For mariteri, who reminded me of how special it is that we can interact with one another here.

"I..."

"Shut up, sweetie."

"If you would just listen to me…"

"If I hadn't listened to you, I'd still be home, asleep, and happy."

"Excuse me! This is not my fault!"

"Oh? Who knocked on my door and asked, no, demanded I give him a ride to work?"

"That is Leonard's fault! He refused to drive me this morning!"

"I should have refused too."

"I fail to see how any of this is my fault! I was merely trying to get to my job and fulfill my obligations to Cal-Tech."

"Sheldon! You started a riot!"

"I did not! I was simply offering some hard truths to the hippy-dippy protesters blocking my path!"

"How is calling a large group of protesters 'mouth breathing troglodytes with too much time and too little intelligence' a hard truth?!"

"Pfft. They were blocking the entrance with their signs and their hate mongering."

"They were standing in the parking lot, peacefully protesting the school policy on parking."

"I stand by my actions."

"Fine. You stand by them. When Leonard posts our bail, you're walking home."

"But Peennny!"

"Ouch!"

"Hush."

"That hurt!"

"Hold still."

"How can I hold still when you are dismembering me?!"

"Big baby."

"There is no need for insults."

"There's a huge need for them."

"As an injured man, I find your lack of empathy very callous."

"Sweetie, you got a splinter in your finger from repairing a kite. It's not exactly a mortal wound."

"A kite that was damaged in combat, thank you very much. That makes it a battle wound."

*snort* "All hail the conquering hero. There. The splinter's out."

"Thank you, Penny."

"You're welcome sweetie." *kiss*

"Penny! You kissed my wound! It could get infected!"

"Big baby."

"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala…"

"Now you're just being childish."

"I have no interest in hearing about your bowel movements!"

"This could be very important, Penny!"

"How is my knowing how often you crap important? You know what, never mind. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Penny, I have named you as my Power of Attorney and Executor of my will in the event I am injured, or worse, during the expedition to prove the existence of monopoles. This information could very well save my life."

"Your bowel chart is not life or death information."

"Fine. When I die from colon cancer, you'll be sorry."

"Sweetie, I adore you, but your Mom should really have had you tested a second time."

*sigh* "Maybe I should reconsider making Mrs. Vartebedian my Power of Attorney."

"There, there. Sheldon's here."

*sniffle* "How could he do that to me?"

"I do not know. I am sorry you are distressed."

"Sheldon, I'm not distressed, I'm heartbroken! He lied to me! He conned me into doing things he wanted without caring about my feelings!"

"Penny, may I offer you some harsh reality?"

"Oh god. I'm not sure I can handle harsh you."

"Penny, I am your friend. And as such, I want you to be happy. It seems to me that you and Leonard are sinking deeper and deeper into a dysfunctional relationship. You no longer smile with your eyes. You are often sad and unable to function without a glass of wine in your hand. I miss the Penny who was confident and strong and loyal. I miss the woman who would throw herself into a prank war with no hesitation. I miss my friend."

"…I miss the guy who challenged me. I miss the 6'2" Texan who never backed down from anyone. I miss the guy who would never let someone make him wear a Raggedy Andy hat over his C-3PO costume. I… I miss the beautiful mind who left me feeling awestruck and amazed."

…

…

"So now what?"

"I… don't know."

…

…

"Hey."

"Hello."

…

"Haven't seen much of you lately."

"Nor I, you."

…

"So, Amy said you terminated the relationship agreement."

"Yes. Leonard informed me you broke off the beta test."

"Yep."

…

"Sheldon, do you…"

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes!"

"Does this mean we are a couple now?"

"I think so."

"Then, may I kiss you?"

"Only if I can kiss you back."

"Deal."