Chapter 13: Different Kind Of Monsters

I don't know exactly what I would have done, if David hadn't stopped me. He's having a hard time holding me back as the wolf pushes on, giving me extra strength.

"You!" I growl at Regina. "It's all your fault. I will-"

"I'd like to see you try", she says in a contemptuous tone. In her hand a ball of fire is forming and her supercilious stare is challenging me.

"Mom!" Henry's voice interrupts her and the fireball subdues. She shifts her focus to him and completely ignores my presence.

I relax and David pulls me out at an arm's length. I focus on him instead of the Evil Queen apologizing to her son. The shock in David's eyes has faded a bit and his expression changed to one of determination.

"I will get them back. Snow and I, we always find our way back to each other."

I try to smile. "I know."

Regina leaves. After giving me a look as if to make sure I've got a hold on myself, David turns to Henry. The shock on the poor kids face is still increasing. Of course his mother was just sucked into a land that may or may not exist anymore. Along with my best friend. I feel the despair turning to fury in the pit of my stomach. She was supposed to be my rock in this. Now I'm out of help.

I run out of the hall.

I run all the way across town. I have no direction I just run until my feet starts to ache. My best friend is gone, Lacey is reduced to a stranger with familiar eyes and my life is unrecognizable. I feel like I'm reaching the limit of how much I can take before I explode. Before the monster breaks out of my skin and finally give the blinding fury and desperation inside me a solid form.

I need to direct my focus at something.

I do what Snow asked me to, before being sucked out of this world through a damn hat.

I barge into the antique shop that Mr. Gold own, a profession Rumpelstiltskin seems to have decided to keep. I figure that if I at least start out with the rage, which is boiling in my gut, the courage to talk to him will come along with it. The door bangs against the end of the long counter, shrieking in the hinges from the sudden impact.

"Gold!" I shout into the seemingly empty room.

He comes walking out of the back room at my shouting. He's still walking with that cane. The story is that he injured himself during a war so he could be sent home and he was the town coward in all the years, before he became the Dark One. The look on his face right now doesn't exactly scream coward. I feel like he could stab me to death with his stare alone.

"Well, if it isn't Belle's curse past-time."

It hits me that I don't really know what to say to him. I was going to tell him to stay away from Belle and that he's a monster, but the words seem to disappear like drops of water in the sun when the moment comes. Instead I say;

"Why did you do this to me?"

"Do what, I might ask?"

"Make me love her, just so you could take her away the moment you got the curse broken? What did I ever do to you?"

"It seems to me, you're placin' blame in the wrong places. I only made the foundation of the curse, it's Regina who made your alternative lives, so why don't you go breakin' in her mansion and yell at her?" He looks at me for a minute and then adds: "Unless of course your feelin's where there to begin with, then you can only blame yourself."

"You are not good for her. You're a monster."

"Oh, and you're one to talk? I should be the one to make her stay away from you", he hisses the last word out. "As I recall it your last lover had a tragic fate."

"How do you know about that?" My voice is reduced to an angry whisper. He laughs that horrible maniac laugh I've heard him use a couple of times, when Snow and David had him locked up in a cell at the castle back in the Enchanted Forest.

"Oh I know enough. Now, Belle made me promise not to hurt you, and trust me dearie, you're not exactly competition to me, but you are the reason Belle didn't come to me sooner. I suggest you get out before I find a loophole in that promise."

My body feels cold, like the fear of this man has shut down my entire system. I refuse to cry in his presence, but it takes all my self-control not to run out. I should have known that it would lead nowhere to go in here. I turn slowly and head for the door in a controlled pace.

I stop at the door, kicking myself internally for saying it, but even so unable to stop myself. "I'm not done with this."

Rumpelstiltskin laughs. "Why, that should be interestin'. But don't you have other things to worry about? It's a full moon soon as I'm sure you're aware of. "

I freeze with my hand on the door handle. Wolf time, how could I forget? The moment the wolf actually breaks out of me, no matter how hard I try to keep it in. There was a time when it was all I ever thought about. Now the anxiety and self-loathing that always came with dreading wolf time before is rushing back to the surface. How on earth am I going to control myself, being so immensely out of practice?

Maybe Gold catches my thoughts, because he continues: "This isn't the Enchanted forest. Livin' is this land, we have all become more... adjusted to this kind of life and its rules. Fightin' over simple things like the sheriffs post and a child. A wolf's not a part of that. People might be frightened and frightened people are dangerous."

I turn around to face him, somehow regaining some of my vanished rage. The wolf within me stirs at his icy tone, growling and itching to get out. As the animal sneaks closer to the surface I bare my teeth at him. "Are you threatening me?"

He laughs. "No. Oh no, I'll let the town do that."

I leave.

I decide to go to the Rabbit Hole. Maybe the memory of Lacey can teach me to drown my sorrows. At the entrance I walk into Billy. He smiles at me, but I'm not certain I succeed in returning the gesture.

"Hi Ruby. Good to see you."

"Yeah you too." It feels like a lie, when I say it out loud. He was nothing if not sweet to me the entire – however short – time we were dating. It just brings back more complicated emotions that I feel too tired to deal with. I avoid his gaze and continue my walk, when I hear him turn around.

"A mouse", he says and I would jump if I didn't feel so exhausted. Really not a fan of mice. As a human anyway, I'm sure the wolf would love to snack on some.

"Where?" I turn around and face him again.

"No", he chuckles. "I meant I used to be a mouse. Gus was my name."

"Oh. Well, can I still call you Billy?"

"Sure. Do you think we could have a drink sometime? I mean if it's not too much-"

"Billy look, my life is a little complicated right now. Sorry, I um… I gotta go." He nods and a little of that disappointed expression returns to his face. I can't bring myself to care right now. Finally, he walks away.

I walk into the Rabbit Hole, somehow hesitating because it feels different, now that I'm here on my own and not picking up Lacey. Belle. I don't think I'll ever get used to calling her that. I walk over and sit down at the counter. My body feels heavy, defeated. So I'll just drink away my sorrows, it seems to be working for everyone else. Lacey, Grumpy, Dr. Whale… I sigh. Martin comes over.

"Good evening beautiful. I'm surprised to see you here."

"Hi Martin."

"You don't look so happy." It makes me laugh. The sound is humorless though.

"Was I ever happy-looking when I walked in here before?"

He smiles, not a smile of joy but understanding.

"Fair point. But it was different, you seemed more angry then, but now you just look sad. Wanna tell me what happened?"

"The curse broke, that's what happened. Can I have something to drink?"

"Sure, what would you like?"

"I don't care, something strong." He gives me a look that I try to ignore.

"Why don't we start with a gin and tonic then?"

"Fine, whatever." He makes me one and I don't tell him that it tastes horrible. I'm more for the sugar, but honestly I just want to be drunk and senseless. And most importantly thoughtless. I can tell he's looking at me as he serves other customers and after a while he comes back. I'm halfway through my drink by then.

"So where's Lacey?" He asks.

"I don't know. In Mr. Gold's shop I imagine."

"You two had a fight?"

"You could say that."

"Because you look like someone who hurts. Maybe a lover's quarrel?" This makes me look at him in surprise and horror.

"You know?"

"About you and Lacey? Yeah I kinda figured", he says with a shrug.

"Does everyone know?"

"No, most in here are too drunk to notice anything but their beers and the pool table, but I'm sober all night, you know. And from where I was standing it didn't look much like friendship. Not with the way you were watching her. It's not the first time I've seen someone persistently picking up their drunken loved ones every other night. You all have the same look."

"You are a quite perceptive bartender."

He gives me a look. "You were quite obviously not just her friend. I probably shouldn't tell you, but some of the guys placed bets on who'd make the first move and when."

"You just said they were too drunk to know!"

"I said most were. But Jeff played pool with Lacey every night; he would have to be blind not to notice something. He kept teasing Lacey to make a move; she usually laughed and kicked his ass with a great shot. Man, that girl can play."

I laugh humorlessly again. "Well, you can tell your guys that the credit goes to Lacey. She kissed me the night she came to show you her AA-coin. Just outside actually." Despite myself, I can't help but smile a little at the memory. I miss the soft feel of her lips.

"I figured."

"What, you didn't think I'd be me?" He shakes his head and smiles.

"Not that I didn't think you could do it, you just seem a little less… forthcoming."

"You're quite the pocket analyzer, Martin."

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry."

I shake my head. "No, it's okay. Besides it doesn't matter now. The curse is broken and she won't acknowledge that the past couple of months were real so… Here I am. Can I get another one of these?"

"Sure you don't want a soda instead?"

"Just give me alcohol Martin!" He flinches at my sudden outburst. "Sorry", I say quickly and look down. My vision gets blurry. I try not be noticed, but I feel the rough skin of Martin's hand on my arm and know that I failed.

"I'm sorry it went bad, sweetheart. There isn't anything you can do?" He leans onto the counter closer to me, as if to make the conversation more private.

"I tried", I say, sniffle and dry my eyes. "It doesn't seem to help."

"I'm sorry", he says again. "Anything I can do?"

"No." I shake my head. "But thank you." I feel the tears pressing on again and decide to change the subject. "So who are you, Martin? Why are you all still in here now that the curse is broken? This seems about the only place completely unaffected by the changes."

"Well, Ruby, most of us was mere peasants and villagers. Perhaps a soldier or two, as in my case. We drank then and we drink now. Life isn't much different."

"Is your name still Martin?"

He shrugs. "I guess so."

I drink my second gin and tonic in silence. It tastes too horrible and I lose interest in it. When it's empty I get my coat and say good night to Martin, then head home, giving up on getting myself drunk. It's cold and quiet out here. The moon is out, and it is indeed close to being full. So close it makes the wolf stir within me. I get a shiver as my skin starts to crawl with animalistic excitement.

Granny is standing at the door waiting for me, when I get home.

"Where have you been girl?"

"At The Rabbit Hole. No I'm not drunk, I just… needed some space." She looks like she wants to yell, but have thought better of it.

"Get in and go to sleep girl. Don't you know what time of month it is tomorrow?"

I nod. "I know. Wolf time." I walk past her into the diner and head for the stairs that leads to our apartment.

"Do you know where your hood is?"

I shake my head and keep walking. She's silent and it's unsettling. I turn around to her meet her grave expression.

"I can't find it."