Chapter 5: Liquid Monsters

I'm sitting at my desk trying to understand some of budget pieces Granny has ask me to read again – she is apparently very determined this is something I need to be learning – when there's knocking on my door.

"Ruby, you in there?" It's Lacey. Lately, it's like she's everywhere. In the diner, in my head, at The Rabbit Hole, where I've dragged her out for the better part of a week. The worst part is I don't even think I mind. I'm just worried.

"Yeah, I'm here."

She opens the door. There's an expression on her face that has me up from my chair in a second. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, I just… need to talk to you."

"Sure, come sit down." She sits on my bed and I join her. She's biting her bottom lip, hesitating.

"Do you remember when we talked about you havin' a bad temper and you said you feel rage in your stomach like it's an inner monster?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I've an inner monster too. I think it's booze." She's not looking at me, but instead fiddling with the end of the long shirt I'm wearing.

"I knew that", I say as I watch her fiddle with my clothes, almost hypnotized by it. Then I say: "I've been helping you home from The Rabbit hole for the past week." This makes her look up.

"Every night?"

"Almost. You don't remember?" She shakes her head and look down again. "I get you into bed without Granny noticing and sometimes I sleep there with you just to make sure you're okay. And I've been covering your morning shifts."

She nods. "I know that. And I remember that you've been there in the mornin'. I like that you're there. Thanks Ruby." She meets my gaze. Her blue eyes are full of emotion.

"Why do you drink Lacey?"

She shrugs. "I'm not sure. At first it helped with the nightmares and that feelin' of bein' locked up that I can't shake. Now I just… drink to drown my thoughts I guess."

"Can't you stop?"

"I don't know. I'I can try, but I don't know. Will you promise not to tell your grandmother yet? I'll do better." Her eyes are pleading and it's just heartbreaking somehow.

"I won't tell her. Will you promise to try and stop then?"

She nods. "I promise to try." She takes my hand. It feels like a current coming of her skin and into mine. "Thanks Ruby", she says again. I nod, somehow unable to form words, but I look up and smile at her.

"It's gonna be okay", I assure her.

And the next night it is okay. She's smiling at me, she stays in and she is taking her morning shift, smiling at the customer's too. She talks with David Nolan and for a long time. He's with Mary Margaret, but still he's sitting here talking to Lacey, laughing with her, almost flirting. My own inner monster starts roaring at me to throw him out for acting like that. I'm putting plates away at the counter, but every so often my gaze wanders to them, still standing there. Lacey is leaning on the table and do they really have to stand that close? Lacey looks up and catches my eyes. Her facial expression changes, but I turn around too quickly to interpret it.

The day after that Lacey is looking sick. She claims nothing is wrong, but I know she hasn't slept all night. The night after she's gone, cutting her shift short without saying why. But I know. So at midnight I go down to The Rabbit Hole and find Lacey at the pool table.

"Good evening, beautiful", Martin says, like he does most evenings.

"Hi Martin."

"You sound tired, sweetheart. It's only midnight. You usually keep it going until four or five, what's the matter?"

"I had a talk with Lacey about her drinking the other day. She promised me to try and stop. It lasted two days."

Martin smiles sympathetically. "Don't beat yourself up about it. Go home and sleep for a bit and come back for her in a few hours, if you insist on taking her home."

"What am I supposed to do, just let her wander out alone and hope she finds her way?"

"That's the case for most of the others. They're always back the next night."

I say nothing and glance over at Lacey instead. She hasn't seen me yet. I couldn't possibly leave her alone, how could I? The sleep was a problem, and the nagging thought that someday she might drink too much and pass out in the toilet, but I didn't mind bringing her home.

"If I start coming in later, will you make sure she's okay?"

"I will. Can I ask you something Ruby?" He puts glasses aside and lean on the counter, like he means to talk serious.

"Sure."

"Why is it always you in here? Doesn't she have any family?"

"Not that I know of. She came to me one night and now she lives at Granny's bed and breakfast and works there." I don't know how many personal details I should tell Martin, but it seems to be enough for him.

"She must be grateful to have you then."

"I think so."

"She really means a lot to you, huh? The amount of time you put into this. And you never stop watching her, like you're afraid she's gonna bail or something."

"She does", I just say and smile a bit. She really does.

I start coming in later, around four o'clock when she's so drunk she can't put up a fight. I say hello to Martin and go for the pool table.

"Oh Lacey, it's your girlfriend coming to get you!" One of the guys yells with a blurry voice.

"Leave her alone Jeff", Martin shouts from behind the counter.

"Come on Lacey, time to go home", I say in a stern voice that I've learned gets her drunken attention and keeps the rage in my gut from boiling over. I'm always mad when I walk in the door and sad when I walk out.

"No, already?"

"Yes, already. Come on." I put her in her coat and put an arm around her shoulder.

"One more?" She asks with pleading eyes.

"No Lacey, it's enough!" She doesn't say anymore, but wraps her arm around my waist silently and let me walk her out.

She is getting better at being quiet when I get her into the house. She's a little clearer tonight than the past two nights and it doesn't take as long to get her inside. Her warm body is pressed against mine seeking something to hold on to while I find her keys. At this moment the anger and most of the sadness is gone. I get her in and she takes her coat and shoes off by herself, and then crawls into bed. This is one of the days where I'm not afraid to leave her alone.

"Won't you stay?" She asks when my hand is on the door knob. "I sleep better when you're here." I stand there for a minute and sigh.

"Okay then. But then you take your own morning shift tomorrow."

"All right." She's almost asleep as soon as I lie down. I don't sleep when I'm in here. I remember the guy, Jeff, calling me her girlfriend. He's a drunk, worse off than Lacey, but his words stick. It's teasing me or mocking me. Or tempting me, I'm not sure which. I like that you're there she said when she told me about her abuse. So I lay there, listening to the sound of her breathing, afraid to look at her.

The diner is finally empty and it always gives me hope, when Lacey hasn't left yet. Granny is up in our apartment doing the counts, so we're alone in the diner.

"Lacey, will you please stay home tonight?" I ask her. She's standing with her back to me putting away dishes.

"I can't Ruby."

"You promised me you would try to stop", I say walking up to the counter. Lacey turns around with a twirl that expresses anger. Her eyes are full of despair.

"I do try! I try every night not to go, but I can't Ruby! I don't know how to stop myself. Believe me, nothin' would make me happier than to not be the one to make your face look like that. But I don't know how to stop." She puts in the last dish with a rough movement that makes a hell of a noise. Then she leaves the diner. I know she'll take the back entrance tonight; she does that whenever she knows I'm down here, because I won't let her pass. The tears in my eyes spill over and I rest my head on my hands, crying into them. Somehow I long for that time, where I didn't know Lacey and I didn't have to feel like this every night. Back when it was me who came home late and drunk, and complained about headaches in the morning. Not that Lacey ever complains.

Granny comes down. I don't look up, but I can hear it in the footsteps.

"What's wrong girl?" She puts an arm around me. "You two had a fight?"

I sniffle and try to dry my eyes.

"It's nothing. Never mind." She probably knows I'm lying, but she doesn't say anything, just stands there stroking my hair and my back.

I sigh and sniffle again. I can't bring myself to wish I never met her. And I don't miss the fights with Granny. Our relationship has gotten better over the past couple of months. At least that's something good that's come out of Lacey being here.

"Go to bed, girl", Granny says softly. I nod and get up. I will have to sneak out at four o'clock tonight anyway, so the sooner I get to bed the better.

There's even more fury in my voice, when I pick Lacey up that night. She doesn't ague, when I say it's time to go, but follows obediently. The same roll of emotions come over me as I pick her up, walk her home and put her to bed. Nothing ever changes. But I don't stay with her tonight and she doesn't ask.

And Granny never asks what it was all about.