Just call me angel of the morning, Angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
2011
It was a simple mistake.
One single, stupid mistake.
Just like every other one he'd ever made.
He'd been so excited, calling Mimi to congratulate her on getting her GED. He'd waited until his father had gone to bed and his mother had passed out on the couch. He'd pulled his ancient cell phone out from under his mattress, the hinges beginning to rust, the buttons only working half the time, and he'd dialed as silently as he could.
"I'm so proud of you," he had told her. When he could barely hear her laugh, he'd turned up the volume on his phone. There was only one speaker on the thing, so he wasn't too worried about the noise. "You worked so hard ever since you quit Avex."
"'Quit' my ass," Mimi had giggled. "Don't sugar coat it, Joe. Those bastards fired me the second I stopped being a teen. And I wouldn't have had to work as hard as I did if I hadn't been an idiot and thought being famous was more important than school. Did you know that jerk-off Evin kept all that money I made? Said I owed Avex for everything they put into my career. Well, believe me, I'll show him!"
"Oh, and just how are you going to do that?" Joe stretched wearily. Despite still having a year of school left, the study guide for his pre-med finals was already beginning to fall apart at the spine.
"I don't know," Mimi sighed and Joe heard her flop back on her bed. He'd heard through Nana that after the woman had been dropped from the label, she'd moved back into her parents' home. "I've been watching a lot of movies and I know I can out-act most of these chicks."
"Just know that whatever you decide to so, we'll all support you," Joe had told her. "You always did for us, remember?"
"Oh, God, do not remind me of that disaster of a party," Mimi whined, sounding like her nine year old self for a moment.
"It wasn't that much of a disaster. It got us all talking again, didn't it?"
"You're right. I am amazing, aren't I?" Mimi had yawned, not used to nights as late as Joe usually kept. "I'm sleepy, too. Good night, Joe."
"Night, Mimi."
And with that, Joe had put his phone in it's usual place under his pillow and had gone to bed. He hadn't thought anything more of it, not for the rest of the night, not when he woke up, and not when he went to the hospital to begin another day of shadowing Dr. Moroka. The only time he even gave his phone a passing thought was when he was on his lunch break, wondering if he should call Nana to check up on Shinjiro. The last time he'd seen the man he was pale and coughing, claiming he was recovering from the flu and avoiding Nana's eye when she asked if it was the same "flu" he'd had last month.
But the thought passed quickly when he watched the resident neurosurgeon remove bits of skull from a patient's brain without harming the delicate tissue more than it had been, the doctor tsking afterward about helmet safety when riding a motorcycle. He knew his father was expecting him to become a vascular surgeon just as he was and his father before him and his father before that, but Joe couldn't help but be drawn to brain surgery, the scared whispers of a lovely blonde boy still echoing in his mind even twelve years later.
"My mother... they said she had tumors. On her brain. And that was why she..."
He thought, privately to himself and none other, that if he could have helped back then, if he could help even one child now to never have to live through that...
But his father would never accept it. He would become a heart surgeon and there would be no other path for his life to take. Except for one...
But that wouldn't happen, he knew. His father had invested too much time into him, too much money, at this point it would be a waste to kill his son. At twenty-three, he'd surpassed his brothers in continuing to live under Shou's oppressive rule with only the mildest of night terrors and self-tended injuries. Shou had even reigned in his temper somewhat, making sure to stop before he sent Joe to the hospital anymore. So he felt safe enough that, while he would still be hurt, he would continue to live.
He was tired when he left the hospital, ready to be locked in his room for the night. He put his coat on the rack and kicked off his shoes. Joanne was sitting on the couch, not manic, not depressed, lost somewhere in between. By the end of the night, she would either be tied, screaming, to the bed or in a silent lump on the floor, crying.
"Mom?" he called anxiously. "Are you ok?"
But she couldn't hear him. She wouldn't until her medicine kicked in.
He set his bag down and took a step towards her. "Mom...?"
She blinked heavily, trying to find herself through her drugged fog.
Joe stepped forward. Usually if he got to her in this state, he could bring her to some semblance of normalcy, for a while at least. He reached out for his mother, to help her like he had his whole life, when a cold hand fell on his wrist, gripping him hard enough to crack the joint. Joe jerked, held in place by his father's grasp.
"What... is... this?" Shou asked, each word dripping with acid. In his other hand, the one not threatening to re-break his son's bones, was the cell phone. That damned machine he'd had hidden his whole life. That one piece of freedom he had never been allowed to have.
Joe's mouth opened, but he couldn't find words to explain. His father's glare behind his glasses was harsh enough that Joe could almost feel it burning into his skin. "It's, it's... a..."
Shou jerked his son, sending the man crashing to the ground. Joe's breath hitched, his chest tightened, and he knew he was going to have an asthma attack. Shou drew his foot back, sending it into Joe's ribs with all his might, as though trying to prevent his son from breathing ever again.
"Is this how you repay me for everything I've done for you?!" Shou was screaming, already worked up into a rage. He had the phone in his hand, the old plastic cracking in his grip as he continued to kick. "How many times have you snuck around behind my back?" Joe curled in on himself, trying to breathe, trying to show he wasn't fighting back. "How many times have you disobeyed me?!" There was a crack and a strangled scream, but Shou continued to stomp. "What was it you've done without my knowing: drugs? Women? Men like that Goddamned foreigner?! I've told you, over and over, I will not accept disobedience!"
Joe was coughing blood, spitting something hard and chipped from his mouth, feeling something inside him leaking where it shouldn't. His chest was tight with asthma and he could feel vision growing dark. His father was still shouting, but all he could feel was his foot coming down over and over on his chest, his head, his arms, as though trying to break all his bones again. He was shaking, shuddering, trying to form words, apologies, anything to stop this assault before he passed out and never woke again.
Just as he was certain this would be it, just as his brain began to struggle from lack of oxygen, he heard his father yelp, and the constant pain stopped suddenly. He looked through a red haze, blinking away the blood that was pouring into his eyes, and wondered if he was hallucinating.
Shou, such a towering, imposing figure in Joe eyes even at his age and height, was cowering away, taking a step back in surprise, in what could have been fear. He was shouting again, but it was being drowned out by a terrifying yowl, like that of a demonic cat. For a moment, Joe thought it really was a demon, from the depths of the Hell his father had turned his home into, shrieking and scratching and biting at the older man, someone's blood dripping everywhere.
But the frizzy blue hair came into focus suddenly, the familiar flailing and inarticulate yelling filling his pounding head. Or could that have the door being pounded on?
It was Joanne, snapping into a manic state and throwing herself on her husband. Nails sliced the skin of his arms, teeth gnashing as she bit deep chunks of flesh, blood spewing from her mouth as she screamed.
"Fucker, f-f-fucker!" Joanne was crying, tears rolling down her face in pink streams. Shou had finally gotten over his shock was was trying to grab at her, blood making his wife slippery. "You get off him! Get off, get off! He, he, he's important – more imp-important than you! You and your poisons and the death that stinks on you!" Shou grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked and Joanne screamed, reaching out to dig her nails into his throat. "You're poisoning us! You monster, you fucker, you bastard!"
"Shut up!" Shou was screaming, over and over, trying to drown out his wife. He tossed her away, slamming her frail body into the wall and for a moment she was still. Thinking her finally gone, he reached down to grab Joe by the throat, the young man wheezing desperately. He wanted to beg for his inhaler, beg forgiveness for all the things he'd done and most of the things he hadn't. He wanted to tell his father to let his mother go, to not punish her for his mistakes. But then Shou began slamming the back of his head onto the floor, crushing his aching windpipe, still snarling, "Shut up! All of you, shut up!"
Darkness was overtaking Joe's vision, and he knew this was it. This was the mistake that would finally cost him his waste of a life.
The first thing he noticed, before he opened his eyes was the scent of bleach. The overpowering stench that destroyed everything in its path burned the inside of his nose and made his weak lungs ache. His lips quivered, and when he tried to wet them his tongue encountered a gap he hadn't had since he was seven. One of his teeth was missing, the new hole confusing to his already muddled mind.
His fingers twitched, sending a sharp pain up his arm, and he groaned. His eyes fluttered open and all around him was a white haze. He tried to breathe deep, but that only made him hurt more and he whined.
A shadow fell over him suddenly, an urgent noise filling his ears.
"...oe?! Joe!"
For a moment, he was confused. He wasn't sure how to respond to this noise, this word being shouted at him. He blinked heavily, looking at the source of the noise, a blurry shadow with odd sparkles trailing down its cheeks.
He forced his thick tongue to work, to ignore that hole in his mouth, and he whispered, "D... Dad?"
"No, Joe, it's me." Cold plastic looped over his ears and he could see suddenly. The familiar hair, the once-sleepy eyes filled with tears. "It's Shin."
Shin. His brother.
"I..." It was hard to breathe, hard to speak. "I thought y... you were dead..."
Shin was still crying, though he was smiling at the same time. It was a sad smile, one full of regret. "We should have taken you with us. We should have come back for you, damnit." He reached out, and Joe flinched automatically as gentle fingertips pet back his bangs. "We should have never left you behind with that monster."
"What h-happened?" Joe coughed, pain exploding from his chest. He reached out desperately for something, anything to cling to, and Shin took his hand in his, still tenderly petting Joe's hair. It was an odd feeling, one he hadn't experienced since he was six and his mother was still well enough to tuck him in. Shin handed him a plastic cup filled with water, a straw ready since Joe could barely lift his head. It fell into the gap between his teeth as though that was where it was meant to be and he drank as much as he could while Shin spoke.
"One of the neighbors called the cops, said she was tired of listening to the constant screaming. When they got there, you were already passed out and Shou was still beating up on Mom. I heard it took about four officers to pull him off of her."
"Is Mom ok?" Joe asked. He could feel the fear trying to build up in him, but he was in too much pain right now to let it free.
Shin nodded. "She's up in the psych ward right now, screaming and raving. She'll probably end up being committed since Shou was arrested."
"D-Dad's in jail?" Joe couldn't stop the hope that escaped with those words.
"For a long time, I hope," Shin spat. "Apparently, he turned on the first cop that showed up, so even just that should keep him away from us." He looked at his brother, broken and battered in the hospital bed. "But let's not talk about that, not now. You need your rest, ok?"
Joe nodded, just barely, letting his head rest back against the pillow. As sleep quickly overtook him, he realized he was still holding his brother's hand.
It felt very nice.
He was in the hospital – an actual, real hospital, not a clinic on the outskirts of gang territory – for several weeks. Along with knocking out one tooth and chipping another, Shou had broken two ribs, one of which had punctured a lung. There were fractures in both his arms and they had discovered another along his thigh that had been inflicted a few weeks ago. He had to have almost a hundred stitches, mostly along his arms and back where most of the damage had been dealt.
His mother, Shin told him, had one hand and all its fingers broken, her nose broken, her jawline fractured, and there would now be a permanent bald spot on the side of her head. She still had all her teeth, though there was now a small dip in her tongue where she'd managed to bite through it. There were bruises all up and down her arms and chest and one leg had been broken. She had been strapped to her bed, refusing to take her medication until Shin had shown up.
"There was this moment," he was telling Joe one day. He came by to visit every day, spending most of the time with his brother and spending his last visiting hour with Joanne. "Where she looked right through me, like she was seeing Shou or something. The nurses were worried they'd have to knock her out again, but then she just... smiled. And started talking to me like nothing had happened. Like Shuu and I hadn't been kicked out. Like she was normal, for once."
The nurse that took care of him told Joe that Joanne was much better about taking her medication after that. All the improper doses, all the ineffective and even experimental brands Shou had forced into her, none of that mattered now that she knew her children were safe.
"She's still going to be committed in a few days," Shin said. "But she said she doesn't mind, now. And as soon as you can walk around again, I'll take you to go see her."
"Where's Shuu?" Joe asked almost two weeks later. He'd spoken to the police so many times in the past few days, it was relaxing to hear about his long-lost brothers. As well, he was able to sit up and feed himself, go to the bathroom by himself again, and it made him feel much more human than he ever had before. "Is he ok?"
Shin handed Joe one of the letters he always carried around with him. "Jun became a missionary - a friend of hers encouraged her at some environmental protest. Nana, I think her name was? - and Davis couldn't be prouder of her. Well, she went off to Europe a few years ago, cut off from civilization almost completely, but she always managed to send letters to Shuu once a week.
"Suddenly, they stopped coming for a while, and Shuu took off. He traveled the whole continent to find her like in some romance book, and he wrote letters once a week. It seems he only just found her, but he's going to stay in Europe with her for a while.
"He's going to be so happy when he finds out you're safe." And Shin hugged him, the first hug Joe could remember anyone in his family giving him in a long time.
The next day, before Shin showed up, Nana surprised him by poking her head into his room.
"Oh my God, Joe! You have to stop scaring me like this, you butthole!" she screeched as she ran at him, throwing her arms around him as tight as she could squeeze. She was still in her pink scrubs from her shift rotation where she followed the nurses at the small clinic she interned at. She sat on the edge of his bed and hugged him breathless, smacking him on the shoulder at the same time. "I thought you were dead, again."
"I'm sorry, Nana," Joe said, with a sheepish smile. "I didn't mean to."
Nana pulled away enough to shake her finger at him, but he could see her on the verge of tears as her worry threatened to spill over. "You'd better never do this to me again, you hear me?"
"I won't," Joe told her. "I promise."
"You sure?" Nana eyed him suspiciously. "You're not going to fall down the stairs or walk into doors anymore, are you?"
Joe shook his head. "Not anymore. All household dangers are now locked away, awaiting trial."
Nana just buried herself into his chest, crying with relief.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" Joe asked after a moment when it seemed she'd calmed down. "I thought your clinic was across town?"
"It is," she admitted, finally standing once more. She reached up, absently petting the wing of her butterfly clip. Even after all the years he'd known her, it still held all its diamonds and emeralds in perfect place. "But Shinjiro collapsed the other day and he was brought here. We're still awaiting tests, but he keeps telling me he's fine." The tears shining in her eyes told him she didn't believe her boyfriend.
"I should be up and about in a few days," Joe said with a soft smile. He was glad his friend had tracked him down, even if she was still too mad at him to admit it. "If he's still here, why don't I go visit him with you then?"
"He'd love to see you," Nana admitted. "You're one of his best friends, you know that, right? And he'd... he'd tell you anything..."
She wouldn't say it outloud.
Shinjiro would tell him things he couldn't tell her.
Joe was finally being released. The clothes he'd arrived in were long gone, disposed of to the police for evidence against his father. They'd taken a few statements from him, from Shin, and even some from Joanne when she was feeling particularly lucid (which, Joe was grateful to say, was happening more and more). Shin had brought him some clothes, a shirt of Shuu's that was too big and an extra set of pants that he wasn't sure who they had originally belonged to.
Shin filled out all the paperwork and as Joe finished scheduling a checkup with at the nurse's station, he told Joe all about the apartment.
"It's the one out in Koto we told you about, do you remember? When we first left?" It was a long time ago, and Joe wasn't sure if he remembered or just thought he did. "It was supposed to be a thirty day wait, but we explained everything to the landlord. Oh, it was a huge mess back then – the walls were chipped and the paint was cracked. The old tenants had left huge stains on the carpet and it all had to be replaced, but we worked it out. It wasn't like we had any furniture or anything at that point, so while we were out, they would paint or patch up the walls, and every night we came home, it was like we were walking into a new apartment.
"That place has always been huge, it's three bedrooms, remember us telling you? So when Jun left first, it was just me and Shuu. But we were always busy, him with his job and me still going to med school, so we barely saw each other. If we had, we probably would have downsized to something a bit more manageable, but, I dunno, this just seemed to work.
"He left a few months ago, and I really just planned to let the lease expire, just move into the dorms at the hospital. But now I'm glad I didn't because I'm taking you there with me." Shin looked at Joe, really looked at his little brother, and Joe could see the relief in his eyes. "You'll be safe. More than that, you'll be home."