"Commander."

"Admiral?"

"There was a breach on Luna Base." As usual, Hackett skipped the pleasantries. Shepard appreciated the old soldier's ability to jump right to the meat of their exchanges. "After you cleared it out, some of my men went back to recover what they could of the station's intel. The systems were already wiped."

Shepard sighed, a hand coming up to run through his hair. "Yeah. We were just there." He growled, shaking his head. "After that damn VI killed everything, I really doubt there was anything left worth taking."

"We believe that it was that VI they were after."

"What? Why? All that was left of that thing was a bunch of disrupted code." Shepard's brow furrowed. Why the fuck would anyone want a damaged, murderous VI? "Who did it?"

"We don't know their intentions, but it's safe to guess they wish to turn it against us." Hackett's voice was its usual gravelly drawl. "Commander, I'm telling you this because we believe it was Cerberus. If you have time -"

"I do." Shepard growled, clenching the rail in front of him as he stared up at the admiral.

Hackett nodded. "Good. We need someone to follow them. With our forces stretched so thin after the Battle at the Citadel, I can't spare the men. I'll send you the coordinates of the last solid signal we were able to get off their ship." The admiral paused, his thick brows coming down seriously as he looked over the Spectre. "It's a long shot, but it's all we have. Get it done, Shepard."

"Yes, sir." Shepard gave a salute and Hackett shut down the link without another word. Finally. He had been waiting for the bastards to do something, to show themselves again. It had been weeks of nothing but geth and goodbyes, watching his team disassemble itself and move on. The mindless drops they were doing to clean up the smatterings of geth weren't enough to keep his thoughts occupied, and watching them all go was harder than he liked to admit. Garrus had been the last to leave, taking off shortly after they dropped Tali with the Migrant fleet, and Shepard had watched him go with a knot in his stomach. The turian was easy company, unassuming, never demanding anything. With him gone, he lost a friend, a trusted confidant, and he felt the tension start to build again.

Ash didn't approve of him going after Cerberus – she thought they should stick to the geth, stick to helping out the Alliance with missions like the one on Luna Base, until they got something more concrete on the Reapers. But he couldn't just let it go – not after Akuze, not after Toombs. She didn't understand, but at least she was there. At least she was with him. Despite everyone leaving, despite his frustrations with the bullshit assignments he was receiving from the Council and the Alliance using him as an errand boy, he had her. And he had no idea what he had done to deserve her.

A frown formed a familiar curve on his lips as he pushed back from the comm panel and strode back into the CIC. She wasn't going to be happy about this. About running off after Cerberus again, about delaying their leave. She had taken it upon herself to demand they land somewhere so he could get some rest. Ashley had started bunking with him - a necessity after Joker's threats of broadcasting their antics if they 'defiled his baby' again. But when he had woken with those brown eyes watching him, filled with worry and something too close to pity, he knew he couldn't risk sleep. Sovereign's taunts had begun to lace themselves into his dreams, and the nightmares had become so warped, so full of fear, and anger, and loss, that he instead just laid there, his arms wrapped around her until she drifted off.

She would wake to find him pouring over information on the Reapers, on Cerberus, and then yell at him for obsessing. When the dark circles made their reappearance around his eyes, she didn't back down until he agreed they would take some time off. Stubborn woman. Shepard sighed, a hand running through his hair, then turned down the stairwell. At least she couldn't argue with a direct request from Hackett. The commander held two fingers to his ear.

"Joker, we're changing course. Coordinates should be arriving soon."

"Got 'em." The pilot mumbled, then snorted. "Good luck with that conversation."

Shepard rolled his eyes, emerging from the door just in time to see Ash step out of the elevator.

"Hey, Skipper." Her lips curved up, and he couldn't help the smile that stole its way onto his. No matter what, she always managed to make things feel lighter. They argued over almost everything and she called him an asshole pretty much daily, but he was desperately, hopelessly in love with her, and she always came back. His eyes wandered over her, from those brandy colored eyes to the way her pants clung to her hips, and he sighed. He wasn't looking forward to souring her mood. "We almost there?"

At least she had some creative ways of taking out her anger on him.

"Plans changed." The Spectre murmured, meeting her gaze once more.

Ashley's brow furrowed, a hand coming to her hip. "Oh? How's that?"

"Hackett called." Shepard's hand rubbed the back of his neck. He purposefully led with the admiral's name, hoping to diffuse her early. "They think they found a lead on Cerberus. He asked me to investigate."

Ash's eyes sparked at the mention of the terrorist group. Shit. Apparently, invoking Hackett's name hadn't been enough.

"Oh, come on, Shepard." She rolled her eyes and walked off towards the mess, throwing her hands up in frustration. "Did he ask or did you volunteer?"

"Ash…" Her name came out as an exasperated sigh.

"No, Owen. I know you. I'm sure you jumped on this the minute he mentioned it." She didn't look at him, just ranted as she dug through the food stores. "Hell, you probably asked him to contact you about anything involving them. Why he's catering to your whims, I have no clue. You need to let it go. I'm sure he's got plenty of other able bodies to track Cerberus down."

"I couldn't damn well refuse him." Shepard growled, leaning against the counter to try to catch her eyes again. "Yeah, I want to do this. But that doesn't change that he asked me. He doesn't have plenty of bodies - their stretched thin, Ash."

"Yeah, I wonder why that is."

Her words were like a punch to the gut. He knew she had never gotten past him sacrificing those soldiers to save the Council. Fuck, he hadn't gotten past it. It was a decision he couldn't be sure was the right one, not until the Reapers were back and the Council proved their worth. Having her throw it in his face like that… He pushed himself from the counter, intent on withdrawing to his cabin, but was held back by a hand on his arm.

"Crap, I'm sorry." Ashley said quickly, pulling him back towards her. A hand stroked over the stubble on his jaw as she tried to get him to face her. "I didn't… God, I'm such a bitch sometimes."

"No. You're right." He muttered, avoiding her gaze. "It is my fault."

"Jesus, Shepard. Stop it." Her touch was more forceful as she made him turn towards her, both hands coming to the sides of his neck. Her brown eyes looked over him worriedly. "You were forced to make a difficult call, and you did what you thought was best. I might not have agreed with you at the time, but I respect your decision. You didn't sacrifice them needlessly. The Council lived, we got Sovereign, and now we have more allies for when those big bastards roll through. I get it. It was the right call." Shepard frowned at her doubtfully. "I didn't mean… I'm just upset. You know how I feel about you and Cerberus, and you need to take a break, Shepard. You're running yourself ragged."

"I'm fine, Ash." He sighed as her brows stitched together, obviously not believing him. "Really."

"You're not sleeping, Owen. At all. Don't think I haven't noticed." Her fingers stroked down his neck fretfully, her brown eyes searching his. "Any time you finally do pass out, you thrash around like you're running from something. You need some time away from it all."

"Ash…" He didn't know how to tell her that there wasn't a way for him to get away from that. The dreams didn't leave, they didn't stop just because he was a little tired. They were as much a part of him as the scars that decorated his body.

"Mom and Lynn already said they'd meet us, too. Lynn doesn't have that much time off from school." Ashley frowned at the mention of her family. "They want to meet you, Shepard. I want them to meet you."

He felt guilt flood his veins. The commander had been reluctant to agree to it – he had never really considered himself family-friendly – but he knew how important they were to her. How much it meant for her to introduce him. It was a huge step, crossing some invisible boundary to the next part of their lives, and he had no idea how to take it. He'd never made it this far in a relationship. Hell, he'd hardly had anything he could call a relationship as an adult, so this… "I know, I'm sorry…" He murmured lamely, his hand coming up to grasp hers. "We will go, Ash. We just need to do this first. It shouldn't take long, we've already got a lead on their location. We'll just take out this team, find the location of their main base, and go from there." He knew he wasn't convincing anyone when she huffed and pulled away.

"It doesn't have to be you, Shepard." Ashley's voice was unusually calm, her eyes losing some of their fire. She knew it was a lost cause.

"It does. I'm sorry, Ash, but we have to go." He took the few steps back towards her, his arms wrapping around her waist. She frowned up at him. "I promise, as soon as we're done, we'll get some leave. Hell, we'll go to Earth if we have to. I do want to meet them." He placed a tentative, apologetic kiss on her lips. "Hey, maybe we'll have time to do some travelling. Go to the beach, catch some sun." He smirked. "I know I'd love to see you in a bikini."

"God, you're such a perv sometimes." She slapped his arm playfully, letting out a laugh despite herself. Her grimace faded, brown eyes dancing again. Shepard smiled with her, leaning down to capture her lips more fully, kissing her languidly, their tongues meeting in a slow, breathtaking dance. She pulled away with a gasp, shaking her head with a wry smile. "Now, if you're done harassing me, I'd like to make myself something to eat."

"I thought you promised you weren't going to cook?" Shepard snorted and was rewarded with another slap to his arm as she pushed him away. He grinned back at her.

"I am not that bad."

"Commander, we've got a situation up here."

Shepard and Ashley both paused, glancing up towards the intercom as Joker's voice filled the room. The commander's brow furrowed and he glanced back to her.

"I'll be right back." He turned towards to walk back towards the stairwell as she nodded. He moved quickly, taking the stairs two at a time and walking across the CIC in long strides. Neither Joker nor Pressly acknowledged his approach, worrying themselves with the ship's monitors.

"My money's on slavers. This system is crawling with them."

"No, it doesn't match any known signatures. They wouldn't have access to that kind of tech." Joker murmured back to the XO. Shepard frowned, walking up behind him.

"Status?"

"Unidentified vessel on the long range scanner. A cruiser." The pilot glanced at him briefly. "We're not sure – "

"It's changing course." Shepard glanced to an ensign as she interrupted Joker. "Now on intercept trajectory."

"That's not possible. Stealth systems are engaged. There's no way they would be able to detect us from this – "

Something sunk in Shepard's stomach as he watched Joker's eyes widen. The atmosphere seemed to shift, and his hand clenched to the pilot's seat. Fuck.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!"

It only took seconds for his world to catch fire.

"Shit, Pressly!" The navigator lay lifeless on the floor, the front of his body torn apart by the explosion. Oh, fuck. "Joker, how is she?"

"Multiple hull breaches. Weapons offline."

Fuck no.

The commander tried the comm, slamming his hand down on the keys to alert the crew. He snarled in frustration as the monitor didn't respond.

"Systems are going down." There was pain in the pilot's voice, so foreign and so real it made his chest tighten.

No, no, no.

"I'm going to evacuate the crew. Be ready to go when I get back."

Joker didn't answer, and Shepard didn't bother waiting for him to. The CIC was in flames, the Normandy's emergency drives beginning to kick in to put up barriers over the holes the enemy ship was carving into the hull. Shepard stumbled forward as the ship was rocked again. A crewman shouted in panic.

"All crew to life pods! Evacuate now!"

He ran, stepping over strewn bodies of his crew. Who the fuck is doing this? How is this happening? He bolted down the stairs, yelling again for evacuation.

Where the fuck is she?

"Shepard!"

The sound of her voice filled him with temporary relief. The survivors scrambled towards exits, frenzied and afraid, and he pushed past them to her. The soldier had already had the sense to suit up, and she tossed him pieces of his own armor from his locker as he got near.

"Who's left in the hold?"

"It's clear – Adams and the others came up with me when the first shot hit. They're getting to pods now." Shepard nodded, strapping himself into his gear faster than he ever remembered doing before. He turned back to look at her, and her eyes met his ferociously. "Who the hell is it?"

"We don't know. Unidentified vessel." His voice matched her fury, low and rasping. The Normandy shook with another blast, and his chest felt like it would collapse in on itself. Smoke was beginning to fill the room. His breathing sped as the tremors brought forward a slew of memories, as the fire and smoke reminded him of his losses, his failures. It was happening all over – everything was collapsing around him. He was losing his ship. His home. Again.

But he wouldn't lose her.

"Ash, you need to get out of here."

"You have got to be kidding me." She glared back at him furiously, setting her stance. "You are not leaving me behind."

"I'm not. I just have to grab Joker, and I'll be right behind you."

She swatted away his hand as he reached out to her. "You promised me."

Another explosion rocked the ship, sending her stumbling towards him. He pulled her up, his throat tight. "Please, Ashley. I need you on that pod." It was a plea, desperate and panicked as he tried to push past stubborn challenge that was ever-present in her eyes. Fuck. Please, just listen to me. Just this once.

"Owen – "

Shepard shook his head, stopping her argument and stepping back. "I need you to evacuate. Now." He steeled his voice, holding up a hand as she opened her mouth to protest. "That's an order, Chief."

The look she gave him was deadly. "I'm kicking your ass when we get through this."

"Looking forward to it, Ash." He managed a small smirk, then tore himself away as she stepped back towards the pods. He ran back through smoke, pulling on his helmet as he dodged another explosion. His breath left him as he reached the CIC and was greeted by the weightlessness of space. The ship, his ship, had been torn apart.

His eyes found Joker still sealed in the cockpit by a barrier than kept him safe from the void. Shepard stepped forward, mag boots holding him down, and he pushed his way past the suspended debris. His heart thrummed in his ears, loud and thundering in the total silence of space.

The commander walked through the barrier, and the chaos returned. "Joker, come on, we need to go!"

The pilot was silent, hands still swiping over his controls. He made no move to get up.

"Joker!"

"I'm not leaving." Joker's voice was low, his face set with fierce determination.

"You have got to be shitting me. Joker, we have to get out of here. The Normandy is lost."

"No! I can still save her!" They were rocked by another tremor that protested the pilot's claim. His monitors sparked and flashed in disarray. "Just go, I've got this!"

No way is this fucker throwing his life away.

"Oh, fuck that. You've pulled my ass out of fire too many times for me to leave you here." He sighed, shaking his head. "She's gone, Joker." Shepard pushed himself around the pilot's seat to stand in front of his controls. "Going down with the ship won't change that."

Joker's hands stopped their work and his eyes fell. "Yeah…" He sighed, his body slumping in defeat. "Yeah, okay. Help me up." He began to struggle to his feet when his monitors blared out another warning. "They're coming around for another attack!"

"Fuck." Shepard grasped the pilot's arm roughly as another blast shot through the Normandy's hull. A blaze of orange erupted only a few feet from them, causing the barrier to begin to waver.

"Ah! Watch the arm!" Joker hissed in pain as he was dragged out of his seat and towards the final evac shuttle. Shepard slammed a hand against the control and the door swung open. He tossed the pilot in.

Another blast came, and the Normandy was split in two.

Weightlessness embraced him as he floated back, watching Joker's eyes widen in panic as explosions rocked what remained of the ship.

"Shepard!"

The pilot's scream sounded distant, as if he were a mile away instead of only a few feet. And he might as well have been, as a streak of light flashed between them, burning through the ship's debris and cutting off his path to the shuttle. Shepard felt his pulse slow as he floated back, as his mind wrapped itself around what was happening. The reality of it drained him. He held Joker's gaze as he pulled himself towards the pod release. His hand came down on the control.

The pilot's mouth moved again but his voice was engulfed by silence. The door slammed shut, the pod launched, and he was blasted back. The emptiness of space greeted him.

He was completely, overwhelmingly alone.

You cannot win.

The void's deafening roar washed over him as his suit's alarms began to sound. The pressure was building.

I'm so sorry.

His instinct was to fight it, to survive, but he knew there was no point. Tubes burst and the air began to leave him. He gasped for breath.

I'm so, so sorry.

His vision was darkening as his thoughts centered on warm brandy eyes, on long, dark hair and a lilting, teasing laugh. It wasn't enough.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

His lungs were on fire when the stars finally disappeared, and all he could see was her, and all he could feel was regret. It was too soon.

I love you. Oh, fuck, I love you.

He was empty.