Chapter 19: Call Me Lacey
I burst through the doors, not unlike the night I thought she had started drinking again. The problem is that this time I'm more certain that is actually the case.
"Belle!" I shout, but no one answers. I know where to find her though.
Just as I feared I find her by the pool table taking the shot that ends the game. Jeff yells. She really is a great player, and it seems that the curse breaking hasn't changed that. What is also obvious is that she is drunk like never before.
"She doesn't answer to that tonight", a familiar voice behind me says. I turn around.
"Martin."
"Good evening beautiful."
"Why doesn't she answer to Belle?"
"She seems to have drunken herself a few months back in time. Of course the guys only knew her as Lacey, so that helps."
"What do you mean drunk herself back in time? You mean she just forgot everything? People can do that?"
"If they're drunk enough." He doesn't say any more, but we both know that she probably is.
"I can't believe this", I sigh. Then I add, louder: "I'm taking her home."
"I tried to send her home hours ago, but she's quite determined to stay."
"Well, I'm a lot stronger now."
"So I gather. Hey Ruby?" I tear my eyes away from Belle to look at him. He looks serious and I'm instantly alarmed. "I just want you to know, that I think what Spencer did to you was horrible. I'm glad that bastard's locked up instead of you."
I smile briefly. "Thank you Martin. I have to go now."
"Sure. Let me know if you need help."
"I will. Thanks again." He nods and goes back to the counter. I head for the pool table.
"Belle it's time to leave", I say to her, but she doesn't even look up. I sigh and try something different. "Lacey!"
That makes her look. Her lips form a smile and she pushes herself away from the pool table.
"Ruby", she says with that same warm, flirtatious voice she would use back when I used to pick her up, before we got together.
"It's time to go home."
"One more game."
"No, now" I snarl and grip her arm. It's so easy to pull her away from the table now, well partly because she doesn't resist much.
"Already? Okay then." She turns her head and yell: "Bye, guys!" even though they're standing two feet from her.
"Bye Lacey, see you soon!" They yell back equally loud.
Martin hand me her coat and I pull it over her. She doesn't help much. I can't believe this. I just can't believe I drove her to this.
I say a quick good bye to Martin and Belle waves lazily as I pull her out of the door. As we get outside she sneaks a hand around my waist and hugs herself to me, everything just all too familiar.
"Can you cover my early shift tomorrow?" She says with that slurred voice I vividly recall from all those endless nights that looked exactly like this.
"You don't work at Granny's anymore, remember?"
"Oh okay, just take me home then."
"Yeah. To your own home. Do you have your key?"
"In my bra like always." Of course she has.
The walk is easier than usual, because my wolf strength can help carry her this time. It's a good thing, considering that the library is further away from the Rabbit Hole than our place. Still, the walk feels like it's going on forever. Even I start to mix up memories. It's just that I've missed having Lacey's body so close to mine, like it is right now, so warm… Belle. She's Belle. Not Lacey. Not anymore. I have to keep my head clear. I think at least one of us should.
We finally reach the library and I admit it's a bit of a struggle to get her up the narrow stairs to her apartment on top of it. The fresh air seems to have cleared Belle's head just slightly, but apparently not enough to find her own key. That leaves me to navigate her coat, top and bra to fish it out while trying very hard not to think about how much skin I'm touching. I need to keep my head in the game. Belle or Lacey or whoever she is right now, she's not herself. I have to get her sober and sort this thing out. I have to undo what I did to her, before I can even think of touching her the way I want to touch her right now.
To make matters worse she just smiles at me as I take the key out of her bra and open her door.
I've never even been in here before.
Belle walks in like she knows the place, so I guess she didn't forget everything, at least not on the subconscious level. I walk more hesitantly. It's a nice place, not too big, but perfect for Belle. The walls are filled with book cases and shelves with more fascinating stuff. A little like the shelves of Gold's shop, but I suspect these items are less magical or at least less dangerous.
Belle throws her coat away and disappears into the bedroom. I hang up her coat and my own leather jacket and follow her to make sure she's okay. She's walking steadier now, more in control over her movements. The air has cleared some of the alcohol from her system. When I get in there she has lost the top too and faces me, wearing only her bra.
She looks at me as I enter and smile.
"So you're gonna stay with me tonight."
"No, Belle, I just needed to make sure that you're okay. I'll come back tomorrow so we can talk."
"No stay", she says and walks over to me. "You used to always stay with me."
"Yeah, I know, but-"
"No but. Stay with me. I could throw up and drown in it…" It jerks a little at me, because I know she's right. I just have a feeling that staying tonight is a bad idea. "Sorry, that was kind of a gross thing to say. I just really want you to stay with me."
She's standing right before me, so close I can taste the booze in her breath. But is it possible that she isn't even that drunk? I mean, the way she looks at me, she's aware. She drunk, but not drunk as ever after all.
"Belle, listen-"
"Call me Lacey. It's what you want, right?" She keeps walking closer and I back away until my back is against the wall. She touches my arm with slim fingers, runs them up and down the fabric of my shirt with such a light, yet intriguing touch it makes me shiver.
"Right but…" Her other hand finds mine and wows her fingers in between mine. Then she leads the hand upwards, holding it to the wall at shoulder's height. I free it and let go of her fingers. "We can't do this now. You relapsed, you need to break out of it and we need to talk about what happened. I'm so sorry I just…" I trail of as she runs her free hand through my hair. The edges of her fingers reach all the way through to my skin and send another shiver down my spine.
"I don't want to talk."
Her hands move up to the collar of my shirt and pull it down. I stop her hands halfway.
"Not now then, but tomorrow. And nothing can happen until then."
She looks up at me with that teasing smile she used to give me and my shirt is suddenly off, leaving only a thin top to cover my skin from her touch.
"Why not?" She asks. I laugh nervously, trying to focus on something other than her finger tracing the line of bare skin between my skirt and top. I'm fighting to keep the heat subdued and the wolf from humming. I might be betrayed by my own body and just start to purr like a cat any second, ironically.
"Because…" Come on, pull yourself together. She's not Lacey, she's Belle now and you have to sort things out with her before engaging in this kind of thing. You might just end up making things worse.
The arguments are still waiting to come out of my mouth and Lacey's pushing me closer to the wall, until there's almost no air between our bodies. "We had a fight. We need to set things straight first. And you're not yourself tonight."
"There're other ways to set things straight", she says and starts pulling up my top, scraping the skin of my stomach with her short nails along the way. I gasp and catch her hands.
"Why are you so nervous?" She asks in the same soft, humming voice she's been using all night. And nights before while drunkenly flirting with me. "We've already done this before, haven't we?" The next breath gets stuck in my throat.
"So you do remember?" I breathe. How am I supposed to argue that she's too drunk to know what she's doing, when she obviously remembers everything? She's still confused, and very drunk, I keep telling myself. And she's not really Lacey, only half way. You can't give in to this.
She chuckles. "I remember some…" Her face is impossibly close. I can smell her skin, not the smell of booze, but the scent that is pure Lacey. It feels stronger now with my wolf senses and the impact is almost violent.
"I remember what your hair smells like", she says and dive into my mess of black hair. Her thick curls tickle my neck.
"Lacey, please…"
"I remember how soft your skin is…" Her fingers trace up my now naked arms and further up my shoulder, then downwards. I'm having a hard time keeping my breath steady. She's not Lacey. But she looks like Lacey. She smells like Lacey.
She's moving back into my line of sight and she smiles like Lacey.
"I remember what your lips taste like", she whispers and as she leans in she catches my bottom lip between her teeth. It takes everything in my not to give in and push her down on the floor right there. Still, I mentally kick myself for not having stopped this. I find that on some levels, so many levels, I just don't want to. But's this isn't right, I really shouldn't and I know it…
She lets go of my lip and I'm betrayed by a disappointed sigh, that I'm just not able to hold back. Her hands drop to my lower body, pushing me to the wall by the hips. The right hand starts moving down, as she digs her fingers into my skin. The heat is burning inside me and I reach out my hands to do something, maybe push her away, but she catches them. I give up and let her continue that thrilling exploration of my skin with her fingers. She moves her hand up my thigh again, higher… Not Lacey, not Lacey…
"I remember the noises you make, when I touch you like this." Her hand disappears underneath my skirt, going up further until…
I moan out loud, unable to hold it back any longer and lean into her touch. It's like that single sound is her cue. Her mouth is on mine in the next second and she kisses me with such intensity I just lose it right there. My hands are in her hair, on her body, everywhere removing barriers of fabric between us. Her tongue tastes like booze, but I find that it just doesn't matter anymore. Before my mind can regain any kind of common sense to form an argument to stop, most of our clothes have gone, we're on the bed and I'm the one pushing her down. My thoughts are a wicked mess in the back of my mind as I breathe in the scent of her naked skin and it starts to cover up all other senses, until the way she touches me takes me to a place, where I am too lost in our memories.
I have no idea what time it is when I wake up. It feels like morning, maybe a little later. The room is lit by sunlight. The events of last night come back to me instantly and the ambivalence of my emotions hits me. How great it was. How wrong it was. How I should have stopped it. How I just can't bring myself to regret not having stopped it.
I turn around to look at Lacey and am met with her sleeping face as first. Or so I think, but as I lie there, silently appreciating her beauty, she opens her eyes and looks at me. It's not the same eyes from last night; these are full of the wrong kind of fire.
"Lacey…?" The lines of anger start to draw on her face and she gets up with a rough movement that she obviously regrets as soon as she's upright. She winces in pain and holds a hand to her head, but says nothing to me.
The bliss of the moment is suddenly gone and I look for my clothes, feeling like we're about to have a conversation that would feel a whole lot less horrifying, if I'm at least dressed.
"This was not supposed to happen", she says in a bleak, foreign voice.
"I know, Belle, I-" I say, avoiding her glance as I pull up my skirt.
"Oh you do? So why didn't you stop me?" I force myself to meet her eyes. She's furious. "You of all people know how I get, when I'm drunk."
"Yes I know, I'm sorry, I just wasn't prepared-"
"How's that exactly? I mean you've plenty of experience with Lacey, so-"
"Hey, I seem to remember you starting this. Am I supposed to be taking all the blame here?"
"I wouldn't've been drinkin', if you hadn't locked me in a small room and gone off to kill yourself. I was holdin' it together just fine until you did that!"
Her words send several jabs of pain and guilt through me, because I know she's right.
"I'm so sorry Belle."
"Do you have any idea how terrified I was? It's one thing standin' in there chained to the pipes, feelin' every bit as alone and helpless as I did bein' locked in the asylum, but I thought they killed you!" Her voice breaks and tears starts gathering in her eyes. "I've never felt as horrible in my entire life as I did, when David walked in to free me instead of you. I broke down, Ruby, it took me five hours to stop shakin'! When I did, it was because I had three shots of tequila to calm my nerves! And of course I couldn't stop then. So yes, I expect you to take blame for that!"
"I'm so sorry Belle", I say again.
"I just can't believe you'd do somethin' like that to me. You know me the best of all, and you did the two things that'd hurt me the most. I can't believe you did that." She's crying now, the tears streaming down her face and I think I'm crying too.
"If you could just let me explain…"
"Well, can you give me one good reason why it's okay to chain me down and tell me you're off to kill yourself?"
I was scared, I lost control and I lost hope. And I love you in a way that makes me just slightly insane.
"I wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt you."
"Well you did."
"I was just so sad", I say, knowing it's a horrible excuse even though it's true.
"Not good enough."
"Belle, please listen-"
"Get out." Her voice is thin and broken. I look at her, pleading, but she crosses her arms and takes a step back from me. The tears continue to run down her cheeks and her eyes are starting to go red.
"Belle, don't do this…"
"Get out Ruby", she says with regained volume. Her voice is hard and merciless. I take one last look at the room, then her and I leave. I only manage to shut the door behind me, before my body starts trembling from sobbing.