Last one, guys. Hope you enjoy it.

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Knock, knock, knock. Penny?

Penny opened the door, a glare on her face, and a fist raised threateningly. "Sheldon it is 6:20 am. Someone better be dying."

Sheldon fidgeted a bit before thrusting a notebook into Penny's hands. He was twitching like mad, and even in her half-awake state, she could tell he wanted to reach out and snatch it back almost immediately. He spun and walked back to his apartment. Three steps, and then Sheldon spun and hurried back. Penny held out the notebook, but he ignored that. Instead he stooped, pressed a feather-light kiss to her lips and sprinted across the hall. He slammed the door, leaving a very shocked and confused Penny staring at the golden 4A on his door.

Slowly she eased back into her own apartment and walked to the kitchen. She put on a pot of coffee, glad for once she was out of milk. She suspected she was going to need it strong this morning. Penny sat at the counter and opened the notebook to the first page.

The Dream Journal of

Sheldon Lee Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph. D., Sc. D.

Journal entry #1

I have decided to begin this journal in the hopes of understanding and eliminating a serious divergence in the acquisition of my REM sleep. For several months I have been disturbed by dreams of an highly erotic nature. This has never happened to me before. Usually, according to an extensive online search, these dreams occur when one is sexually attracted to someone. I, however, show no signs of sexual attraction while awake, to the subject of these dreams. No rapid pulse, shortness of breath, flushed or perspiring skin, or dilation of the pupils. In fact, the only emotions I have been able to catalog while in the presence of the focus of my dreams, aka Penny, is annoyance, irritation and bewilderment. I do not feel drawn to her in reality. Yet, at night, in the confines of my subconscious, I dream of sexual acts with her. When I awaken in the morning, it is often to find that I am aroused, or that I have ejaculated whilst asleep. I cannot stress enough how abhorrent the later is to me. To not only know, but to see the evidence of my complete loss of control is antithesis to my fastidiousness. I shall begin with last night's dream.

I found myself on a sandy beach, which would never happen in reality. Beaches are notorious for being bacterial hot spots. Also, the risk of melanoma increases exponentially because of the great amount of skin exposed to the harmful UV rays. I digress.

I am on the beach and have perched myself on a large rock outcropping. Waves are crashing upon it. I hear soft sobs and look around. I see a mermaid nearby and approach. She looks up at me and it is my neighbor Penny. This distresses me in the dream. I ask her why she is crying. Her tail is caught in some coral and she is in pain. I valiantly dive beneath the surface, (unmindful of the pollution apparently) and gently free her fins. When I resurface, she throws her arms around me and kisses me in gratitude. I am overcome by a wave of passion and carry her from the sea. Once out of the water, her tail morphs back into two golden skinned legs. I lay her on a towel and we kiss heavily for a very long time. Then I lay back and she moves over me. My clothes have disappeared at some point. As I enter her vagina, I suddenly awake with an erect penis.

This dream is, on the whole, ludicrous. There is no such thing as a mermaid. I would never be on a beach. I would never dive near coral for fear of injury. I do not have the adequate upper body strength to carry someone of even Penny's slight frame. Clothes do not just disappear. Penny would not kiss me. Nothing of this dream is likely to occur. So why would it plague me so?

End Journal Entry

Journal Entry #2

Like my dream of three days ago, last night's dream was also utterly unrealistic. I am on a space ship. I am walking through a corridor to the command center. When I enter, Penny is there, sitting in my spot. I approach and ask her to vacate my seat. She stands and smiles at me. She answers me in flawless Klingon, saying she will relinquish my seat on one condition. She wants a kiss. I smile and grab her arms. I pull her up against me and spin us around so that I may sit. Then I pull her into my lap. I remove her uniform, and my hands glide over her skin. All around us, various people are going on about they duties. None pay the slightest attention to our actions. We kiss, and I use my hands to caress and fondle her. I am able to bring her to orgasm, at which point she screams out my name and I awaken. For 3 seconds after waking up, I could still almost hear the echo of her crying out my name.

Once again, a completely unrealistic dream. Penny does not speak Klingon. She has never expressed even the slightest inclination to learn it, either. I cannot imagine that no one on the ship would not have, at the very least, requested we do not engage in amorous activities in the command center. Also, I do not touch people of my own free will.

End Journal Entry

Journal Entry #3

I went 8 days with a dream this time. However I have once again woken up to find myself erect. Penny and I were at Comic-Con. We were browsing vendors when I suddenly pulled her behind a booth. I pressed her against the wall and kis her hard, bruising our lips. Nearby is a replica Tardis. I pick her up and carry her over to it. The inside contains a large bed. On the posts of the bed are silk scarves. I secure Penny's limbs and begin to kiss along her left arm. I continue across her clavicle and up her left arm. My hands are tracing equations along the skin of her abdomen and the numbers and letters glow faintly. I can hear Penny panting heavily so I turn to kiss her. Our tongues meet and seem to actually twist around each other like ribbons. When I pull away Penny smiles in a way I can only describe as a Mona Lisa smile and says "Sheldon, SLC plus PRQ, multiplied by TLC, then raised to the nth power will always result in L and M."

This makes absolutely no sense to me. I believe "SLC" means Sheldon Lee Cooper. If so, then PRQ means Penny Rene Queen. But, what are the other letters for? I can think of no mathematical formula that those letters can represent. Once again, my dream makes no sense and leaves me with an unexplainable conundrum.

Journal Entry #4

Last night's Comic-Con dream was nothing compared to tonight's. The dream started out with us already engaged in coitus. We appeared to be surrounded by planets and stars. I can only assume we were at some sort of planetarium. I was standing, Penny in my arms, her legs around my waist. She was cupping my cheeks in her hands as she rolled her hips. Despite my friend's assumptions, I am not a virgin. I have only engaged in coitus once, out of curiosity, and while the act itself was not unpleasant, the resulting fluid exchange was nerve-wracking. It was messy and unsanitary and therefore never repeated. However, this dream coitus was soothing. It was more than pleasant. It was warm, peaceful and made me smile. I felt connected to Penny in a way that went beyond the physical. I pressed my lips to hers and suddenly it was as if I could hear her thoughts.

She expressed her needs, and feelings to me through that kiss, and I did likewise. It was an exchange of emotions and thoughts through the epidermis of our lips. This is improbable, if not impossible (and I thoroughly dislike using absolutes). When we both reached orgasm, the planets and stars around us spun, a whirling dervish of lights. They rearranged themselves into a new and symmetrical universe. So far, this dream has been the most unlikely. It is also the most staggering.

Journal entry #5

It is 2:16 am. I must catalog my physical responses before recounting my dream. Shivers, rapid pulse, goose bumps, tightness in my chest, harsh respirations, dry mouth and an overall feeling of panic. My dream began with me on an escalator. I was descending to a lower floor. Penny was on the escalator beside me, ascending to an upper floor. I was walking backwards, trying to fight the direction I was taking. Penny was doing likewise, trying to maintain her position near me. Our hands are clasped over the railing separating us, but our momentum is making it harder by the moment to maintain that contact.

There was nothing sexual about tonight's dream. Neither of us spoke. Yet, this dream has so disturbed me, I find myself unable to return to sleep. I am also beginning to show signs while awake of attraction to my neighbor and friend.

Journal Entry #6

Once again I have woken up to soiled linens. I can only vaguely remember my dream. Heated skin, dancing tongues, grasping hands and clutching hands. The only clear memory of my dream was part of that infernal equation from before. SLC + PRQ.

As I write this I find I have one more clear image. I am standing behind Penny, we are both dressed. I am the Flash and she is Wonder Woman. She is not wearing the wig. Her head is tilted back, laying on my shoulder. My head is pressed against her neck. Our hands are clasped together at our sides. It is a surprisingly peaceful image.

Journal Entry #7

It has been 3 weeks since I wrote in this journal. I hd no new dreams, just repeated dreams. Most often I have the escalator dream, but occasionally it is the Comic-Con one. The dreams vary in slight degrees each time, but the premise is always the same.

(SLC+PRQ)x(TLC)ⁿ = L&M What does that mean?

Journal Entry #8

I think I have figured it out. I have been having these dreams for 6 months now. I have spent the last 2 months trying to determine what Dream Penny was trying to tell me. SLC is Sheldon Lee Cooper. PRQ is Penelope Rene Queen. TLC is tender loving care. L&M is love and marriage. Dream Penny is telling me that together, Penny and I could be happy.

I think she is right. I have always found Penny attractive. I also find her to be a pleasant and generous friend. I tolerate my friends for the most part, just as they do me. But Penny I enjoy being around. Because I know she truly cares. She takes care of me. She is concerned for me. And I worry about her. I do things for Penny, accept things about Penny, that I would not usually concern myself with. She is patient with me, and she always listens, even when she and I both know she doesn't understand. So, where does that leave me? What does it mean?

I think I love Penny.

Penny closed the notebook slowly. He heart was thudding in her chest at an alarming rate. Sheldon loves her? Was he serious? Penny stood and picked up the notebook. She walked across the apartment to the door. She opened it and was startled to find a worried, blushing Sheldon standing there. He looked at her nervously, searching her eyes.

Penny looked into his baby blues and something clicked. She reached out and slid her hand to the back of his neck. Sheldon dipped his head at the slightest pressure and Penny gently kissed him. Sheldon immediately relaxed against her and wrapped his hands in her hair, pulling her closer.

Penny pulled back far enough to look into his eyes again. "I love you, too."

Sheldon's expression turned to amazement and joy. He grabbed her close and hugged her tight.

When the others got there a couple of hours later, Sheldon and Penny were cuddled up together on the couch, Sheldon running his fingers through her hair as she nuzzled his neck.