The Savage Darkness Deep With In My Heart
Gabrielle groaned as her own thoughts pieced her mind as it came back from its dark dream. She breathed in deeply trying to move only to stop as the pain hit her body like a brick walls. Gods it hurt so much she felt like she had been run over by a chariot, when it was this time during the full moon she normally woke up feeling rotten but today it was much worse than normal. She opened her eyes seeing the light only to close them painfully she opened her eyes again only much slower seeing the sun rising behind her in the still darkened sky. She stopped tasting the sweet taste of blood in her mouth which she had become so accustomed to tasting despite that she hated it. The blood was no doubt from some animal she turned spitting it out of her mouth as she rolled on to her side ignoring the pain before rolling on to her back again. She groaned again realizing that she was lying flat on the grass in a meadow opposite a huge stone. She could see a bag sticking out of the stone side she knew that Xena had put it there for her since in werewolf form she'd never attacked her.
Not that she could remember she never remembered anything when this happened her mind always drew a blank. She turned seeing for the first time why she was in so much pain. She had some large bruises and cut marks on her body she turned spitting the remainder of the blood out of her mouth in disgust she'd had a run in with something. Maybe the thing she'd eaten last night hadn't wanted to be lunch it wouldn't be the first time that the stag she'd hunted had decided to kick her in the face. Or slam its horns in to her side slicing her open, even if she was an apex predator in that form it didn't change the rules which was that dinner didn't always want to be dinner. The only reason that she was alive in most cases was that a werewolves healing was better than any persons. She shook her head painfully feeling her long blonde hair spilling against her shoulders. She could now see the fresh blood on her hands dripping down she eyed it in disgust oh yes dinner obviously didn't get away she was still digesting it. That thought made her sick to the stomach or in her case the already swollen stomach.
She ignored the pain grabbing the bag pulling out the clothes which was a rugged long hanging one piece. There was never any point in bringing her good clothes she'd just get blood all over them so she had this vile colourless thing to wear when she woke up. She'd put up with this for five seasons now and it still disgusted her. There was never any normality in it, it was always disgusting she pulled on her underwear followed by the brown one piece. She needed better chains the ones she had were obviously not working and she was getting free. She turned dragging herself in to a kneeling position in front of the rock watching as her blood soaked hands stained the rock. She breathed suddenly feeling her stomach twist she turned before she could stop her self, throwing up painfully. She breathed in ignoring the bitter taste in her mouth, obviously what ever she'd eaten really didn't agree with her right now. She could now smell the blood, she had some caked on her face she could feel it. She groaned trying not to throw up again she'd had a very bad night she was sure off it.
Her gaze drifted upwards as a figure ran towards her it was difficult to make out because of the fog on the meadow. She shivered finally feeling the cold before looking up again as the faint smell of leather soap hit her nose. She knew it was her lover, the smell was one she knew better than anything and over these past five seasons of being a werewolf it was a smell that she'd come to recognise instantly. She looked up as her lover came to stop in front of her the concern in her light blue eyes as she spoke. "Are you okay?" She looked up forcing a smile despite that she wanted to throw up. "No I feel awful." Xena kneeled down easing up the water skin in her hand. She watched as her lover took it drinking deeply then used the remainder to wash her hands and face of all the blood as she down beside the now bloody rock. She moved to sit close to her noticing how quite the younger woman was being but then this was not new. When she'd had a bad night in werewolf form she wasn't very talkative. She felt her eyes dart it hadn't been a good night for her lover she'd seen it all, it was all to do with another female werewolf being the same area unlike her though this one was a human killer.
Gabrielle had killed two people and on both occasions it had been to defend her and on each occasion she'd lied about it telling her it had been an animal. As normally she killed live stock or roaming creatures like deer and it was normally to feed her stomach. She wasn't violent towards her in her other form in any way shape or form. She was completely gently even if the true mind of Gabrielle was asleep it seemed that the carnal beast only wanted to protect her. She knew why it was because Gabrielle in that form saw her as her mate. It was difficult sometimes as she made that mating instinct known even though she couldn't for fill it when she was in werewolf form. This led to her making love to the young woman in the early mornings light after she'd changed back to help her release the sexual need which could be all consuming at times. She'd do anything to help her though she loved her more than life itself and if it meant taking care of these intense sexual needs then she would do with out question.
She wouldn't leave her she didn't care that she was this way she would help her. She constantly ignored Gabrielle's bickering that she should leave and have a better life with someone who wasn't a monster. The thing was that to her, it wasn't a monster, it was Gabrielle and she had come to love both forms equally. One thing about that werewolf form which had always perplexed her was the eyes they were the same colour as Gabrielle's human ones as was the fur which was a dark golden colour. Gabrielle was no monster everything was in defence of her, the eating of animals was just nature's way of saying that she was hungry and she no longer cared about lying to others about it to keep her lover safe. She looked at her lover again tonight had been bad though the other female werewolf had attacked her and they'd both started to fight. It was no battle of wills it was cruel and violent and as far as Gabrielle was concerned this was her territory and her mate and she would kill anyone who threatened it.
There had been blood everywhere but that was not what had killed the other werewolf. No that had been a two horse chariot coming across the open road and Gabrielle had pushed her right in to it. The horse's hooves had done the work of breaking and shattering the bones while the wheels had ended the black werewolve's life. The other female werewolf was different though she had killed countless people maybe it was irony then that Gabrielle would be the one to end her life. She hadn't come off unscathed though she'd been clipped by the falling chariot which had caused her bruising which still hadn't healed up. Both the riders had broken a few bones but they had both lived. After that Gabrielle had been in pain and had limped in to the darkness where she'd dug out a rabbit hole and eaten the rabbit's hunger once more controlling her actions. She moved forward putting her arms around the younger woman pulling her in to her lap they wouldn't have to go through this again until the next full moon.
She leaned down gently kissing her lips before pulling away not caring for the slight after taste of blood. Gabrielle groaned as she put her head on her lovers shoulder. "What happened to me?" Xena breathed in deeply holding the younger woman tighter. "You and another werewolf had a fight then she got run over by a chariot, the same chariot that hit you in part." Gabrielle closed her eyes. "That explains why I feel so bad…I assume she didn't make it?" Xena lowered her gaze. "No she didn't the drivers lived though despite running in to you both. The other werewolf had been eating people unlike you, so I think it was the fates having a poor sense of humour." Gabrielle opened her eyes slightly. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Xena moved her hand up running it through the long blonde hair. "No sweetheart it's not." Gabrielle winced feeling the pain in her shoulders she was going to have to sleep this off back at their cabin. Over a year ago they'd settled down Xena had said it was for the best and would be better for her condition but in truth she felt that her lover was just trying to keep her from harm.
Not that she minded she liked their home and it meant that they only did the hero thing during the period before the full moon but then they'd both return to the safety of the cabin when it happened. She looked at her hands. "I chained myself up why did you unchain me? You weren't meant to do that." Xena breathed in deeply she had undone her chains she wouldn't lie about it. The truth was that it hurt her heart to see such a beautiful magnificent being as Gabrielle was in that form chained in their cabins spare room with its bared window. In fact she hated it Gabrielle wasn't animal in a cage she was her lover.
She hated hearing the whining and whimpering and the scratching on the door it was like slow torture and her lover having the eyes she did in that form, they just stared back at her pleading for freedom. She couldn't stand it she preferred that Gabrielle could run free she always returned to the field opposite the cabin as she had done today so what was the point in chaining her up?
She breathed in deeply. "You don't belong in that cage you built." Gabrielle lowered her gaze. "What I want isn't important your meant to keep me in there with the door locked we've been over this." Xena pulled away meeting her gaze. "You're not an animal! You know I hate locking you up in there." Gabrielle breathed in sharply. "You're meant to lock me up because I am an animal! That's the point because I'm dangerous!" Xena eased out her hands putting them on her arms. "No your not dangerous not to me, you've never been dangerous to me your gentle you've never caused me any harm." She leaned forward meeting her lips in a searing kiss which was slightly forceful, before pulling away. "I know you don't see this because you're in a way asleep in your own mind but when I see that werewolf I see you. She is you she has your eyes and I love her just the way I love you and when she touches me with her clawed hands and I know deep down in her subconscious that its you touching me."
She looked up sharply feeling her eyes dart. "I can't deny her just like I can't deny you." Gabrielle put her hands through her hair in frustration. "Gods! Why do you do this Xena? Why do you put up with me you could have a family, children not be tied down with a partner who turns in to a werewolf every full moon of the month." Xena moved her hands up freeing Gabrielle's hands from her hair as she slowly met the younger woman's gaze her lover looked up surprised by the action. "I do this because I love you and nothing will ever change it. I don't care about other people you know this and you know that we can adopt so don't bring up your gender as the issue here because its not."
She smiled sadly Gabrielle was having one of her truly insecure moments once more but she'd learnt to live with these ever since her lover had gotten bitten. She paused running her fingers down the other woman's chin. "I'll keep doing this over and over again nothing is ever going to change the way I feel about you, you know that." Gabrielle breathed in deeply. "I know…but." Xena leaned closer to her. "But nothing we are a couple and we'll always be together nothing will change that." She leaned forward kissing her again finally getting a response a very forceful one which was followed by the younger woman pushing her down on to her back hard. It was erratic behaviour from her lover but she didn't care she loved the other woman to much. She had learnt to live with Gabrielle's high and lows and she knew how to deal with them five years had taught her so much about what to expect. She knew that this could go one way or the other from kissing to full blown love making depending on Gabrielle's mood but ether way she didn't care she loved her far to much.
Gift for Ideasofmany
Silvermoonlight.
This is a follow up one shot to Forgive Me My Dark Sin and is very much about Gabrielle remained in this type of werewolf form for many years and what would be the consequences.