Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: Happy to report that we were extremely lucky - no property damage or loss of power from Hurricane Sandy. Sending out all my very best wishes to those who were affected!

Chapter Eight: Senior Enchanter's Robes

Robes such as these are worn by the senior enchanters of the Circle of Magi.

We haven't revisited the subject of Goldanna, Elissa and I, nor do I plan to bring it up. I'll make my peace with it in time. So what if I'm not meant to have a traditional family? I had one for a short time, in the Grey Wardens, and that's something. And there's at least one person in the world who cares about me. Not just that, but she cares about me for me, for who I am myself.

She might be the first person who ever has.

Well, that was dark and disturbing.

We reached the shores of Lake Calenhad and found the inn without difficulty. The Spoiled Princess, it's called; made us all chuckle a little. But when we got inside, the innkeeper acted very strange when Elissa started asking about Brother Genitivi. He said he'd never heard of such a person, he didn't know anything about any knights from Redcliffe, and we really should be on our way.

She moved in closer and started using her persuasive skills to get him to open up. The rest of us tried to form sort of a loose protective wall around her, to shield the conversation from prying eyes, so I couldn't really listen too well. She told us later that a group of people - the innkeeper had no idea who they were - had threatened to kill his wife and son if he gave out any information concerning the search for Andraste's ashes. She promised to take care of it, and then we all went outside to discuss the matter a bit privately.

Only that didn't quite happen, since the second we left the inn we were ambushed. This group of crazed-looking people attacked our party. We outnumbered them just barely, so it wasn't very hard to defeat them, but usually I have some idea as to why someone's trying to kill me. Once Elissa told us about her conversation with the innkeeper, it made more sense. Still, it was strange and a little frightening.

Elissa and Leliana looted the bodies of their weapons and money, and then Sten and I tossed them into the shallows of Lake Calenhad. We went back into the Spoiled Princess, where the innkeeper thanked us profusely for dealing with the problem. I can't blame the man for being terrified, considering what they were threatening, but he couldn't offer any information about why they were acting this way. "Do you know who they were?" he asked Elissa.

"No," she replied shortly, "but I'm going to find out."

Out of gratitude for getting rid of the crazy killers, the innkeeper gave us our suppers for free, though we still had to pay for the rooms we rented for the night. We took up a table in a corner, and while we ate we discussed the situation. Elissa gave us all the particulars of her first conversation with the innkeeper, and we decided that when we had the opportunity, we'd return to Denerim and ask Waylon why he sent us into a death trap. If Waylon's in on it, then where is his master really?

We agreed to see about crossing Lake Calenhad to the mages' tower at first light, since by the time we reached the docks it was already past sundown and it seemed unlikely that the ferry would be operational. Once we finished eating, everyone turned in, but I detained Leliana in the hallway for a few minutes. Elissa gave us a strange look, but didn't question it.

And then I proceeded to act like an idiot again. "Leliana... you're female, right?"

"I am? That's news, when did that happen?"

Okay, so it was a stupid question. "I just wanted some advice. What should I do if I... if I think a woman is... special, and...?"

"And you want to woo her? Well, here's a tip," she said dryly. "Don't question her about her female-ness."

"All right, yes, good point," I grumbled.

"Why do you ask? Are you afraid things will not proceed naturally?"

"Why would they? Especially when I do things like ask women if they're female!"

"It adds to your charm, Alistair. You're a little awkward; it's endearing."

"So I should be... awkward?" I can do that like a champion, but it seemed a bit counter-intuitive. "Didn't you just tell me not to do things like that?"

"Just be yourself. You do know how to do that, don't you?"

"All right, forget I asked." Be myself. Right.

And then Leliana chuckled. "Just talk to Elissa about it if you're so concerned."

"No, I can't d- wait, I - who said it was -" Blast it, she caught me, and the more I tried to protest the more tongue-tied I became. She laughed. "How did you know?"

"Process of elimination," she replied sweetly. "It can't be Morrigan, because you two can barely stand the sight of one another. And if it were me, or a woman outside of our companions, you would be asking Elissa for the advice because you two are thick as thieves. Besides, I've seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching."

"Oh."

"And I've seen the way she looks at you."

"...she looks at me? Really?"

She laughed again, and moved to enter the room she was sharing with the other women. "Pleasant dreams, Grey Warden."

So now I can't sleep, because I'm wondering how Elissa looks at me. And when. And why. And whether I'm glad Leliana told me this or if I would have been better off not knowing.

My rose is dying. The one I picked in Lothering, I mean. I guess I should have known that would happen, but it still makes me sad. Such a beautiful thing in the midst of so much sadness.

Well, that was an adventure.

We left the Spoiled Princess and went down to the docks of Lake Calenhad, where a very young Templar refused to give us passage to the tower. The Circle Tower, as a point of interest, predates the actual Circle of Mages. It's like Ostagar - a relic of the Tevinter Imperium. The imperial highway used to lead right up to it, in fact, but a massive chunk of that has fallen out and so the only way to access the island is to be rowed across the lake. Which is what we needed this young fellow to do, but he kept saying no. Said that Knight-Commander Greagoir posted him there to prevent people from coming to the tower. Even Elissa's Grey Warden credentials didn't faze him very much.

And then Sten gave him cookies.

I couldn't make this up if I tried. He said that when we were last passing through a village, some pudgy kid was eating more than his fair share of cookies so he relieved the boy of them. Elissa did mention that Sten has a sweet tooth. Even funnier, the bribe actually worked.

So then we got to the tower, and - by the Maker, nothing can ever be simple and straightforward, can it? Apparently the tower has been overrun by abominations. Knight-Commander Greagoir had sealed off the majority of the tower so they couldn't escape; they'd already killed several mages and Templars by the time we arrived. He had sent for permission to perform the Rite of Annulment - essentially to destroy the tower, and everyone in it, because he saw no other way to be sure of preventing the abominations from escaping into the kingdom. He was sure no one was still alive.

Unsurprisingly, Elissa volunteered to go into the mouth of the beast, as it were, to see if there was anyone who could still be saved. Greagoir had serious doubts, but said that he supposed she had a better chance than most. But he warned her that once she entered the tower, she would not be permitted to come back out unless she found and brought out First Enchanter Irving. "If I have it from the First Enchanter that it's safe, then I'll open the tower."

"All right. Give me a few minutes."

We convened at one side of the entrance hall to discuss the situation. "I think a smaller party is best, in this situation," she said. "Toby, I want you to wait here." The dog whined but sat down. "Alistair, will you come with me?"

"Of course."

"Leliana, your lock-picking skills are likely to be of use, so if you're willing I'd like you to come as well. Sten, Morrigan, I'd rather you stayed here."

"Why?"

"Because you are a foreign warrior and an apostate mage and I can't guarantee that any Templars left inside there will react well to your presence. Besides, if the worst should happen, Morrigan, I'll be counting on you to find some way to continue leading the quest."

"This is your will, kadan?" asked Sten.

I had to interrupt here. "What's a kadan?"

He gave a huff of annoyance. "It is a Qunari form of address for one who is highly esteemed," he replied. "Translated most directly into your tongue, it means 'close to the heart.'" So I was right, he has grown fond of Elissa.

It took a little more persuading, but they finally consented to her decision. Before we could part from them, however, Morrigan pulled Elissa aside for a few private words. I didn't know what that was about until later, but even at the time I thought it seemed like she was asking Elissa for a favor of some kind. I saw Elissa nod.

We dealt, briefly, with the quartermaster of the tower, in order to unload the items we'd collected from our attackers by the docks and purchase a few extra healing potions; then, bravely as we dared, we entered the tower proper. The doors shut behind us, heavy with finality. I wondered if we would ever leave again.

The first floor was not too bad, for the most part. This was chiefly a series of dormitories that, in ordinary times, would be occupied by apprentice mages. A few of them had, somehow, managed to survive and remain in hiding in their rooms; they paid us little attention and we didn't try to disturb them. In point of fact, we came across nothing whatever until we had gone almost all the way around the tower. And then we entered a room and found a few mages, including one older woman who was actively involved in driving off an abomination which had broken through a force field covering the door. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but I couldn't figure out what.

Elissa, however, could, and as soon as the fight was over and the mage turned around to see us, she gave a small cry. "Wynne?"

"You know her?" asked Leliana.

"She served with us at Ostagar," Elissa explained. Right, that's why she looked familiar. So Elissa and I aren't the only ones who escaped with our lives; good to know. "I met her the day I became a Grey Warden. It's good to see that you survived, Wynne."

"It's you," said the mage called Wynne. "No - come no farther. Grey Warden or no, I will strike you down where you stand."

I could see by Elissa's face that this startled her deeply. A lengthy discussion followed, in which she had to persuade Wynne that we had come to help save whoever could be saved - not kill them on the order of the Templars. Wynne explained that she had erected the barrier to protect the mage children, but that if we were really there to fight off the abominations, she would lower the barrier and accompany us into the rest of the tower to join our fight. The younger mages who were with her, she said, could guard the children. "Even if we cannot defeat all the demons, at least we can lead the survivors out," she said. "I am sure that once Greagoir sees that we have made the tower safe, he will tell his men to back down. He is not unreasonable."

"He said that he will only halt the Rite of Annulment if we bring First Enchanter Irving to him," Elissa warned.

"Then we must move quickly, and try to find him as fast as possible," said Wynne. She gave instructions to the younger mages about caring for the children in her absence, then - once we indicated that we were ready - she removed the barrier and we entered the tower.

Elissa took a scant few minutes to introduce Leliana and myself to Wynne. She was polite to Leliana, but gave me a funny look, and I realized she was doing the same thing I had, trying to figure out why I looked familiar. "I was at Ostagar too," I said. "Elissa and I are the last of the Grey Wardens."

"Ah, yes. You were sort of an apprentice to Duncan, weren't you? I remember now. I'm sorry for your loss... he was a good man."

"Thank you, yes. He was."

The battles were difficult, but not impossible. Being almost a Templar, I had some experience with facing abominations - well, theoretical experience, which is really not experience at all come to think of it. I suppose it doesn't matter. To my mind, and maybe to hers but I haven't had the chance to ask her, it was quite a bit like when Elissa and I fought our way through the Tower of Ishal to the signal beacon. We handled it fairly methodically, going through each room and clearing it thoroughly of all the horrors within. A few of the mages (including Tranquil) were still alive, we found, and once it was safe for them to do so we urged them to go downstairs to wait in the room where we'd left the children. One Tranquil, whose name I forget, was the caretaker of some records room and he preferred to stay there. He mentioned a missing friend called Niall, and even at the time I remember thinking that the name was going to be somehow important.

I did notice Elissa acting a little strangely when we entered a room that Wynne identified as the First Enchanter's study. She opened a cabinet, and paused, and glanced around as if to see where we all were. She caught Leliana's eye, and made a subtle gesture which Leliana apparently understood; she approached a statue of some old enchanter or other on the far side of the room and asked Wynne to explain its significance. While the mage was thus occupied, Elissa motioned for me to come join her.

"Put this in your pack, quickly, before Wynne sees." She pushed a book into my hands, a black magic tome embossed with the image of a silver tree.

"Why?"

"I'll explain later, just please trust me." So I did.

In another room we encountered a group of blood mages, who attacked us on sight. They were mixed up in the whole business of having summoned the abominations. One, however, begged us for her life. She said she knew she had no right to ask for mercy, but that they had never intended for such a mess. "We were just trying to free ourselves." This made more sense when she said that Uldred - I didn't know then who that was - had told them that the Circle was going to support Loghain, and that Loghain would return the favor by freeing them from the Chantry's control. Yet another disaster, another massacre, that he had a hand in!

"And now Uldred's gone mad," she told us, "and we are scattered, doomed to die at the hands of those who seek to right our wrongs."

Elissa stared down at her. Wynne looked angry, and rightly enough, but Elissa... I never saw a look entirely like that in her eyes. It was cold, and penetrating, and... brr. I hope she never looks at me like that. Then she apparently came to her decision, and her jaw tightened a little. "Keep your life," she told the mage. "I will spare you. But I will not help you escape."

"Thank you. The Maker will surely turn His eyes on you for your mercy," she said, getting up. "I will do something good with my life, I swear it."

We watched her amble out of the room. Elissa turned to me, and the usual warmth flooded back into her expression. "What do you think she'll do? Seek refuge with the Chantry?"

"I don't know if they'd take her. They're very picky about who they let in," I said. "Murderers, harlots? Sure. Maleficarum? Ooh, no." She chuckled.

As we climbed higher in the tower, it seemed like the challenge became greater. Or maybe we were just getting tired, I'm not sure. But as we approached one room, I could hear a woman's voice - sweet, and supplicating. We peered inside, and there was a Templar, with a demon hovering in the air before him. He stared straight at her as though lulled into a trance, like he couldn't even see her. He spoke to her as if she were his wife, and their two children, and she changed her voice to answer him.

"It's a desire demon," Wynne told us in a hushed voice. "She's ensorcelled him, trapped him in a fantasy. And meanwhile, she feeds off of his life's essence."

We entered the room, and the demon sensed our approach. She told her 'husband' to go tuck the children into bed while she answered the door, then turned to us. "You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment, and I dislike disruptions."

As usual, it was Elissa who engaged her in conversation, trying to talk her into releasing the Templar from his lie. To be honest, though, I don't really remember much about their conversation. I was sort of distracted by watching him. He looked a bit like a Tranquil, except he was the very opposite - he was full of feelings, for a wife and children who didn't actually exist. I do remember the demon saying that she had read his wish for such a thing in his heart, where no one else knew it was there, and I felt sorry for the poor sod. Templars aren't outright forbidden from marrying, any more than Grey Wardens are, but they're by no means encouraged to do it. It was one of the things I had most resented about having that life chosen for me. I wondered what a desire demon would use to capture me.

I would find out soon enough, but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Elissa looked torn. "We have to put a stop to it," she muttered to us, "but I'm not sure how. If the demon releases him, he'll die, and if we kill the demon, he'll die, and if we let her go on feeding on him this way, he'll die and she'll move on to find a new target."

"Well, that last one sounds like the worst idea," I pointed out, and she nodded.

"I want nothing from you," the demon told us. "I have what I need. All I ask is that you leave us alone."

"I can't do that," Elissa told her.

"Then you leave me no choice." The demon faced the Templar and reverted again to the sickeningly sweet 'wife' voice. "Help! There are bandits at the door! They're going to murder the children!"

"They will not get past me!" he cried. And of course he attacked us, the poor man, and the demon summoned lesser creatures to assist him in the battle. It was my blade that dealt him the finishing blow, and I could swear that even now I can see his eyes right in front of me - vacant, confused. Wynne and Leliana took on the smaller horrors, while Elissa fought the demon herself.

It happened very quickly. Before the demon fell, she lashed out one last time - striking not Elissa, but me. I was too close, maybe, or maybe it was payback for killing her Templar. All I know is that suddenly my helm came off, and I went to the floor, bleeding from the head. I could feel it trickling down my face. Then the fighting around me ended, sort of a blur from where I was, and I was half-lifted and cradled against something hard. Metal on metal.

"Wynne! Help me, please!" It was Elissa. She was holding me so I was propped up in a half-sitting, half-lying position, with my head near her shoulder. "Stay with me, Alistair, please. Don't leave me." This she said more quietly, for only me to hear. She almost sounded like she was ready to cry.

I think I mumbled something to the effect of never leaving her, and then I was bathed in a soft blue glow. Wynne has healing magic. The wound on my head closed, the bleeding stopped. "There... you're all right. Elissa, don't let him get up just yet. Leliana, come here, let me take a look at your injuries too."

"You're all right," Elissa repeated.

"Yep." I tilted my head back so I could look at her.

She gave this funny little hiccup, and smiled. "Has anybody ever told you that you're rather handsome?" she teased me.

"Mm, not unless they were asking me for a favor. Well, there was that one time in Denerim... but those women were not like you." I must have had the goofiest grin on my face. "Why? Is this your way of telling me you think I'm handsome?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I just get to grin and look stupid for a bit."

There was the sound of polite coughing, and we looked up to see that we had an audience. "If you two are finished," said Wynne, and Leliana tried to smother a giggle behind her hands, "I think we're ready to move on."