Through the tears of the day
Of the years baby
2020
Joe wondered if he had dressed appropriately. Tomaru had never told him what kind of restaurant they were going to, so he had put on his nicest pair of black slacks he had stashed in his locker and a silver dress shirt. He had struggled with the decision to wear a black tie, and then struggled to knot it properly, so much so that he feared he would be late. But Tomaru wasn't there yet, so Joe stood at the front desk, ignoring the way Jiro's glare made his shoulders burn.
Just as the nurse approached and asked as snidely as he could, "Can I help you, doctor?" Tomaru stepped off the elevator. The man was dressed in the same khakis and white button up as he had been in at lunch, but he had combed his hair and even put a bit of style to it, spiking it up in a hauntingly familiar way that Joe couldn't quite place.
"Are you ready?" Tomaru asked, pointedly draping his arm around Joe's waist. "My car is just down this way," he said, pulling his date along.
"Oh, ah, remember?" Joe asked, pulling away. As nice as it was to rub it in Jiro's face, he was embarrassed at the familiarity of the touch with someone he'd only met a few hours ago. "I was going to follow you in my car? You even texted me the address." Joe didn't want to add that Tomaru had texted him almost every ten minutes to remind him of their upcoming date.
There was a moment's pause, just long enough to be noticeable without being awkward before Tomaru broke into a relaxed smile. "Of course, of course. I was just so excited, I almost forgot. It's not too far of a drive, do you want me to follow you?"
"I should be fine," Joe insisted. "Go on and I'll meet you there."
Tomaru nodded, gently brushing Joe's bangs back with his fingertip before walking out of the hospital. Joe could practically hear Jiro seething behind him and he fought back a smile as his phone pinged with a new text.
"I'll be waiting" it read from the number he'd yet to add as Tomaru's and Joe bit his tongue. He'd have to tell Tomaru not to text him so much.
The drive was indeed short, and despite being told to go first, Joe could see Tomaru's red sports car in his rearview mirror the whole time; the man following just close enough to not let anyone get between them. The restaurant, however, was nowhere near as fancy as Joe had thought and he was almost embarrassed to be seen as he subtly tried to remove his tie. It was closer to a diner, the greasy smell bringing back memories, both unpleasant and wonderful, and Tomaru quickly dragged him to a booth near the back. The early summer heat was already building, and the small diner was quickly making them both sweat.
"Isn't this place wonderful?" Tomaru asked, leaning forward. He'd sat across from Joe, and there was a bright light in his eyes, a wide smile on his face. "My parents met here, in this very booth, you can even see where they carved their names." Tomaru pointed to a place on the table, a small heart surrounding the sharp-lined initials J.I. and E.M. "So I thought it would be perfect for us."
"Perfect?" Joe wondered, biting his lip. This wasn't going anything like he expected.
"Of course – it was the start of their relationship and it'll be the start of ours. And later, I can take you to where my dad proposed to my mom and even the spot in the park where they first..." Tomaru quirked his eyebrows and Joe tried not to blush at the implication. "What do you think?"
Joe tried to laugh, but the noise came out more like a strangled gurgle. "L-let's just get through this date fist, shall we?"
The light in Tomaru's eyes didn't dim at all, and Joe swallowed harshly. A waitress walked up to them, her bright yellow skirt a pleasant distraction from Tomaru's intense gaze.
"Hey there boys, I'm Starla and I'll be your waitress." She took the menus from under her arm and held them out. "Just give these a once over and I'll -"
"Actually," Tomaru said, not looking at Starla at all. "I already know what we'll be having. I'll get the chili-cheese fries, chili on the side, and a medium strawberry shake with extra cream. And my date will have the fried shrimp lunch special with a large lemon tea."
Starla hesitated for a moment, the menus still in her outstretched hand. "Sir, we actually stopped serving the lunch specials almost an hour ago..."
Tomaru finally tore his eyes away from Joe to fix a glare on the waitress so full of malice that she physically stepped back. "I don't care when you stopped serving it – it's not like you ran out of shrimp, did you?!"
Joe rushed to the waitress's defense, her eyes tearing up like Mimi's used to and he found that protectiveness inside him he thought he'd lost. "It's ok, Tomaru, it really is. I'm highly allergic to shrimp anyway. And I really don't care much for lemon tea."
The rage that had filled Tomaru left him suddenly, and he grabbed Joe's hands in his, pleading softly, "Oh, Joe, I'm so sorry – I had no idea!"
"I promise, it's fine," Joe insisted. He smiled at the waitress who was trying to hide that she was wiping her eyes. "Just a dry salad is good." Starla nodded, taking off to the kitchen as fast as she could.
"I'm sorry," Tomaru continued to say. He looked on the verge of tears. "I just wanted our first date to be special, and that's what my parents got when they came here and -"
"Tomaru," Joe chided. He smiled as he realized that the other man was just as nervous about their relationship as he was. "This date is special, because I'm here with you. That's all it needs to be, right?"
Tomaru blinked, sitting back with a strange smile. "You're right. Of course you're right. All we need is to be together. And we'll continue to be together forever."
Joe was tired when he pulled up to his apartment. He'd seen Tomaru's sports car behind him all the way to the gate of his complex, driving on past Joe when he turned, as though this was a common way home for him. It might have been, Joe told himself, parking and grabbing his jacket. He'd never noticed Tomaru before and had no idea where the man lived, after all.
The rest of their date hadn't gone terribly, and there were no more odd outbursts from the man. Joe decided he was unused to dating, an adorable perfectionist who tired too hard. Just like Joe used to be.
He walked up the stairs to his apartment, just on the second floor, and fished in his pockets for his keys when he saw that his welcome mat was askew. He bent over to flip it up, noticing the missing key. He wondered if Nana had come over, remembering suddenly that she'd promised to call him. The whole time he was with Tomaru his phone had been silent, only lighting up with calls and texts the moment they separated in the parking lot.
He cracked open his unlocked door, calling out tentatively, "Nana? Are you there?"
No response made him nervous. He wondered if it really was Nana, or if he'd managed to walk into a break-in. There hadn't been one at this complex before, which is why he was still there, but that just meant he was overdue for one.
"Nana...?"
He heard a whimper and a sniffle from Aiko's room and he hurried over, throwing open the door. "Aiko?! What's wrong? Where's your mother?"
The boy was curled up on his bed. There was no evidence of his usual overnight bag, and he was dirty, almost like he'd run across town instead of being dropped off. Aiko looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks and he reached out desperately for Joe to hug him.
"I-I..." Aiko sniffled, rubbing his nose on Joe's sleeve as the man held him tight. "I don't know. Mommy s-said she was gonna come home but, but..." Aiko wailed loudly and Joe pulled him into his lap. "I don' know where Mommy went!"
Joe hushed Aiko, bouncing him lightly. He hadn't seen his son cry since he was three, and only then because he had stumbled and hit his head on the floor. "It's ok, Aiko, it's ok. Nana went in today, didn't she tell you?"
Aiko nodded, his glasses covered in tears. "She said she was gonna be back for lunch. And I h-haven't seen her since..."
"Calm down, Aiko," Joe shushed gently. He patted Aiko's hair down, rubbing his back gently. "She told me she was going on a date after work. I'm sure she just lost track of time." Aiko just sobbed and Joe knew it sounded wrong. Nana never let anything come between her and her son. "Here, let's give her a call - she'll be so happy to hear from you, I promise."
Aiko watched, still clinging to Joe, as the man canceled the latest call from Tomaru, quickly tapping Nana's number. The phone rang and rang, and the longer it took, the more Aiko's eyes filled with worried tears. Finally it clicked, the woman's voice ringing sweetly, "You've reached Nana Terrano. I'm sorry, but I can't come to the-"
Joe hung up on the machine, and tried again. It beeped as Tomaru called, and Joe angrily swiped it away as Aiko shook in Joe's arms.
"You've reached Nana Terrano. I'm sorry -"
Again Joe tried.
"You've reached -"
Joe cursed and Aiko whined miserably into his chest. He wished he would have asked Nana where she was going on her date so he could track her down and demand answers.
"Mommy..." Aiko whimpered and Joe held him tight.
"It's ok, Aiko. Why don't you stay here the night?" Joe tried. He hoped his anger at Nana wasn't showing through and scaring the child. "We'll get you all tucked in, and I'll try and get hold of your mother for you. Where's Sesame Seed, did you bring him with you?"
"No," Aiko whined, clinging tighter. "I wanna stay with you."
"Ok, ok." Joe shifted Aiko so he could carry the boy to his room. At seven, Aiko was getting heavy, but Joe knew the need for love and comfort. "I have a shirt you can sleep in, and you can stay with me all night."
"And Mommy...?"
"I'll do my best to get hold of her." Joe smiled, taking Aiko's glasses and cleaning them on his shirt. "But don't worry, Nana will be so mad at herself for ignoring her phone that she'll get you your birthday presents early, I'm sure."
But no matter how many time Joe called, Nana never picked up. As Aiko passed out next to him in his bed, still crying even in his sleep, Joe left quiet messages that grew angrier and more upset, almost waking the boy a few times, until her voicemail box filled up. He sighed and set his phone aside, watching it light up over and over from calls from Tomaru until it died. He should have answered, talked to the man and let him know what had happened, Joe thought as he fell asleep. But he was just so upset with Nana for ignoring her child...
Joe fully expected for Nana to be on his doorstep the next day, apologizing over and over for not showing up as she hugged Aiko tight enough to pop his head off. He expected Aiko to be up and about, on his usual morning routine that began before Joe awoke.
But when the man opened his eyes, Aiko was still curled into his side, tears dried on his cheeks. When he finally plugged in his phone and turned it back on, there were no messages from Nana. He pulled the covers tight over Aiko as he slipped from his room to start breakfast. His anger from the previous night was gone, replaced with a hollow worry.
Had something happened to Nana? To her mother? It was possible, he supposed, that something had happened out in Shimane and Nana had left. From what he remembered Matt telling him about the country life, there were barely computers around, much less cell phone towers. Certainly once she had signal again, she would call and everything would be laughed off.
The scent of egg must have reached the bedroom, as Aiko wandered down the hall, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. He was clutching one of Joe's pillows in place of his seal plush, and still sniffling.
"Is Mommy ok?" he asked as he sat at the table. Joe brought him an omelet and pet his hair comfortingly.
"I'm sure she is," Joe said, and even at his young age, Aiko knew what that meant. He hadn't talked to her yet. "But what we're going to do, is we're going to take you to the police station," Joe told him. "And we going to talk to the nice people there and see if they've heard from her." If something had happened in Shimane, they were sure to know about it.
Aiko paused for a long time before nodding. He picked up his fork and began to eat, very slowly. Joe wished he had something more encouraging to say, but the only things he had left were lies.
Neither of them ate very much, stomachs already full of stress and worry, and Joe let Aiko bathe while he hunted for a spare set of clothes hidden in the laundry basket. They weren't too dirty, much cleaner than what his son had been in the night before, and Joe laid them out. He stood over the small bed, arms wrapped about himself. What was he going to do? Aiko didn't have friends out in Shimane – the boy had never visited the country, he knew. Nana's mother had always come into town to visit them. He wanted to ask Nana, when they got hold of her, if she would let Aiko stay with him for a while, but he was certain that would be out of the question. Nana was surely having a family crisis, and she needed her family about her.
"Dr. Kido?" came a small voice from the hall, and Joe jumped. He didn't even realize he'd been crying until Aiko hugged him. "It'll be ok, Dr. Kido."
"I know," Joe said, smiling back his worry. "Get dressed, and we'll get going."
Aiko knew he was too big to be carried, so instead he held Joe's hand the whole way. He refused to let go even when they got in the car, and held it tight when they walked up to the police station. It was a lot like when he visited his mother at the nurse's station, all loud yelling and phones ringing constantly. There were people around, scarey people, smelly people, and sad people, all of them talking to different men and women dressed in the dark blue uniforms he'd always been told he could trust.
Joe held him close as he walked inside. He'd never been in a police station before, and the bustle wasn't unlike the hospital ER. He bit his lip as he tried to figure out what to do, what to say to get someone's attention, when a familiar voice called out, "Joe? Is that you?"
Joe turned, and he felt himself sag with relief. It was Ken, grown tall and sturdy. He had a police badge on a chain around his neck and instead of the uniform, he wore jeans and a button up shirt, a brown trench coat draped over his arm. There was a tired, yet satisfied look to his eyes, but it was one Joe had recognized in Nana – "the price of children" she called it whenever she bundled up Aiko to take him home after a long night.
"Ah, Ken, it's good to see you. I'd almost forgotten you were an officer."
"I actually just made it to detective," Ken said. He noticed Aiko and crouched to the child's level, smiling gently. "Hi, I'm Ken Ichijouji. What's your name, buddy?"
"Aiko Terrano," the boy responded quietly, politely. "Do you know where my Mommy is?"
Ken's eyes flickered to Joe and he stood quickly. "Come on over here, Aiko, and we'll have a chat." He reached out for Aiko to take his hand, but the boy huddled closer to Joe. Ken just gave him that soft look again as Joe encouraged the boy to follow. They approached a desk, Ken's obviously by the picture of Yolie and his two children framed on it, and a young woman looked up from where she'd been reading a file. "Aiko, this is my friend, Detective Natalie Acevedo."
It was amazing how close she looked to Ken. Both of them with dark blue hair, fair skin. She was thin, but Joe could see the strength in her arms as she reached out to shake Aiko's hand.
"It's nice to meet you," she said sweetly, a bare hint of a British accent hiding in her words. She held up her badge, "Do you know what this means, sweetie?" Aiko shook his head. "It means that I'm a police officer. And it's my job to make sure you and your mum are safe. Do you want to hold it?"
Aiko hesitated for a moment. He glanced at Joe who smiled encouragingly and he let go of the man's hand, reaching out to take Natalie's badge.
"Why don't we go to that room over there? There's some coloring books and I think I can find you something to snack on," Natalie said, her focus completely on Aiko, as though there was nothing wrong. She pointed to a small room across the station, the lights warm and cozy through the windows. Aiko nodded, still looking at her badge, and he let her lead him away.
"She's very good at her job," Ken explained. "Whenever we have a case with a child, she's usually the one to do the interview." He waved his hand, inviting Joe to sit at the desk. "Tell me what happened."
"As far as I know, nothing." Joe didn't like the way Ken continued to look at him. "Aiko is my friend's child," that look didn't go away, "and we don't know where she is."
"What made you decide this was a matter for the police?" Ken asked.
"She never leaves Aiko behind without warning," Joe said. "She always lets me know what's going on, when she's bringing him by, but this time... Aiko just showed up, out of the blue. He didn't know where she went, and I haven't been able to contact her. I'm really concerned."
"Is there anything you think might have happened?" Ken pulled a notebook out of his desk, grabbing a pen.
"Her mother is out in Shimane. I thought that, maybe, something had happened either out there or on the way to..." Joe shook his head. "I've tried calling, but she's not picking up, and Aiko said she never came home work work last night..."
Ken looked up at the pause. "But...?"
Joe bit his lip, thinking. "Yesterday, when I was at work, she called me. Said she had a date – first one she's had in years. It was just so... unusual."
"She doesn't meet too many people?" Ken was writing now.
"She meets plenty – she's a nurse down at the clinic in Odaiba. Just not too many that ask her out." Joe grabbed his hair and tugged. "Oh, gods, she told me all about him too, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy worrying about my own failure of a date."
"Calm down." Ken reached out to touch Joe on the shoulder, a calming motion that Nana had always made. "Just think. Anything at all you can remember."
"Some foreign guy," Joe said slowly, thinking. "She was giving him stitches on his hand. He had a, uh... uh... a tattoo."
"Do you remember what it was of?"
"I... I don't remember. Something with music – a note or instrument or something.."
"Did she tell you his name?"
"Just initials. S or U or something."
"Anything else?"
Joe sat back in his chair. "I don't know... Damnit, I can't believe I screwed up again. After so long..."
"It's not your fault," Ken said. "You haven't made any mistakes."
"Of course I did," Joe grumbled. He had spent so much time trying to rebuild himself, but in one fell swoop, he knew he was wrong. That he was the screw up he'd always known he was. "If I'd only paid more attention to what Nana was saying, we'd know what happened..."
"You can't know that. She might not even be in trouble." Ken sounded about as sure as Joe ever did. "What you told me will help."
Joe sighed and put his head in his hands. "But not enough... What am I going to do about Aiko...?"
"The boy's father...?"
Joe gave Ken that look Matt had always been so good at. "Isn't it obvious?" Ken tried to hide a smile. "It was a one time thing. She had a boyfriend – but they were broken up at the time, I swear – and it was just easier for everyone to think he was the father. He died a few months before Aiko's birth, but we just kept it up. It seemed easier."
"Are there any siblings? Aunts or uncles? Anyone he can stay with?" Ken leaned in close. "Without his mother, we're going to want to release him to a family member, and if you're not on the birth certificate..."
Joe shook his head. "No siblings. Just the mother in Shimane, and he's never been out there." He looked at Ken. "Is he going to have to go into foster care?"
"Usually we try and place with biological parents," Ken said. His eyes flicked over to a hallway near by. "You know, our medical examiner can place a rush on certain tests..."
"We... We haven't even told Aiko. Though gods know how much he's picked up on; he's just so damn smart..." Joe caught Ken's eye. "How fast would it take?"
"A day or so. Less time than it would take to call a social worker and find a suitable home. He can go with you tonight and by the time the social worker is alerted, we would have the results."
It was late that night, and Aiko had finally stopped crying. He lay under the covers, tucked in and still clutching Joe's pillow. Joe stood in the hallway, the boy's words still ringing in his ears.
"I think I always knew. Even before I found the picture of me in Mommy's tummy. She always said I could trust you, Doc... Dad..."
Joe walked down the hallway, settling into his bed with an exhausted groan. He looked over at his bedside table, at his phone that he'd left off and charging all day. He took his glasses off, folded them up and set them aside, exchanging them for his phone. The moment he turned it on, it began ringing.
"What the hell is happening?!" came the explosive voice that took Joe a moment to place. "How the fuck can you completely ignore me for days?!"
"Tomaru!" Joe yelped, holding the phone away from his ear. "Tomaru, calm down!"
"Don't tell me to fucking calm down!" Tomaru continued to rage. "You need to tell me what the fuck is going on!"
"I-I..." Joe swallowed hard. "I don't need to tell you anything." And then he hung up.
And, to be safe, he turned his phone back off.
The next day as Joe drove in, he was nervous. He didn't see Tomaru's car behind him anywhere, but that didn't stop him from looking around. Even Jiro's nasty look at the front desk couldn't dissuade him from keeping an eye over his shoulder. The last time he'd heard anyone as mad as Tomaru had been, he'd ended up in the hospital, missing a tooth and almost his life.
The third floor was safe, but even so he held his breath. He jumped at every noise, flinched at every shadow. Even the flickering light near his door scared him half to death. If Tomaru was in his office, if he was waiting inside, angry as hell...
Joe cracked the door open, ready to run in the opposite direction. When there was no screaming, no sudden fist in his face, he opened it further, stepping inside hesitantly.
Sitting on his desk, next to the brunt out lamp, was a huge floral arrangement. Two, maybe three, dozen dark red roses in a giant glass vase, drooping with bright greenery and soft puffs of baby's breath. There was a tiny card placed between two rose heads, and as Joe reached out to take it, he jumped at a gentle cough.
"T-Tomaru!" Joe yelped. He threw himself back against the wall, almost tripping over his own feet.
Tomaru stepped out from behind the shadow of the door, eyes cast to the floor. In his shaking hand, he held a single rose, just as deep in color as the ones in the vase.
"Joe, I..." He took a shuddering breath, and Joe could see tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, I just... You seemed to fall off the face of the planet the other day – I was worried about you. It just came out all wrong."
Joe took the rose gently and looked to the man. He was so broken, so down on himself. It reminded him so much of Matt, and he knew he couldn't separate those feeling from the ones he knew he could have now.
"Tomaru..."
"I knew it!" Tomaru sobbed. He smacked the heels of his palms against his forehead. "I knew I screwed up. I... I... I really like you, Joe. Hell, I love you, Joe!"
Love? So early? Joe blushed, as he thought to himself, I knew I was in love quickly...
"Tomaru, I..." Joe took a breath. He knew what to say. What he had to say. "I love you, too."
"Oh, Joe, thank you." Tomaru threw his arms around Joe's shoulders, squeezing him tightly. "I knew we were perfect for each other." He grinned, saying breathlessly into Joe's ear, "I'll see you tonight. Our second date – I'll make this one better than our first."
And then Tomaru kissed him. Deep and passionate and Joe...
Felt nothing.
When he pulled away, Joe made himself smile. Made himself hug back Tomaru tightly, thinking about this latest mistake. And as Tomaru left Joe's office, he left a red handprint on the knob. The same blood that smeared on the door was still dripping off the thorns of the rose in Joe's hand.