Part 13
The sound of heavy breathing was accompanied by the staccato thumping of the old brass headboard as it made contact with the wall. The moon's glow, visible only as a halo around the clouds cast white light that spilled through the window above the nightstand. Snowflakes fell on the other side of the window, their playful dance on the wind unnoticed by the couple lost in each other.
Liz looked up at the man she had married, the man she loved with everything she had and her fingertips brushed over his cheek and down to his neck. The feeling of his weight, something so new and yet so familiar made her feel safe, wanted and loved. Her body easily fell into rhythm with his and as she felt the beginning of that headlong rush into ecstasy her hand scrabbled for purchase, finally finding it as she wrapped her fingers around the headboard.
Their lips met in a kiss that was deep and soul-stirring but in spite of that the flashes that had once been so prevalent, that part of their connection was lacking. She pushed away the thought that she couldn't remember the last time they had made love and she had experienced that with him. She didn't know if they were both blocking it consciously or unconsciously, or if they had both closed themselves off that way.
The times they had been able to be together without feeling rushed, to enjoy each other the way they wanted to, had been few and far between. There was no way for them to spend time alone on a regular basis, not with the life they were leading. Moments like this were rare and something to be cherished and it gave them a reprieve from things that needed to be dealt with. As their bodies began to come down from the sexual high and their breathing evened out, Max quickly fell into what Maria had referred to as the 'post-sex coma'.
Liz reached up to trace her fingers over his shadowed jaw, feeling the rasp of stubble and smiling. This was a side of Max that no one else ever saw; the passionate, primal side that most people would probably never suspect was hidden just beneath the surface. This was the Max that belonged to her exclusively.
But you're not the only one who's ever known this side of him. She gave him something you haven't… something that no matter what can never be taken away.
She shoved the nagging thought away. She hated it when either of them intruded on these moments with Max. She focused instead on his eager expression when he'd come running back into the bedroom earlier. Eager, she snorted. Lustful, maybe. No, definitely lustful. She had taken the sheets from him, leaving him holding the blankets and pillows. She had taken her time making the bed, leaning over to stretch across the mattress to tuck the fitted sheet over the corners. She had made sure her movements were slow and deliberate, teasing him and waiting for him to reach his breaking point. She had learned that since they had become lovers she could get him to that point without having to work too hard. Especially when he was in certain moods… like tonight.
His eyes had followed every move she made and she knew he could've cared less about the sheets or blankets. She could read his thoughts as easily as if he had spoken them aloud. They were just going to mess the bed up anyway, so why bother? He was standing there as she took the pillows from him, giving her that look; chin down, watching her through his lashes. He was trying to play it cool and she knew it wouldn't take much more before he lost it. She had upped the ante just a bit, running her fingers over the cool sheets as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye.
"Our bed, Max. It's so weird." He had moved closer, crowding her, his breath teasing the back of her neck. Her voice had been breathless, a side effect of his nearness, but she had continued to tease him. "The bed's almost made… we just need… the blankets…"
He had been so close he had practically been plastered to her back as he inhaled deeply, drawing her scent in. He had thrown the blankets on the floor as some point because she knew there was nothing but the layers of their clothes between them. He had taken her arm, turning her around and lowering his mouth to hers in a kiss that had completely wiped out any thoughts of making the bed.
She smiled to herself and shook her head at him. It hadn't taken long for him to snatch those blankets up off of the floor afterwards though. He was all covered up and she knew it wouldn't be long before he started to snore. Thank God he didn't snore loud enough to rattle the window panes, she mused as she leaned over to kiss him before slipping from the bed.
She pulled one of Max's shirts on and walked through to the living room. The silence, broken only by the sound of her husband's soft snoring, surrounded her as she moved past the sofa, her fingertips trailing along its back. There was a spindled rocking chair with a teddy bear sitting on it, barely visible in the dim light cast by the small nightlight in the kitchen. Her attention was caught by the outline of a book on the mantle above the fireplace. As she moved closer she could see the pen lying next to it.
The heat from the electric fireplace brushed against her legs as she reached up to let her fingers ghost over the binding of the book. She picked it up, rubbing her palm over the butter-soft cover before flipping it open. She carried it over to the kitchen, leaning against the counter and scanning over the pages. It was a journal for visitors to write in, to share their stories for others to read.
There was a time when simply looking at a journal would cause her fingers to itch, the need to write almost compulsive. She missed writing her thoughts down. It had been a way of getting out of her head, putting chaotic thoughts and feelings down and then going back and finding order in them. Her old journal had been filled with chaos, but with innocence underlying the words. That journal had been sent to her dad in the hope that it and the explanations within would help her parents deal with what had happened.
Max had bought her a new one months ago but she hadn't been able to put pen to paper. There were many nights sitting at various campgrounds and roadside stops when she had pulled it out and gone as far as to open it up, but the words would not reveal themselves. The blank pages would stare up at her mockingly, the pen in her hand a useless weight, and still the words would not come. She had finally packed it in her bag where it had stayed, unopened and ignored.
She read a humorous story written by a 16-year-old girl who had been 'stuck' in the Honeymoon cabin with her parents because it had been the only cabin available at the time. The rant was likely not supposed to be humorous but it was and she felt a familiar ache in her chest. It was a reminder of what she had left behind: her innocence, although life had already started to chip away at that prior to graduation, her dreams of Harvard, of being the head of molecular biology. She missed having dreams and goals that someone her age, someone 'normal' would have. She had left normal long ago, a choice that in some ways had never been hers to make. The day at the Crashdown when Max had saved her, the course of her life had been altered.
She didn't regret her choice to leave with Max, but there were other things she did regret, things that she wished she had done differently… things she wished she had said. She carried the cabin journal back over to the mantle, placing it beside the pen and turning to go back to the bedroom. Her gaze fell on his sleeping face, his relaxed features reminding her of the boy he had been the day he had saved her life. She lifted the covers after a tug-o-war match and slid in beside her husband, grateful for his body heat and the sleep-warmed sheets. She smiled when his arm came around her waist and she could feel his breath against the back of her neck. No, it wasn't conventional and it wasn't 'normal' but she wouldn't trade being with Max for either of those things.
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Kyle trudged through the snow next to Michael, using him as a shield against the biting wind. He could see the cabins up ahead and he rolled his eyes when he saw that every light in his looked to be out.
"Problem?" Michael asked when he heard his companion sigh.
"Just thinkin' she could've left a light on."
"I'd watch what I say to her if I were you." He smirked and shook his head, glancing at the black trash bag in Kyle's arms. "She finds out you told Julia," he held his hands up to make finger quotes, "you'd like to get sheets for the smaller bed because 'the wife's in a mood' an' she'll make your life a livin' hell."
Kyle shifted the sheets and blankets that Julia had collected for him and then covered in a large trash sack to keep them from getting wet from the heavily-falling snow. "Hey, I'm not the one who said we were married."
"You didn't deny it either. As far as she's concerned, that's on you."
"Yeah, I know how it works." He paused for a moment, stopping in his tracks. "Michael."
Michael stopped and turned to look at him. "Kyle." He already knew what was coming. He had known it from the moment he had decided to get back to Maria just before the third period of the game started. He had said it was time to go and Kyle had told him to go on, he'd be out later after the game. It would've kept him separated from the rest of the group with no one to watch his back and Michael had insisted that they leave.
"You're gonna have to cool it, especially around Edward. He's been suspicious of us from the beginning but displays like that back there? Either he's gonna think the two of us have some kinda Brokeback Mountain thing goin' on, or worse," he made a face, "he's gonna think we've got somethin' to hide. As much as I hate to admit it, I'd rather he thought the first because it's the safer of the two, but I think we both know between our situation and your hyper-vigilant state he's not gonna drop the thought that we're hidin' somethin' or runnin' from somethin' or both." He shook his head when Michael started to walk again and he hurried to catch up with him. "Look, man, I know why you're like this, okay? And I know you haven't had time to really decompress since that day, but you're gonna have him thinkin' maybe he needs to make some calls and right now we're already skatin' on thin ice. We can't afford the extra attention, that's all I'm sayin'."
Michael gave a sharp nod but didn't say another word as they reached Kyle's cabin and the other guy made his way to his front door. He waited, making sure he was inside before he set out along the old road that was only slightly visible since the snow was higher at its edges. It was still snowing heavily and the tracks they had made going up to the house earlier had been covered in the time they had spent watching the game.
He knew his decision to go back to the cabins had been rather sudden, but he hadn't been able to leave Maria alone any longer. He stared at the little cabin in the distance, one end of it visible as he rounded the slight curve where the three-bedroom cabin sat several hundred yards in front of it. He was right and Michael knew it, but he couldn't just shelve that hyper-vigilance as Kyle had called it. He had felt like an overloaded circuit since that day…
They had stopped at a gas station to fuel up and grab some sandwiches and he had spotted the sheriff's cruiser right away from his position near the pump. His hand had tightened on the nozzle's handle as he reached up to bang on the window to get Max and Kyle's attention. "Where're the girls?" he barked when Kyle appeared.
"Uh, I believe they were plannin' to run in to buy disinfectant and sandwiches after their visit to what Iz referred to as 'that toxic bathroom'."
He had kept his head lowered, but his eyes had been locked on the station, straining to see if the girls were on their way out yet. Relief was short-lived when he saw Isabel and Liz on their way back from the restroom because it only took a moment to realize that Maria wasn't with them. His heart had been hammering when he saw the cop stop next to an employee cleaning up the parking lot and point in their direction.
"Where's Maria?" he had growled as the girls climbed inside.
He had seen the fear in Liz's eyes when he had pointed the cop out. "We ordered sandwiches before going to the restroom. Maria was the first one out so she said she'd grab our order and meet us back here."
He had been on edge, ready to storm the little shop to get Maria when Max had spoken up, telling him to get back in the van. He had done it, knowing they had to keep a low profile, but his mind had screamed at him relentlessly. He had sat behind the steering wheel, unable to keep the tension from hammering at him as he watched the cop. Maria had appeared, her back pressed against the door as she tried to juggle the takeout sacks while making her exit.
His nerves had been strung so tight it felt as if they might snap one by one as the cop had moved to open the door for her, smiling and chatting her up as he pointed to the van. He couldn't hear what they were saying of course, but he could see Maria using her shining smile and those eyes on the cop. He had been terrified that they'd been made, terrified that at any moment the cop was gonna grab her, and their options had been limited to bad and worse. Regardless, he couldn't, wouldn't drive away without her.
That trapped feeling began to close in on him again at the reminder that his actions always seemed to be failures or inconsequential. He had been gripping the steering wheel hard enough that it felt like it could snap when Kyle had spoken up.
"Just stay cool. I grew up around cops, remember? Just stay cool and be quiet."
It was at that moment that the sound of a horn had pierced the air and he had glanced at the rearview mirror, glaring at the impatient driver making a rude gesture through the windshield. Bastard was lucky he didn't have the time or luxury of getting out and telling him a thing or two. His gaze had shifted back to Maria after the momentary lapse, watching her walk to the van as the cop disappeared into the station.
"Just what the hell were you girls thinking?" he exploded as he pulled onto the highway and shoved the accelerator to the floorboard.
"You mean me, Michael, just say it," Maria snapped. "The only human in the group without secret powers." She shook her head at him as Kyle took the sacks from her. "It was fine… I'm fine. The cop was just interested in the van 'cause it's a classic. He pointed our van out and made some comments about it. Guy had a thing for old cars and vans." She turned her head to stare out the window on her side. "It was no big deal. I may be human but I can handle myself."
The problem with her argument was that he knew differently. He could 'see' her and he knew it had shaken her up. It only served to further piss him off that she was putting up a front and giving him a hard time for not trusting a human. It had only gotten worse when she had continued her rant.
"I didn't need your help, Michael. I'm not some damsel in distress!"
It had been the final straw and he had been oblivious to the protests from the others when he had jerked the wheel to the right to get off of the highway, pulling into a roadside park and slamming on the brakes between an RV and an 18-wheeler. He hadn't even looked at Max when he threw the keys at him with enough force that the other guy had yelled at him. "Wait here." He had turned to Maria. "Get outta the van."
Her eyes had blazed defiantly. "No."
"Michael let it go," Max advised.
"Mind your own business," he snarled as he pinned Max with a hard glare before turning back to the woman in the passenger's seat. "Get out of the van, Maria. NOW!" She had been gritting her teeth as she rolled her eyes at him but she had finally gotten out. He had barely been aware of Kyle speaking up, deciding that since they were stopped and food was in his hands it was time for lunch.
He had rounded the front of the van and grabbed her hand, pulling her with him as he stomped past trees and picnic tables. He had scanned their surroundings, making sure they were alone before he had suddenly turned, pinning her up against a tree. He had crowded her, unaware that his eyes were red, his face was set in stone, or that his fists had been clenched so tightly. "Do you have any idea what they did to Max in that white room? I dream about it every damn night, Maria! That cop noticin' the van, stoppin' to talk to you? It was a goddamned big deal!"
She had opened her mouth to try and say something but he had silenced her with a look.
"Do you have any idea what my nightmare is? It's not me in that white room, Maria. It's not Max or Isabel or anyone else. It's you! You in that white room while they…" His eyes had been glassy with unshed tears and beads of perspiration had appeared on his brow.
She had reached for him and that was all it had taken.
His mouth had crashed onto hers, his kiss desperate and bruising. He hadn't been able to get close enough to her as he shrugged out of his jacket, every breath sawing past his lips raggedly. He had maneuvered her backwards into a tiny clearing, throwing his jacket down before lowering her to the ground.
His eyes had locked onto hers as he tried to catch his breath, needing to see her. He had felt her hands gripping his shoulders, heard her voice as she whispered his name on a ragged pant. He had seen something wet hit her cheeks, unable to acknowledge it as tears from his own eyes as he had started to move urgently. Afterwards he had rolled them over so that she was on top and she had collapsed in his arms.
As soon as his breathing had calmed he had gotten up and straightened his clothes. Maria was lying back on the grass, her clothes a mess, her hair out of sorts and her lips red and swollen. "Stay here, I'll be back." He hadn't waited for her to acknowledge his command; he had gone back to the van and taken their sandwiches, extra napkins, and her bag. His expression had dared anyone to question him but no one had said a word.
After returning to her he had settled beside her in silence, placing the sandwiches close by and reaching over to gently clean her up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
Her eyes had fallen to the grass as she slowly shook her head.
He could feel his heart pounding as he remembered that day as if it had just happened moments ago. The memory brought all of those feelings to the surface and his body thrummed with tension… with frustration. He had never been like that with her before and with the uncertainty of their relationship he felt like he had overstepped like he had the last time. It wasn't the way he had made love to her that had scared him; she had been just as desperate for affirmation that they had escaped what could have been a dangerous situation. It was his loss of control with her… opening himself up that way and acting on his emotions when he wasn't sure what they were to each other.
He had been on overload since that day and he knew it. He couldn't sleep when they stopped, his nerves were on edge, the weight of their safety was a constant pressure and there was no release valve. He was hyper-aware of everything going on around them and hadn't been able to breathe easy since that cop had noticed them.
It had been early October. And it had been the last time they were together.