Two young children are very interested in their mother's gun.
(Stef and Lena's reactions when Jesus shows interest in Stef's gun. I don't know anything about guns so I'm not even sure if all the technical stuff is correct but it's what I've understood from TV and books or just researched online so I apologize for any errors.)
"It's okay sweetheart, it's no big deal." Stef said as she tried to catch hold of Mariana, who was struggling to escape.
Mariana had been sick all night and as the family was sitting down to breakfast before Stef took Brandon and Jesus to school and headed to work herself Mariana threw up all over Stef's uniform. She then became afraid that she'd be in trouble and tried to get as far away from Stef as possible.
"Honey, come here." Stef instructed firmly, determined not to let the girl distance herself. She caught the eight year old and sat her firmly on her knee, holding her as she cried. "We'll get cleaned up and it'll all be over." Stef said gently as she rocked the girl.
"Why don't you two go on up to shower and change and I'll be up to help once I clean up down here." Lena suggested, hoping that once everything was cleaned up Mariana wouldn't be so afraid anymore.
"Good idea." Stef said as she picked Mariana up with her as she stood. "We'll go shower and then you'll feel a lot better."
Five minutes later the two boys were watching a movie and Stef had Mariana in the shower while Lena cleaned up the kitchen. She mopped up the puke and wiped the table, floor and stools with disinfectant before cleaning up the breakfast dishes.
Once she was done she walked into the living room to check on her who boys but only found one still sitting on the couch watching The Lion King.
"Where's Jesus?" Lena asked.
"He went upstairs to check on Mariana." Brandon answered without taking his eyes off the T.V.
Lena smiled as she headed upstairs, she always thought it was adorable how well Jesus looked after his sister. The twins had been living with them for over three months now and while Mariana was still extremely shy and preferred to allow Jesus to do all the talking, Jesus had opened up considerably and trusted the two women he had come to live with. But he still kept himself around his sister, especially during times like this when he felt she needed him most.
Lena had expected to find him sitting on the toilet seat as Stef gave Mariana a shower like he had done so many times when they first moved into the house. But Lena screamed in fear when she reached her bedroom to find the young boy sitting on the double bed trying to pull Stef's gun out of the belt she had left there.
"JESUS!" Lena yelled more loudly than she'd ever yelled at the kids before.
Jesus jumped and dropped the belt as he turned to his foster mother with wide eyes. Neither of them had ever raised their voices with the twins and he never expected Lena to be the one to shout.
Stef had already finished bathing and dressing Mariana and had sat her on the toilet seat while she rinsed off as well when she heard Lena yell. Stef quickly dried off and pulled on her bathrobe and headed out into the bedroom with a wide-eyed Mariana.
Mariana had finally calmed down enough to understand that she wasn't in trouble but Lena's sudden yell had sent her back into her shell. Stef had been talking to the girl, telling her jokes and making her giggle to cheer her up but they both stopped laughing abruptly when they hear Lena.
When Stef entered the bedroom she found Lena holding Jesus and standing by the bed, both staring at her belt like it was going to blow up in their faces.
"What's wrong?" Stef asked, as she walked over to the bed, though she already knew the answer.
"You just left your belt on the bed?" Lena accused angrily. She always hated the fact that Stef brought a gun home and the fact that Stef's job required her to have a gun in the first place.
Stef religiously locked her gun up when she came home from work everyday, ever since Brandon was born but she became more conscious of it since meeting Lena. Her non-violent, anti-gun girlfriend avoided looking at it and she definitely disapproved of the kids being around it. Stef was only to take it out of the safe when she left for work and put it right back the moment she got home.
"I'm sorry babe." Stef said, looking to Jesus, realizing that he had something to do with this. "I was just going to shower and change and put it back on."
"That's not an excuse." Lena said angrily. "You of all people should know that's how accidents happen, Stef."
"You're right." Stef said, regretting her haste to get herself and Mariana cleaned up. "I'm sorry, it will never happen again."
"What if I hadn't come up in time?" Lena said. She was still angry and more than that she was terrified of what could have happened. She knew that the gun had a safety lock on it but accidents still happened and she definitely didn't want it to happen in her house, with her children, and her partner's gun.
Stef remained silent as she picked up the belt, gun and all, and locked it up in the safe. She knew she had made a mistake but she hadn't expected to be more than a few minutes in the shower and she hadn't expected either of her boys to come upstairs. But Lena was right, it was a careless mistake on Stef's part, one that could have had a very different, regrettable ending.
"Jesus, Stef's gun is not a toy." Lena said turning her attention to the boy who's arm she was still holding on to tightly. "It's a weapon that can hurt you or someone else if you aren't careful and it is definitely not for little children."
"I'm sorry Lena." Jesus said timidly. He was still a little shocked and scared at the fact that Lena had yelled at him. He had started to believe that nothing bad would happen to either of them in this house but now he wasn't so sure.
"You know I don't like you playing with even toy guns right?" Lena continued, deciding that a simple 'sorry' wasn't going to cut it.
Jesus nodded slowly. He had asked for a nerf gun when Stef and Lena had taken them shopping for new toys when they had first come to live with them but Lena had flat out refused. 'Guns are not toys' she had said, and guided him towards a box of Lincoln Logs instead, encouraging him to try something constructive and that would release his energy.
"And you know that Stef's gun is not for you." Lena asked, once Jesus had nodded an answer to her question.
Once again Jesus nodded, waiting for her to get to the part of his punishment.
Through this Mariana remained rooted at the bathroom door, watching the scene as tears silently poured down her face. She had been so relieved when Stef promised her that she wouldn't be in trouble for throwing up on her and that she was safe in this house but suddenly everything had changed.
"Then why would you try to take it out of the belt?" Lena asked, demanding an answer.
"I just wanted to see it." Jesus answered softly. He knew that these women liked answered when they asked questions and he thought it was better to be honest than silent. "I wasn't going to hurt anyone."
The look on his face melted Lena's heart as she realized that the boy didn't even understand just how dangerous his actions could have been. She finally released his arm and watched him take a step away from her.
"I'm sorry." Lena said softly, lowering her voice to show that she wasn't really angry. "I didn't mean to scare you or yell at you. I was just so afraid that you would hurt yourself or someone else."
"I'm sorry." Jesus said again, unsure of what else to say.
"Okay." Lena said. "Well since you did know that I don't like you playing with guns and since you know that Stef's gun is absolutely off limits to you, you're going to have a consequence."
Jesus' face instantly went small as worry filled his eyes and Mariana let out a small sob, waiting to see what would happen to her brother.
Lena reached out for Jesus and pulled him closer to her again, wanting desperately for him to know that he wasn't going to be hurt, no matter how angry or scared she was.
"Your toys are going to stay in my room for one week." Lena said. She wanted to give Jesus a punishment that he would remember for a long time so that he never tried something like this again but at the same time she didn't want him to lose his trust and security in them. "And you'll do extra chores around the house all week and the next time mom is called to a scene where someone is shot, we're going to go down to the hospital so that you can see just how badly people can get hurt because of guns."
"I'll never do it again." Jesus said in a small voice, finally realizing that the type of punishment he was expecting wasn't coming.
"No you won't." Lena said firmly, looking at Stef, silently telling her that she'll never leave it lying around again either, for Jesus to even have a chance to do it again.
"I'm sorry." Jesus said one last time thought this time he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight as he buried his face in her stomach and cried.
"I know baby." Lena said as she knelt down to hug him too. "I just never want anything bad to happen to any of you so I don't want you play with that gun."
Lena sent the twins downstairs to join their brother in front of the TV before turning back to her girlfriend.
"You can't leave that thing lying around Stef." She said firmly, though there was no longer any anger in her voice. She could see that Stef realized her mistake and constantly pointing it out wasn't going to do much good.
"I know Lena, I'm sorry." Stef said. "Mariana was so scared that I just wanted to get us cleaned up so that she'd know everything was okay."
"I know." Lena said. "And I know that you don't leave it around all the time but you can't even just make that mistake. We don't just have Brandon now. Jesus is so curious and even if the twins weren't here, Brandon could get just as curious one day and we don't want that."
"No we don't." Stef said firmly, shuddering at the thought of what could have happened. "It will never happen again, I promise."
"Okay." Lena said, deciding that she was done with this topic for a while. She needed some time to get over her fears and Stef needed to get dressed and take the two boys to school. Lena was going to stay home with Mariana since she was sick.
"I'm just gonna get dressed okay." Stef said, looked at Lena carefully to judge her reaction.
"Okay." Lena said again before turning to leave the room.
When Lena got back downstairs she found all three children watching the movie and only Mariana acknowledge her presence by looking away from the TV when she entered.
"You're leaving in five minutes boys." Lena said and both boys nodded, without taking their eyes of the screen.
Lena smiled to herself, relieved that Jesus was no longer afraid or worried that something bad would happen to him. She was so grateful that he trusted them so much and she was determined not to break that trust by allowing anything bad to happen to the children - even by accident.
All day Stef was in a daze. She had never once left her gun lying around and she kept chastising herself for doing it today. How could she have been so careless, she wondered. It's like Lena had said, she had taken so many people to the ER after accidents involving guns and from the time Brandon was born she swore that she'd never let him near it. Today she had made a mistake she swore never to make and she was determined never to let it happen again.
"You okay?" Stef's partner asked. She had allowed him to drive today, a rare occurrence, and her far-off look and lack of conversation told him that something was bothering her.
"I left my gun on the bed this morning and my kid got hold of it." Stef said, the regret clear in her voice.
"Oh man." The younger man said. "What happened?"
"Nothing, thankfully." Stef said. "Lena found him and he hadn't been able to take it out of the belt."
"I never imagined you'd leave it like that." He said. Stef was his senior and a very level headed, responsible woman who usually didn't act without thinking.
"My daughter got sick on me and we needed to shower and I just left it there in my hurry to get us cleaned up." Stef explained. "Though it's no excuse." She admonished herself.
"Mistakes happen to the best of us." Her partner said, in an attempt to ease her mind. "You just gotta be more careful."
"Oh I will." Stef said. "That will never, ever happen again.
"Maybe you should let him have a good look at it." The young man suggested. "Let the curiosity out."
"Let him have my gun in his hands?" Stef asked in surprise.
"Unloaded." The man said. "Let him do it with you there so that he doesn't try to do it when you're not around again."
"It makes sense, but I don't think Lena would go for that." Stef said.
"Just a thought." Her partner said, voicing his ideas.
But that thought stuck with Stef for the rest of the day.
Stef went home early that day, hoping to have some time to talk to Lena before she went to get the boys from their after school activities.
"Hi love." Stef said as she entered the kitchen. Mariana had fallen asleep on the couch while Lena was reading to her and Lena had gotten up to finish some housework while she slept.
"Hey, you're home early." Lena said as she turned to kiss her girlfriend.
"I thought we could talk." Stef said. "I'm so sorry about this morning Love, it was so foolish on my part..."
"I know Stef." Lena stopped her. "I just got so scared seeing Jesus holding it like that, even though it was still in your belt."
"Me too." Stef said. "I never meant for that to happen."
"It's over now." Lena said. "We'll keep talking to him and telling him why it's wrong but he'll never get another chance to do it again." She said warningly.
"About that..." Stef began as she took a seat on a stool and guided Lena to do the same. "Maybe we should let him hold it."
"What?" Lena asked with a frown, sure that Stef couldn't be talking about the gun.
"The gun babe." Stef said.
"Are you crazy Stef?" Lena asked.
"I'm not saying play with a loaded gun Lena, but give it to them, unloaded, to see it and get the feel of it. Kill their curiosity." Stef explained.
Lena didn't respond but just the idea of her children holding that weapon sent shivers down her spine.
"It's better they do it with us supervising than try it on their own again don't you think?" Stef said. "You know Jesus, his curiosity will just build if we don't deal with it now and we don't want him to pass it on to the others."
"I don't know." Lena said, realizing that her partner was making sense but still didn't like the idea of handing three children a gun, even unloaded.
"We'll explain it all to them and I'll be with them at all times, just let them get it all out." Stef said looking deep into Lena's eyes, looking for an answer.
Though Lena wasn't completely happy with the idea she had agreed to allow Stef to show the children her gun. Stef had offered to do it without Lena present but Lena wanted to be there. Though she began to realize that Stef's suggestion wasn't so bad when the boys came home talking excitedly about 'the gun' that Jesus had seen.
Lena shot Stef a look and Stef just shrugged - if they didn't nip this in the bud now it could get out of hand. So after dinner Stef and Lena sat the children down on their bed and Stef went to get the gun from the safe.
"Cool" Brandon said excitedly. For him guns had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember though neither of his parents ever let him hold it and Brandon hadn't really registered the fact that there was a gun in his house - maybe he was too young or maybe the fact that it had been a part of his life for so long that it didn't have the same interest to him as it did to Jesus. But now, after talking to Jesus even he was interested and just watching his mom bring it over for them to see excited him as much as it excited the younger boy.
"Okay, so as you know I am a police officer." Stef began. She set the gun on the bed right in front of her and a magazine of bullets beside it. She could feel Lena tense beside her while all three children looked at the gun - the two boys with excitement and Mariana, with a look that mirrored Lena's. "Part of my job is to stop bad people from hurting others and to do that I have a gun." Stef explained. "But even I have to be very careful with my gun because people get hurt by them. You know that we don't like you to even play with pretend guns and we definitely don't want to you be anywhere near my gun but since you are curious I'm going to show it to you so you can see it and feel it without putting yourself or anyone else in danger."
"But after this you are never ever to go near it again." Lena added firmly. "Mom made a mistake in leaving it out this morning but that will never happen again and you guys must remember that it's off limits to you."
"We won't hurt anyone." Brandon said, the only one brave enough to voice his opinions.
"You may not mean to hurt anyone but accidents do happen." Stef explained. "You may not mean to shoot anyone but sometimes guns misfire or you may think that you are only pretending or that there aren't any bullets in the gun when, in fact, there are."
"That's why you always lock it up?" Brandon asked. This was the first he had ever heard of the gun being out where one of them could get to it and while he knew that it was something neither of his parents wanted, he was still excited that it happened.
"Yes." Stef answered. "Today I made a mistake leaving it out on the bed and like I said mistakes happen but I'm going to be extra careful from now on and you three need to remember that my gun is not a toy. We are going to show it to you since you're so curious but you're never to go near it without me present is that clear?" Stef asked, looking to each one until she received a nod in return.
"Okay well this gun is unloaded right now so you can't hurt anyone but you still need to be careful." Stef said as she picked up the gun in her hand. She watched as Jesus and Brandon leaned forward to get a better look. She handed the gun to Brandon first since he was the oldest and she hoped that he would set an example for the other two. As she reached out her hand Brandon looked up at her in surprise, in all his nine years he had never been allowed to touch the gun and he was a little nervous.
"Go ahead love, it's okay." Stef encouraged while Lena was silently thrilled that her son seemed afraid of the weapon.
Brandon tentatively reached out a hand and Stef placed the gun in his hand.
"It's heavier than I thought." Brandon said, in almost a whisper.
"It's not a toy honey." Stef said with a smile. "It helps me protect myself and other people." She reminded him.
"Did you ever shoot anyone?" Jesus asked, his eyes still peeled on the gun in his foster brother's hand.
"No, and I hope that I never have to either." Stef said firmly.
"Can I pull the trigger?" Brandon asked as she finally adjusted the gun in his hand so that it was in the right position.
"Yes." Stef said and watched as Brandon tried to pull the trigger though he was unable to.
"There are no bullet." Stef told her son when he looked up at her in confusion. "And you need to take slide the safety lock before you can pull the trigger." Stef explained as she moved the little switch to unlock it. Then she pulled on the trigger and it released before handing the gun back to the boy.
Stef and Lena watched as Brandon pulled the trigger a few times and studied the gun in his hand before turning his attention to the bullets.
"This is called a magazine." Stef continued as she picked up the ammunition. "It's a semi-automatic weapon which means that after you shoot one bullet the next one automatically goes into place for you to shoot again." Stef explained.
"Like a Pez dispenser." Jesus immediately piped up in excitement. He had received his first Pez dispenser only a week ago and loved to make the little candy pop out of it.
"Exactly." Stef said. "And when all the bullets are over we just change the magazine."
Stef took the gun back from Brandon and flipped the safety lock back into place before inserting the magazine into the handle. She pointed the gun down to the bed and kept her finger off the trigger as she showed the kids how it was done and thing immediately ejected the magazine again.
While Stef did this Lena became completely ridged as she pulled Mariana a little closer to her. The girl had sat silently next to Lena the entire time, showing no interest in wanting to touch the gun but she was watching every move that Stef made intently.
Once the magazine was safely out of the gun and the gun was once again unloaded Stef handed it to Jesus for his turn.
"Cool!" Jesus exclaimed in excitement as she pointed the gun at Brandon and pretended to shoot, making little trigger noises.
Lena actually groaned out loud at the enactment while Stef reached out to stop the boy. "Remember what I said about accidents?" She asked as she took the gun from Jesus. "Well another thing we can do to avoid one is not point a gun at someone even when it's unloaded. Not as a joke or in play. That's why I aimed the gun down into the bed so that nothing could happen to any of us."
"There are no bullets." Jesus said matter-of-factly.
"No there aren't right now but many accidents have happened because people thought a gun was unloaded when it really wasn't." Stef explained.
"Okay." Jesus said quickly, accepting the answer. "I won't pretend to shoot anyone."
Stef handed him back the gun and watched as he studied it and fiddled with it in much the same way Brandon had.
"Can I slide the switch?" Jesus asked, remembering that that's what released the trigger.
"Yes." Stef said and Jesus quickly slid the switch and pulled the trigger. Stef smiled to herself as Jesus kept the gun aimed at the bed and nowhere else. He was a good boy with a big heart, he just needed to be reminded to stop and think before talking and acting every now and again.
After a few minutes, Jesus, of his own accord, handed the gun back to his mother. His curiosity was satisfied and he knew that his foster mother's weren't too thrilled with the gun in his hand.
Stef took the gun from him, giving him a little ruffle on the head before turning to the little girl still snuggled close to Lena.
"You want to have a look honey?" Stef asked Mariana.
Mariana looked between the gun and Stef and Lena wondering what she should do. She knew Lena wasn't happy and she really didn't want to upset her, plus the gun in general frightened her.
"Go ahead." Lena encouraged, realizing that both boys were now over the desperate need to play with the gun.
Mariana reached out and gently brushed her hand over the gun without taking it out of Stef's hand. Stef rested the gun in the palm of the little hand without letting go of it completely. This allowed Mariana to feel it and hold it without having it in her possession entirely.
Without releasing the safety switch or trying the trigger Mariana pushed the gun back into Stef's hand and withdrew her own quickly.
"How come you've never had to shoot anyone?" Jesus asked, the slight disappointment clear in his voice.
"Well, we try to solve our problems without violence." Stef said as she placed the gun back on the bed in front of her. "We keep it only for emergencies if someone's life is in danger."
"But what about when people do bad things?" Jesus asked. "Don't you shoot them then?"
"No, we catch them and we cuff them and take them to jail." Stef said. "We don't just shoot them. We only shoot if someone else is going to hurt us."
"Has dad ever shot anyone?" Brandon asked.
"No he hasn't." Stef said. "Most cops haven't shot anyone."
"You can die from a gunshot right?" Brandon asked.
"Yes, definitely." Stef said. "That's why we're always so careful with them. We don't want any accidents."
"That's why we're not allowed to touch it?" Jesus added.
"We don't want anything to happen to you now do we?" Stef asked.
"No." Jesus smiled a big smile.
"Okay, so now I'm going to lock it up again so that we have no accidents." Stef said as she got up and took the gun and bullets to the safe.
"Remember, this was a one-time thing." Lena finally spoke. "I never want to see any of you touching that gun again. Deal?"
"Deal." Brandon and Jesus said together.
"I'm surprised you let us hold it now." Brandon added.
"Well we figured if you're curious it's better we show you the gun safely than try and have you sneak around and put yourselves in danger." Stef said.
"It was cool." Jesus smiled, still excited that he had gotten to see and hold the gun.
"But it's not a...?" Stef said, waiting for him to finish the sentence.
"Toy." Jesus finished obediently.
"Exactly." Stef said with a smile. "Now why don't you three go get ready for bed okay."
"You were right." Lena said once the kids were gone. "This was good for them."
"I was wrong to have left it out in the first place." Stef said, still regretting that mistake. "I'm sorry about that."
"I know." Lena said as she went to hug Stef. "It was a hectic morning and even I never imagined them trying to take it."
"When we talk to kids about guns or even rookies we always tell them not to leave things lying around, I don't know how I let it happen." Stef said as she leaned into her partner's embrace and hugged her back.
"Mistakes happen." Lena repeated Stef's words. "We've both learned our lesson and now we'll be more careful."
"I love you and I love those kids and I'm so relieved that nothing happened today." Stef held Lena tighter.
"I love you too." Lena said, kissing Stef on the lips. "Now let's go tuck those curious creatures into bed please."
Stef smiled at Lena as the two headed to the children's room, hands linked and fingers intertwined.