To those who asked and others who are wondering, this is NOT a death fanfic. Although my cousin did die from that disease I'm trying to make sure our darling SuperSEAL beats this. I still haven't quite figured out the ending yet but this will be an uphill battle.
Thanks again for reading and your wonderful comments.
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"We all concur: Commander McGarrett is suffering from Acute Myeloid Leukemia." Shoulders slumped as the shocking news threw Danny for a loop. "But," Tomlin held a hand up to keep him from sinking deeper. "It's still in the early stages and therefore treatable."
Danny's eyes drop like lead with the anguish of the last hours whooshing out of his body. He sucked in a deep breath to regain his poise. "That's good, isn't it?" he asked with some dread that there was a flip side to this good tiding.
"Indeed. Tests show that the disease hasn't spread to the brain and nervous system. Right now he has a very good chance of beating this," Doctor Mateo explained.
Danny could no longer contain his tears. He held a hand to his eyes with his bottom lip trembling in relief. "I'm sorry. It's just all the tension of the last hours."
"No need to apologize, Detective. However he will require aggressive chemo treatments as both an in and out patient for the next few weeks. We need to eradicate the cancer before it spreads, and this type of leukemia has been known to develop quickly and can rapidly do some ravages over the course of a few weeks unless treated." Dr. Granger stressed.
"I understand."
"The length of the treatment will depend on the tolerance limit of the patient and the evolution or, hopefully, the shrinkage of the disease," Dr. Mateo continued. "Periodical tests will be conducted in order to determine whether additional measures will have to be undertaken. We are currently seeking potential bone marrow donors for a stem cell transplant."
"Will he really need that?" Danny was a bit stunned to learn that the chemotherapy wouldn't be enough to stamp out the leukemia.
"If he is to remain in remission after he's won the battle, yes," Dr. Granger spoke up. "You see while every dose of chemo drugs can be successful at destroying cancer cells, they do however cause serious damage to the healthy bone marrow cells and in turn, it depletes his immune system and makes him highly vulnerable to germs and infections."
Danny nodded his understanding. "How long will that take?"
"We must find a suitable donor for a perfect match."
"Doctors, I'm the same blood type as his. Could I be a potential donor?"
All three doctors glanced at each other. "Yes you could. We need to ensure you're the right tissue type. If you are willing we can start the tests right away."
"Yes of course. Any time you want." Danny jumped on Doctor's Tomlin offer with bubbling enthusiasm. He entertained high hopes of being declared a perfect match for his friend, thus shortening the length of waiting time for a bone marrow donor.
"As for the chemo we have an opening tomorrow afternoon," Mateo said.
"So soon?"
"The sooner the better. Depending on his reaction, that is if he holds well with no serious side effects and barring no complications, he'll be able to go home afterwards. I assume he won't be alone?"
"Oh no, he won't. They'll be four adults and a ten-year-old munchkin keeping an eye on him at all times."
"That's good. We'll let him sleep now and come back later this evening to explain the procedure to you both. Thereafter you can take him home. It might do him good to have a change of scenery even if it's only for a short spell."
"Thank you, Doctors. This will be an uphill battle I'm sure."
"If you have any questions during the treatment or if you just need to talk, you'll have our cell numbers."
Danny's half smile fell short of reaching his eyes. He nodded his appreciation to the doctors before heading back to Steve's room where he sat in a chair watching his partner sleep. SuperSEAL had gained fame and respect for his ability to conquer whatever adversary he encountered; however this time he was pitted against an invisible fiend, an enemy within that was slowly gnawing away at him, and his only weapon was a chemical that was likely to turn him into a shadow of himself.
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Later that evening after a meal that the patient hardly touched, the two oncologists sat with both Steve and Danny to detail the chemotherapy process and the unpleasant side effects often associated with the treatment.
"We asked that you show up a couple of hours early to get blood work drawn, after which you'll have time to relax before you go to your chemo treatment. When you arrive at the infusion floor they'll have your lab results and a room ready," Dr Mateo explained before turning to his colleague Dr. Granger to continue.
"Once the vital signs are taken, therapy will begin. If you so wish, your caregiver can be present in the room. You'll have TV and Internet service so you can do some work during the infusion or just watch television. Warm blankets will be provided and you can either lie in the bed or in a recliner, whatever suits you. If you're hungry, we'll have food brought in. A nurse will…"
Danny hung on every word while Steve chose to let his mind wander to a happier place. The doctors' words soon faded into the background like muffled distorted sounds, as he focused on a warm sunny beach in Hawaii with Danny beside him ranting and raving about the sweltering heat on the pineapple-infested island. An image that actually made his lips curl up.
"Commander McGarrett, did you understand everything that's involved? Do you have any questions?" Dr. Mateo asked and frowned when he failed to receive an answer. "Commander McGarrett?" he insisted.
"What?" Steve replied dazedly.
"Are you okay?" The question prompted Danny to stare worriedly at his partner.
"Steve? Is everything all right?"
"Yeah, I'm good," he sighed. However the aloofness in his voice and faraway expression weren't lost on Danny. He reached to clasp Steve's arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Okay then. We will start your first treatment tomorrow afternoon at three. Meanwhile go home and get some rest. Again if there are any questions or qualms, please call us."
"Thank you." Danny expressed his gratitude and turned to Steve who merely flashed a half-hearted smile.
"Would you fetch my clothes for me?" Steve asked as he slowly swung his legs on the edge of the bed, cringing at the stinging pain lingering in his lower back.
"You sure you're all right?" The apathy etched on his partner's face was quite disturbing.
"Yeah."
"You don't sound like it." Danny handed Steve his clothes from the closet while he continued studying his features.
"What do you want me to say, huh? I'm sick and it's going to get worse," Steve lashed out, which took Danny aback. He merely hung his head and kept quiet.
"I'm sorry, Danny." Steve repented sorely. "I didn't mean to take it out on you. It's just - well it's beginning to sink in and I thought I could handle it fine, but when the doctors began explaining the chemotherapy treatments and what's involved I just -" His voice faltered when a choking hiccup caught down his throat. He stopped dressing and flumped down on the edge of the bed, completely prostrate.
Danny stepped up to Steve, sat beside him on the bed and wrapped a brotherly arm around his shoulders.
"Guess you could say I'm somewhere between stage one and two of the grieving process. Right now I don't know if it's denial or anger. A bit of both maybe."
"You're going to beat this," Danny said with a disarming confidence. "You're not alone and we're certainly not going to let you wallow in self-pity if that ever comes to be. Together we will conquer the enemy before it takes a firmer hold on you."
A ghost of a smile brushed against Steve's lips at his partner's unwavering solicitude. He playfully leaned into him. "Thanks."
"Come on, finish dressing up and let's go home."
Steve's heart welled up at the word 'home' which was going to be his during his aggressive chemotherapy.
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Although sadness was seared into the depths of their souls at the news of Steve's illness, they wiped the creases off their faces and buried their dejection deep within to happily welcome the two friends home.
While grateful for the family 's caring and compassion, all this fussing was making Steve feel a bit guilty that this bombshell had to rob his partner of quality time with his family, and most particularly with Grace and Rachel.
"If there's anything you need Steven, please don't hesitate. I mean it," Clara said.
"Thank you very much. I truly appreciate it."
"Think nothing of it. As I said before we're all a big family and that includes you, dear."
She reciprocated Steve's smile before she turned to her son and leaned in to place a kiss on his temple. "Stay strong," she whispered with a mother's touch on his arm before leaving the room.
"Really, Danny, you don't need to babysit me. I'll be okay. You go on and enjoy the rest of the night with your family. I'll be fine." The slight tremor in Steve's voice was evidence to the contrary and Danny wasn't easily fooled.
"Are you trying to get rid of me already?" Danny's playful ribbing drew a strained smile from his partner.
Steve sat on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands. "I don't want anyone to know about this."
"Even Chin and Kono? That'll be hard seeing how you'll understandably go on sick leave for the duration of the chemotherapy. Besides you can't keep them in the dark. They're your Ohana. They care about you just as I do."
"That's just it, Danny. It's bad enough I'm putting this burden on you and your folks, I don't want them worrying about me."
"Sorry, babe. That's a friend's job. They are there for you whether you want it or not. You can't fire us and we won't tend our resignation either." He walked up to Steve to place a brotherly hand on his shoulder. "Hey, how about you get some sleep?"
"Yeah, maybe I will. Got to take a shower first and scrub off that hospital stench."
"Okay. If you should need anything during the night," he turned to the small bell on the night table, "ring the bell." Steve laughed. "It's mom's touch. She used to bring us kids one whenever we were sick."
"Thank you. I love you man."
"Same here, brother."
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Steve handled fairly well his first chemo treatment but found that it had drained him to the point of hardly keeping his eyes open. After a quick check-up he was given the green light to return home, where he promptly crashed in his bed and slept like a log.
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He was first to rise bright and early next morning feeling surprisingly sprightly and energetic following his long stretch of sleep. Instead of lounging in bed staring at the ceiling, he decided to dress up and head down to the kitchen to make some freshly squeezed orange juice for the household occupants.
Clara woke to a muffled sound. She pricked her ear and waited for a repeat. Suspicious, she donned her robe and slippers and with a light slouch in her step, she followed the noise to the kitchen.
"Steven!" she exclaimed through a yawn. "What are you doing up so early?"
"Believe it or not Mrs. Williams seven am is the middle of the morning for a Navy man."
"Oh, that's right. My Daniel told me about your early morning run and swim. How did he call it again?"
"Leave it to your son to come up with colorful idioms to describe my routine habits."
"Indeed he does. And what did I tell you about this Mrs. Williams stuff?"
"Sorry. It's still all new to me."
"I understand. I won't pressure you. You call me whatever you like." She cupped his chin and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.
He instinctively leaned into the motherly kiss that he ached for since his own mother was killed. He'd only known Clara Williams a few days and yet he'd come to consider her like a surrogate mother, yearning for her soft touch and warm smile that would send his heart aflutter.
"How do you like the snow so far? We had another storm last night." She turned to the window and cast an eye out at the newly fallen inches.
"It does take some getting used to but I like it. It's peaceful."
"I just bet little Gracie will be all excited to build a snowman. If you feel up to it you can join us. I'll get you some warm clothes so you won't catch cold."
"I'd like that," he said flashing his most fetching smile. "I'd also like to fix you all breakfast this morning as a way to show my gratitude for letting me stay here while I-" his voice trailed off at the thought.
There it was again, that smile that melted his heart. "You don't have to, sweetheart. We love having you here even if it's not in the best of circumstances. But I wonder, are you a good cook?" she teased.
"Danny is still alive, isn't he?" he wisecracked.
She laughed at his quick witticism."Okay. Surprise us. I'll go see if my husband's awake."
"I know Danny won't be up for another hour or so. I'll have time to prepare it."
She left him with another light kiss on the cheek before heading back to her bedroom.
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After partaking in a family breakfast, the bunch went outside to build a huge snowman with Gracie.
Clara was lagging behind as she made sure the kitchen was in order before she went to the closet to grab her winter coat. As she put on her mittens and adjusted a knitted hat over her ears, she caught sight of her son sitting at her husband's study with his nose buried deep in his laptop.
"Daniel, aren't you joining us outside?"
"Yeah, I will in a minute."
"What are you reading that has you so absorbed?"
"I'm doing a bit of research on this Acute Myeloid Leukemia and chemotherapy so I can better recognize the symptoms and the side effects."
"You know you're not alone in this, son. We all care about your friend and we'll help him beat this."
Danny cast a look out the window at Steve, Eddie, Rachel and Grace caught in a snowball fight. "It all depends on his outlook. I get the eerie feeling that he's already giving up."
"Sure doesn't like it now."
"You don't know him like I do. He might seem cheery and look like he's having a good time, but I can read the truth in his eyes. Believe me he's not his usual annoying self and that scares the hell out of me. I always tease him about being obstinate and downright irritating, but God help me I want that guy back, mom."
"And I'm sure you will, Daniel. You remember what the doctor told you about the five stages of grief?"
"That's just it. He's not going through them like he should."
"As you said your friend's stubborn and I'm guessing he's keeping it all bottled up inside. But when the cork will pop he's going to need you." She paused to allow her son a moment of reflection. "Come, get your warm clothes on and join us outside. We're missing out on all the fun."
"Right behind you." He watched his mom's retreating back until she was no longer in sight. He turned to the window and observed the gang at play having the time of their lives. Their laugher filled his heart with warmth.
He shut off his laptop with a heavy sigh and stood from his chair to go fetch his winter coat.
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The weekend had come and gone with Spring Break drawing to an end. Rachel had packed up to return to Hawaii with Grace before school started.
Clara set her alarm early in order to fix a light breakfast for the departing guests. The nine o'clock flight meant that the household had to be up before 5:00am to gather the last remaining items to pack before leaving for the airport.
Not being a morning person, it was all that Danny could do to keep from yawning his head off as he showered, shaved and dressed to get ready to drive Rachel and his Monkey to the airport.
When time came to leave, Grace insisted on tiptoeing into her Uncle Steve's bedroom to kiss him goodbye. The fact that his partner wasn't up at his usual O five-hundred told Danny that last night's game of twister had taken its toll on his energy level.
Steve sensed a presence nearby and the feathery kiss on his cheek prompted him to blink open his eyes. "Hey Gracie," he greeted hoarsely. It was still dark, save for the light coming from outside the bedroom. His head throbbed and his eyes refused to fully widen.
"I just wanted to kiss you goodbye."
Steve looked up at Danny with a bemused look. "Are you leaving already?"
"Yeah. We need to be at airport around seven," Danny said.
"What time is it?"
"A little after five thirty."
"Ah man, I should be up."
"No! You stay put and get some more sleep. I'm going to drop Rach and Grace off at the airport and I'll be right back. You stay in that bed and rest."
Steve elbowed himself into a sitting position and with outstretched arms, invited Grace into a hug, "Come here, Gracie. Give your Uncle Steve a hug."
"I hope you feel better. Uncle Steve."
"I will, baby. I will." He placed a kiss on top of her head and held her for the longest time before he reluctantly broke the embrace. With tears brimming in his eyes he smiled his goodbye. "I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you too very much, Uncle Steve."
Rachel was seen poking her head inside. "Is he awake?"
"Yeah, come on in." Danny waved her in.
"Good morning, Steve. How are you?"
"I'm okay. I wish you a safe trip back." He held a hand up.
"Thank you." She clasped his hand and squeezed it. "You take care of yourself now."
"I'll try. Besides Danny is here to make sure," Steve said with a dash of humor.
And Danny to reply sincerely, "You bet I am." He turned to Rachel and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "I'll meet you in the car."
"Okay. Bye Steve."
"Bye Rachel." Once she and Grace left the room, Steve turned to Danny. "You've got a great lady there, my friend."
"Don't I know it," Danny said dreamily without peeling his eyes from the door through which she left. "I'm afraid if we give it another go we'll be at loggerheads about my job all over again, which is the main reason we broke up in the first place."
"You're still a cop. Not only that you're in a task force and she's willing to give it a try. I say she's over it and learned to accept it."
"Yeah, perhaps." He then turned his attention to his partner and frowned. "Are you sure you're feeling all right? No BS now."
Steve inhaled a deep breath and let his drooping eyelids fall shut. "I'm just tired," he mumbled drowsily.
"Well you just sleep and if you need anything, my mom is right outside."
"Thanks," Steve smiled tiredly before he slowly nodded off.
Danny walked back outside and left the door ajar.
"Is everything all right?" Clara asked as she handed him his coat.
"He doesn't look good, mom," he sightly quavered.
"Don't worry. I'll check on him while you're gone. If anything bad happens I have the doctors' phone numbers. And your father will be up soon. He can drive him to the hospital if needed. Here." She gave him a brown bag full of cookies. "A little something for the road in case you get hungry."
He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, mom." He cast one last woeful look at the bedroom door before making his way out to the parking lot.
Clara stood by the open door and watched her son walk to his car. She wrapped her robe tightly around her body to keep warm in the cold morning air and waved goodbye.
No sooner had she closed the door that she heard a retching sound coming from Steve's bedroom. She hurried in to find him vomiting in the basin.