Author's Note: Some dialog in this part was borrowed from the Roswell Season Two episodes The End of The World, How the Other Half Lives and the Roswell Season Three episode Ch-Ch-Changes.
Part 52
Michael chased after Maria as she stalked through the snow, her angry footsteps seeming to give her feet traction. He'd almost be willing to pay good money to see her slip and fall on her ass right about now, he thought uncharitably. She could be bullheaded about things and as much as that pissed him off he understood it… when he knew what the hell was going on. He wasn't even sure why she was pissed off at him – he hadn't done anything wrong!
There was no rhyme or reason to women. Overlook some weird mood, a new hairstyle, or a new outfit and you were in serious trouble because you just weren't sensitive enough. But try not even knowing what it was that set them off in the first place and what happened? You were tagged and moved to the head of the line for castration. He shook his head. Upset, pissed off, angry, sad… how the hell was a guy supposed to keep up with a woman's quicksilver moods?
Well, she wasn't handing his balls to him on a silver platter. He and Maria were evenly matched, they could go toe to toe in a fight and once the dust settled they'd either both still be standing or they'd both be on the floor, but regardless they put everything they had into it. He almost smirked. Almost. But he was too pissed off to acknowledge any humor in the situation.
His right foot slipped on a slick patch of snow and he made a weird jump-hop combination off to the side where the snow was deeper to regain his footing. "Maria, damn it, would you just slow down before you hurt yourself?" he snapped.
"I'm not the one who can't walk!" she bit out, paying no attention to the ground beneath her feet as she forged ahead. She winced against the wind and tiny bits of snow hitting her in the face. She whirled around to face him. "And don't tell me – " The shouted words ended on a short scream that was caught and whisked away on the wind when her right boot came down and her feet started to go out from under her.
Michael lunged for her just as she threw her hands up and latched onto a low branch hanging overhead. The snow piled on the branch was upset by the woman hanging from it and before he could reach her he was coated with snow from several branches. The unexpected snowfall made him draw up short as the cold crystals slipped beneath the collar of his coat and he just stood there and stared at her for several icy breath-stealing moments. He finally pulled himself together and reached for his girlfriend who was bobbing slightly as the branch bore the brunt of her weight.
"I told you I can take care of myself!" she growled and released the branch as she righted herself.
"What the hell is your problem?" he snapped.
"The problem is I'm not your problem!"
His eyebrows reached for the sky when she stalked off once again. "What the fuck does that even mean?" he shouted in frustration. He could hear the undercurrent of anger in his tone, could feel the fear that was still skating just beneath the surface of his skin and keeping his nerves on edge, and it only served to ignite his temper once again. He hurried to catch up with her, reaching her just as she faced the front door and started to take off her gloves to search her pockets for the keys.
Without bothering to wait he pressed up against her from behind and reached around her, his right hand making quick work of the lock. He shoved the door open and peered around to make sure things were as they had left them before he unceremoniously pushed her inside. He walked in behind her and slammed the door shut just as she whirled around to face him, her face mottled from a combination of rage and windburn.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Max kept a close eye on Liz as she stood at the window straining to follow Maria's retreating back as she disappeared into the night. The wind was howling and loose snow was being flung around, obscuring what little view there was. He glanced at his sister and nodded when she gestured to the front door. He didn't miss the look of sympathy that crossed her features when her gaze moved past his wife and he was sure her thoughts were similar to his own.
"Why don't we head on over to our cabin," he suggested as he took her elbow and gently guided her to the door.
She was silent as he took her hand and led her out into the cold, windy night. She squinted and ducked her head against the snow, burrowing closer into her husband's side and shamelessly using him as a shield. She kept going over and over the short conversation she'd had with Maria while they were in the bathroom and she kept coming back to the same conclusion: she was a horrible friend.
Maria had told her about seeing her mom and Kyle's dad and as happy as she was for her friends, she was so jealous that she hadn't been able to see her own parents. She was jealous that they had been given an opportunity to hug their parents and be hugged in return. She missed them and the holidays made that ache worse than normal.
If her life plan had gone according to plan and she had followed her dream of attending Harvard University and pursuing a degree in a field she loved she would've been away at college right now. They would've gone back home for the holidays. They, because in a perfect world it would've been her and Max, finding and making their place in the world. Together. But they were both family-oriented and she knew being with their families for holidays would've been important to both of them.
Max shouldered the door to their cabin open and stomped the snow off of his boots before stepping inside and glancing around. He tugged Liz in behind him and locked the door, hurrying to crank up the heat on the electric fireplace and giving it a little nudge with his powers before going back to help her out of her gear.
He rolled his shoulders back when they were finally free of the cumbersome outerwear. He could feel the sharp pang of disappointment in her as he took her hand again. He didn't turn on any lights, letting the soft patches of light from a couple of strategically-placed nightlights illuminate the way to the bedroom. He crawled into bed behind her and draped his arms around her, shifting to accommodate her when she wiggled around to face him.
Liz wrapped her arms around his waist and her fingers clenched in his shirt as she squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her forehead against his neck. "Amy was there. She got to see her mom, Max," she whispered raggedly.
His eyes closed tightly at the pain in her voice and her tears burned his skin like acid. He didn't know how often they would be able to utilize Kyle's abilities; the guy had been drained when he and Maria had returned. Whether that was from the physical and mental exertion of transporting himself and Maria or more of an emotional exertion from the experience, he didn't know. He knew they would learn and understand in time, but for now he had nothing that might ease his wife's pain.
Maybe one day, he thought. He would wait and see what happened when he and Kyle made contact with Jim at the old Gallinas silver mine. Maybe it would give him a better idea of how safe it was to travel. They had so many things they needed to find out. How many people could Kyle take with him? What would happen if the person or persons traveling with Kyle broke contact? He sighed and rubbed Liz's back, feeling her calm fractionally as she settled more fully into him. He'd think about it later. For now, his focus needed to be here and now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Isabel watched the door close behind Max and Liz and she crossed the room to lock it behind them. She observed Kyle, trying to decipher his mood. The last time he had taken one of these trips he had been stressed afterwards, but this wasn't stress. There was a quiet sadness about him and she wasn't sure if it was seeing his dad only to lose him all over again or if there was more to it than that. The last time he hadn't had time to do much more than see Jim before he had reappeared in the cabin, but this time he'd spent seventeen minutes back home, talking to his dad.
She swallowed with difficulty. What would it be like to be given just seventeen minutes with her parents? To be able to see them in person, to know they were okay and to let them know she was okay, and to experience the feeling of love and safety that had always enveloped her when she was with them. She set those thoughts aside when she noticed Kyle's jaw clench repeatedly as he tried to control his emotions. She moved to sit beside him, leaving space between them and hoping her presence would be comfort enough.
She knew him well enough to know he wasn't ready to talk and that when he was she would know it. Kyle didn't talk things to death the way girls had a tendency to do but he was confident enough to talk things out when he needed to. She didn't know if that was some kind of Buddhist thing, some sort of enlightened crap, or if it was just Kyle, but whatever it was it allowed him to handle things without bottling them up. She shoved away the niggling thought that recently he hadn't really been talking to her.
She shivered as the temperature in the room reminded her of why Julia had suggested they stay up at the main house. They still had to get their things together and walk back up to the house. The thought of something hot to drink sounded good but it was just too cold to make anything and it'd be faster to just get their things and hurry up to the house.
Her gaze roamed over the cabin and landed on the doorway to the small room that had been Kyle's since they had been staying there. Most nights he dragged one of the small mattresses down off of the bunks and squeezed it between the doorframes, sleeping there to soak up the warmth from the furnace. He had never said anything but she knew that was why he did it. Her brow furrowed as she realized just how much that bothered her.
He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice when she got up and started gathering some of their things. His eyes followed her without realizing it but his mind was more than sixteen hundred miles away. He wanted to silence his thoughts, to just step outside of his own head for a little while. His head dropped back against the loveseat and eyes that felt like there was a film of gritty sand coating them stared sightlessly at the ceiling.
"C'mon, Kyle, we should go on up to the house," Isabel said once she had tossed some of their things in a bag.
He was moving on autopilot as he got to his feet and reached for the bag she was holding. He was on his way to the door when she got in front of him and stopped him so she could close the fastenings on his coat and pull his hat over his head. He was always a good sport about things but the fact that he didn't even comment on her fussing was just further proof that he needed some space.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"What the fuck does it mean?!" Maria repeated. Her tone was incredulous, angry, and underlined by a combination of fear and hurt. "Are you seriously asking me that?!" She just stared at him, the venom flowing through her veins momentarily pausing as she took in his appearance. At any other time it would've struck her as funny. He was covered in snowflakes from head to toe, making the tip of his red nose and his crimson ears stand out. But it was his eyes, so piercingly dark that struck her the most.
He held his hands out away from his body, his expression still bordering on the clueless as he waited expectantly. "Well?" he demanded when she remained silent. "Are you gonna enlighten me or should we just stand here and freeze our asses off while you think about it?" He was only pushing the fight but at this point he didn't care. He was sick of trying to figure out what she was thinking. He wasn't a damned mind reader! "What does it mean?" He spoke slowly, enunciating every single word because he knew it would just piss her off even more than she already was.
Her eyes narrowed to thin slits and her right hand sliced the air between them. "It means, Michael," she said, speaking just as deliberately slowly, "that you treat me like I'm the weak link. Like I'm the human, the liability," she spat the word out as if it tasted bad, "that could get us all killed."
His molars were grinding together so hard that pain was radiating down his jaw line and into his chin. His lips curled back over his teeth as his nearly black eyes bored into her. "That's bullshit and you damn well know it, Maria!"
"I'm the only one you ever treat like that! The only one you treat like some fragile piece of glass that's gonna shatter and ruin everything!" She drew in a deep breath. "The only one you're so worried about every time something happens. We get into some dangerous situation and they're not the ones you're all over, making sure they're in one piece, making sure they didn't screw things up, or making sure they're not stupid enough to get themselves into the situation in the first place."
How the hell had she twisted things around like that? he wondered. Did she even hear the words that were coming out of her own mouth? "Do I worry about you when somethin' happens? Hell, yes! Am I all over you makin' sure you're still in one piece when we come out of a dangerous situation? You can bet your ass I am! Am I gonna stand here and apologize because you think I'm wrong? Fuck, no! And don't single yourself out when it comes to screwin' up or doin' somethin' stupid because you know damn well I'm all over their asses about the same damn thing when it happens! You wanna be pissed off at me because I gave a damn when you came back lookin' like you were about to puke your guts out, fine, be pissed off!" He paced around the room, agitated. "Seventeen and a half minutes, Maria. Seventeen and a half minutes that felt like a goddamned eternity because I didn't know where you were or what was happening to you! Do you even understand that?!" he shouted as his fear once more pushed to the surface. "I'm the one that pushed Kyle to see if he could pull his disappearing act again and what the fuck did you do?"
Maria opened her mouth to protest but the words lodged in her throat when he whirled around to face her. The anger and fear in his features made her want to take a step back but her feet remained rooted to the spot. She wasn't afraid of him, just stunned by the force of his emotions.
"You couldn't know what would happen and in the rational part of my brain I know that! But all I knew was one minute you were there and the next second you had fuckin' disappeared. We had no way of knowin' if his last trip was a fluke or if he landed where he did because he has some control over his new powers. No way of knowin' if he would return and if you'd return with him!" His footsteps paused and he stared at her. "Anything could've happened, do you get that? You could've been lost, killed, or trapped in Roswell – if that's even where you were, and I would've had no one to blame but myself."
She could feel the fire in her veins begin to wane as he finished speaking and as she stood there watching him she started to become more aware of their surroundings. Even though they were inside, protected from the biting wind, it was still bitterly cold and she was sure the temperature in the cabin was barely above freezing.
The sudden silence that fell between them seemed to snap them back to reality and Michael shook his head as he turned to the fireplace. His gaze locked on his hands as he stacked logs in the fireplace and set about lighting a fire. He was acutely aware of Maria's quiet footsteps as she retreated into the bathroom and closed the door. She would be back before long. Whatever else happened tonight he knew they would be settling some things that had been hanging between them for too long.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kyle trudged through the snow, unaware and uncaring of the cold that found its way past every opening in his winter gear. He and Isabel had been welcomed into the Stevens' home and Julia had suggested they take the futon in the office at Stephanie's insistence. He had let Isabel handle the conversation, too wired to really think up a good reason why the separate couches in the living room would be a better solution.
He had waited until Julia and Edward had left them alone before he told Isabel he was going to take a walk to try and clear his head. She had let him go with nothing more than a request that he be careful. He tried to force the thoughts from his mind, wishing he could seek solace through meditation but not daring to risk being sent somewhere else based on a thought. Buddha was supposed to be there to provide a reprieve from the insanity of his life, not add to it.
Without conscious thought his feet took him across the road and up the drive to the barn on Mr. Tony's property. He reached out and grabbed the door, sliding it open and stepping inside where it was only slightly warmer. He pushed the door closed and turned to lean back against it for a moment, barely registering the way it moved slightly with his weight. His gaze scanned the interior of the barn and settled on the pen holding the four reindeer at the center. He walked up to the pen and stood there, just watching the animals as they milled about.
"You guys don't know how good you have it," he muttered. He reached up to rub Cupid's muzzle when the animal snuffled against his arm. He cradled the reindeer's head in his hands and studied the soft brown eyes, his gaze trailing down to study several scars that were nearly hidden beneath his fur. "Guess you've got your own story, don't you?"
"I think if he could talk his story would make most people cry."
He slowly turned his head to look at Stefanie as she crossed the barn with a box of apples in her hands. "What's his story?"
"Cupid's our miracle, aren't you, big guy?" She balanced the box on one of the rails and reached up to rub the reindeer's flank. "A friend of ours called Travis to tell him a story someone had told him. He said he'd heard about a deer on a nearby farm that'd gotten tangled up in some old barbed wire. No one had been able to get close to it so there was no way of knowing how bad its injuries were. Well, Travis geared up and went out after it."
"Why do I have a feeling you were right there with him?"
She grinned and shrugged. "An injured deer wandering around over acres and acres of nothing? Oh, yeah, I was right there with him. And so was our dad and Frankie. It took us a couple of days to track him and when we found him he was down. Imagine our surprise when we realized our rescue was actually a young reindeer. He had an infection from the wounds, the strand of barbed wire was wrapped around his neck and several of the barbs were embedded in his face, he was malnourished because he hadn't been able to eat…" she swallowed hard and rubbed the reindeer's neck. "We got him back to the clinic and it was touch and go with him for quite a while before he started to show any improvement."
"How'd he get his name?" Kyle asked as he rested his chin on his folded arms and watched her.
"Mom named him." She opened the box up and pulled out an apple that she offered to the reindeer. She smiled when the other three pushed their way up to the railing to get their treat. "We found him in February and she said he had to be all heart to survive what he'd gone through so he was given the name Cupid."
He chuckled. "How long have you guys been doing the reindeer thing?"
"Oh, we've been doing this for a long time. Since I was a kid. My parents love the holidays and especially Christmas so they found a way to make a living doing what they love."
"You love it too," he said, watching her as she fed the reindeer.
"What's not to love about taking care of God's creatures and celebrating His son's birth? We have a lot of fun and it's something our family's able to do together."
"You love your family." He smiled. "It's very obvious."
"So do you." She closed the empty box up and placed it on the floor. "Which makes me wonder what you're doing out here in the cold when your family's tucked into warm cabins and your wife's tucked in up at the Stevens' place."
"Thanks for offering your room," he said, remembering what Julia had told them. "We're good with the living room though, and you're probably gonna be ready to hit the hay as soon as your shift's over." He shrugged when she turned to lean against the pen. "Sometimes you just need a few minutes to find some peace and settle your thoughts."
Stefanie studied him for a few minutes before she spoke quietly. "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."
Kyle's eyebrows nearly shot off of his forehead. "You know Buddhism?"
She chuckled. "I enjoy learning about different religions and Buddhism struck me as very peaceful and grounding. But you know it too… you're a practicing Buddhist?"
"I've found balance with his teachings."
"You know, these guys are pretty settled for now. I'd love to hear your opinion of Buddhism as it pertains to today's fast-paced existence."
No one ever wanted to discuss Buddhism. He smiled and motioned to the hay stacked up against the wall. "If you'd love to listen, I'd love to share. Although, I encourage heated debate so don't hold back if your opinion differs." This was what he had needed, he thought. Sometimes all a guy needed was the chance to get away from everyone and everything and free his mind.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Maria wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she leaned back against the door, making a face when she realized that it was even colder in the bathroom. How was that even possible? She sighed and reached over to turn on the light, frowning at her reflection. She was bundled up in an effort to ward off the cold but she was still cold and she looked like a giant marshmallow. She eyed her reflection critically. Ungh, a giant marshmallow without a neck, she thought. No way was she getting rid of the bulky layers though.
She pulled the door open just enough to peer around it to look at Michael. He was crouched in front of the fireplace feeding logs into the fire and using his powers to give it a boost. The flickering flames backlit his features, revealing the tension in the taut line of his jaw. She shifted back and reached up to rub her hands over her face as she went over the meeting with her mom.
She could still hear the chastising in her mom's tone when she had deliberately answered her question about how Michael was by saying he was keeping them safe. She had known exactly what her mom was asking so why hadn't she just given her an answer?
Mom was so sure Michael was going to come around. It wasn't just him though and as hard as it was to admit that, she knew it was true. She knew he loved her, she didn't doubt that. It was in his voice, in the way he looked at her, and… she shivered. It was in the way he touched her. She was secure in his love, but without trust, where did that leave them?
She squeezed her eyes shut as she recalled her mom's parting words. How she had told her to make sure they took care of each other. She smiled and blinked back tears as her mom's words echoed in her head.
"And you tell that boy his family misses him."
She swallowed hard and pushed away from the doorframe, making herself go back out into the other room to face him. She was silent as she watched him use the poker to furiously jab the logs in the fireplace. He was frustrated with her, with the situation, and with his inability to understand what was going on with her and he was taking it out on the fiery logs.
Her steps grew heavier with each step she took and he turned from the waist to look at her just as one of her gloved hands came to rest on the back of her chair. They just watched each other warily for a few long moments before she pulled in a slow breath and forced the words out. "We need to talk, Michael. There're so many things between us, so many things that we have to talk about if we're ever gonna find ourselves again. The past week or so since we've been stuck here has been such a gift and we've had moments that have been so uniquely us, or at least who we were before our lives spun out of control. But it's not enough, is it?"
He shrugged one shoulder and viciously poked one of the logs. "No, it's not," he said finally.
"Then I think we've put it off as long as we can. It won't be much longer before we have to climb back in the van and head out into a future that's just as uncertain as it's ever been and I think before that happens we need to know where we stand with each other."
He rested his left elbow on his raised knee and rubbed his forehead with his thumb before he shoved himself to his feet and put the poker away. "Alright, let's do this." He wasn't thrilled with the situation or having this conversation in the freezing cold, but she was right. The Christmas on the Lake thing was the day after next and they were leaving once it was over so it would be better to know what they were looking at before they pulled out of the driveway for the last time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Isabel stood at the window in the living room, her eyes scanning the white landscape that seemed to stretch as far as she could see. She sighed and moved back to the couch, sitting down and staring at the woodstove. At Elliot, she reminded herself with a small smile as her mind took a short detour to earlier that night.
She had been trying to do everything she could think of to make herself stay in the house. Kyle needed some time to himself, some time to just clear his mind and get settled, and she wanted to respect his wishes. He always seemed to know what to do for them and she wanted to be able to do the same for him. He was better at reading people than she was though and he picked up on little subtleties that most people seemed to overlook. She didn't think she was overlooking anything though; he had been completely open when he had told her he needed some space.
It just bothered her that he had stopped confiding in her, that he didn't seem able to open up to her anymore. She knew something wasn't right. She had seen it in his face and read it in his stiff posture when he had returned. She was certain something had happened while he was gone. She didn't think it involved Maria in spite of her being sick when they returned. She had a feeling that whatever it was had hurt him badly though.
"It's cold out tonight, Isabel."
She turned her head to look at Alex. He was sitting at the piano, his fingertips ghosting soundlessly over the ivory keys. "Yes, it is," she mused and a moment later she was pushing herself to her feet and going to get her outerwear.
Julia turned away from the counter where she was getting a pot of coffee ready for the next morning. "Going back out?"
"Going to check on Kyle," she answered as she shrugged into the heavy coat. "He walked over to the barn." Which she only knew because she had watched him until he disappeared from sight and it was the only thing in that direction.
"Would you like a ride over there?" Edward asked as he emerged from the pantry brushing crumbs from his mustache and then from the front of his shirt.
"No, I'll be fine, thank you." I'm the last person who has to worry about… The thought and the smile that accompanied it were short-lived as an old memory surfaced.
She could remember standing in the rain making a call to the sheriff from a roadside payphone. "Sheriff, I am the last person on Earth who has to worry about getting into a car with strangers." It was true as far as everyday people were concerned. But the FBI weren't normal everyday people, were they? They were people who came armed with weapons and drugs, people who wanted to capture and study them; people who would hurt them given half a chance.
"Isabel?" Julia held her hand out, pressing a key into the palm of her hand. "So you can get back inside once you've rounded up your husband," she said with a wink. "You can just leave it on the hook on the wall by the fridge when you get back."
"Thank you, Julia."
The wind hit her in the face the moment she stepped outside and she was certain it froze the breath in her lungs. "I'm gonna kill him," she chattered as she hugged the railing to avoid slipping as she made her way down the steps to the frozen ground.
"Dangerous as it is, I'm gonna assume you mean Kyle," Alex said as he walked beside her. He flashed a grin at her when she turned her head to look at him.
"Well, it's hard to decide," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, it's like fifty below and you're out here in a sweatshirt and jeans and you don't look the slightest bit cold."
He rolled his eyes at her. "It's an advantage to being on this side." He chuckled. "I'm impervious to these temperatures."
She was silent until they crossed the road and stepped onto Mr. Tony's property. "He isn't confiding in me, Alex."
"That bothers you."
"Well… yes!"
As they approached the barn her hand settled on the door to push it open and he saw her pause. "Worried what you'll see on the other side is somehow related to his recent reluctance to confide in you?"
"No, of course not," she denied.
"Good." He smiled and gestured for her to go inside. "You shouldn't be."
"What makes you – " The words died on her tongue when she turned to look at him and found only empty air next to her. She shook her head and pushed the door open, stepping into the barn and hurrying to shut the door behind her.
"Isabel?" Kyle sat up when he saw her come inside. He had been lounging back against a bale of hay, debating the similarities and differences between different religions and just enjoying himself when the door had opened. "What're you doin' over here?" He got up and ushered her over to the hay, urging her to sit down. "It's freakin' cold out there!"
"Yes, I know."
Stefanie motioned to the thermos wedged between a couple bales of hay. "Coffee?"
"No, thank you. It's getting late and we have an early morning." She smiled brightly at Kyle. "You haven't forgotten that tomorrow's the big rehearsal have you, honey?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No, not at all, sugar muffin."
Stefanie nearly choked on her coffee and got to her feet, excusing herself to check on the reindeer. Somehow the tall statuesque blonde didn't strike her as a sugar muffin.
"You didn't have to walk all the way over here, Isabel," Kyle said as he sat down beside her. "I would've been back before long."
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"So, you're not here because we have an early day tomorrow?"
She snorted indelicately and looked at him. "Have you found any peace?"
"Enough to settle my nerves a bit," he said with a nod.
"Julia and Edward have already gone to bed but they gave me the key so we can get back inside. They lock the door against the wind, remember?"
"Right."
"Yeah, so…"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess we'd better get back over there if we wanna settle on the couches while it's still good and warm."
She watched him as he got up and went to say goodnight to Stefanie. He smiled and laughed at something she said and then he reached out and gave one of the reindeer a gentle pat before running his hand over the animal's neck in a slow motion.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Michael watched Maria as she ran her gloved hands over the back of the chair, wondering if it was an unconscious gesture to calm her down. Now that she had his attention she looked unsure, as if she didn't know how or where to start. He could probably count the number of times he had known Maria to be unsure of herself on one hand. More often than not her uncertainty had revolved around their relationship… around him.
He knew he had given her more than enough reason to pack her bags and hit the road over the years but she had only done it once. And that hadn't been because of anything he had done. It would've been easier to swallow if it had been over some boneheaded stunt he had pulled. There was no denying it had shredded something inside of him when she had broken up with him, but as much as he had hated it there was a part of him that understood.
He had been born into the alien insanity; it was an integral part of him and he had little choice in the matter. Hell, they had only been 18 when she had come to him and told him she wanted to break up. He hadn't understood in that moment, still reeling from seeing her with that wannabe musician Billy closely followed up by her dumping his ass. She had just left him sitting there holding the flowers he had brought for her. Flowers, he snorted. He wasn't exactly a flowers kinda guy but he had brought the stupid things and look where it had landed him. He hoped she didn't care about flowers because he'd be damned if he ever gave her flowers again.
Time had given him some clarity about that night and her decision. When people were 18 they were supposed to be worrying about things like college, whether their high school relationship was going to withstand the separation of college, the excitement of finally being out on their own, and exhilarated over getting their first real taste of life as adults. They were 18-year-olds who had been experiencing complications and realities for a couple of years already. They had been suffocating from an overdose of reality and they hadn't really had a break from it.
From 16 to 18 they had been steeped in alien drama. Trying to mix relationships into that had only increased the drama and put more stress on them that they hadn't known how to deal with. In just a little over two years they had been through the wringer. Liz had lost her grandma, they had lost Alex, he had lost Courtney, and Isabel had lost Grant. They had dealt with shape-shifting aliens, Skins, Kivar, and an alien-hunting FBI unit. Maria had given up a potential music career and Liz had lost out on Harvard. Max had been captured and tortured by the Special Unit, he had fathered a child with the person responsible for killing one of their own, and he had nearly destroyed his relationship with the parents he loved and ruined his future in his search for his son, not to mention what it had done to his relationship with Liz. Isabel had gotten married, and as much as he believed it was a rebound thing, who was he to judge? She had just been doing what she had to do to find her normal. And in the end she had lost that as well. He didn't believe in that happily ever after fairytale crap, but he had a feeling something better was waiting for her if she would just open her eyes. They hadn't even been able to enjoy graduation with family and friends…
Graduation, he thought. A time that should've been filled with excitement and hopeful visions of all the possibilities the future held. Instead they had been filled with a sense of dread as Liz's premonition sent them scurrying to come up with a way to survive. He could remember Maria dragging him to Madame Vivian the day after learning that their graduation was ground zero for the next attack against them.
He hadn't put any stock in the fortune-telling fake or her stupid crystal ball but he had let Maria drag him there anyway. Why? He didn't really know. She had insisted the woman give her something to go on and while he might not be a genius in the relationship department, he had known she was seeking reassurance, confirmation that at some point in the future they were still alive and together.
He had blown it off, been flippant about the whole thing, and the moment Maria had turned to him and begged him to cooperate he had gone off on her. That whole thing with Billy was still simmering just below the surface, their breakup still fresh in his mind, and though he wouldn't admit it, his heart had still felt like a giant gaping wound. She hadn't sat there passively in response to his comment about her breaking up with him right after sucking face with Billy. No, she had come right back at him without taking a moment to consider her response. Courtney. It always seemed to boil down to those two issues.
They had both been hurt and the fact that they had verbally attacked using those weapons so deftly and without having to think about it should've been a red flag. They were intensely emotional people; whether they loved or fought they did it with everything they had. At the time though, Madam Vivian had been there and in the deafening silence that had fallen after hurling the accusations at each other they had turned to see her watching them. He could remember Maria apologizing for their behavior – not just his, but for both of them. And when the woman had asked to speak to him alone Maria had protested, insisting that she wanted to know what was about to be said.
When the fortune-telling fruitcake had patiently explained that what she had to say wasn't about their relationship, it was much bigger than that, he had seen the resignation in Maria's features. She had sounded defeated as she indicated that it was always more important, giving in and getting up and leaving without a fight. And then of course the fruitcake had gone on about "believe in the love" like he had any idea what that was all about. Afterwards he had blown Maria off, insisting the fortuneteller was a flake and refusing to talk about it.
He had gone into a library in some small town they had stopped in for a couple of days to pick up some day work and spent a little time reading up on tarot cards. The Lovers card was more about choices than anything else; it was about standing at a crossroad and having a choice to make. He still thought that fortuneteller was nuttier than a fruitcake, but what he had read had made sense to him.
He had never talked to Maria about what the woman had said to him. They had never discussed Billy or Courtney. They had danced around both subjects, occasionally taking a jab at each other, using the names as weapons and going in circles like two weary prizefighters. For the past six months those two topics had been shelved, festering like an infection in a closed wound. It wasn't until recently that Courtney's name had made an appearance and it had happened in a moment when Maria was stressed.
For so long they had kept their feelings about those incidents carefully buried, mistakenly hoping that if they ignored them they'd go away. Realistically, they knew that wasn't possible, but being on the run had given them a buffer against their tumultuous past. Packed in the van with four other people made it impossible to discuss any issues that a couple needed to air out and no one wanted to be around when he and Maria got into it because they tended to be very vocal. And very loud.
There were other things of course. It wasn't all about Billy and Courtney, but a lot of the hurt on both sides existed because of the way they had handled those situations. She was right. They had an opportunity here and they couldn't afford to let it pass. They needed to know where they stood with each other and right now they were poised on the precipice of that uncertainty that had plagued their relationship.
He looked up when she moved and took a seat in the overstuffed chair that had become hers in the time they had been in the cabin. He knew if he remained standing it would make him appear confrontational; it was a psychological thing and it was something he knew to be true. He shifted and after a moment he moved to sit in his chair, his coat rustling against the cushions as he settled deeper into them.
Maria sighed, overwhelmed by the feeling that they had once more ended up in this position. They always seemed to end up in this same spot no matter the location. Her mind tossed last Christmas in her face and she could see them sitting similar to the way they were now. It had been cold in Roswell, but not this cold. They had been sitting on her porch and she had pulled away from him when he had moved in to kiss her, inanely offering him a cup of hot chocolate. Really, Maria? That's the best you could do? Break his heart and then offer him a freakin' cup of hot chocolate?
She mentally kicked herself as she remembered the confused look on his face when he had tried to look out for her with Dominique, the agent who had wanted to sign her to a music label and she had blown him off. She had casually thrown it in his face that their lives were no longer linked and it had been painfully obvious that as far as he was concerned they were. She could still hear that confusion in his voice, the words underlined with hints of anger and hurt as he had asked the question she could still hear so clearly.
"Didn't we just sleep together?"
And she had looked at him like he should've understood that it had just happened. Her slow response, a single drawn-out 'yeah' had erased the confusion from his features and left a mask of acceptance and hurt in its place.
"But it doesn't mean anything."
His voice had been flat and even now she wished she could erase that moment. I abandoned him, she thought. I'm the one person he believed would never do that and what I did to him was unforgivable. You can be hard on yourself about that, her mind pushed, but don't think you carry all the blame for the problems in your relationship.
She had just turned 18 when Billy had showed up, reminding her there was more to her than what she had allowed to surface in so long. When Michael had come into her life she had still been actively pursuing music, but over time it had been pushed to the background as she was pulled deeper into the alien abyss. And then with Alex's death she had let it slip away. Until Billy had showed up and given her a push. Yeah, and that had gone over so well, she thought sadly. It was just another kick in the teeth that she had delivered to Michael, and it was something she knew bothered him to this day.
Billy had showed up and that passion she had for music had just reignited and flared to life. For the first time in a long time she had felt like she could breathe as the music poured from her fingertips and her lips, emotions that she had long suppressed finding voice in the words. It had felt like freedom and she had latched onto it like a drowning person would latch onto something to keep their head above water.
She had watched Liz make sacrifice after sacrifice for Max and it had depressed her. There were times she was sure her best friend was going to lose her identity to him and she knew at times Liz had felt that way. Not long after that her dream of singing and being something better than Roswell, New Mexico had rolled up outside Cow Patty's in a shiny black limo.
And she had used it as an excuse to go off the Rez big time.
She swallowed hard and tugged her right glove off, the warmth seeming to stay within the confines of the glove as she dropped it to her lap. She drew in a shaky breath and reached for his hand as she released the words in a husky voice.
"I'm sorry, Michael. It wasn't fair of me to go off on you like that back there. I was scared. It's no excuse, but…" She let her fingertips trail over his sleeve, waiting for the warmth of his hand to envelope hers or to be left in the cold by his rejection of her tentative request. Her breath locked up in her chest when he brushed her hand away and she blinked furiously against the tears that threatened to erupt at any moment.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Isabel hung the house key on the wall hook next to the refrigerator and paused to let her eyes wander over the collection of things stuck to the door with colorful magnets. Colored pictures torn from a coloring book, a school calendar, a few coupons, a recipe clipped from a magazine, and a picture of the kids and Edward that had been taken at what looked like a picnic. Her fingertips traced over the worn edges of a poem that had been written for Mother's Day, the childish script smudged in a few spots, and her vision blurred for a moment. The words were far from elegant but they were heartfelt and she had a feeling the smudged letters were from motherly tears.
"Wanna bet that was Eddie?" Kyle asked when he saw what had captivated her interest.
"How do you know?"
"The spelling's a dead giveaway that it's not Maggie and trust me," he flicked his finger against the paper, "Brian's not gonna put himself out there like this." He nodded when she rolled her eyes at him. "This is not the kinda thing a guy like Brian writes when he's 13."
"Eddie's only a year younger than him."
"And he's the sensitive one. We're talkin' younger, tamer versions of your brother and Michael. Which one of them would've been more likely to write a sappy poem for Mother's Day?" He rolled his eyes when she just looked at him. "Okay, even if El Capitan had've had a mother, can you really see him letting out his inner poet?"
Isabel snorted at that. She couldn't imagine that in any way, shape, or form. Max, yes, but Michael? Just… no. "Point taken." She busied herself fixing a couple mugs of hot chocolate when he went to the living room, mixing a small handful of the mint baking chips into his and stirring them until they melted. It was something she had seen him do before, mix a couple of mint-flavored chocolates into his hot chocolate.
He seemed more relaxed after spending an hour or so with the Reindeer Whisperer and in her head where she could be completely honest with herself she could admit she was a little jealous.
"A little?"
She lifted her head to look at Alex where he was lounging against the refrigerator. "You shouldn't be here," she murmured quietly.
His grin lit up his features. "I'm pretty sure no one will see me."
"No, but I'll talk to you and if someone overhears me…"
"They'll think you're crazy," he teased. He cocked his head to one side as he studied her features. "You're mad at me." He pondered that for a moment. "Because I suggested you go to him?"
"Yes, if you must know. He was perfectly content to debate Buddhism or whatever they were debating before I showed up. He was relaxed and enjoying Reindeer Girl's company, talking about a subject he enjoys, and I interrupted them," she hissed.
"And yet he came back with you. Isabel, you didn't have to twist his arm to get him back over here. He came willingly."
"He didn't really have a choice."
Alex snorted at that. "Of course he had a choice. He could've easily chosen to spend his evening talking reindeer and religion with a young, attractive, blonde-haired woman, but he didn't. He spent some time with her, unwinding after what was an incredibly stressful day, and when you showed up he said his goodnights and came back over here to sit in front of the woodstove and have hot chocolate."
"He's probably already sleeping." She rolled her eyes when he just stared at her. "What do you suggest I do? I told you he's not confiding in me and I can't force him to talk."
"No one forces Kyle to talk or do anything else." He gave her a meaningful look. "Not even you, Isabel. What's on his mind is something he's trying to sort through and when he's ready he'll talk about it." He glanced at the doorway before looking down at the mugs. "Add marshmallows, the little ones."
"Add marshmallows," she muttered.
"Yeah, the little ones," Kyle said as he came into the kitchen and walked over to the wall where their coats were hanging. "Forgot to leave the hat," he said and shoved it in one of the pockets. He glanced around her to look at the tray of Magic Bars wrapped and sitting on the counter. "Think Julia would mind if I snatched one of those?"
"I think she'd say that's what they're there for."
"Want one?" He took two when she nodded and placed them on a napkin before wrapping the plate again. He took a bite of one and turned to lean back against the counter while Isabel washed the few things she had used to make hot chocolate. "Been some day, huh?"
The question served as a reminder of just how long the day had been and as the thought formed her body reacted, letting her know just how exhausted she was. She felt drained and as she looked at Kyle she knew he was experiencing the same thing. And he probably felt even worse, she thought as she remembered his experience earlier that evening. "Yeah," she said finally, "it really has been."
He poked at the marshmallows that were quickly melting into the hot chocolate. "Why don't we go take a load off?"
"That might just be the best idea you've had all day, Kyle."
He lifted his mug in a silent salute. "Kyle's full of good ideas if people would just listen when he talks." He chuckled as he rolled his shoulders and made his way into the living room.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Michael jerked his glove off and caught her hand when he saw her slowly pulling away. He caught the surprise that flickered in the green eyes that shimmered with unshed tears when she looked at him. He gave her a nod before his gaze returned to the fireplace, but he squeezed her hand gently before threading his fingers through hers.
Maria looked at their interlaced hands and the sight made the stiff muscles in her face and throat begin to relax. Even with everything between them his touch warmed her, eased her in a way that nothing else could, and it astonished her. His touch was more soothing than any Cypress Oil or Grief Relief she had used in the past. His brand of calming didn't leave that bad aftertaste either, she thought with a small smile as she recalled the taste of the Grief Relief. She stared as his thumb began to make slow sweeping movements against her hand and she sighed quietly. This was what she had wanted from the very beginning and this was her chance to make it right.
Michael shifted in his chair and finally pulled his gaze away from the fire to shoot a questioning look in her direction.
She swallowed and nodded before continuing. "It is kinda true that my status as the last remaining human in our group makes me uncomfortable at times."
"You know for you to get access to your own set of secret powers you have to basically die, right?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Michael. Sometimes I just feel like a liability, like I'm the one you have to worry about because you think I can't protect myself."
"The Special Unit gets close to us you can't protect yourself, Maria. That's just the reality of our situation. That doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you a liability. As for worryin' about you, I think we covered that earlier."
"Yeah, I got that." He had been quite emphatic on that point so there was no need to go over it again. "Maybe it makes me uncomfortable but it doesn't really scare me. What scares me is that I'll never be able to earn your trust again. That I destroyed that and," her chest tightened at the thought, "and that I can never get it back." She squeezed his hand and spoke before her throat totally closed up. "I love you, Michael." The words felt heavy on her tongue. "And if I could change anything I'd take back what I said to you the day after we made love when I told you our lives were no longer linked." She felt him tense up. "I'm so sorry, Michael." Her eyes stung and her body was taut, every nerve feeling exposed as she waited for his reaction.
Her heart was pounding in the silence that followed, the crackling flames in the fireplace the only sound disturbing the quiet. She could feel the warmth from the fire beginning to seep into her body. She had to remind her lungs to breathe in and out as the seconds ticked by and he continued to stare into the fireplace. The tears that she was trying so hard to hold back began to quietly roll over her cheeks when his thumb moved to stroke her hand.
"Okay then." He shifted and finally turned his head to look at her. His eyes softened as he squeezed her hand and after a moment he stood to work his arms free of his coat before moving to put it away. His palm brushed against her back before his hands settled on his chair, working it around until it was in the position he wanted – facing her. He rubbed his palms against his thighs, the thick fabric of the snow pants protesting with an abrasive, scratching sound. "Thanks, for sayin' that," he said finally. "That means a lot to me, but since we're bein' honest here, I've made mistakes too…"
She expelled a heavy breath, releasing the air that had been pent up in her chest and as quickly as the foggy expiration dissipated the tension in her body began to ease. She glanced at the painting of the interior of a cabin that just felt like a loving home and for the first time in so long she had hope that she would have that home with Michael one day. He had forgiven her with an ease she hadn't expected or even felt that she deserved. She drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly, her gaze dropping to his hands when they wrapped around hers.
"Maria, back when we first started this," he gestured between them with their clasped hands, "I racked up the mistakes. I'm the one who walked away more times than I care to count but you knew I'd come for you. You always believed in me even when no one else did."
She watched him as his demeanor suddenly shifted and she could feel the discomfort rolling off of him.
He struggled with the thoughts he was trying to verbalize and his hand brushed his jaw as the words of an old friend came to him. "Do you have any idea what you've done to Maria?!" Alex had been livid when he had showed up at his door and he had held nothing back as he threw a punch that Michael hadn't expected, but at the same time, had respected. "She's not just some girl!" He smiled grimly as the words he needed spilled out. "And then Courtney showed up." He squeezed her hands lightly, closing his eyes as he debated what to say next.
Maria shook her head slowly and her eyes shifted away from his briefly. "Michael," she said softly, her thumbs stroking over his fingers as she looked at him once more, "you don't have to do this." She shrugged one shoulder. "She was in that spaceship you were waiting for." She smiled tightly. "Y'know, that something better than Roswell, New Mexico."
He became restless at the turn the conversation had taken, releasing her hands and standing. He turned to face the fireplace as he tried to put his jumbled thoughts in order. He just wasn't good at talks like this, he thought as he shoved his left hand in the pocket of his pants. The heat from the fireplace had warmed the cabin up considerably and he felt like he was roasting since he was standing so close to the damn thing.
"Michael, this isn't necessary."
His eyes held the reflection of the flames dancing in the fireplace as they met hers and then shifted away again. "Yeah, I do. If we've got any kinda chance of stoppin' this dance we've been doin' we've gotta deal with all this crap in our past. We've gotta be strong enough to break the cycle so we can move on, whether it's as a couple or as friends."
Maria's breath caught in her throat as his last sentence ran through her head over and over. Friends, she thought. No, that's not what she wanted. She wanted it all. She started to tell him again that it wasn't necessary but he spoke before she could get the words out.
"She's dead because of me. I screwed up and gave her information that ultimately got her killed."
"No," she insisted. "No, Michael. She was a soldier for years; she had been on the run with the resistance and she was dying. She knew the risk and she chose to take it. Don't listen to that," she made a face as a mental image of Nicholas was pulled up from her memory, "eww, that creepy, pubescent leprechaun. Like you, she was soldier. You've kept us alive and safe while we've been on the road and no one can or will ever tell me differently." She was surprised by his momentarily stunned expression and she took the opportunity to say what she had intended to say before he interrupted her.
She stood and took the necessary steps to bring her closer to him. She gently reached out to take his hand. "That whole thing with Courtney, yes, it hurt, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. On one level it hasn't mattered since you came to my house to say goodbye on Graduation Day. And on another I just needed you to acknowledge what happened with her." She paused for a moment. "Do you remember what you said that day in front of my house?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "You said you knew I was the girl for you when you kidnapped me and stole my car and that no matter where you were gonna be you wanted me to know you loved me and you always had. I knew it was true when you said it." Her eyes traced over his features and a tentative smile lifted the corners of her lips. "I could feel our connection that day just like I did that day in that hotel's porno version of Aladdin. It's strong, Michael, and I don't want to let it go."
His features softened and in that moment her Michael broke through. "Maria," he said hoarsely.
Her hand lifted and her fingers played over his closed lips for a heartbeat before she fell into his familiar embrace. "Michael." His arms came around her as he lowered his head. She returned his kiss and couldn't help but giggle into his mouth when he growled at the bulky coat she wore that was coming between them.
Michael pulled away with the intention of helping her shrug out of her coat and he followed her gaze when she glanced at the floor. One of her gloves had fallen from her lap when she stood and he wondered at her smile as she retrieved it and shoved it in her right pocket.
Maria looked up at him again, recognizing his need, his desire for her. It made her heady with her own need and want of him. "Bed, Michael, we need to go to bed."
He moved their chairs back away from the fireplace before moving to the bed with purpose. The room had warmed but it was still cold enough that sleeping anywhere but right in front of that fire was going to make for a long, miserable night. He scooped the covers up and then hauled the mattress to the floor, situating it close enough to the fire that they would be warm and far enough away that they would be safe. That task complete, he retrieved the covers and pillows and laid them over the mattress.
He looked up at Maria when she moved to stand next to the makeshift bed. She was still wearing her coat and in her hands she held a small red box with gold trim. She was staring at it with an expression of disbelief. "Maria…?"
Mom must've put it in her pocket when they said their goodbyes, she thought as she lifted the lid. She stared at the pearl stud earrings nestled inside and her vision began to blur as she registered Michael's concerned voice.
"Maria?" He had moved to stand in front of her and as he glanced down to see what was in the box the worry in his features eased into a smile. "Where'd they come from?" he asked as he brushed his thumb against his eyebrow.
"My mom…" she cleared her voice in an effort to make it stop shaking. "Mom must've put them in my pocket when we were saying goodbye."
His hand settled against her neck, his thumb stroking her throat as he searched her eyes. "You saw your mom?"
Her response was a silent nod, afraid if she opened her mouth to speak she would lose her tenuous grasp on her emotions. She carefully closed it, barely noticing the quiet snap as the top and bottom met. She turned to gently place it on the mantle above the fireplace and her eyes lifted to the cabin painting. She sniffed as she stealthily wiped a stray tear from her cheek.
"She was at the sheriff's house?" Jim wasn't the sheriff any longer, hadn't been for a while now, but in his mind the man would always be the sheriff of Roswell. It was the mindset, the way he carried himself, it was such an integral part of who the man was, and he had earned that badge. "It doesn't matter," he said gently. "It can wait." He shook his head and tugged her closer to start undressing her, beginning with the bulky outer gear. He stripped her down to her long underwear and guided her down onto the mattress, getting them situated under the covers.
He pulled her close and thought about how hard it must've been for Amy to have her only daughter just up and leave. How hard it must be to live with the knowledge that she may never see her again. He sighed as he mentally ran over what Maria had given up to be with him.
Maria burrowed deeper into his arms and murmured his name. "Michael, my mom had a message for you."
"Yeah?" He braced himself for whatever she was going to say.
"She said, 'Make sure that boy knows his family misses him'." She felt him turn his head toward her and the subsequent response as the single word rumbled up from the depths of his chest.
"Yeah?"
She smiled at him and raised herself up on one elbow as the fingers of her free hand traced over his undershirt. "Um-hmm…"
He returned her smile with one of his own. "She say anything else?"
Maria nodded as her fingers traveled up to his lips and her thumb brushed over them, her eyes following the simple action. "Mmm-hmm, she said we should take care of each other."
Michael deftly rolled her onto her back without exposing them to the cold air that still permeated the inside the cabin. His mouth was soft and warm as it fused to hers and he kissed her with a gentle but thorough urgency. He broke the kiss for a brief moment, inhaling a ragged breath as his eyes locked with hers. "Well… that's what we'll do then," he said, his quiet voice giving way to the want building inside of him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The fire in the wood burning stove was no longer blazing as Kyle and Isabel stared at it from their respective couches, each lost in their own thoughts. The house was quiet, the only sound the sporadic creak as the house protested the wind that was blowing so violently. On occasion they could hear the wind howling as it was momentarily caught by the eaves of the house. The day had been long and stressful and the high-pitched whistling did nothing to soothe nerves already badly frayed.
Isabel shifted as the restlessness that was preventing her from getting comfortable made itself known in the man lying across the room. She glanced over at Kyle and she wondered once again what had happened while he and Maria had been gone. She knew something was bothering him, keeping him from sleeping, and whatever it was had driven him out of the warmth of the house and across to Reindeer Girl earlier that night.
"Trouble sleepin'?"
The quiet question reminded her yet again of the many times that he had been there for her, putting aside his own problems to deal with hers. He did the same thing for the others but when was the last time any of them had shelved their own issues to help him out with his? Granted, he hid his problems behind a wall of humor, but they knew each other well enough that if they really looked they could see that he was in pain too.
She pushed herself up on her elbow to look at him. "Yeah." Normally she considered herself to be a fairly articulate woman but at the moment she couldn't seem to get her tongue to cooperate.
"Workin' out the plans for tomorrow?"
It would be so easy to just fall back on the crutch of organizing the dress rehearsal the next day. Just fade away into her happy place. But no, she could do better than that for him. "No, you know me, I had that all planned a week ago." She rested her head on her pillow and tucked her hand up under it. "Kyle, about what happened tonight… I just wanna say I'm sorry for the way you were pushed into using – "
He cleared his throat and held a hand up as he sat up to glance over at the doorway, making sure no one was close enough to overhear their conversation. They hadn't heard anyone stirring for well over an hour but he had no reason to think that Edward would pass up the chance to listen in if the opportunity presented itself. He rubbed his eyes and mentally shook himself. He had been spending way too much time with El Capitan.
"Kyle?"
He lifted a finger to his lips and slipped from his sofa, carefully wrapping the sheets and blanket around him as he crossed the room to settle down at the end of hers.
"It just wasn't right that you had to do that without being given any real time to process what had happened to you the first time."
He shook his head as he rubbed his face tiredly. "As scary as that was for me, I do understand why Michael was pushing so hard." His eyes locked on the woodstove as he continued, his voice taking on a faraway note as he remembered the night in Oregon when they had nearly been captured. "When we were attacked in Oregon and they hit us with those tranquilizer darts loaded with the suppressant that kept you guys from bein' able to really fight back… I've never felt so helpless, Isabel." Liar, his conscience taunted. You felt pretty damn helpless when she got shot and you didn't know if she was gonna live or die. He shoved that memory aside along with the nightmare of Oregon. "If Michael hadn't been so damn stubborn and insisted on sleepin' in the van with Maria that night I don't know where we'd all be today."
"Kyle, you don't – "
"Lemme get this out, Isabel." He was quiet a moment before continuing. "I had Michael in my face shouting orders, tellin' me exactly what to do and how to do it to get you guys outta there. I guess him clockin' me upside the head helped my focus although at the time I don't recall appreciating it." He smiled grimly. "We were lucky. Trust me, I know how to say no to your brother and Michael, but I also knew they were right. We had to know what I can do. We never know from one day to the next if we'll be facing the Special Unit before the day's over and if what I can do can work as an advantage for us," he shrugged, "then we have to explore it to its fullest. I have to be able to step up if and when the situation calls for it."
"No one thinks you would ever do any less, Kyle."
He relaxed deeper into the cushions, resting his head against the back as he turned to face her. "I know I've been a little distant…"
She shook her head. "It's okay," she assured him. "I remember how I felt after I dreamwalked the first time. It wore me out physically and mentally I was a wreck."
"How old were you when you did it the first time?"
"Seven. I dreamwalked my mom unintentionally; I was lying in bed crying because I missed Michael so badly. I would be fine for a while but sometimes something just triggered this sense of loss and the only person I could talk to about it was Max." She rolled her eyes. "And I love my brother but sometimes he doesn't have a clue."
He snorted at that. "Sometimes I forget Michael wasn't picked up with you guys." He made a rolling motion with one hand. "Go on."
"When I was little and something scared me or made me sad and I couldn't go to one of my parents I'd fall back on one of my favorite memories." She smiled. "When my mom and dad came to the orphanage to adopt me and Max she was wearing this yellow sweater that made me think of the sun. Maybe it's ridiculous but I knew in my heart that from that moment on she was my mom. Anyway, I must've cried myself to sleep because the next thing I knew I was dreaming that I was in Mom and Dad's room, climbing into their bed to be next to her." She chuckled at the memory. "I suddenly woke up just as my mom let out this ear-piercing scream"
Kyle shifted to rest his arm along the back of the couch as she fell quiet and he was certain she was remembering her mom. He glanced at his arm and after a moment he pulled it closer and let his lower arm drop to rest against his chest. "I wasn't freaked out as much this time," he said quietly. "While we were there with my dad and her mom… did either of us mention that her mom was there?" He went on when she shook her head. "Yeah, anyway, we were about to leave and I thought about my grandpa. I told my dad he had to come with us… that we couldn't just leave him there. I always hated that nursing home he was in. Not because of anything they did or didn't do, just because it seemed to suck the life out of him." He stopped and clenched his jaw, forcing his voice to even out before he continued. "That's when Dad told me he's been gone since September."
Isabel slowly sat up so she could move over to sit close to him. She could see how hard he was trying to keep his emotions in check and it hurt to see the pain he was in. Her hand brushed over the blanket wrinkled up between them as she spoke quietly. "I'm so sorry, Kyle."
His eyes didn't move from the wood burning stove as he shook his head slowly. "Thanks." He couldn't dwell on his grandfather's passing. He drew in a deep breath before turning to look at her. "So, dress rehearsal tomorrow, huh?" In spite of his face feeling stiff he felt his lips curve up in a grin at his insistence. "El Capitan and El Presidente in elf suits; I'm gonna like that. I'm gonna like that a lot."
She knew he was changing the subject in an effort to lighten the mood and she smiled softly at him. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment when he started to gather up his covers and she knew he was getting ready to move back over to his own couch. "Kyle?"
He paused in the process of scooting to the edge of the cushions to give him some leverage to get to his feet. "Yeah?"
She shivered when the wind howled again and something knocked against the side of the house. "Stay a while?"
He shrugged and eased back into his former position. "Okay." He sighed and closed his eyes as his linked hands settled over his stomach. "Wanna hear a story about the time my grandpa took me to a ghost town up in Colorado?" It was one of the rare times Grandpa hadn't been insisting that there were aliens among them and they had spent a week roaming through the state doing fun stuff like hiking, rafting, and camping.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
He opened one eye to look at her. "You got any fun grandparent stories?"
She made a face. "Well, there was this one time my grandparents took us to see one of those wax museums and one of the wax people had started to melt or something and the eye was kinda sliding down its face." She tried hard not to laugh. "It made Max cry. I thought that was funny until we got to our next stop on Grandpa's fun afternoon museum tour." She made a face. "Did you know there's an actual roach museum?" It was a story that she had sworn she would never share with anyone of her own free will but she could see the easing of the tension in him so she continued. "That one freaked me out."
"Roaches… like the bugs?"
She shuddered. "Exactly like the bugs. They're dressed up in little clothes and it's… it's just gross."
He laughed and shook his head. "I think that really trumps my ghost town story."
"That's for me to judge, Valenti. Now share."
He tugged the blankets closer and launched into the story, laughing with her when he shared the way his grandfather had walked him through the old saloon without telling him that it had been rigged so that cardboard people popped up unexpectedly. He lost himself in the stories as the night wore on and they shared stories about their families and for a while forgot about their current situation.