Chapter 4
Rated M
Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No beta and I didn't proof it all that well. If you see any glaring errors, send me a PM and I'll get to it. Thanks for reading!
"Jake? Can we talk now, please?" Bella pleaded softly. I had drained the water pitcher slowly, glass by glass. When it was empty, I looked at it, wondering how I would be able to stall any longer.
When I looked at Bella, her watery eyes bored into mine, begging without words.
"Can we sit out in the garage?" I asked her, knowing that it would be better for me to keep my hands busy. I turned and headed out the door, not waiting for her answer. I could hear her behind me so I knew she was coming. As I rounded the side of the house, the headlights from Charlie's cruiser shined across us. I casually waved to the older men and continued toward the garage. I slid the big door open and closed it after Bella walked through. Without speaking, she went to the old beat up couch and sat down.
"Will you let me explain?" she asked, fiddling with the loose thread hanging from the end of her shirt. She couldn't even look at me. I swiveled around and grabbed a random wrench off the tool bench and popped the hood of the Rabbit. I started glancing around aimlessly, waiting for Bella to spill. I could hear her exhale loudly before she finally started talking.
"I'll take your silence as a yes," she snipped. "There's not a nice way to explain my hallucinations of Edward. I realized how stupid it sounds once I said it out loud to Billy, but it's why I did those things. It started with a motorcycle ride with some strange guy in Port Angeles."
I stood up straight and stared at her. A strange guy in PA? The wrench dropped from my hand making a metallic clank when it hit something on the floor. She stopped talking and looked at me. Her face looked surprised. She was surprised that I was unhappy with this news. I decided that I didn't want to break my car, so I pulled the stack of milk crates over and sat down.
"Anyway," she continued, "when I was on the back, a hallucination of Edward appeared telling me I was basically stupid for riding the motorcycle. So I thought if I did these dangerous things, I could see him again."
"Motorcycles and cliff-diving?" I sputtered out, putting the pieces together. "So when you wanted to feel alive and you kissed me, was it him you were imagining? You thought if you could do those things and see him, you could find something new to replace him?" I jumped up, suddenly furious at my thoughts. I whipped around and glared at her, waiting for her response.
"Of course not, Jake! Come on! I was an idiot. He doesn't care about me! He's not coming back. You heard what Alice said."
"So, it's okay now? You can settle for me then?" I strode to the door and pushed it open, breathing in the cold night air. The forest was calling to me and I wanted to run. But I couldn't. I had to settle things with her once and for all. Reluctantly, I turned around to face her and realized she was much closer than I thought.
"Settle for you? Is that what you think? What the heck, Jake? I told you last night, you make me feel alive. Alive! I have felt dead inside since Edward and his family left me. He left me in the woods like I didn't matter! Like I was a piece of trash that didn't need to be found!" she shrieked. "Jacob Black, I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I am terrified that I will be broken forever and my heart will never heal! Is that so hard to understand?"
She was infuriating.
"Do you understand at all how badly it hurts me to hear that you pretty much used me to see Edward? That hurts. I'll get over it, but you may as well have shoved a crowbar through my heart, Bells. I told you, we don't need to make any long-term decisions here. But I need to know. Do you or do you not want to try being in a relationship with me? Do you or do you not want to date me? I'm going to be honest, I can't even consider dating someone else. Nor could I stand it if you dated someone else. If we try and we decide we're better as friends-fine. Friends, it is." I stopped myself and waited for her to answer.
At first, she stood silent, staring at me and her eyes shifting away and back again. Her inability to give me a quick direct answer made me shift back and forth on my feet. I made my way back over to the milk crates and sat down, feeling resigned. It was over before it started.
My elbows rested on my knees and my face was covered by my hands. I focused on my breathing-in and out, in and out. Two hands cupped around my head, gently lifting it up. I bent my neck to look up at her. Her hands gently stroked over my hair and my face. She tilted my chin up further and I looked into those eyes I loved so much. They were beautiful and soulful. My focus shifted back and forth between her eyes as I prepared myself for the words that would shatter my heart.
"Look, I'm not so great at this teenager impulsivity thing, okay? I've been a moron about things, especially after Edward left. Maybe I've been more of a teenager than I realized. But, I told you I would try and I meant it. I will take things one day at a time. I can't promise you all happy roses and I can barely think about the idea of dating one person, so I refuse to think about dating anyone else. I don't think I'm ready for a 'serious relationship,' Jake." She looked in my eyes, not wavering for a moment. "Will you go on a date with me?" she asked, quietly.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her. Somehow, I managed to knock us both over. I held her body close to mine, absorbing the impact of the hard dirt floor of the garage. I panted as I tried to catch my breath. That shit hurt. Staring up at the ceiling, I didn't move. I noticed Bella hadn't either. Once I was breathing normally again, I glanced at her face. She was watching me, clearly concerned. I gave her a half smile.
"Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded.
"Well, I never expected to knock a guy on his back when I asked him out," she chuckled. Then, she turned beet red when she noticed how she was sitting astride my stomach, her perfect butt pushed against me. I urged her up before things became embarrassing and stood in front of her. She hugged me and I squeezed her back. She mumbled something, so I leaned back and asked her what she said.
"I need to breathe, too," she joked.
"Sorry." Whoops. It was easy to forget my strength when I was in an awkward teen moment.
I let go of her and walked over to the wrench I had dropped early. I dusted it off and hung it on its peg on the wall. I grabbed another tool and walked over to the front of the Rabbit, looking under the hood. We sat in comfortable silence, like we usually did. I worked on the car and Bella flipped through the magazines Embry left on the floor.
"What the…" I heard Bella whisper. I glanced over to see her holding a magazine up and examining it closely. Then my eyes shifted to the cover of the magazine and I felt my face heat up in a red blaze. I tried to pretend like I hadn't seen her looking up close at a center fold. The socket wrench I was using dropped down into the engine and I cursed. Hopefully, it didn't hit anything on its way down. I backed up and crawled under the car to dig the wrench out carefully.
When I started to pull my body back out from under the car, I noticed the magazine dangling in plain view. I about choked at the picture. Of course, Embry would leave such a magazine in plain sight. I didn't need any mental imagery, I had plenty imagination. I finished my way out and sat up, debating what to say.
"Is this what guys really want?" she asked, sounding grossed out. She turned the magazine back and looked at it again. I chuckled a little as she pulled it closer to really examine it.
"Not all guys. Not me," I assured her, watching as the blush slowly left her face.
"Good, because that's…" she looked again, her forehead wrinkling, trying to find the words. "I don't know what to say, but don't ever expect me to do that anywhere."
"Give me that," I said, worried about marring her innocence and threw it away in the trash barrel outside. "You can blame that on Embry."
She smiled and went back to the couch looking for something that wouldn't make her want to bleach her eyeballs. Somehow an issue of Better Homes and Gardens got left behind, so she picked it up and started flipping through the magazine. Quickly, she shut it and looked back at the cover to read the title again. Instead it said, Better Hoes and Gardens. I knew because I had specifically told Embry to take that crap home. I marched over and plucked it out of her fingers and handed her the newest issue of Auto Trader before dumping that one in the garbage as well.
"So, when are we going on this date? You never told me. I don't want to double book myself on my, oh so busy social calendar," I laughed, trying to change the mood.
"Well, tomorrow is Saturday. Would it be too awkward to go out then?" she asked me, turning that beautiful shade of red again.
"I have to patrol tonight. So, tomorrow is perfect. You're going to pick me up, right? Do you mind coming in and meeting my dad? He doesn't like it when I go on dates and he doesn't get to meet the girl," I teased her.
"Hardy, har, har, Jake," she smiled. "I can pick you up around 6? Then we can get something to eat and maybe do something fun?"
"Sounds perfect. I'm done out here. Want to go back inside? I need to clean up and eat something before I have to patrol." She stood and walked next to me back to the house.
"Want me to make you something?" she offered.
"Nah. I'll just make a sandwich and chips." She nodded and walked ahead of me into the kitchen.
Bella took out her phone and texted Charlie asking his plans for the night. He said he was getting his butt kicked at poker with Old Quil and Billy. He said he'd be bringing Billy home around midnight if she wanted to follow him home.
She stood watching me as I ate. As always, I was starving, so a regular sandwich was about 4 bites for me. I smiled as she shook her head and went into the living room. The TV flickered on and she settled on some cooking show.
My dinner was finished, so I headed into the shower. I smiled like a fool when I thought about the fact that the next night I'd be on a date with Bella Swan. It was pretty cool, even if I had to say so myself.
When I came out from the bathroom, Bella's eyes darted my way. I noticed they were glued to my chest and I stopped to give her a chance to stare. She kept on staring, without blinking or talking, so I ran my hands suggestively down my body. Quickly, she looked away acting as if she hadn't seen a thing. I laughed.
She picked up the remote when I sat down on the couch. She handed it to me, but I just placed it on the coffee table next to my feet. I didn't care what she watched, I was going to catch a nap before I headed out.
Bella leaned against my shoulder and I lifted my arm so she could snuggle in close. I fell asleep with her under my arm. It was Billy and Charlie's loud mouths that woke me shortly after midnight. Charlie seemed like he shouldn't be driving, so I told him so.
"Oh, Jake, I didn't drive. Don't worry. Quil gave us a ride home. I'll pick up the cruiser tomorrow." He saluted the door and stumbled into Becca and Rachel's old room, crashing on one of the beds without saying another word.
"You sleep in my bed, Bells. I'll be home around 6 or 6:30. Depends on when Sam lets me go." I hesitated as I leaned down toward her. Should I kiss her forehead or not? The question was answered for me when she placed a light kiss on the corner of my mouth. I turned the rest of the way and kissed her fully on the mouth.
"See you soon," she said, as she stood and walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind her. I groaned internally as I thought about her in my bed without me.