Within These Broken Walls

I can smell the decay it reaches all my senses as open the door of the old cottage which sits on a lonely hill top over looking a very dark sea. How long has it been since my death in Japan two, may be three years? My task to free the 40.000 souls was finally completed and I have been returned to the land of the living, only to wake up to a much colder world, a sad world and a crumbling Greece. Now I finally see that there was much worse price that my homeland would pay in my second absence. War has come on swift wings and has laid waste to one of the empires greatest regions. I thought I'd hear that my lover Gabrielle had helped the war effort but I find myself hearing that she didn't, she played no part at all in it and she watched from afar as everything burnt down. I have no idea why she'd do that it wasn't what I taught her which has left me very confused and unsure about things. I've wandered the whole of Greece searching for her saying her name hoping for some information yet I found out hardly anything. Until someone was able to point me in the right direction saying that he'd recently met a blonde haired woman with a dragon tattoo on her back.

I saw fear in his eyes when he said that and I had to ask why, he said to my shock that the woman who lives in this cottage is neither kind nor welcoming. She's violent and can be very cruel and people have learnt to stay well away from her. They say she only comes out every now again to get supplies which include mostly alcohol and food and then she disappears once more in to the darkness of the night. Now here I stand looking at my lovers open door and I can tell from the room that no works been done, the rafters have wood worm and the there's an old musty smell all around. I step through the threshold it like this place is dying, there is cookware on the table but everything is littered around in a hap hazard manner as if it has no real place and nothing truly belongs. I step further inside closing the door behind me moving through the cottage hearing only a cold silence. My eyes move across to dark front room as I go in to it. I find myself turning to a portrait on the wall, its a bard portrait, these portraits are very special and normally kept in Athena's Royal Academy of Bards Hall, but copies can be made for the bards in question if they want them.

I look at the painting and feel my heart sink painfully in to the pit of my stomach as I see two metal spears lying against it. My gaze drifts over the picture, I can see now that it's been torn at the side but not by weapons but by hand. There's something much worse though there's dried blood all over the side of the painting. It's fresh and you can see where her fingers have smeared it across the portraits stunningly beautiful eyes and face. I move the spears aside hearing them clatter to the ground as I run my fingers over her portrait wishing that I could see her and touch her. I can't see her and I can't touch her though. I can only touch her beautiful portrait which she's destroyed. I don't even know why she'd destroy an image of herself like this she's always loved paintings. She spent most of her life wanting a painting like this and to be up there with the elite bards. Seeing this now breaks my heart as it seems that she got her wish and for a reason that I can't fathom she has destroyed it. I look down realizing that there's a bloody trail on the floor I kneel down seeing that it's also fresh maybe one of two hours old.

Where is she now? I feel the panic over take me she's hurt and she needs me and I have no idea where she is. I love her so much more than she'll ever know and now I feel helpless in the face of this places despair. The horrible truth dawns on me all too suddenly this is not a cottage it's a tomb and she's waiting for it to fall all around her and kill her because she doesn't care anymore and that scares me. The Gabrielle I know isn't this way, she doesn't think this way and yet I know now that my death has, had a serious effect and I feel unsure as to where to turn. I look around me trying to gather my thoughts she's injured she wouldn't have gone far I just need to find her. The breath suddenly leaves me as sharp point presses in to the back of my neck.

"Get out of my house!"

I hear her voice cut through my ears with such venom and I can hear the pain in every word. I blink realizing that she's been here the whole time I just didn't hear her. Gods she really improved and I suddenly realize that she's tricked me with the blood trail. She was wounded but fearing that I was following she let it drip in a trail so she could double back and catch me out. I look around catching a glimpse of the ice cold green eyes in the darkness and the blonde hair which has grown well over shoulder length once more. I can see her bandaged blood stained hand opposite who ever hurt her meant to hurt her I can tell by the bloody bandages it's a deep wound which needs rewrapping. Gods I want to hold her to tell her that I love her and that's its okay and that's it's me but I'm unsure where to start. Imagine that the might Warrior Princess lost and not knowing where to start. I hear my calm voice hit the air. "I'm sorry I had no idea this was your house." I look up hoping that she'll recognise my voice.

Her voice comes again and it's obvious that she hasn't recognised me. "There is a sigh outside it says no trespassers, can't you read?!" I turn to look fully in to her green eyes catching the flash of insanity in them. The terrible realization hits home all at once. She's gone mad it's the reason she doesn't care anymore and why she has no idea who I am. "Gabrielle it's me don't you recognise me?" She looks at me as if searching for recognition. She suddenly acts confused and unsure as she tries harder I can feel her weapon hand shaking I turn fully to face her staying on my knees seeing the blade shake harder. I look at the weapon opening my arms to show I'm not a threat. "It's Xena." I look deep in to her eyes seeing so many emotions play across her face, fright, uncertainty and deep pain it's all suddenly replaced with intense anger as she grinds her teeth together shouting her next words. "You're dead! You died in Japan and you left me on own!" I look up feeling my heart break this isn't the Gabrielle I remember.

This is a truly terrified woman who has lost her purpose and is so close to loosing her mind she's also so close to edge that only one little push could end it all. How did she get this way? Who punished my lover in this way? Who's taken away her sanity? I follow the shaking sai blade upward to the torn clothes which she's wearing which are all in need of repair. I suddenly feel my sadness being replaced with a purpose as I raise my hand taking hold of her weapon hand looking deeper in to her green eyes which keep on darting almost in fear. "It is me sweetheart, its Xena, I came back for you." I see the terror in her eyes it's the terror of not knowing if what she's seeing is real or if it's her mind playing tricks on her. She suddenly hits the floor on her knees in front of me I keep hold of her weapon hand knowing what I have to do to make her realize that this is all real and that I'm here for her once more. I move closer seeing her go still as if paralyzed by her own fear of what she's seeing. Gods I love her I always will and I hate myself right now for not being there for her.

I moved my arms around her bringing her fully in my embrace holding on to her and refusing to let go. I want to save her from her self I want to kiss away here sadness and I'm unsure were to start. I hear the crash as she drops the sai blade as her scream of anguish and pain fills the air I hold her tighter as her tears come. I allow her to cry for what feels like an eternity waiting for the right moment and then I take it. I lean over kissing her lips ever so gently remembering everything in an instant and cursing myself for the time we've lost. I feel the kiss deepen, and I know that I will never do this again I will never leave her to the darkness or the cold of the night. I can't handle the thought of seeing like this again and knowing that I made the wrong choice and that it will take all that I have to heal her now broken heart and wounded soul.

Silvermoonlight