Ashley prodded the mush with a fork. MRE's were, as a rule, pretty much crap. But this… She never was that into cooking. Food was food. But this wasn't food. The soldier sighed in frustration and pushed the two plates away from her.
So much for that.
It was a stupid idea, anyway. What was she? A damn housewife? The man was perfectly capable of feeding himself, and he hardly had time to sit around. They were on their way to Saren. Shepard was probably obsessing over what lie ahead – pacing and messing up his hair some more. It was no wonder he hadn't answered when she knocked at his door. He needed to prepare. And she should be doing the same, instead of sitting in the mess like an idiot. She could check over the weapons again, or see if Garrus needed help with the Mako. Or… Oh, please, Williams. You know there's nothing to left go over.
You know what you're doing up here.
There wasn't time to do anything more. They'd be landing on Ilos in a few hours. A few hours she had hoped… Stupid, Williams. Stupid and desperate. The soldier rolled her eyes at herself and slumped forward, her forehead coming to meet her hands on the table. She wasn't this girl. This stupid, doting girl that worried and fussed over a grown man. It was ridiculous. She was a marine.
Except… now, she wasn't. She had given everything for this mission, for Shepard. Following him meant leaving the Alliance behind. She knew they were doing what they needed to do to defend everyone at home. But her whole life had been the Alliance. It was all she was - it was in her blood. Her father, her grandfather… She was born to serve, and she betrayed that. She was living up to the Williams name after all. The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth. She prayed she was making the right decision. Because she knew, when it came down to it, it wasn't only duty that swayed her to stay on the Normandy.
"I thought you said you were good at adding water."
His voice was as deep and smooth and lingering as it always was. Like a damn good whiskey. Ashley felt herself smile, her misgivings fading as her head rose from her arms and she met those piercing green eyes. He looked… nervous? That made sense, considering the future of the universe was going to be decided in the next few hours.
"I followed the instructions, ass. It's supposed to look like this."
"It's supposed to look like pasta. I think." Shepard smirked as he lifted a fork from the dish and the stuff slopped off. "Maybe not. But it's not supposed to look like this."
"I'd like to see you do better." The soldier challenged, leaning back and crossing her arms defiantly. He just shrugged and walked towards the cabinets, grabbing out a box of energy bars and throwing her one. She caught it deftly and arched a brow.
"There. Better." Shepard grinned, irritatingly self-satisfied. He unwrapped one for himself and took a bite.
"This is hardly a meal, Skipper."
"Hey, at least you can eat it." He jibed. Ashley rolled her eyes. "Did you mess one up and have to try again?" He asked with a smirk, eyeing the two plates as he walked back towards the table, grabbing a seat across from her. She grimaced.
"One was supposed to be for you." She pursed her lips as his eyebrows shot up. Yeah, idiot. "I knocked, but you didn't answer. I assumed you were busy."
"I wasn't in my room. I was making rounds, checking in on everyone. Making sure things are ready…" He sighed, his hand running through his hair. His eyes closed momentarily, but when they reopened they hit her dead on. "Thank you, Ash. Even if it is inedible." She frowned and kicked his shin under the table. He winced, though his grin didn't fade. "Ah! Sorry! I'll make it up to you, okay? Take you out somewhere when we dock. Maybe even somewhere with real food."
Ashley smirked. "Careful. That sounds dangerously close to an actual date."
The commander leaned forward, his elbows bracing him against the table. "Well, maybe it is one. Let me take you out."
"Bold, Shepard." The soldier grinned. Apparently, he was also past any reservations. "But I think you're forgetting we're fugitives. We won't be able to dock anywhere. At least, not anywhere nice. I am not going out to eat on Omega."
"Princess." Shepard laughed as she kicked him again. "You've got a point though. We'll have to figure that all out after this, I guess." He sighed, his hand coming up through his hair again in his signature move. "Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll just forget about the whole ship-stealing incident."
"The Alliance isn't really known for their leniency towards mutineers." Shepard's eyes narrowed, watching her. She just watched back. "I think getting back in their good graces is going to take some doing."
Shepard was silent for a moment, his green eyes full of thought. "Do you want to go back?" He asked finally, and her eyes widened. "I mean… Do you regret leaving?"
"Of course I want to go back. I'm an Alliance marine, Shepard. That's all I am. It's in my blood." He leaned back from the table suddenly, as if she had slapped him. She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't mean I regret leaving. God, Shepard. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm in this. I know we have to get it done - and I believe that you're the one that can. If I didn't, do you really think I'd have followed you? I'm here, Shepard. O Captain, My Captain."
"Ash…" Shepard sighed again. He looked miles away now, back in that broody, melancholy place where she could never really tell what he was thinking. It was infuriating. "I don't think Whitman applies here anymore. I lost my rank when we left the Alliance. Besides, isn't his captain dead in that poem?"
"Way to ruin a perfectly good metaphor, Skipper." The soldier grimaced, rolling her eyes again. She hated this. Whenever they started talking, actually talking about anything relating to the mission, he would do this – just shut down. Start doubting himself. Get angry, or sad, or just silent. What the hell happened to the man that was here a minute ago? "Stop doing that."
His brows creased. "Doing what?"
"Questioning me, questioning everything. We're all following you for a reason. Have a little faith, Skipper."
Shepard blinked, looking a little taken aback. "Faith isn't really my strong suit."
"Yeah. I think I knew that about you." Ashley pursed her lips. "Look, no matter what, you're still my Commander. You're my Captain. If you can't believe anything else, believe me when I say we're getting through this. You will get us through this."
His eyes left hers, looking down at the table as if searching for something. She didn't say anything, just leaned forward, grabbing one of his hands. Finally, he found her again. "How can you be so damn strong all the time?"
"I'm not. I just know I'm right about this."
"I think you're just too stubborn to admit you're ever wrong." Ashley rolled her eyes and kicked him again. "Ouch! We're not going to win if you break my leg." He chuckled, his expression lightening a little. It faded quickly, and she frowned with him. "I'm sorry, Ash. I just… I don't have a good track record with these kind of things. We've got a damn good team, but our chances are still pretty much shit." He pulled his hand from hers. "I'm really fucking sick of getting people killed."
Seriously? Ashley pushed her chair back abruptly and got up. "Don't even start that again, Shepard. It wasn't your fault. None of it." He looked at her wide-eyed, a little surprised by her outburst, but remained silent. "Do you think what happened to my squad was my fault?"
"What? No!"
"So why do you hold yourself to different standards? Skipper, you've had a shit hand dealt to you in life. I get that. But it's made you who you are. You're a defender, Shepard. A protector. You're strong, and passionate, and inspiring. You're a damn good leader when your head is out of your ass. Your only problem is that you don't see it." Shepard was still silent, watching her warily as she approached. "So stop it. Stop being an idiot. Stop doubting yourself and see it." She reached forward to thread her hand through his hair. He leaned into it and sighed, his eyes closing.
"I… thanks. For being here, for staying. I couldn't do this without you, Ash." He murmured quietly, looking utterly content as her fingers ran over his scalp. The man was practically purring. She knew this hadn't resolved it – whatever issues he had went a lot deeper than what an old-fashioned pep talk would be able to remove. But at least now he looked calm. At least now he was here, with her.
"Damn right, you couldn't. Someone needs to talk sense into you." She snorted as he made some sort of grunt in reply. "Really? Have you lost the ability to form words?" He grunted again, a small smile playing back on his lips. She smirked. This was the Shepard she knew. This scruffy, charming, mildly idiotic man. She knew he was messed up, that there were so many pieces to him missing. That even the ones he still had, she knew next to nothing about. She knew that most of the time, he was lost. But this…
Shepard's green eyes opened again. They weren't nervous anymore, just warm, honest. In awe. Filled with… Her heart lurched. This was worth finding the rest of him. This was worth having to pick him back up when he was broken. Sure, it wasn't perfect. It was actually pretty damn dumb to even consider. But the way he looked at her, the way he believed in her where nobody else had… It was okay, because he picked her up too. Oh, damn. You're in it good, Williams. There were footsteps and laughter. Ashley stepped back a few paces.
Shepard frowned, glaring over his shoulder at some crewmen walking into the mess. When he looked back at her, he looked like he had made up his mind about something. He was wearing an oddly determined, devious grin. "You hear that?"
The soldier arched a brow, listening. All she heard was the nervous chatter of the crew as they glanced over at Shepard. She glared at them for ruining a perfectly good moment and stealing her chance to be alone with him. "Hear what?"
"I think it's the ship telling you to join me for a drink." He grinned and stood.
She laughed, shaking her head at his ridiculousness. "Really, Shepard? You succeeded with these lines?" She glared up at the crewmen again. Their eyes quickly left the pair to pretend they hadn't been watching.
"Haven't tried that one before. I guess we'll find out." Shepard smirked, apparently unbothered by the crewmen's lingering gaze as he took her hand, leaned forward, and kissed the back of it. She shivered. It was soft, chaste, but the gentlemanly gesture was lost when she saw the taunting in his eyes, and that still devious grin. "If not, well, good night. Princess." His grin broadened and he let her hand drop as she glared at him, turning and striding confidently to his cabin with chuckle. She gaped after him.
"I am not a princess!" She hissed. He waved over his shoulder, shooting her a final, winning smile before stepping through his door.
The soldier didn't hesitate. She stomped after him, her hand slapping the door control. She knew what she was getting herself into, and she wanted it. Ever since their 'dance' at Flux. Ever since she traced his scars in the medbay. Ever since she realized how damn good he looked when he had just finished beating up that poor punching bag. The door swished open again, and he was there, grinning that stupid, cocky grin that she hardly got to see. Here, with her, he seemed in his element. There was no doubt when he stepped towards her, when he grabbed her wrist as the door closed behind her. His eyes were on fire – but this time, it wasn't rage that filled them. Ashley felt her blood heat as he pulled her to him.
"Guess it worked." Shepard chuckled, the deep sound reverberating over her. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, until she was flush against him. Feeling that toned, muscular body against her... Damn. She pushed him playfully, her hands resting on his chest.
"Shut up, Skipper." Ashley rolled her eyes, then glanced around them. "I take it I'm not getting that drink then?" She smirked, and he just grinned again. Impossible man. His hand travelled up, leaving goosebumps in its wake as he reached for her hair and undid the tie. She felt it fall over her shoulders and arched a brow as his nostrils flared with a sharp inhale.
"Fuck, you're beautiful…" He murmured reverently. To her surprise, she felt herself flush. She'd been with her fair share of guys – but it had always just been fun, cutting lose after a hard day. Always pretty casual relationships. That look though… it was intense, and wanting, worshipping. Her chest constricted. "You know I'm no good for you, right?" His voice didn't have its usual melancholy. It was just deep, low and growling as he tightened his grip around her, but his words betrayed his internal struggle. Her hand brushed over his jaw, stubble prickling her as she did. His green eyes burned.
"Shut up, Skipper." She repeated, her voice husky. Her fingers traced up his jawline, behind his ears and into his hair. She was wrapped around him, so close. Her heart raced in anticipation. "I've fought a long time to get people to believe in me, and you do. You're the one person that's believed in me without hesitation. You make me feel good enough, Shepard." Her fingers curled against his scalp and he groaned. "So shut up and kiss me already, before someone else interrupts us."
Shepard didn't need to be told twice.
She gasped as he pulled her head back and his lips were on hers, bold and passionate and hungry, and then she responded, her arms strengthening their hold around him as she kissed him back. It wasn't the nervous, gentle touch she had been expecting. It was damn hot, demanding and full of need. He parted her lips with his tongue, a growl rising from his chest as he claimed her mouth and his hands slid down her back until they reached her ass, pulling her even harder against him. As if he could never be close enough. She broke off their kiss and gasped. Green eyes blazed down at her.
"Bunk here, Ash." Shepard growled, his voice low and rough.
Ashley smirked, looking up at him through her lashes. "I think that's the best command you've given me yet."