:Relax Dr. Cooper, It's just Wooing:

Penny wasn't sure why she had agreed to come to this thing. She wasn't a student. She wasn't a scientist. She had absolutely no comprehension of what the people here were saying most of the time. She sipped the glass of punch and strolled out of the banquet hall. People mingled in the corridors, but she walked past them all without a word.

When Leonard had asked her to attend this, she had agreed because she felt bad for always turning him down when he asked her out. Besides, Sheldon was being honored tonight and he was her friend. Of course, once they got here, Leonard kept introducing her as his 'special friend', and trying to hold her hand. Finally she had told him off and walked away.

She wandered down an empty hallway, hoping to find a payphone to call a cab, since her cell was in her apartment. She took a few more turns and was beginning to feel lost when she heard the distinctive sound of someone hyperventilating. Curious, she opened the door to the office and looked inside.

She was surprised to see Sheldon standing in front of the window, shoulders hunched over. She stepped inside and closed the door before approaching him carefully.

"Sheldon? Are you okay?"

He spun to face her, eyes wide with fear. "Penny! What are you doing here?"

She was alarmed by the pallor of his skin. "Are you sick?" she asked worriedly.

He twitched wildly. "They want a speech, Penny! There is over 600 people out there!"

She relaxed when she realized he was just nervous. "Sweetie, you can do this. You just need to relax."

"Relax?!" he squeaked. "600 people, Penny! Staring at me!"

She moved closer and tentatively rubbed his arm. She kept her tone gentle as she continued to rub soothingly. "Breathe slowly, sweetie. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Follow me."

He tried to follow her direction, but it sounded more like asthmatic wheezing. After a couple of tries, Penny moved behind him and began massaging his shoulders. "Okay," she interrupted gently, "let's try something else. Close your eyes and imagine your favorite place."

"I'm in Sheldonopolis," he said in a strained voice.

Penny rolled her eyes, remembering the program he had shown her once. "Okay, you are standing in Cooper Hills. You are surrounded by a field of sunflowers."

"Meemaw's favorite," he said a bit loudly.

Penny guided him to sit on the desk, continuing to massage his back. "You feel a gentle breeze move through the flowers. You are comfortable and happy. What do you see?"

Sheldon relaxed slightly. "Cooper Square is on my left. Beside it is the Sheldon Train Shop. The sign says '50% OFF TODAY'. I am walking over to the store." Suddenly Sheldon twitched and jerked forward. "Bees!" he screamed a his eyes popped open.

Penny released him and moved to stand in front of him. "Sheldon, you're supposed to relax," she reminded him.

"I don't know how," he cried. "Help me, Penny!"

"Look, I only know three relaxation techniques and you couldn't do two of them."

"What's the third," he asked. "Maybe it will work."

Penny looked away quickly. "Um, no. I don't think it would."

He glared at her. "How do you know if we do not try?"

Penny looked back at him for a couple of seconds. "Okay," she said with a slight smile. "I've always wanted to do this to you anyway. Close your eyes."

He looked at her suspiciously for a moment before closing his eyes. He froze when Penny's lips were suddenly pressed tight to his. His eyes popped open and he jerked back from her onto the desk. "What are you doing?" he demanded. Neither of them failed to notice the slight breathlessness of his tone.

Penny licked her lips and moved in between his knees. "Distracting you," she said huskily. Sheldon was frozen in place as she leaned in close and kissed his jaw line. When she licked his earlobe, his hands fluttered at his sides. When she pushed aside his collar and nibbled at his pulse point, he groaned softly.

All thoughts of his speech and the 600 guests evaporated from his mind as Penny's hands skimmed his chest, undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. He watched, unable to move as her hips brushed the growing evidence of his arousal. When she began to kiss her way down his chest, he heard someone calling her name faintly. It took several kisses before he realized it was his voice. When her nimble fingers reached for the button of his fly, he stood and tilted her head back for a searing kiss. When he felt her hand close around his arousal, he moaned and spun them around, picking her up onto the desk.

Leonard sulked in the corner of limo the university had provided. He was upset that Penny had snubbed him. He had been so sure that tonight she would finally realize that they were meant for each other. After a year of chasing her, she would be his. Or so he thought.

Then came time for Sheldon's speech. He had stood between Howard and Raj at the buffet table, camera phones ready, certain that hilarity was about to ensue when Sheldon tried (and failed) to deliver a coherent speech.

Instead, Sheldon had walked onto the stage, Penny on his arm. He had seated her in the chair usually reserved for a spouse and then given a coherent, even eloquent speech. When he was done, he had led Penny out onto the dance floor and the two had remained inseparable for the rest of the evening. In fact, they were currently seated across from him, holding hands and murmuring softly to each other.

He desperately wanted to protest, but one warning look from Penny had quelled him. When they arrived at the apartment, he followed them to the fourth floor, expecting Penny to say goodnight at the door. Then he would confront Sheldon about stealing Penny from him.

Instead, she followed Sheldon into 4A, down the short hall, and into Sheldon's room without any hesitation at all. Leonard spent the night wearing noise cancelling headphones, researching apartments for rent on-line.

Eventually Penny moved into 4A and he took over 4B. It wasn't all bad. Penny was always there to keep Sheldon from getting too neurotic, and she introduced him, Howard and Raj to girls from work. He still dreamed of smart, beautiful children sometimes. Only now, they had the last name Cooper and they called him Uncle Leo.