Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Emma, who helped me name the three Wardens who go through the Joining with Alistair.

Chapter Two: Splintmail

The metal is spotted in places with rust, but the leather is well-oiled and has obviously been cared for.

It's been a busy few days, but I finally have some time to tell this journal that I am, formally and forever, a Grey Warden.

There were four of us scheduled for the most recent Joining. I met the other three recruits as we made ready to go into the Wilds to hunt darkspawn - Ser Cedric, Ser William, and Graham. All very friendly, all at least a few years older than me. Cedric in fact is quite a bit older than me; he served under Teyrn Loghain in the rebellion against Orlais, and has lots of grand battle stories to tell. Loghain is a hero, of course, born a farmer and raised to the rank of teyrn out of gratitude for helping Maric to regain his rightful throne. (Until that happened, there was only one teyrn in the whole country. We have several banns and a few arls, but a teyrn is second only to the royal family in precedence. We've got just the two - Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir, and Teyrn Bryce Cousland. The Couslands go back a long way; they were given their title by the great Calenhad himself, or so I'm told.) Loghain's daughter Anora is Cailan's queen, one more reward for his services.

Anyway, what was I saying? Right. Graham is a blacksmith, or was at some point, but he's had plenty of fighting practice too. Duncan says he became a sort of vigilante soldier in the Southron region when the attacks by highwaymen started making life too difficult for his neighbors. Ser William is - well, was - formerly a personal guard to Arl Wulf.

The four of us went out into the Wilds in the company of Ser Alec, who explained that he was the most junior member of the order. Because I'm the youngest of those who have most recently joined, that 'honor' now falls to me. It's tradition that the most junior Grey Warden escorts the new recruits on their quest to acquire darkspawn blood. We found our quarry, right enough, and plenty of it - more than what we actually needed for the ceremony. I was surprised to find that the others hadn't been made aware of the details of the Joining; Duncan, for reasons of his own, had told me the basics of what would happen, but normally it's kept a great secret. I'd ask him why he told me but I have a feeling he wouldn't give me a straight answer.

The hunt for the darkspawn blood was creepy in its own right. Every time we defeated another group of them, Ser Alec made us strip them of their possessions. Some of them carry money, which I thought was kind of strange - what does a darkspawn need with money? - but even those who don't carry weapons of all kinds. He insisted we bring them back to camp, where the quartermaster gave us good coin in exchange. "It helps us to keep up our own supplies," he explained, "and it also allows us the chance to study what kinds of weapons our enemy is using. We can get an idea of how advanced the Blight is becoming by how sophisticated the weaponry is. It's not an exact science, but every possible advantage has to be exploited in a time like this." I understand the logic, and it's sort of nice to have some money in my pouch, but all the same... I can't say I'm a fan of looting corpses.

So once we had the blood and we returned to camp and dispensed with our, uh, spoils of victory, Duncan said we should go ahead and hold the ceremony. Some of the other, older Wardens came to watch, which made me kind of nervous. Ser Alec repeated a little litany that Duncan said has been spoken at every Joining since the first - "Join us, brothers and sisters..." Someday I have to try to get Duncan to explain to me who came up with all the stuff for the Joining. I mean, who got it into their head that drinking darkspawn blood was a smart idea?

Ser Cedric, being the oldest of us, went first. It was awful to watch; his eyes turned all gray, and he clutched his stomach and let out a terrible howl of pain before collapsing to the ground. But all the Wardens were so calm about it that I figured this had to be normal. Duncan checked him and nodded. "He'll recover soon." Ser William was next, and... Maker's breath. He died. Right there on the floor of the old Tevinter chapel, the darkspawn blood killed him. He wasn't strong enough to endure the taint. Well, neither Graham nor I were too keen to go through with it after that, but we didn't have much of a choice, and luckily, we both got through it.

It was horrible. Pain beyond anything I'd ever imagined, and dreadful visions - a screeching dragon, which Duncan said is the Archdemon, and loads more darkspawn than I ever hope to see. I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to, Duncan and Ser Alec were peering down at me.

"Welcome to the Grey Wardens, Alistair."

Today we gave Ser William a proper send-off. It took them a little time to set it up, and to make the arrangements; he leaves behind a sister, but she's quite some distance away - up near Amaranthine. Rather than invite her to be part of the proceedings, Duncan wrote her a letter, which will accompany William's possessions. It suggests that he died in battle rather than in the Joining, on account of the secrecy of the ritual. Better that way, I guess.

At least he left behind someone who will care that he's gone. If I'd died in the ceremony, what difference would it have made to much of anyone?

I don't update this journal as much as I'd intended. Not that I don't have things to say; we're quite busy here in Ostagar. But that's just it. We're really busy.

There are scouting patrols into the Wilds, to pick off random straggling groups of darkspawn who venture too near the camp. They're not the only things to be found out there, either, of course; there are wolves, and the occasional Chasind barbarian. I haven't stumbled across a werewolf yet, just the regular sort, but they say those live around here too.

Sometimes I try to give the quartermaster a hand. I don't know anything about making weapons, but I can help him count his inventory and sort the items looted from darkspawn corpses. He does have an assistant, a nervous-looking elf called Pick, but he's not overly happy with the quality of work. I'd like to help the kennel master, but the dogs don't seem like they like me much.

Of course, it's not all work. The other Wardens are actually a lot of fun. We drink and eat - oh, Maker, do we eat. It seems to be a normal thing for a new Warden to be hungry all the time, and they laugh at me plenty, but it's nice. It's a friendly kind of laughing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I really belong.

I don't see as much of Duncan as I could wish, although he's always very warm to me when we do meet. He spends a lot of time planning excursions to different parts of the country where he thinks he might find more recruits, or writing long letters to Loghain and Cailan. The Blight's becoming more of a sure thing as the weeks pass, and Cailan has decided to start rallying troops. He thinks Ostagar's the perfect place to make a stand against the approach of the darkspawn, so he's going to be sending messages to the various noble households to urge them to join the cause.

From what Duncan has allowed me to know, Loghain doesn't entirely agree with this whole plan. He seems to think that the bigger threat to our national security is Orlais, that there's reason to believe that they might try to invade us again. Cailan seems very confident that this won't happen, or at least that it won't happen anytime soon. He might have a point; I can't see why the Empress of Orlais would be interested in invading Ferelden if it's about to get swallowed up by a Blight. It'd be like purchasing a house while its roof is on fire.

He's the king and he's my brother, halfway at least, but I think everyone knows that it's going to be Loghain who once again sees peace restored to this country.

We're starting to see some responses to Cailan's request for assistance. A small contingent of mages arrived yesterday. I guess I've still got some pre-Templar instincts of some kind, because their being here makes me sort of twitchy. There are also some Chantry sisters who have come and set up a medic station and a pulpit where they can deliver the word of Andraste to the faithful.

Duncan has been away for the past several days, as he's been in Denerim consulting with Cailan personally, but he returned this morning with a new recruit. He apparently conscripted this man - Daveth is his name - after he caught the rogue trying to cut his purse. He's not a very good thief and the alternative was that he would die by hanging. I guess Duncan figures he deserves one last chance to redeem himself by becoming a Warden, but all the same, I think I'll avoid him if I can.

Duncan's preparing to leave us again. He's making the long journey to Highever, which he says is where he was born. He's planning a quick visit to the village where he grew up - something about dropping in on a random cousin to say hello - and then he's going to Castle Cousland, the teyrn's residence.

"By the time I get there," he told me, "I expect the teyrn will have received the king's summons and will be mustering his troops to march. I'll stay with his family for a few days and then accompany him and his men back here."

"Are you hoping to recruit one of Teyrn Cousland's soldiers for the Wardens?"

"Possibly. There are two candidates in the castle that I would like to review," he replied. "One is the teyrn's man-at-arms, Ser Gilmore. I'm told he's an excellent knight with a fine history of service. But it's the other possibility that interests me more."

"Who is he?"

"She," he corrected. "Lady Elissa - the teyrn's daughter. She has an extraordinary reputation across Ferelden, being the only daughter of a noble house who excels in the art of war. More than that, she is regarded as a just and fair individual with a remarkably good heart, and very sound judgment for one so young. She's about a year younger than you."

So we might get a lady Warden after all. That would be interesting. I wonder if she's pretty.

I probably shouldn't be wondering that.

More soldiers are arriving, sent by this arl or that bann. Ostagar is becoming crowded.

Cailan and Loghain arrived today, amid much fussing and pomp.

Cailan actually spoke to me. He saw me bowing and said, "Alistair, is that you? Good to see you." That was it. We've met in the past, of course, but I have no idea if he knows we're related. (I'm pretty sure Loghain does, though - he was Maric's closest friend, after all.) Still, it was sort of nice to have my 'big brother' acknowledge me, if just for a moment.

We're now all sleeping outside in tents. Loghain ordered that the Tower of Ishal no longer be a residence building; instead, it's being used to store weapons and house some of the mabari in cages. The novelty of camping is going to wear off fast, I expect.

Duncan still hasn't returned, but Fergus Cousland - the teyrn's son and heir - came today with the bulk of their warriors. I think I might have met him once, when we were boys; there's something vaguely familiar about him. He seems very popular with his soldiers.

Accompanying them was a Ser Jory, who presented himself to me in a sort of uncomfortable way. "Are you Alistair? I have a letter for you from Duncan."

It was really just a short note, reminding me that he'd be coming back to Ostagar with the teyrn and noting that so far, Teyrn Cousland is not very receptive to the idea of his daughter turning Grey Warden. The note also mentioned that Ser Jory was a recruit for the order and that I should make him feel at home. Duncan happened to see him competing in a tournament while he was traveling through Highever, and was impressed by his performance. Jory had jumped at the chance to be a Grey Warden, but now that he's actually here, he seems impatient and really kind of unhappy. This makes more sense to me since he mentioned that he left a pregnant wife back in Highever, but I get the feeling he's kind of annoyed that he has to wait for Duncan's return before he can undergo the Joining. Well, he's not the only one who wishes Duncan would hurry back.