks later. "Alright, I'm ready to go-"
"Wah-huh-ha!" Kickstart wailed as he ran by her, a servo covering his optics as coolant poured out and he cried like a newly emerged sparkling. He just ran out of the entertainment room and out of the house.
Dawnstar's optics narrowed. "DAD!"
She stomped straight to where he stood removing multiple knives from the wall… The wall which contained many, many holes from daggers being thrown at it.
"Yes, sweetspark?" He inquired nonchalantly, as if nothing odd had transpired, his optics never looking away from his work.
"You aft! Why did you scare him away!?" She shrieked, her servos balled and shaking at her sides as her wings were held high.
"Is that what they call it these orbital cycles?" He said simply.
"Ugh! Primus, you are such a killjoy! How am I supposed to get a mech-friend when you throw knives and shoot at them?!"
"Did I shoot anything?" He asked in the same tone.
"Stop avoiding my questions! Why are you being so incorrigible?! Why can't I just have a mech-friend and be normal!?"
"I failed to have been informed that having such things in your life was a sign of 'normalcy.'"
"Five mechs. You have chased away five mechs!"
"I never chase them. I am not a fan of running."
"You know what I mean!"
"Is there a reason you are shouting? My audio receptors are in perfect working order." He just kept that same insouciant tone.
"Dad, look at me." Starscream did as he was ordered and turned his optics to his creation. "You keep saying how you want me to be happy, and yet you continue to be a slagging aft and scare off those who I want to be with!"
"First off, shouting is rather rude." He said as he pointed a knife at her as if it was a digit. "Secondly, those mechs you bring home are not concerned about what's in your best interest. They care only for getting their spikes into your valve and using you to their sparks' desire. Thirdly, they are grounders. And lastly, you have found five mechs in less than a stellar cycle and have tried to date every one of them. Now, that just tells me that these 'mechs' - I really should be calling them 'mechlings' - do not care about you personally but for the favors you can provide. You may refuse to recognize it for what it is, but they simply don't care for you the way you want them to."
"You just don't want me around any mechs." She snapped as she placed her servos on her hips.
"Partly true. I don't want to see you hurt. A beautiful femme like you is a prime target for those Syk-using creeps."
"I can protect myself."
"You are only capable of fighting those who have not been properly trained to fight. Combat against a trained soldier will leave you deactivated or worse." He stated as he returned his optics to his daggers.
"Dad, you are being ridiculous."
"No, I am being cautious, protective, and a good sire. You're lucky to have me as a creator."
"So, I can never have a mate?" She demanded.
"Trine first, then a mate."
"Can I have a trinemate as my mate?"
"That is fine. Only problem is you have been spending time with grounders. And not any grounders, but Empty grounders."
"What's wrong with grounders?"
"What isn't?"
"ARGH! You are being such a fragging jerk!" She shrieked as she balled her servos at her sides.
"If being a 'fragging jerk' is what keeps you safe: so be it."
She suddenly kicked his shin guard hard. He didn't move, didn't react, just kept his optics on his knives.
"You keep striking me and your limbs will rust off." He said in that same tone.
"Get fragged, you slagging aft!" She screamed before stomping away.
He just stayed there, listening as she climbed the stairs and slammed the door shut to her room. Once she was gone, his wings lowered and he swallowed. He subspaced the knives before slowly walking to a couch and sitting down. He rested his elbows on his knee joints and held his faceplates in his servos for a moment before removing them to stare at the floor.
He vented a long, exhausted sigh. "She would listen to you, Moonstar. Primus, I can't do this alone…" He said so softly to himself.
"I mean, we seem to be on good speaking terms, but she still blames me for Moonstar's deactivation. You think I wanted Moonstar deactivated? No! I loved that femme… still do. I did everything for her, and now I do everything for Dawnstar. Why can't she see that? Why can't she realize that I'm right about those creeps she keeps bringing home and she's simply wrong? Are you even listening? I'm airing my grievances here!"
"Soundwave: Acknowledges." Soundwave replied where he sat at a console in the Control Room working on something or other.
Starscream was pacing back and forth just behind the Communications Officer's seat, his wings slightly lowered and servos gesturing with his words as he spoke. "I have always tried to be a good sire. I-I always tried to be there for her. I never hit her, or raised my vocalizer at her, or did anything to hurt her. I played with her when she wanted me to, I let her do almost anything that she wanted to do… I even let her paint my plates various hues more than once! I never asked anything of her except that she learn how to fight so she can defend herself, that she gets the best education I can provide her with my limited resources, and that she doesn't date until I'm deactivated. Is that so hard to follow? Soundwave, is it? Am I being unreasonable? Am I being abusive? Am I being a jerk? Soundwave, answer the question!"
"You did not provide me a chance to answer the question." Soundwave said in a monotone voice, and yet sounded irritated.
"I'm slightly desperate here. I'm asking you for advice, for Primus' sake. That should show you how I feel."
Starscream slumped into a chair and let out a long, tired sigh. "I feel like I'm losing my femmling." He said, his voice softer now. "I just want to protect her. I just don't want her hurt. She refuses to see that we live in a very dangerous time. That this war is much more than she has seen or heard of. That there are dangerous mechs out there who only want to use a femme's body for their own purposes. I should know… I was one of them." He paused to sigh, rubbing his faceplates with a servo. "I don't know what to do or say to her anymore. It used to be so easy to talk with her, but now… Now it's just verbal blows from her and I taking it like a practice dummy. I don't want to see her hurt again. I just… I don't know…"
Soundwave swiveled in his chair to face the Seeker, his elbows resting on the arms of the chair as his fingertips touched to form a steeple before his masked visage. "Have you tried just sitting down and talking with her?"
"I have. She won't participate. Just tells me that I shouldn't have let Moonstar get deactivated, and that if I truly loved her I would allow her to get a mech-friend so she would be happy." He swallowed. "She calls me less than pleasant things."
"Such as?"
"'Idiot,' 'slagger,' 'creation-of-a-pleasurebot,' 'creation-of-a-whore,' 'stupid,' 'fragger,' the likes. She refuses to apologize for anything and tells me that she means everything that she says. She once told me that she wished that it was me who had been deactivated." He stopped, his vocalizer fritzing slightly as his optics began to turn white with static. Soundwave just silently watched him. "I just want to do what's best for her." He said in almost a whisper.
"You are." Starscream looked up at him. "You are protecting her, caring for her, and not beating her to a slagheap for treating you like that."
"I couldn't hit her if I wanted to. She's too precious to me."
"Starscream's ability to be a good creator: Exemplary. You never once used force against her. You never once shouted at her. You never once abused her in any form. Dawnstar's accusations against her sire: Erroneous. Illogical. Nonsensical. Asinine. I watched you raise her since the first orbital cycle. She is damn lucky to have you as sire. Even if you are an aft."
Starscream managed a weak smile at that. "A joke? You don't make too many of those." He said with a brittle voice, fighting back sobs.
"Who said anything about joking?"
"I know I'm an aft. But I've never been one to her. I can be strict, yes. I'm overly protective, yes. But I never was an aft to her. I never wanted to see her hurt."
"Perhaps she simply requires more time. It has only been a stellar cycle since…" He stopped himself, seeing how Starscream's wings had lowered.
The Air Commander nodded his helm slowly. "Yeah, maybe she just needs more time." He vented another sigh. "I better return to my trine." He stood up slowly and started to walk away, but stopped. "Thanks, Soundwave. For… just listening." His vocalizer was so quiet.
Soundwave slowly lowered his helm in silent acknowledgment, his visor momentarily glowing brighter. The Air Commander trudged away, his wings lower than usual and his prideful stance all but gone. Soundwave just watched him go before returning to his work.
Starscream walked down the hallways of the command building with his trinemates in formation behind him. His wings were raised, his superior stride returned, and faceplates an enigma. He couldn't show weakness before his trinemates. He had to take care of them and therefore had to be strong.
They were making their way pass a large group of mechs when Starscream suddenly felt dizzy. His optics widened slightly in surprise, but he shook it off. Probably just tired from crying in the middle of the night last night. It was nothing to be concerned about. He continued on, never losing a step. Then, it returned with more malice. The Air Commander momentarily stalled in his march and placed a servo on his helm while the other rested on the wall to steady himself.
"Star? You alright?" Thundercracker inquired as he placed his ebony servo on his trineleader's shoulder.
Starscream pushed his trinemate away as he nodded his helm. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm fine!" He snapped.
"Alright." Thundercracker replied in almost a whisper.
Starscream didn't look back at him. He started to walk away when he suddenly collapsed and fell to the floor.
"Star!" He heard his trinemates worriedly shouting before everything went dark.
The fuzzy, dark blue ceiling of the medbay was the first thing his optics registered. His helm felt so heavy… His frame exhausted. His optics began to focus better as he lazily moved his helm to the side. An optical ridge raised when he saw the energon drip connecting to the fuel line in his arm. He slowly reached with his servo to remove the drip line when it was suddenly slapped by a green servo. He jerked his helm to see Hook standing over him.
"Leave it." The Constructicon instructed as if he were a human speaking to a dog.
"What happened?" The Seeker mumbled as he rubbed the top of his helm.
"Oh, you're asking me that? You should know."
"What?"
"When was the last time you refueled?" Hook demanded.
"Why does that matter?"
"Do you know the minimum amount of energon a Seeker built should be consuming per orbital cycle? The minimum amount if they are not flying."
"Why is this relevant to-"
"Four standard energon cubes. Four. And with how much you fly it should be a minimum of six. Look at me. Six, Starscream. When was the last time you refueled?"
Starscream was silent for a bit before replying. "I'm not sure." He said almost inaudibly.
"You don't know…" Hook grunted. "And how much was it? How much have you been taking every orbital cycle?"
Starscream didn't answer.
"Well, given the lack of energon I found in you I imagine it has been two or less cubes an orbital cycle. And I feel as if your haven't refueled at all during the last orbital cycle or two. Am I right?" Hook said in a tone that would have gotten him in trouble for being disrespectful if he wasn't a medic.
Starscream swallowed. "Perhaps…"
"Of course I'm right. Now, do you care to explain why you haven't been properly refueling?"
Starscream didn't reply immediately. "I just… don't feel like it."
"You better feel like it. I have enough work to do without having to keep you on a constant energon drip. I wouldn't bother if your trinemates weren't so persistent." He paused for a moment. "Do you not feel well? All your scans reveal that everything is perfectly functional, but there could be mistakes. Any type of lower abdominal pain, or queasiness?"
"No…"
"Have you had difficulty with consuming your energon? Has it been traveling down the wrong tube, or has it brought any type of pain?"
"No…"
"Have you been interfacing with your trinemates in the last two decacycles?"
"Why?"
"Have you?"
"Yes."
"Did you make sure their wires were disconnected prior to intercourse?"
"I'm not sparked."
"Did you?" He snapped.
"They never reconnect them, so no."
"Have you felt pain or any type of stiffness around your gestation tank."
"I'm not sparked!"
"Have you?!"
"No!"
"Have you damaged your processor?"
"What?"
"Have you?" He almost growled.
"This is pointless…"
"Have you?"
"No. No, no, no, no, no! I'm perfectly functional." Starscream grumbled.
"Then, why, pray tell, have you not been properly refueling?" Hook inquired as he crossed his arms.
Starscream offlined his optics briefly before answering. "I just… don't feel like it."
"Do you not receive the warnings about refueling on you HUD?"
"No, they're still there."
"And you simply ignore them?"
"Yeah… I just… don't feel like it."
Hook studied him for a long moment before venting a sigh. "Starscream," His vocalizer was softer now. "She would want you to keep refueling."
Starscream didn't say anything. He just stared at the ceiling before slowly nodding his helm in agreement.
"I want you to consume a minimum of four cubes an orbital cycle. I am also notifying your trinemates so that they can keep an optic on that and ensure you heed my advice for once." He paused to see if Starscream would say anything, but he didn't. "Dawnstar needs you to refuel. Don't let your depression over Moonstar cause her to lose her sire. Now, you are staying here with me for a few joors until I am certain you have been properly refueled. And no high grade for at least two orbital cycles. Your systems need to readjust after what you just put them through."
"Yes, doctor." Starscream said in a low voice.
"Don't go anywhere, and don't touch that drip line!" Hook ordered as he started to walk away.
Starscream watched him go, silently venting a sigh when the medic was gone.
Hook stepped into the waiting room where the blue and black Seekers were anxiously sitting. Their wings lowered and unconsciously holding each others servos. They immediately jerked their servos away when the Constructicon entered.
"Well?" Thundercracker asked softly.
"Physically, there's nothing wrong with him. Mentally…" Hook began.
"Whaddya mean, doc?" Skywarp inquired.
"Starscream is suffering from depression. So much so that he longer feels like refueling despite receiving warnings from his systems about low energon levels." Hook explained simply.
Thundercracker swallowed. "Is-is he alright, though? From the fall earlier?"
"Yes. He collapsed from his fuel levels being so low that energy had to be rerouted from unnecessary systems to his vitals causing him to fall into emergency stasis lock. Now since he is being properly refueled everything is functioning as it should. He'll be fine as long as he consumes a minimum of four cubes an orbital cycle. Six, preferably. I will hold you two responsible to ensure that he does."
"We will." Thundercracker said as he nodded his helm slowly.
"I know you will. I'll give his stubborn aft back into your care in two joors."
"Alright. We will be here for him." The blue Seeker said as he stood up, Skywarp following his example. "Thank you, Hook."
"Mhmm. Just keep him healthy so I don't have to keep dealing with him." Hook grunted before walking back into his medbay.
"What are we gonna do, TC?" Skywarp asked in a quiet voice.
"I don't know, 'Warp. We just gotta keep an optic on him and make sure he doesn't permanently offline himself."
"He won't do that, right? He can't leave us." Skywarp asked nervously, his wings as low as they could go.
Thundercracker looked at his trinemate for a moment before answering. "No, 'Warp. He won't leave us. We'll make it through this. He just needs time."
Skywarp nodded. "I'm worried about him, TC."
"I know. I am, too. But, this is Starscream. He is strong and can overcome this. Just watch and see."
Skywarp nodded slowly again before hugging his trinemate. "Why did she have to go? Why couldn't she still be here and Screamer just be happy for once? I miss his smile."
"I do too, 'Warp. Don't worry. We'll get through this. We're a trine and we'll work together."
"Trine till the bitter end."
"Trine till the bitter end."
The mission to explore other planets with Skyfire is explained in the G1 Transformers cartoon "Fire in the Sky," season 1, episode 7. Haven't watched the G1 cartoon? Shame on you, sinner.
Soundwave is the best guy to air your grievances to. He listens and knows what everyone is thinking so is good at helping you. :P
Now you understand some of Starscream's mannerisms that he did in Ancillam. I know people tend to make him an abuse victim, but think about it: There's a reason Starscream became a Decepticon and saw Megatron as his idol. If everything in his life was perfect why would he want change? Why would he idolize someone who was trying to change the world (and did). Why would he put up will all of Megatron's abuse if he truly wasn't dedicated to the cause of making everyone's lives equal.
He was mistreated throughout his life and was willing to kill to make things better for himself, his trinemates, and others. I think it's pretty clear that he had a rough past, and is possibly hardened to abuse so is able to handle Megatron's torture.
And yes, I base this story heavily around the G1 cartoon and IDW G1 comics. That's why I have the Autocracy and Functionism playing a major role in Starscream's past. He is a warrior model and therefore must fight, not think. Scientist models were very important and not mistreated. It would be hard to be one if you were a "lowly" warrior built.
The not eating thing is kinda what I'm suffering from with my depression. When things went to hell in my life it took about ten months before my depression got to the point that I started to eat less. Two more months and I was going a day or two between meals. I lost a lot of weight (not that I had any to begin with!) and am still quite underweight and am working on eating better. Things have improved in my life, but depression is hard to overcome (especially since I refuse to take meds) and so I am still being bad about eating more than one meal a day.
Basically, I just don't feel like eating. I feel hungry, my belly growls, but there's no appetite, no want, nothing. I don't feel like eating, so I simply don't. Kind of not caring about things anymore. Depression can make you simply not care. :/