Finding Her Way Chapter 5, an em família fanfic

CHAPTER FIVE

The intention had be shoot in the forest that bordered the beach of Praihna beach but due to the last minute change in plans it made little sense to drive the distance to get there when Tijuca National Park lay at their doorstep. Vanessa had scouted out a secluded spot far from tour buses and hikers but not far from road access. Leafy with ferns and towering trees, dappled sunlight from the afternoon sun streamed down. A moss covered boulder protruded from between the roots of a magnificient tree with its sprawling branches reaching out like outstretched arms to the sky and intoxicating smell of damp earth wrapped around Clara's senses. It felt magical,like mischievous pixies might appear from between the branches at any moment.

Clothed in nothing but slippers and a robe, Clara followed Marina through the undergrowth to the clearing, Giselle and Flavinah in tow. Vanessa had thankfully volunteered to stay with the car. She'd been particularly acid with Clara all day and it had taken some effort not to snap back.

Flahvihna had already done make up in the make shift dressing room at the back of the car, a somewhat embarrassing affair as it had required Clara to disrobe entirely. Flavinha had used a machine that misted a thin layer of foundation over her entire body.

"To even out any tan lines, smooth over any inconsistencies and give your body a shimmer." She said and then laughed kindly at how red Clara was getting. "Don't be ashamed. You have a beautiful body. You hardly need anything at all."

Her make-up was kept very subtle, aimed to giver her a fresh, clean look. Mascara, eye liner and a touch of iridescent forest green eyeshadow that matched her finger nails almost exactly to go with the single rhinestone at the third eye. A touch of blusher on her cheeks. Clara's long silky hair fell loosely around her shoulders. The effect was arresting and Flahvinha said as much.

Clara now stood, her hands clasped around her dressing gown, taking in her surroundings, her heart beating solidly in her chest. Marina was snapping a few test photos to set the exposure, Giselle was setting up some light reflectors in some stands.

"Don't worry" Flavinha said coming near applying a thin layer of gloss to her lips, "When it was me, I soon forgot it was Marina."

Somehow Clara didn't think she would. She didn't even know how she'd look into the camera lense at this point. Last night, when she had lain in bed picturing it all, she imagined she could be bold and powerful like the other models. She thought she could brazenly stand, unafraid and unashamed. Somehow the reality of standing naked in front of Marina had not seemed that significant. Now with her stomach flip-flopping it was all she could think of and she wasn't sure if she could do this.

Flahvinha smoothed her hair and gave her face the once over. Satisfied, she smiled at her.

"Gorgeous. You'll do great, Clara."

Clara felt her heart beat faster and she turned to watch Marina. Their eyes met and Marina raised her eyebrow.

"Ready?" she asked.

"I think so." Clara said. "Do you want me to remove my robe?"

"If you don't mind. And if you can lie down on the boulder and Flavinha, if you could please arrange the material as we discussed."

Clara was relieved when Marina turned to Giselle to give instructions on where to hold one of the reflectors as Flavinha took her robe and slippers. She lay down on the cool boulder, the moss soft and damp against her skin, waiting as Flavinha placed the bronze coloured material strategically to cover her breast and hips. The sensation of the material on her skin was reassuring, protection against what she was about to do.

Marina came over once Flavinha was done and made a few small adjustments. "If you could bend you knee up, yes, like that... and your arm, I want it above your head... Perfect. Feel free to move it after the first few shots, anyway you want, okay? I want you to feel completely free to explore. Let's see...and I'll just move the material a little... there we go. Okay. You ready?"

"Oh God... yes, I think." Clara said squeezing her eyes shut.

"Don't be sacred, Clarinha. Just keep breathing and relax."

"Oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this!" Clara exclaimed and flapped her hands to cool down her burning cheeks as the impact of what she was about to do hit her afresh. She felt her breath come short and shallow, she couldn't get enough oxygen.

"Clarinha, look at me."

With difficulty Clara looked into Marina's eyes.

"I don't know if I can do this." She whispered

"You can. I know you can. You just need to relax. We'll take this slow, okay? And if you feel uncomfortable or need a break, you just let me know. And just breath with me."

Clara matched Marina's breaths and in unison they breathed in and out, awkwardly at first, lengthening each lungful until they had a slow, steady rhythm going. Clara felt the tension ease somewhat as she gazed up into Marina's warm, soft eyes. She felt a calm settle in her. She could do this.

"There you go. If in doubt breath." Marina said. Her finger brushed a strand of hair away from Clara's forehead. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks you."

Marina moved into position, bringing the camera up and adjusting the focus.

"Okay, so I want you to close your eyes and keep breathing nice and slow. Just like that."

Gratefully Clara did so, allowing her eyelids to insulate her against her nerves, allowing Marina's voice to wash over her.

"Listen to the sounds of the forest, Clara." Marina was saying. "Listen to it breath. The sound of the air rustling the leaves in the trees, the birds... the smell the earth...feel the stone against your skin. Breath with the forest."

Clara listened and breathed with the earth.

"I want you to imagine that you are the spirit of the big tree above you, come to life." Marina continued, "I want you to imagine that you are born from the elements - the soil that nourishes the tree, the air it breaths, the sunlight it gathers, the water that courses through its veins. Can you feel it?" Marina asked

"Yes." Clara whispered. She felt her body softening, relaxing.

"Perfect." Marina said "I want you to feel the water in your veins, the air in your lungs, the earth beneath you."

Click

"Let it affect you."

Click

"Good, Clarinha." Marina said. "And when you are ready, I want you to open your eyes."

She took a moment to steel herself and then she looked directly down the barrel of the camera.

Click

"Beautiful." Marina murmured, "So beautiful"

Time expanded. Slowed. She focused on each breath allowing it to draw her into stillness. Into effortlessness. She began to feel like she WAS an elemental spirit resting in the forest. She stretched into the sensation, lifting her arms as if to capture rays of light that filtered through the leaves with her hands.

Click

"Gorgeous."

Click

"Now sit up for me" Marina said.

As Clara did the material fell away to reveal a breast. She froze, her heart, the moment seemed to tilt on its axis, teetering on the edge of an abyss. The immediate instinct was to cover it up but before her hand could get there, Marina laid her fingers on her wrist.

"It's okay."

They looked at each other and Clara was incredibly aware of her nakedness. Embarrassment rolled through her, she looked away. She bit her lip.

"It's okay." Marina repeated.

"I'm good." Clara said and girded herself. She took a beat. "Okay, I'm good. Let's keep going."

Marina smiled encouragingly. She stepped back and raised her camera up again.

Click

"You are divine, Clarinha."

Clara laughed and covered her face with her hand.

Click

She remembered to breath.

Click

She looked back up into the camera and let go. She felt she was free falling and it was exhilarating, wild and daring. Her whole body felt alive, life thrumming through her.

She shifted, her head tilting back and her arms reaching up to the sky like the tree. The material pooled around her waist to reveal the other breast and she decided not to care. She laughed and her eyes danced and Marina continued to take photos.

Liberation. Revelation. She leaned into this new sensation of freedom. She owned herself in this moment, she saw what she could be. Bold, strong, sensual. She was mother earth, elemental spirit, born of the soil, giver of life. She and Marina fell into a rhythmic symbiosis and the rest of the world fell away. It was a delicate dance of photographer and model, feeding into each other's creative flow, merging until they seemed to understand each other with nothing more than a gesture and a few words, as if they were bound by telepathy.

Xxxx

Marina announced she had what she wanted and took a moment to check the final shots. Flavinha gave Clara her robe and then helped Giselle take the gear back to the car. They disappeared between the trees chatting amicably.

Marina looked up and saw Clara sitting perfectly still on the moss covered boulder, her eyes closed and a smile at her face. Unable to resist, Marina took a final shot and at the sound of the shutter Clara opened her eyes and her smile spreads into a grin. She jumped up and came to hug Marina, holding her close, swaying her in a circle.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." she said.

"No, thank you. You did an amazing job. The images are exquisite, Clara. Really."

Clara pulled back and kissed her enthusiastically on each cheek and hugged her tight again.

"You have no idea what this means for me, Marina, to be given this opportunity. I feel as if I could conquer the world right now!" she said and laughed. Then she pulled back and rested her forehead against Marina's and hummed, her eyes closed. The moment seemed to slow and grow quiet and only the birds in the trees and the rustling of leaves could be heard. Marina could feel Clara's breath on her lips. A flutter ignited in her stomach. She slipped her arms around Clara's waist pulling her closer until their hips touched and she sighed. This is where she wanted to be, quite simply. Her hand drew gentle circles on Clara's back, feeling the line of her spin through the robe, the curves of her body against hers.

"Oh Clara." she breathed.

If only it could always be this way, their arms around each other, so warm, comforting and safe. She felt Clara's hand cup her cheek, stroking it with her thumb and she smiled.

"Thank-you." Clara whispered, "Thank-you..."

Marina felt the tip of Clara's nose against her other cheek and and then her lips, so soft. Another kiss, between murmured thanks, and then another pressed to her neck. Oh God. She arched her head to allow the caress, feeling those lips travel the length of her jaw and she bit her lip, lest she startle Clara with a moan - above all she didn't want this to ever stop. She could feel the beating of Clara's heart against her breast and knew her's was responding in kind, synchronized desire too palatable to deny. Her mind faded behind the rush of sensations and it was the singular thought that finally, finally it was happening, she'd waited so long. It had been months of living on tender hooks, hungry for anything that told her that Clara wanted her, gathering each moment up like a precious jewel to be turned over and over in her mind at night, reassuring herself that she wasn't mad for loving her the way she did. She'd held back, stepped gingerly at each moment sensing Clara's skittishness, knowing that to press her could make her vanish from her life like a fairy in the woods.

She opened her eyes as she felt Clara pull back. Their eyes locked. The way Clara was looking at her made her weak in her knees. Her whole body seemed to arch forward into that gaze, afraid to move lest the moment dissipate. Slowly Clara reached up and removed her glasses making her blink to find focus and then she was leaning in, hesitating as their noses touched before their lips met.

Finally.

Soft. Warm. Real. She trembled as electricity coursed through her. She leaned into Clara's embrace and kissed her back. Oh God. Then she felt Clara's lips part and her tongue graze her lower lip. She tightened her grip, unable to comprehend how she was still standing. From the tip of her head to the tips of her toes, she felt that kiss like a tidal wave, a revelation, a reckoning.

Finally, finally, finally.

Her hunger yawned wide, she wanted more. She wanted to feel Clara's bare skin against hers, she wanted to lay her down upon the earth and make love to her. She knew that in a moment this desire would overwhelm her common sense and it wasn't the time, it wasn't the place. Breathlessly she pulled back. She rested their foreheads together.

"Wow." Clara breathed.

"Wow." Marina agreed.

"My heart!" Clara said and placed Marina's hand on her chest.

They laughed, Clara burying her head in Marina's neck and holding her close.

xxx

Clara felt like she was walking on air. The world had fallen away and all she could see was Marina. Every time she remembered that kiss... her stomach flip flopped and all she wanted was to kiss her again.

Marina had Vanessa drive them home and they sat in the back seat, Clara wrapped up in Marina's arms. Marina's hand played with her hair. This was bliss.

She could feel Vanessa's dagger eyes through the review mirror but nothing could touch her in that moment, neither shame nor confusion nor regret.

When they arrived back at the studio, Marina stroked her cheek.

"Clara? Wake up, my love."

"Hmmm? I'm awake."

"We're home."

Clara opened her eyes. Night was falling and the others were already busy unpacking the gear, it was just them tucked away in the corner of the car. She looked up at Marina.

"Stay with me tonight." Marina murmured.

"Don't tempt me." Clara said, her eyes drifting to those red lips.

"Just say yes. We've waited so long..."

Clara pulled back so she could look into Marina's eyes.

"I want that so much, you have no idea, but I can't." she said and shivered. Reality was beginning to nibble at the edge of her conscience now.

"You know I'm not an exclusivist..."

"I know, Marina. But I'm not like that. I can't just stay, not yet"

"I'm afraid, you know, Clara." Marina said as she traced a finger down Clara's cheek, "I'm afraid that if you go, you won't come back and you'll forget me."

"I could never forget you, Marina. Never. Not for a moment" she breathed. "But I have to go."

"Don't go."

She looked into Marina's face. She felt her heart tear up at the folorne look in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Marina. I just need more time."

Marina didn't reply. Clara could see tears in her eyes catch the fading light and she wanted so much to make them go away. She slid in closer and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

"I'm sorry" she whispered again. "I have to go."

Then she slid out of the car and left.