2015

When she woke up, she lay there, just lay there for a bit, looking at his face in profile for a little while. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was still in the way of waking up earlier than her.

"Joe," she asked him very quietly, "You awake?"

"Yes," he replied her, turning his head to look at her, "I was waiting for you to wake up."

He'd moved closer to her and she reached out her arm, touching his chest and his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about last night," she told him softly.

"It's ok," he told her in reply, "It doesn't matter."

"It does," she insisted quietly, "I shouldn't have said what I said to you. I shouldn't."

He rolled onto his side to face her, reaching out, caressing the bare skin at the top of her arms, below the straps of the tank top she had slept in.

"I'd frightened you," he told her gently, "I know exactly why you said what you did. You don't need to explain and you don't need to say sorry."

She closed her eyes heavily. She was still reaching out for him, her hands on the front of his T-shirt, but she could hardly look at him. But his fingers were under her chin, carefully tipping her head back up, asking her to look at him again.

"I'm not going to leave you," he told her, softly but very very firmly, "I'm not going to leave you, Phyllis. I love you. I love you more than I could ever have imagined loving someone."

"But what you said last night-…" she reminded him, "About the way you thought of me-…"

He shook his head gently.

"That was when I was in Russia, when I didn't have you, when I didn't see you every day," he told her softly, leaning closer to her, lowering his voice, "Every day I look at you now and I see how insane I was to ever let anything corrupt the way I see you. You're so good, you're so clever, you're so funny, you're so so beautiful, Phyllis-… I was so wrong, I must have been insane. You're all I've ever wanted," he lifted her hand from his own chest, cupping it gently in his, kissing it, "I love you so much. Oh, my darling, please don't cry-…"

Oh fuck, she was crying again. He raised his hand to her cheeks, brushing the tears away. She leant closer to him, wrapping her arms around his body, burying her face against his shirt front. She was sobbing now. His face rested gently in her hair.

"Shhh," he told her, "It's alright. It's alright."

"Oh my god," she murmured breathily, as her tears subsided a little, "I love you, Joseph, I love you so much."

She heard him sniff a little as he smiled.

"That's alright too," he replied, kissing the top of her head again.

She sniffed too, lifting her head from his chest to look at him.

"Sorry," she told him, "I never used to cry like this."

"Don't apologise," he told her in reply.

She wiped her eyes a little fretfully.

"I didn't even cry like this when you were gone," she said, "It's only now you're back."

He grinned a little.

"I'm sure that can't bode well," he teased her.

Her hand rested on the front of his T-Shirt again.

"I missed you so much," she murmured, "So much."

"Listen, love," he told her gently, scooping her hand up and holding it gently in his, "I had a long think last night. About you; and about me talking to you. You're right; you do need it, it is what you need. And you're right, I've been selfish to ignore that for this long."

"Please," she told him, "Don't listen to anything I said. I was so selfish myself to say any of that to you. Please, Joseph-…"

"But you were right," he insisted, "We do need to talk about it."

She was silent, looking at his face, still half reaching out for him.

"Tonight," he told her, "I'll make dinner, you bring us a bottle of wine. We'll talk. Alright?"

She blinked up at him.

"Only if you're sure," she replied, "Only if you really want to do this, and you're not just torturing yourself for me."

"It will be difficult," he replied after a moment, "It will be very hard. But you're right. We have to do this. For us."

Her hand reached up and cupped his face, soothing over his cheek.

"Have I told you how proud of you I am?" she asked him, "Have I told you how lucky I feel to have you?"

He nuzzled closer to her.

"Yes," he replied gently, "Not in so many words, though."

His mouth met hers gently, his tongue moving between her lips and exploring her tenderly. She gave a very soft groan. Her hands were beneath his T-Shirt, touching the warmth of his stomach, his chest. Her legs

But he pulled lips back a little then, slowing them down for a moment.

"Do you remember the first time we did this?" he asked her.

"Yes," she replied, smiling, "You nearly tipped me out of bed."

"Did I?" he replied grinning, "Your bed was too small."

"Yes," she agreed, "It was," she closed her eyes, smiling, "The rest of it was nice, though."

She was remembering the feeling of his inside her for the first time; realising for the first time that sex could be really good. She was remembering waking up and finding love bites all over her collarbone. His hands were on her waist now, he was kissing her neck.

"Joe," she murmured, "Make love to me please."

He pushed her softly onto her back, resting over her on his arms. He kissed her languidly, he pressed his hips against her- she could feel him hardening against her thigh.

He lifted her tank top off her, kissing his way down her body, pushing down her pyjama trousers. Guiding her legs to drape over his shoulders, he rested for moment, his head on her stomach, tucked against the top of her thigh as he brushed his fingers lightly against her.

"Joe," she murmured softly, "That feels so nice."

And he was kissing her thighs, softly at first and then more firmly. He was pushing his tongue between her folds. She gave a long, deep sigh that turned into a moan as he pressed his tongue inside her. Her hand was gripping the bedsheet, pulling it tightly into her fist. He did it again. Her thighs were clamping around his ears.

And then, he stopped, moved back up her body, kissed her on the mouth so she could taste herself. She moaned against his mouth, feeling him rock against her.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"What do you think?" she replied between laboured breaths, "Of course I am."

He smiled softly, kissing her forehead.

"I love you, Phyllis," he told, "I love you so much."

Her hand clasped the back, the top of his shoulder.

"Joseph, please, I want you."

He smiled at her again, brushing his lips softly against hers, again. He rolled his hips against hers and she could feel him hard against her.

"Please."

And then he was inside her. Her eyes feel shut. He was still.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her calmly.

She opened her eyes.

"How good this feels," she murmured, her voice deep and hoarse, "How good you are. How much I love you-…."

He kissed her deeply, moving inside her and she groaned.

"We're going to be alright, aren't we?" he told her, moving again.

Her eyes opened, her hand cupping his face.

"Yes, we are," she replied, "Of course we are."

His hands traced over the top of her shoulders, her collarbone as he kept moving. He was becoming breathless.

"You are the best thing in my life," he told her.

His eyes were so candid, so adoring. She reached up, capturing his lips.

"I love you so much."

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