Chapter 3

As I drove up to the house, I saw more houses similar to my parents and my parents. The two story brick colonial home was similar to the houses that surrounded it in form but in fashion it was the only one that had neatly trimmed grass. The recession had hit Florida hard and in the years since, things hadn't gotten any better. The signs of unkempt grass showed this as they hadn't been lived in recently and were probably now bank owned.

"No one is safe from anything these days," I said to myself.

Going to Yale cost a pretty penny. Partial scholarships didn't cover all of a quarter million dollar education. For undergrad, I worked every summer for an attorney in Melbourne when I came home then at school I became Kickboxing and Athletic Trainer certified. Making money off of 'training' NY Housewives paid the rent for a New Haven Apartment and the bat that went with it once on campus housing got too pricy. Like I said, nowhere was safe. Not even New Haven was safe from the occasional burglar or two.

The job in Jacksonville as a State's Attorney was a blessing in disguise. Initially, I worked on Wall Street but that the intense competition for a spot, well…it didn't work out for me. As long as I agreed to work for the state of Florida, which needed lawyers, for 10 years, my loans would be paid off.

As I pulled up to Catherine's parent's house, I saw that it was the only one in the neighborhood who had its lights on. The grass was cut in some, others not so much.

"Here goes nothing," I said hopping out of my car, wine and purse in tow.

I walked up the grey cement pathway to where to the house and rung the doorbell. I heard some footsteps from behind the door and a click.

"You must be Judith," The man who opened the door said. He was tall, had dark hair and a great smile. He had in his hand a glass of wine that was half empty. I guess I brought the refill.

"I brought sparkling cider" I said raising the bottle to him.

"More wine! Nice. Thanks so much," He said taking hold of the bottle.

"Not exactly," I added.

"Rick, let her in already. Don't let the mosquitoes in," Catherine yelled from inside the house.

"Oh yes, yes come in come in." Rick said inviting me in.

I entered the through the door and into the house. It hadn't changed too much from what I remembered. The living room still had a series of black leather couches but the big screen TV that had once been there had been replaced by a flat screen. And there were less photos of Catherine growing up on the walls and instead there were photos of her on wildlife veterinary calls and her elopement photos from the Christmas before.

"Just take a seat on the couch," Judith said from behind the counter. She was cooking something that smelled good. I looked over and three big T-Bone steaks were sizzling on the griddle, steam was rising from a pot of white fluffy mashed potatoes, and green, yell, and red peppers adorned the bottom of a pan. Scents of mushrooms and steak filled my nose. It smelled succulent and appetizing.

I would definitely be making up for not eating dinner the night before.

"Ok,"

I sat on the couch and checked my phone to text my mother and tell her that I had arrived at Catherine's parent's house safely.

"So Judith," Rick said as he sat down next to me.

"Catherine tells me that you're an attorney,"

"Yes I am indeed I am,"

I saw that his eyes were beginning to wander a bit from my eyes to my chest. My dress wasn't too low cut but it did show off my girls a little bit. He seemed to be interested in them, even though his wife was about 50 yards away.

Was anyone safe?

Was anything sacred anymore? The world was scary enough on the outside but being violated in your own home, that was just crazy. Were all guys from Texas like this? I mean Bush did go to Yale and he gave us a speech about business that I went to but I had so much trouble with his accent then I didn't understand it. Rick though, he doesn't have an accent. Catherine was right about that but I'm not sure about his wandering eyes though. What does he want though? Cheating on his wife 6 months in, way to go she gets ready to divorce you, I'll take you to the cleaners.

"Dinner is ready!" Judith said from the kitchen.

"Oh good," I said bolting up from the couth to the kitchen breaking my mental plans on divorce settlements.
"Let's eat,"

I made a quick dash over to the dinner table where Judith had placed three plates of steak, mashed potatoes, and multicolored peppers with glasses of wine to each.

"Wow this looks divine Catherine," I said as I sat down.

"Thank you," She said as she and Rick took their seats. He held her hand as she sat down and it was quite romantic. Maybe he didn't mean to eye my chest earlier.

Or maybe he did.

We began eating. Everything tasted as good as it smelled when we came in the door. Even the wine tasted good. I thought it wasn't wine at first.

"Is this the cider that I brought you guys?" I asked.

"No this is something we brought with us from my last call in Ft. Lauderdale. The guy who's horse I helped give birth is a wine collector. This is a 2002 bottle of Dalla Valle." Catherine explained.

"Whatever this is it, really good. It just adds and extra kicks of like natural herbs. It really brings out the flavor of the meat and the peppers and potatoes."

I devoured my plate. After 2 days, I guess I was hungry. Between unpacking presents, packing my car, and drinking, the only thing I had in my stomach was a pile of doughnuts that clearly were gone from the morning.

I looked up and the two eaten only half of theirs.

"I'm sorry I'm such a pig,"

"No you're fine Judith," Catherine said.

"Yeah it means you have a hearty appetite for desert," Rick added.

"Desert?" I asked.

Catherine jabbed at Rick with her elbow.

"Not yet," She whispered.

The two continued to eat and I conversed with them out attorney life and Catherine's wildlife adventures and Rick's experiences out on the oil rigs. Their lives sound so much more exciting than my own. Rescuing alligators, finding new drilling sites out in the Gulf, going over real estate claims sounded less than appealing after hearing their stories. The only benefit my job had was that it was structured, safe, and secure. Not wild, dangerous, and fun.

After we all finished, Catherine put the dishes in the dishwasher and we all sat together on one of the three black couches. Catherine and Rick curled up next to each other on one side while I sat on the other feeling like the third deflated wheel.

"You guys were so nice to have me over tonight. I really appreciate it," I said.

"No problem," Catherine said. "We've enjoyed having you over,"

"And we hope you'll stay," Rick said.

"What?" I said startled.

"He meant for desert," Catherine added.

"Oh ok," I said relieved. "So what are we having?"

After a moment of silence, I looked over at Catherine and Rick, they looked at each other and they looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Well…we were going to ask if you…" Catherine began.

She was drawing out her words and I wasn't sure what she was going to say and I was starting to take another sip of wine when Rick blurted out the truth.

"Basically, we were going to ask you if you wanted to join us for sex,"

I spit the wine back out in the glass. I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"What?!"

"I told you not to just hit her over the head with it," Catherine said to Rick.

Sex with Catherine and Rick. Catherine and Rick. No way.

I knew it was my time to go then.

"Well this has been fun but I umm…I really need to be able to do things. I'm sorry but thank you."

I bolted for the door and opened it. Rain was pouring down. I couldn't believe it.

"Judith come back in here. You can't go out there like that,"

I started to step out but a blast of lightening threw me back in.

I clearly wasn't going anywhere.

"We're sorry. We just hoped to make you feel better," Catherine said.

"Feel better?!" I said.

"This would not make me feel better to have sex with a guy I barely know and a girl. This is insane, Ludacris. No, no, no!"

I was so angry and appalled at the idea of a threesome but then Catherine looked at me with sad puppy eyes and for the first time in two days I felt remorse and sadness.

"I'm sorry,"

I ran over to her and pulled her close in a tight hug.

"You were only trying to make me feel better and I appreciate the thought. Granted it is unconventional but sweet,"

She released herself from the hug and held her hands in mine.

"Let's go sit down and have a talk,"

She lead me over to the couch but not before grabbing the bottle of sparkling cider that I brought off of the counter.

"Where did Rick go?" I asked.

"I sent him upstairs to watch the game. The Jaguars are playing the Texans so he won't be coming down for a while. It's just us girls,"

"Oh alright,"

"So…how do you…feel about"

"I'm not really in the mood for anything right now," I said interrupting.

"Oh, I figured that,"

"It's not you. I promise, this is just," I stopped mid sentence and started to tear up. I saw a photo on the wall of a snow covered mountain lodge and then everything kind of hit me.

I wasn't safe wherever I went.

I was still in my hometown by the Atlantic Ocean on what was supposed to be my honeymoon night in Lake Tahoe.

My eyes felt hot and flustered, my head was light, and my heart was heavy. I couldn't take it anymore. No amount of wine, gin, or even Tequila was going

"Why…why…did this happen?" I said sobbingly.

I buried myself in myself into the couch.

"It's ok," I heard Catherine say.

"Think of it as your prom night again,"

"Oh no! Not that again," I said come up to her face.

"Eve stole my date then too!"

"That was the worst no second worst night of my life,"

"Do you want a tissue?"

"Yes please,"

Catherine reached behind the couch and pulled out a box of Kleenex. I took one and wiped my eyes with it.

"I know I'm not the nicest person in the world but, did I really deserve this? I mean… come on Catherine. Tell me the truth,"

Catherine took a breath and took me by the hand.

"Ice cream, we need ice cream,"

"What?" I said.

"Ice cream. Chocolate no Neapolitan, that's your favorite right. I'll send Rick out to get some. Rick! Come down here please,"

"No, no stop," I said.

"Why?"

"I just...This is a lot ok. Like a lot a lot, I can't. I can't handle it right now,"

"I don't like that you don't trust yourself," Catherine said interjecting.

"What?"

"I don't like that you live in fear constantly," She said again.

"Look Jax was an idiot for leaving you up there but you're be the biggest fool in the world if you don't start living. You're afraid of everything. Finances, marriage, shopping lists. You've got to stop and just do things. Be brave for once. Not angry brave but brave, brave. You're strong,"

"Strong?" I said.

"Yes, you're very, very strong," Catherine said.

"Ha, ok. I'm strong but…that doesn't mean I'm brave and,"

Catherine grabbed my face and pulled me in for a kiss. An unexpected one but it was not terrible. Her lips tasted sweet. Not like candy sweet but like desire sweet. Like she was desperate to please me, to want me.

"Woah," I said when she let go of my face and my lips. I stared out for a bit while she panicked and rambled. This was the first time I felt good in days. Being dumped on my wedding day was a sting that was not going to go away easily if ever but right then and there I wanted to and she made it.

"Come on," I said as I grabbed her hand.

"Let's go,"

I don't know why I did it; why I ultimately agreed to "play" with Rick and Catherine.

This isn't who I am, or is it?

Though I initially feigned disgust when Rick mentioned me joining him and Catherine for sex, there was a part of me that was genuinely intrigued, and genuinely aroused, by the proposal. I'd like to think I simply had one too many glasses of wine or Catherine's kiss that started me down this path but, in reality, I think I just stopped giving a shit about everything. She made me feel good and I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be brave. What Catherine said stuck with me. I was afraid and I wasn't living. I needed to stop, stop being afraid and terrified.

Just feel, exist. Just live.