Chapter 6: We Need Help
One night after I bring her home, she sits up in her bed instead of lying down and going to sleep. I've just taken her shoes off and is about to go to myself – I don't sleep in here with her anymore – when she grips my arm by the wrist.
"I know it's bad, Ruby. I can't beat my inner monster. And I lied, I can't sleep without it. Help me." I stand there staring down into her face and her glossy eyes and don't know what to do. Does AA even exist in our town? "Help me", she whispers again. It's heartbreaking to listen to.
I cup her face in my hands. "I'll help you, Lacey. I'll figure something out", I say to her and stroke away the tear running down her cheek.
The next morning every shred of the pleading girl gripping my wrist in the middle of the night is gone, replaced by a defensive, irritable Lacey.
"I don't need AA, Ruby, just because I get emotional at night, people do that. Just give me some time, I can beat this thing by myself."
"Well the drunk version of you doesn't seem to think so!" I hiss at her. She throws the clothes she was folding down on the bed and crosses her arms. She almost never does that. It's like she's a different person these days. "Will you just go to one meeting? Please? I talked to Doctor Whale and he-"
"You told people about this? You promised".
"I promised I wouldn't tell Gran and I haven't. But last night you asked me for help and I've spent the entire day trying to freaking find the AA people-"
"I don't care! I'm not goin'."
"Lacey, please." I try not to let my voice break, but it's like she has turned to stone or something. She's just standing there, looking at me. Only her eyes betray her and reveal some kind of emotion in the glossiness, but she refuses to give in. That much is clear.
"Just go Ruby. Please."
"Fine", I snarl and march out. I barely get two steps out of her room before the tears are blurring my vision, but I refuse to acknowledge them until my door is safely closed behind me. I want to slam it, but at the same time I'm trying to keep up the façade for Granny. I sit down on my bed, hopelessly thinking that it's hardly worth it anymore. I feel like I'm watching Lacey drowning everything that's great about her in a thousand of bottles of booze and somehow she's dragging me down with her.
Henry and Emma are in here today, much like the usual, but Henry sounds agitated.
"Look at this, this is where she cast the curse. Maybe there's something in this part that can help Operation Cobra."
"Kid, look, let's just eat, okay? I have to get you back to your mom soon."
Henry's on about the book again. He sounds a little desperate today. I know the feeling. He's always reading that book every time I see him in here, even before Emma came to live here. She used to stay at the inn, but it was for a short time. She looks a little desperate too. I know Henry has this vivid imagination where everyone is a fairytale character. I've wondered sometimes who he thinks I am, but I haven't asked. Granny said he's seeing Doctor Hopper about it and it's not good to humor him too much in this fantasy or so she said. I don't want to make things worse. Honestly, today I don't feel that interested.
They leave soon thereafter and slowly, one by one the diner empties. I sit behind the counter, too tired to go anywhere. I'm looking at the clock counting the hours until the shift ends, the shift that I've taken over for Lacey. I pull myself together long enough to attend to the last customer and then fall back into one of the booths, knowing that Lacey has already left for the Rabbit Hole.
I don't even hear Granny until she's standing right behind me, which just proves how tired I am.
"Ruby, Lacey has missed her shift again." Slowly I look up. Gran is standing over me with her arms crossed. She has a look on her face and I know at once that all my attempts to downplay Lacey's alcohol addiction have failed. So many nights of trying to sneak her back into the inn and covering her morning shifts at the diner, and I still haven't learned that my grandmother have eyes and ears everywhere in the building.
"You know, don't you?"
"That Lacey is drinking? Yes I know. I want to give that girl a chance, but I'm running out of patience here, Ruby. Either you get her into the AA or I will. And she likes you better than me."
I sigh. "I'll go get her."
Granny smiles in spite of the solemnity of the situation. "I know. You take good care of her, Ruby."
I don't feel like I am, but I offer her a tired smile at the compliment either way.
To my surprise Lacey's not playing pool when I get there. Of course it's only eight o'clock, many hours before I usually arrive. I find Lacey at the bar with an empty beer bottle beside her and Martin hovering over her. At second look I realize she's crying.
She looks up when I reach the counter and then down again.
"Shit", she whispers. It's a new thing to hear her curse. Martin nods silently at me and leaves us alone. She sniffles and then looks at me again. "I'll go okay? I'll go." The sound of her voice breaks my heart. I close the distance between us and put my arms around her. She cries into my chest. "I just watched all of them sitting there, drinking and laughing and I just couldn't." She sniffles and talks again in a more controlled voice. "I don't drink 'cause it's fun, I drink 'cause I can't stop. I'll go to a meeting Ruby, I mean it. I need help."
"Yes you do. It's okay, we'll get through it", I say into her hair. I let her go and look into her tear-soaked face. Even now it's beautiful. "Let's go home Lacey, we'll make some calls tomorrow, okay?" I dare stretch out a hand and wipe a falling tear away.
She nods and stands up to hug me tight. I can feel her breath against my neck and it does crazy things with the heat blossoming in my stomach. So does it when she pulls away, looks me into the eyes and says: "You're so great." She doesn't wait for an answer, but wraps one arm around my waist like when I walk her home, only this time she's keeping herself steady. This time I feel weak.
A couple of days after that Lacey attended her first AA meeting. I sat at a bench outside the whole time waiting for her, because she asked me if I would. It has become a thing, I usually pick her up after the meetings and we walk home together, when it's not interfering with my shift. Sitting here I've got a good look into the drunken part of the town. Leroy is here too, that grumpy guy who is friends with Mary Margaret and I've met Doctor Whale a couple of times. Neither of them are particularly chatty, so I have a lot of time to think. I feel like I think too much these days.
During the first week Lacey was unbelievably irritable, which made me sad, but she's becoming better now. Her lovely self is returning. The first week I got a little jab of fear every time the door opened; now I look forward to it.
Even though Lacey has started going to the AA I still can't sleep at night. I wake up several times, convinced that I've heard her coming home. Sometimes I even have to go out into the hallway to check. She's never there though, she resisting.
Today when the door opens I see Lacey talking to some guy in there I don't recognize. She gives him a gentle hug and walks out. There have been tears on her face I see at once; her cheeks are wet from their tracks.
"What-"I ask, but stop when she just keeps walking close to me and throws her arms around my neck. I say nothing more, but stand still with my arms around her and a growing anxiety where the wolf normally lies. I want to look at her face and ask her what happened, but at the same time I don't want to let her go.
She sighs deeply and makes a move to let go of me. "It was just so hard today", she says.
"You want to talk about it?" I ask and tuck a curly strand of hair away from her face. There is something about those kinds of moves, touching her this way that feels out of the ordinary. Like it crosses some line between being friendly and being something else, but I figure the tears calls for moves like that. She doesn't seem to mind.
Lacey shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
She gives me a tired smile and takes my hand.
"Thank you for bein' here Ruby."
"Of course", I say and look at our fingers. She lets go again.
"Think I need to make an appointment with Doctor Hopper. About my sleepin' problems. I just talked to my sponsor who'd had the same problem the first time he started drinkin'. Will you help me?"
I don't like the sound of 'the first time he started', the thought of relapse scares me, but I snap out of it and nod at her. "Of course I will." I pull another strand of hair out of her face, feeling brave today.
On the way home Lacey asks if I would sleep in her room tonight, which makes me freeze to the spot and I thinks she notices.
"I mean, just sleep next to me. I've just slept so horribly for the last week without the booze. Nathan – my sponsor – said it might be a good idea. He always took comfort in his wife." Did he now? I think to myself. The thought of sleeping beside her is somewhat terrifying.
She's fiddling with her jacket as she talks, having trouble with the buttons. Her hands are shaking just a little bit and I realize she's in a kind of withdrawal. I can't deny her comfort.
"Um sure, let's have a sleepover", I say, trying not to wonder if she just compared me to her friends wife.
"Great, thanks."
"No problem."
We walk in silence until we reach the diner, where Granny is still putting away dishes. She hasn't said a word about me being less helpful with the cleaning, now that I've been picking up Lacey.
"Hi girls, good meeting today?" She asks and Lacey utters a thin "It was a little hard, but okay." Granny nods in understanding and lets us be.
So that night I set up camp in Lacey's room. It feels different because she's dry as a bone and those dreamy eyes that she used to look at me with late at night are suddenly clear. It makes me nervous. Fortunately she's beat from whatever was so horrible today, so she turns in early and falls asleep almost instantly. I, on the other hand, lie awake for hours to come, listening to her soft breathing. It's a little different when her system isn't pumped full of alcohol. Softer. She's so close to me that when she turns, her hand slides over and touches my arm. There's that heat again. I know I won't be getting any kind of sleep tonight.